After the terrifyingly boring E-Learning week I was almost psyched to go for school. Then I woke up on Monday with a tummyache and proceeded to have diarrhoea. Life is really a bed of roses! There wasn't even PE on Monday! D:

On a side note, I've decided to drop KI. Stop asking me why, and stop asking me to not drop it! I've spent way too many hours really thinking about it proper and fried too many brain cells in the process, so I don't want to repeat it thank you very much. Oh, and I heard that there was some slight drama on Monday when I didn't turn up and my group had to do a presentation and it was pretty absurdly funny. I will kind of miss KI though in a way! I can't join the GP class now yet though because the HOD is being OCD about the transfer. :(

*

I think talking is therapeutic.

I want to go to SINGfest!
I want to watch The Dark Knight!
I want to watch the Singapore F1 Grand Prix live!

And it goes on.

I FEEL SO BITCHY NOW THAT IT ISN'T FUNNY!

OH MY EFFING GOSH I MUST BE DELUSIONAL TO HAVE EVEN INCLUDED THIS INSANE COLLEGE IN MY CHOICES. IT'S A CRAZY COLLEGE AND ITS ADMINISTRATION IS EQUALLY SCREWED UP! I MUST HAVE SPENT MOST OF MY TIME BITCHING ABOUT THE TERRORIST TO EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO KNOW.

WHO THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? DO YOU THINK YOU CAN SERIOUSLY HELP ME BECAUSE IF YOU DO YOU CAN THINK AGAIN! D:

FEL IS RIGHT. WHAT I WENT THROUGH ISN'T ANY EFFORT WHATSOEVER TO HELP ME.

IT'S A F**KING INTERROGATION.

SO ANYWAY, I AM NOT DUMB ENOUGH TO MENTION NAMES HERE. :) YES I AM STILL RATIONAL. ALMOST.

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Much love to all the people who cared. Those who texted me early in the morning, those who wished me good luck before I left, those who immediately texted me after the INTERROGATION. The BFFLs, the 28 girls, and many others, I love all of you! :) You know who you are if you're reading this. Even if I didn't reply you instantly, I want you to know that I really appreciate you caring. Seriously. You are the ones who keep me sane.

I knew this week would be a lousy week again when yesterday Hamilton claimed the chequered flag, but of course I refused to watch it.

:'( E-learning week starts off with a mountain of work
:'( The college just called my mum and we'd be seeing the VP on Thursday (I cried a river and more when they called and it felt so wonderful and horrible at the same time)
:'( I'm hungry and cold and the lunch Bro promised me is not in front of me where it's supposed to be

The situation with the college seems doubly worse to me because there aren't any tutors that I'm significantly close with except for one, but even then that isn't much.

So while I was searing my retinas out some people called me and I choked up while trying to hold a proper conversation. I didn't ask if they knew I was crying; I have no qualms asking actually but that isn't the point because I wanted them to know that I was, without me needing to say so.

Somehow I feel that it's so easy to detach myself from people I supposedly care about. I think I now know why.

*

I painted my toenails red again to support Kimi for tonight's F1 race in Hockenheim! :D

There is no college next week because of E-learning Week! :D I already feel better just thinking about it. Now I'm just waiting for the portal to crash. Seriously, the amount of homework assigned is tremendous and it's so suffocating. Talk about contradiction.

Oh, and stop asking me if I'm okay. Because I'm not. I try to stay happy in college and it seems to be working.

No one really understands in the end.

I'm so depressed. I feel stupid and dumb and I just want all of this to stop now.

So the official results for JCTs came out on Friday and I've officially obtained 3 U's. That means I failed 3 subjects. I don't know what to feel. I actually did feel like crying but I didn't; I merely settled for calling myself stupid the whole day. Even though it was really expected and everything because yes, I did not study, there was this tiny silver of hope that I may scrapped through with at least 2 H2 passes. This makes me think that, what if I studied and still obtained grades like this? I have a twisted mind.

