You dont know a thing about me.

Short date with Xinghuei! Got our wallet back and in fact, the Prada logo still doesn't look as stunning as before when I first got it, but at least it does look better? Hmmm.. Anyway, had our late lunch at Pique Nique, virgin visit there eh but the food was not as good as what we thought too, ok la not that bad. I had Classic Benedicts. Just that we noticed the people were ordering desserts like waffle ice cream, cupcakes what lot when I thought the key thing here is the all-day breakfast?!

Though we didn't spend a long time together but eventful things happened ah hahaha. My loots for yesterday? This two pouches which cost <$10! Cheap thrill at H&M hehe.

"We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us, they will react and behave in certain ways - the ways we react and behave when we love someone." - And this is one of the most disastrous assumptions people hold on to that cause a r/s to fail. How true is this? 

Guess what book I'm reading currently? :)

The hardest thing.

And I won’t forget you, don’t regret you. 

And the hardest thing I’ve had to do is live without you.

And I wonder why we both walked away.

I’m lost without you, still crazy for you.

Just turn around, come back because your smile is overdue

And I miss, I miss you.

I can't say the lyrics above relate to me but prolly because I've been through something like this, thus the emotions. Anyway, I fell in love with this song upon the first play. Its 130am in the morning, been camping infront of the comp for dramas - BUT I did hit the gym yesterday! Sometimes it just feels too good having a good sweat and a good bath aftermath! 

Life's good. :) Guess I'm back to being indifferent again. Its not a bad thing afterall, at least I'm not prone to expectations and falls or whatever lot. There were nights I've spent on the bed trying to straighten out my thoughts and I did! I realise when people.. Or at least for me, when my subconscious mind wants something to happen, I'll work towards it without being rational - doing stupid things, having stupid thoughts and just like any other girls, having bad falls. Its common, isn't it?

People have been telling me its not a bad thing having people chasing after you, I'd beg to differ. I don't need all this to make my life happier. Over the years, I've seen enough of crazy scary guys. I'm NOT looking for guys who's best in every single thing (in fact, who does?) - just someone who fulfills everything that I look for in my heart, someone who can touch my heart without having to put extra effort deliberately just to win it. To me, when a guy treats you good doesn't mean you have to like him.. For me, I'm being practical. Feelings come before everything else. Hmm... How to put it? I guess up till now.. Nobody knows what kind of guy I'm in for, only myself. Yeah of course, all my life I've met this particular someone. I don't think I'll meet someone like him again but anyway, its still too early to judge, right? I'm only 20! Long way to go huh. :)

Relax Choya!

As planned since last week, we girls got up earlier than usual (Ok la only Weijin and I in fact) for dimsum buffet! Can't remember when was the last time I had but we came here thanks to Xinghuei's recommendation! It's @ Ban Heng Resturant heh. The porridge was gooooood, actually their dishes not that bad but.... a little bit salty :/ Maybe not a bit, IS VERY SALTY.

My all-time favourite hargao :> 

*gasps* Fried food platter. Don't really like tooooo oily stuffs, but those were ok!

And off we went for a lil shopping at Bugis, wanted to catch a movie but the timeslots were too late; just when we were sitting at a corner thinking where to go/what to do, Weijin suggested Mahjong!

Yours truly almost drove them to nuts at the start of the game, forever and always hahahaha. Remember the last time we had this was 09's Christmas?! Time fliessssssssss.

There goes our day! Can't wait for our XLB buffet which we've been wanting to eat since a month ago. Finally managed to book seats on the 16th! Heh can't wait!

On a side note, most of the guys and their gfs gonna hate this week.... Simply because they got enlisted! Ah, seeing those girls trying to manage their love sicknesses and all, it got me thinking way back to '08 when I went through this, that feeling aint good at all I know. Hi BFF if you're seeing this, I know you can do it! You got to be and you'll be fine my dear! :> 

This was what's been waking me up since two days ago. Okkk it shows 12pm but I've been waking up at at least 2pm in the afternoon since holidays started? :D Anyway, we girls started our groupchat two days ago and it was amazing how we could actually nonsense our way the whole day virtually too. Tsk, and me? Packed my room, bookshelves, books and notes - left the wardrobe and a whole pile of clothes waiting for me hmmm... And indulging myself in dramas and movies all day long, if not out to some random places hehehhhh. THIS.IS.LIFE!

