Time to myself equates to time spent here when I actually can organise my thoughts to hint at some sort of coherence. Then I realise I really do not have that much time to myself after only merely a semester of University.

Many things have changed. The Boggle tournament is over and honestly it's one of the things that impacted me so much that I'm constantly conscious of it. People scoff at it, belittle it and just simply don't understand it. At least, the stress and pressure I faced as we struggled and failed to retain the title will never surpass the ease, comfort and pure fun we have as a team. As friends. As confidants.

I'm actually tearing as I type this ha ha ha.

People always ask me why I'm always happy. Sometimes the tiniest part of me selfishly wants people to see past my cover and to truly understand me but I realise it'll never happen because I'm too good at perfecting a façade when I want to.

People depend on me to be happy, to be talkative, to be cheerful, to be biting, to be sarcastic and to be bitchy. Sometimes when I just don't feel like that, I'll suppress it because just like you and just like everyone else, I don't want people to know when I'm not fine. Yet the irony is I yearn for someone who can do just that.

So when you ask me why are my cheeks wet, my eyes swollen and my nose red, I'll say I watched a sad movie or listened to a moving song.

After all, all that I want always seem to remain unattainable.