Dear Diary moments...

Dear diary,

i ate a sandwich today. i realised for the first time that one does not use a fork to eat a sandwich. it was 8am, breakfast. sliced cheese, tuna and some kinda sauce. as i ate it, with a fork, i heard a voice. i freaked out because there was no one except me. so i looked around frantically and found a fellow ant talking to me. phew. i thought it was that asshole that keeps thinking ants cant die. sheesh. but i soon found out that this ant is an asshole too.

"dude, you dont eat sandwiches with a fork. thats dumb man."

this blew me away. all that i had known: destroyed. my world became swirling mist of the unknown. every fact i thought i knew suddenly came into question. the way of the universe died that day.

Sincerely,
angry ant


Dear diary,

today i went to the mall. i went to the pretzel shop and asked if i could have a pretzel. the guy at the cash register looked up and freaked out.

“Hell no! You can’t have a pretzel, what the hell is wrong with you!?”

i was pretty shocked. what a rude way to greet a customer! security came over and i was relieved that they were going to help me, but instead they threw me out of the mall! then i realized i had no pants on. my bad.

Sincerely,
bottomless dude


Dear diary,

me and my wife decided to spend the weekend at home after a long restless week. i thought it was a good idea. so we had a nice breakfast, watched tv and stuff. then we got comfy. we got it on, on the couch. yeah baby. suddenly, doorbell rang..

"Assalammualaikum!!"

GODDAMMIT!! its my parents!! i thought they were at Turkey. then i chanced a glance at the digital clock. wait a minute.... its 2007! its not 2014!!!

we werent married then.

Sincerely,
dude in big big trouble

Dear diary,

i miss my wife-to-be.
its 2008.
6years to go.

Love,
Qamarul Asyraf

i was bored.