Caught this movie, One Day. Hmmm can I say I'm not quite a romance-show-type of person in cinemas? Especially probably when you watch a trailer like this that goes kinda long winded like 20 yearssssss. But this is one good movie! Oh well, doesn't happen in reality though. ;)

Been so long since I had late lunch/dinner at Xinwang Hk Cafe! Sad to say the standard dropped like dontknowwhattttt there're way better restaurants than those, definitely. :/ Oh and another round of short shopping walk but I've got nothing again. Pffffft.

Alright, I needa wake up early tomorrow and have dimsum buffet with my darlings, so till then! :)

Forget about a thing called love.

Since I've only half an hour left before I need to get changed, might as well forgo my books and update this space again. Yeah finally visited the doc and got my med, feeling sooo much better now!

I seriously can't wait till exams are over, so many plans I'd like to make and I really wanna fulfill alllll of them, given the free time I have during the hols. No feel for work, or is there anyone who wanna hire me for a month? I don't wanna slog my guts out this hols :( Just wanna travel travel travel.

Did I mention how much I hate bad dreams? Sometimes its so bad till it wakes you up and the first thing you asked yourself whether it was just a dream. Sometimes its so bad and you found yourself in tears when you're awake. I don't have this everytime but when I have it, its very bad, very bad.. Surprisingly I've been sleeping well this days, prolly because of the cough medicine which make me really drowsy. But I hate the waking up part, because yknow you're back to reality and you've to get out of bed, force yourself to get rid of those thoughts that'll prolly kill you, leave you vulnerable. 

Flashbacks. When you're studying or concentrating on something but those flashbacks came and went, leaving you distracted again. Maybe we appeared at the wrong time, maybe its not even supposed to be this way but it ended up something for that few days, and thus the reason to rewind it? Lets just undo our mistakes, if you think the whole thing was a big mistake. 

Someone once told me I'm actually smart when it comes to catch cheating issues (haha), and guys who knew me would probably wouldn't wanna try their luck doing this, or knowing that their gfs would come looking for me and help them with it hahaha? But one thing for sure, I'm stupid when it comes to looking out for the warning signs, nono, not me, it applies to all girls. 

Oh anyway, I've been spending my days away in and out of the hospital again. Gotten down with a slight fever for a couple of days, with mysterious mozzie bites on my thighs and dizzy spells. Gosh I feel like a sickbird -.- I really really hope my dad gets well soon, this period of time is gonna be so tough for him. <3

On a side note, I started to panick for my exams and burning midnight oil since last night, shall continue today too! All the worrying will come later, yeah.

So true. Half of the time people living their lives trying to impress others, what for?

I've been drowning myself with thoughts this few days, not good not good. Damn... I can't seem to put into words describing how I'm feeling right now. I thought I myself was strong enough to withstand whatever shit feelings I'll ever come by, but now I'm feeling shitty. What if it'll never work out? Just this thought scares me enough because I've been through the downsides of r/s I wished history will never ever repeat itself again. I thought, over this period of time I've been strong enough to withstand everything else... But I was wrong. Till I met him. Of all guys, just him. WHY?!

On a side note, the freaking renovation works going on every morning just have to deprive me from my sleep, and luckily I got to catch back some of the time in the afternoon :) Need to eat regularly now especially the symptoms are surfacing again.. <<<<< Note to self. THERE GOES MY MUGGING OH NOOOOO!

"I’ve been messed with, let down, and played too many times. I wonder what people think of me too much, and I’m way too judgmental. My heart is big but I have my selfish moments. I love to be in big groups, but I love to be alone. Every song on my iPod has a special memory or a regret behind it. I don’t like going through old pictures because I miss what used to be. I tend to over think things and I trust way too many people. I have the people I’d love to pack up and leave with, and there are some people I wish would just disappear. I don’t cry very often, but when I do I can’t stop. I hate the word goodbye and I wish it didn’t exist. I hate liars, though I lie myself. I have secrets hidden in me that even I don’t know. I’m still finding things out about myself, so don’t be quick to judge."

Last night was one of those nights I dedicated to my deepest thoughts again. I guess after so long, I'm tired of putting a strong front. It makes me wonder whether life is really about pleasing others but not yourself. You try your best to make someone smile, but the outcome might not be what you wanted initially. It makes me wonder whether if relationship is 'that kind of thing' for me. Since god knows when, I think that if both parties, or either one isn't happy in one relationship and gone through tries and chances, thats it. I've made up my mind and its not easy for anyone else to change it, I've to make things hard so that I myself will learn, others will. Breakup doesn't mean there isn't any mutual love, is because people are tired of getting along, trying to get along.. The person you knew, might not be the same anymore. We know each other too well that problems start to surface and its difficult to change it. Life goes on, we move on. We got to, because time doesn't stop for anybody. Nobody bothers whether you're sad or happy, so might as well just live life as it is. 

