implode

It's that time again... That time... That time of the many intervals in my life where I suddenly forget that some questions deserve answers but that doesn't mean it's important; like the meaning to life which goes without question isn't as important as the life itself; because having that life satisfies that meaning, otherwise why would that life be had?

So, the million-dollar question: Remove yourself from all sensation, all the duties and responsibilities of day-to-day life... Now imagine you were a ball of pure light consisting only of those thoughts most important to you. What are those thoughts?

I mean, it's an easy enough question. You remove the distractions of sight, smell, taste, touch, whatever have you; you remove the need to eat and shit and interact with things, you focus on what's most important to you and voila, you have your answer; but what if what's left is a ball of pure darkness rather than a ball of pure light? No, not a ball of pure darkness, but rather, a ball of vacuum, surrounded by a vacuum, surrounded by more vacuum; where matter and anti-matter have combined to create a nothingness so profound, you cannot even call it a vacuum. What if all that's left in the centerpiece of your most important and valuable thoughts is nothingness? What then? What if you have nothing important or valuable in your own mind? What if you could not think of a single thing on this Earth that you would give your life for? What if you lost anything and everything, but wait, you realize you didn't even really give much of a fuck about all that crap anyway? What if you had nothing except distractions in your life? If you were a lost soul with nothing? If your life was empty in the beginning, empty now and may forever be empty?

I'm not afraid of dying. It would be stupid to fear such. After all, it's inevitable anyway. What does scare me a little bit is living this life and losing it with nary a thought in my head for which I held dear...