I also think I need to see the principal. The parents are going to have a field day. Though I can't fathom how meeting the principal would help in any way; she doesn't even know who I am! Why can't they just talk to the students without involving parents? It's not as if we were in primary school or something. D: Screw college!

I'm so frustrated. It's not helping when some people complain to me how they are failing everything and it turns out they, in fact, passed everything. Damn all of you! D:

*

Shawn just called and asked me to go out and eat with a bunch of friends. They sounded like they were having fun and I desperately want to have fun too but the U's keep reverberating in my head.

*

I'm now talking to one of my OGLs from MJC and he's really sweet! He's of my favourite OGLs and it's really nice to talk to him. He likes Jason Mraz too and amidst our chatting about music we also talked about school. I told him about my failing 3 subjects and he was really cool about it; giving me honest and caring advice without sounding condescending. I feel really happy talking to him even though we hardly conversed after I left MJC. :)

At least, there's someone who understands.

To all the lovely people who wished me Happy Birthday, whether through text/e-mail/in real life/et cetera, a thousand hugs and thanks! :D Thank you for all the presents/cakes/hugs/other saccharine sweet things. Most importantly, thank you for remembering! :)

To the people who didn't wish me, you suck. Ha ha ha.

Did you remember that I turn seventeen today?

We had early dismissal on Friday! :D So I went home, took a bath and changed out of the uniform before meeting Pig to watch Hancock. Initially I wasn't really interested until I found out that it's a comedy!

Well I thought it was pretty amusing, with a slightly twisted sense of humour. I love watching comedies because they are the total opposite of reality, so why watch a horror when you can just watch your own life?

*

Pa and Bro were free today so the parents took us out for dinner; sort of like an early birthday dinner. They say I have everything that I want so I'm most probably getting cash for my birthday again. I don't know. I can probably write hundreds of pages, pages, pages for words of what I want and it'd exceed what I wrote for all my papers, combined.

I repainted my toenails red for tonight's F1, but it was raining in Silverstone and everything just fell right into Hamilton's hands, so I'm actually feeling rather despondent now. :( The championship is really close now, with around 5 people who may win this season's championship. Such pressure on all the drivers.

I feel like dying because September is coming soon and instead of thinking of the promotional exams, I'm thinking of how to watch the Singapore Grand Prix live.

Wimbledon is on now and I hope Federer will win!

*

There's no school tomorrow and I certainly won't be spending it at home doing homework or any of that nonsense. :) All my assignments will definitely snowball once school starts again but for now, I really don't care. It's a wonderful feeling.

People are disappointing; that is why children conjure up imaginary friends.

Now I know why I was so depressed the past few days!

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

BECAUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. My period is here! Ha ha ha ha ha! :D This is like, my third period this year.

No I'm not happy that I have my period, I'm just happy that I'm not depressed anymore and that I've found the reason why. :D :D



So today I went to watch Get Smart with Dodo, Yt and Jing! :) We hurried over to the cinema after last period to catch it. A comedy is what I need after almost failing everything ha ha and I spilled cheese all over myself, goodness. Okay I was exaggerating. But well I enjoyed the movie and the company heehee. :D

I'm now contemplating dropping KI. I don't know. I'm so confused.

Today I had a 3-hour bitching/chitchat/girl talk over sushi with Faus and Cat. It was really good. :)

It's amazing how I can laugh and chatter and seem to be on a permanent sugar high all day but I still feel so empty inside. It's a huge ball of swirling emotions that combust into nothingness once I'm in solitude.

Where are the lyrics to happiness?

Today I woke up and I can't freaking move because my whole body is aching. Of course it's my fault, I'm the one who doesn't exercise.

Today is also the day when I have 8 periods straight, with only a half hour break between first and second. So because I was dying halfway, I decided to skip a lecture, but the bloody teacher found out. Of course it's my fault, I'm the one who didn't turn up for the lecture.

I also failed Math today. Technically it was last Friday, but whatever. Of course it's my fault, I didn't study.

Today I also realised that I feel disconnected from many people. It's a gradual but poisonous process.