Who knows me well enough?

Been waking up too early and sleeping too late at night. Not good....

Maybe I'm too used to living on my own, without anyone to rely on. But at times this isn't the case. I'm tired of getting in and out of relationships over and over again. It's taxing for the heart and the brain. I always think that people deserve second chances but thats it, thats the limit. Anything more than that wouldn't be acceptable in my context. Perhaps just for now, for the next 1year+ or so, I would like to focus on my studies, have all the fun I should have and then goes down to settling afterwards. I need this long break, especially when my sis is a real live example that I'm afraid of commitment now. 

National day 2011!

 As promised!!!! 5 of us met up to catch the fireworks this year. :) Yanyan, Siewyin & Jessica, did you realise we're the 4 that managed to watch it every year since 2009? :D Xinghuei is the 'newcomer' this year HAHA. Sy Xh and myself met up earlier to have porridge as lunch, tsk should have told the other two since they were hungry when all of us met up together lor!

Went hunting for food at Raffles SC, then looked for a place to settle down near MBS. The journey there was holy shiat -.- Nevertheless, we got ourselves a good spot! :D 

Luv this hello panda pack! :D 

I don't know if it was me, though the fireworks were spectacular but it was... Kinda short and early?  

Pictures did the talking! We stayed back for a lil while to camwhore while waiting for the crowd to go off. End up walking into MBS and waited AN HOUR for a cab. Days like this, cannot drive....

Hehe, if got chance again, lets meet up for fireworks next year! :)

1st tuition + Clothes buffet?

This morning woken up by my brother's text saying to ask me rush down to Bugis for some admin stuffs for his phone lor. Sighhhh and I did a good deed ok! Cabbed to and fro and went to my tutee's house, which I thought it was Serangooon Ave 1 next to Nex, which turned out to be NOT! Panic attack when I realised I was at the wrong place.... Supposed to be Serangoon North Ave 1... Stupid leh why must this two places have the exact same blks?!?!?!?!

Was late for the first lesson lolol :( Rushed like mad I swear. 

Ahhh, then met Zengting and the rest for this clothes buffet. My first time trying this kinda experience. Still so sad about another denim shorts which I wanted to get LOL. Supposed to stay inside for only 15-20minutes, but I think we spent an hour? LOL cos I was trying to squeeze into that plastic bag.... End up I only got 4 items? Highest record was 9... I wonder how others did it...

Hehe, then a budget dinner because lao niang(s) no money already. (Y) Cheap thrill day with good loots. Me like :D

Back to tutor life! ^^v

Before I decided to blog, I was looking for tuition assignments for days already till my hair wanna drop lor. But yay got one that is near my house and the timing is so shiokz ^^ Sigh, what to do dio boh? Lao niang have been splurging ever since I've worked FT for months and not used to not spending money as and when I like because no need to consider here and that in the past........... Tsk. Esp when now SIM life is shit when everything is $$$$$$. 

Hokayz anyway! School's been good so far, midweek already ^^ A new BB lecturer who was kinda popular among the girlz because he's handsome la yada yada, basically I'm not soooo interested heng ah, see Xinghuei&co like this can faint in the lecture.....

Went to Ikea w Xinghuei after school and bought my laptop table hehe. Whole time fixing it and when it was time to bathe, my house ran out of gas and it took a longgggggg time to come till my mum was about to go out alr, so I only have white rice + soup. No choice lor, so I cooked the fried rice above ^^ Satisfied dinner hehez.

Ok, hopefully the next 2 days will be good. Need to start on my assignment this Sunday already... Till then! <3

Yours truly is a freebird :D

On the last day of work which is Thursday, allllll of us met up at Bishan for prawning :D Hahahahah had a nice dinner before started prawning at 12am, ended at 3plus??? The most shit thing is that I didn't even get one prawn leh?!?!?!?! Lolz, but nevertheless I enjoyed the last night with them :D

First day of my freedom, I spent the whole afternoon at home before heading out for dinner at Sizzler. Came home with a hard drive and Windows installer CD, spent the whole night doddling with my very very old Compaq so that my mum can use it for watch her DVDs ah, and spent the night laughing at really old videos taken in the past. I miss how we girls were, I miss how things were so simple and how happy we were :(

English @Wild Honey.

So... Impromptu meetup with Weijin, Siewyin and Xinghuei! Waited for Weijin to arrive before heading out and while in the car, we changed of minds (actually wanted to go Old Airport Rd to have food) and headed to Mandarin Gallery instead. WE WERE STARVING LIKE MAD.

Then.... We began talking and catching up with each other, followed by walking down the Orchard street aimlessly to Ion, then back to Artease @Cineleisure. Spent 2-3hours sitting down with a BBT and spent the night chatting. GIRLS' TALK (Y) (L) Its really good to talk our hearts out, especially when not so many ppl are around. I hope when we started working, I could just meetup with a few good friends on weekends like this eh.

Then, Xinghuei was very nice to send all of us home (and got lost hahahahaha) By the time we reached home, already 12plus siol. Yay we should meet again like this :D

If only there's a way to restart our life all over again.....

Then we'd know how to live life better. Know people in a better way and be a better person. 

Certain people just have really ugly past that they wanna forget or trying all their might not to be reminded of. I was just pondering... Because some people got their future ruined because of their past, some people couldn't get better jobs, better circle of friends to make life happier, or a clean state that nobody will remember all the unhappy memories you had with them. 

Pardon me for the random thought, because it got me thinking on the bus trip back. Looking at the people around me, their past and present. What you did is what you will result to be, no? 

I still have not go to the extent that I wanna restart life la, just that... Maybe if i've the chance to move onto a new environment, start anew and do things that I wished to do but didn't. Oh well, there's always lessons learnt and regrets kept, right? 

Just came back from the East side, today's another off day again which I need to spend it wisefully before I have a tiring weekend ahead :( @SiewYinL was being nice to pick me up and we made our way to Tampines! Bought BBT, went to find Xinghuei for a lil chat before hunting for my scheduler. End up didn't get anything instead... :( 

But had a nice dinner with her! :D And the lil gifts from her hehe luv it. Oh ya forgot the part whereby we went for a manicure too ^^v Sometimes I need therapies like this to reward myself after a month of hardwork ah ;) 

Life.

Lol it's been a long time since I've used the straightener now and then, super lazy to do so and so troublesome hahaha. anyway I'm only heading to work!

Ok, took my full time pay for the second time and I always feel that my hard work always get paid off on this day, really. Though many have left, came and went but what else can I wish for? At least i've a bunch of colleagues whom I really worked well with and at least they're the reason for me to go to work feeling motivated. For your info, I'm only one of the 3 females who're working in this environment hahaha but maybe thats why they're always so helpful and in return always get bullied by me hehehe. They can be as old as 30+ but still can get along well with all the rubbish and all we always talk about in the office. Will be till end of June only, so mai hiam and just continue with work la hor? :)

Few more weeks and I'll see my poly mates again, I can't wait - though I'm reluctant to turn up for the grad ceremony, at least I can take photos with them for the last time!!!! I really hope everyone will turn up leh, not my group of girls but people like Priscilla ah Charlotte ah, missed yall! :)

You know what, I think I'm one who really value friendships as though like they're really important to me. Yes they certainly are. Almost all of us are working now and actually I really do miss talking to them. It really brightens up my day when receiving random texts because at least to me, I'm remembered by them. My working hours and the working environment I'm in doesn't really allow me to text much, especially when I'm having a busy day at work but I really do appreciate all this text msgs coming to me, even though its just gossiping or whatever rubbish we can talk about know. Maybe its not just about texting each other, its like... Just few days ago Siewyin came looking for me at work and I was so happy but I couldnt find a chance to talk to her. Alvin and Jasreel came too! :( I don't know how long all this people and I will keep in contact with but at least I wanna keep them in my life now!! I'm not just referring to my bestfs, really - you ppl know who you are ok. ;')

Thursday.

Was just looking at my tumblr and came across this. True and meaningful? 

Anyway, we'll have a long weekend ahead and so glad that I'm off tomorrow! :D Last few days passed kinda fast because I've all the nicey nicey colleagues around. Things can get a lil frustrating and tiring at times but that's working life huh? Yesterday, had supper at the usual zichar place to celebrate Edwin's birthday. He's one of the nicest colleagues around ever since I joined this company. (Y) 

Long bus rides can get me thinking. And more often than not, the thoughts are always similar, haha. Its either finance or love for the time being. Growing up is shit. :(

Can someone enlighten me? Why do guys like to cheat on girls? Or maybe vice versa for some of you who beg to differ. Define cheating. Being intimate with the other party verbally? Physically? Or even to the extent that people might thought she's your girlfriend instead. When things happen, onlookers will only watch. What else can they do? They can't possibly be stopping their friends and say 'Hey, what the hell do you think you are doing?' You know, cheating no longer seems as simple as it seems in our age now.. In the past when we were still young and immature, cheating can be just flirting with each other or maybe 'steady' with another person. And then we'd just breakup, cry over it for a few nights and get on with life, get a new bf/gf. But I was wrong to think that as we grow up, we would act in a matured way than ever. We look for commitment in relationships, we put in trust and we put in 100% in whatever we do for the other half. But hell no, its still the same, or even worst --- at least this is what I see these past few years around myself and the people around me that justify whatever I've mentioned? And maybe, just maybe - we won't wanna give up so easily on the relationship and thus we forgive and forget. But sadly, history repeats by itself again. I'm not trying to say that only guys are capable of doing this but I'm shocked that a couple of girls do this too? So what in the world are we looking for now? Special friends with extra benefits or just a companion to get through our lonely times, or simple enough - somebody whom you wanna spend your life with till the end? 

Okkkk, emotional thoughts aside. I'm kinda happy this week because I've brought some luck to my people around me these few days. :) Enjoy your weekend people!

Final decision!

JB Trip was cancelled today, so I went ahead with my haircut at Storm again! Then to stock up my makeup stuffs like finally~~ The time I met Xinghuei was like pathetic leh tsk, nehmind gonna see her this coming Fri ^^ Anyway, Siewyin is a good shopping partner too! :D:D

Then Jasreel and the two musketeers came and look for us, off we went to Simpang Bedok! When was the last time we had dinner like this?!?!?!? Catch up with alottttttttttttttttt of stuffs hehe love it man. The bus trip with Jasreel was awesome too :)

After so many days of dilemma and talks with my mum and bestie... Ok! Final decision - I'll continue with ZAG&ZAG and my temp FT at Singtel while waiting for RMIT to start in July and then chop chop with the studies, get the cert and start carving out my career path! (Y) As much as I don't like retail, its never too late to do what I really wanna do in my career right? Tsk, sometimes I just need some opinions from everyone else, so thankiew ni men for helping me to know what I really want in future :)

Home sweet home.

The last time I stayed home the whole day was when I still in school. Like mentioned, mum's been nagging and I think I should make out effort to start spending time with them. Maybe I've been too busy with my own life, I realised they're getting old, both emotionally and physically. Few days back I just had a tiff with mum over some shitty arguments on medicine. I hate it when both of them are stubborn not to have med when they're sick and they need it. Maybe I'll be exactly like them in the future but still its not acceptable what! To me, I know I'm someone who always show concern in the wrong way and I hate it when people misunderstood my intentions. I know I don't show it out but I'm can't even imagine if one day they were to leave, really.

I'm still thinking if I should just change my job with so many problems arising.. Or should I just go back to tuitioning?!?! All this thoughts are just so frustrating sianz :/  Times like this I really wish to go on a getaway trip (again).

P.S I'M GONNA CUT HAIR ON FRI I CANNOT TAKE IT HAHAHA.

Struggling to keep on going.

Firstly, thank you so much for Siewyin Xinghuei and Shumin for the help today at the photoshoot for Zag&Zag. Appreciate so much, seriously I wont know how to handle everything by myself if I were alone. 辛苦你们了! 

Did a brief reflection on my life just hours ago. Yes, I'm working on a 5day week for Singtel now. Each day when I get home from work, I'd need to check Z&Z's emails and invoices/ parcels to be sent out the next day. Check out fellow websites to do some research before I head to sleep. So the cycle repeats everyday till I got a day off, I'll spend it on sourcing or dates out with my lovely friends. If not, I'd need to get ready pictures for the next collection and, do some accounting (WHICH I HATE THE MOST) and sleep. This is how I spend my 7 days in a week and its still not enough. I've yet to spend time with my family and I dont even stay at home on my off days except for today. When was the last time I stayed home for dinner? My dad asked me to go on a KL trip sometime next month and I'm still deciding.. Mum told me they'd want me to go because I havent been spending time with family, but how to when I've got so much things to do on hand and I don't have extra cash to go on a leisure trip now at the moment. Fyi, I've stopped taking allowance ever since I graduated because I don't want my parents to support my miscellaneous stuffs financially anymore. I feel bad enough to take money from them when they always give me what I want, 伸手要钱 just to play hard and eat hard (and spend hard) for the past 19 years. I'm already freaking 20 this year already? Should start repaying them now instead of the other way round. 败家子 is so not our family culture.

Education? I've somehow decided on RMIT's Marketing Degree. Another couple of years and I'll get over and done with my education, thats it. 

I'm not hating what I'm doing; in fact I love doing it. At least I've things to do, to keep me busy and at least I know what I want in my own life. Just that I'm getting tired; physically tired, but I know I can't afford to stop here. I have to keep on going till I see results. I just need support, sometimes.