man~! today i witnessed a really talented guy! he's earning a decent living by painting names/wordings in art form.. he's from china.. and the paintings are like awesome la! it looks like chinese paintings just that it's your name! so cool!!!! and it's super pretty! the monochromatic ones are really very class...

the poor guy was squatting near a bakery shop, free-riding on the light that was spread against the floor nearby.. constantly wiping of his perspiration as he did his work on the floor..

but man.. i could seriously just watch him paint the whole day.. i can't even paint with brushes and he's using small pieces of wood! how does he do it man??! so blessed~

*~~*

6 weeks and counting..

pressure is finally kicking in..
awaiting the lousy scripts to hit on my panic button -.-

it's gonna be one hellofa race..
on my own, now..

*~~*

on the bright side...
i've got something to look forward to.. all thanks to my

BELOVED MUMMY!!!!

some of you already know..
so just hang in there... they should be coming soon!!! i just need nice pictures :p

the Beauty of being Child-Like

picture this:

sun rays penetrating through the glass,
seeing a little boy jump into the passenger's seat,
and buckling up for a ride.
eagerly withdrawing his precious, most cherished toy,
smiling at the very sight of it,
even before hitting the power.
seeing him engrossed with the little screen and buttons,
just so he can clear his objective,
and smile, Again, at the end of it all.

beautiful isn't it? (:

it's never impossible to find it in ourself to be child-like..

i admit.. sometimes i even gaze at the white fluffy clouds in the blue sky and sometimes try to see what shapes they take on..


it's so great knowing we're His beautiful creation.. His beautiful children..

PS. there's a difference between child-like and childish ok.. haha..

Lie next to me
And hold me until I sleep
Mould to my body
Cover me, keep in the heat

No conversation now
No there's no need to speak
And I won't ask you questions
I'll leave you the secrets you keep

I know there's no knowing but knowing's not what I need
I feel it all hiding in the timing of your heart beat

And the time seems to slow without movements to flow around us
As you reach out I fall and the room seems so small around us
So close and I want to breathe you in
So close and you're like a second skin
It's a sweet defeat

Dance with me slowly
Rest your head against mine
Lose yourself, find me
As we both step out of time
Promise me nothing
Only whatever you can
And I'll take what you give me and I'll give you all that I am

No, there's no knowing but knowing's not what I need
'Cause everything I need
Everything I want's here beside me

And the time seems to slow without movements to flow around us
As you reach out I fall and the room seems so small around us
So close and I want to breathe you in
So close and you're like a second skin
It's a sweet release

i like his rhythm man.. he's so talented (:

(got this from denise's blog..)

awesome song~

i had a rather interesting short conversation with my bestie today..


let me pose a question to the GIRLS who read my blog.. lol..
i know most of us are not really into guys who are crazy over football.. as for me.. i don't really like it when they go all gaga over anime..

so if you have to make a choice.... do you girls prefer guys who are SUPER into
football or anime?



haha.. feel free to tag ok? haha.. i just felt like posting a silly entry :p
guys are welcome to comment too please.. (:


i just think it's really strange that guys go gaga over Anime like me to Elvis Presley.. lol..

even if it's just a text..
or a call..
or a prayer over the phone..
or a ride to school..
or an IM on msn..
or a lunch..
or a cuppa..
or skype..

i appreciate them all =)
thank you..



reminder to self:
God made all things GOOD

i came to realise that i'm not alone.. struggling to pull myself out of this quicksand..


unfortunately.. only SOME can relate to this.. only SOME can be sympathetic.. only FEW are empathetic..


[i can't blog what i wanna blog.. because a reader forbid such contents.. so i'll leave it as it is..]


she wants to escape.. but she's bounded by the chains of reluctance..
she just want to let go of everything.. coz she's just over exhausted..
i can't meet everyone's expectations.. i can't even meet mine..
i'm so tired..

Lord, i've sinned..
Forgive me, Lord, for i have sinned.. only say the word and i shall be healed..
i surrender and lift it all to You..
the weight of my cross is incomparable to Yours.. and yet i keep falling so many times..
Lord, i pray for the strength to be like You.. please Lord.... PLEASE...
Your will be done..
Amen.

during today's service.. i made it a point for me to blog tonight.. coz i really think it's something really worth blogging about.. forgive me if i'm not articulate enough.. coz i know i've got problems expressing myself..


worship went really well! kudos to the team today... they did a really Great job.. they had a great kick off, i must say.. and the song choice was really great and apt..

today was unlike many saturdays.. usually, when i listen to music, i listen to the different instruments.. i listen as to how they convey their message in their music and playing.. i listen to the details.. the harmony.. the cooperation.. (i'm sure friends like aini can relate to this.. heehee..).. but as i said.. it was different.. the lyrics alone just captured me.. as simple as "He is mighty to save".. i was just standing in pure surrender..

another really awesome thing was when pastor showed us the video of the guy whom i put up on my facebook profile earlier this week.. i was so moved by him that i cried.. and today.. i couldn't help but tear, again... and i must say.. "Mighty To Save" was a really good song choice for response today..

yes.. God gives us life in abundance.. life with God is not easy.. we cannot NOT care.. we'll face extreme ebbs and flows.. and you know what.. it's like i was so thankful in everyway.. knowing God was there..


after service.. i didn't really feel right.. i didn't really wanna share what was going through me.. guess i was just Tired.. when i went to my car.. i wanted to go to the beach.. then i saw joel and josiah at their car.. next thing i new.. sally called me.. and i think it's really all in God's plan.. how awesome is that? in the end i hung out with the church peeps for dinner.. but i wasn't hungry coz i was just too tired..

another really cool thing was that i didn't expect to have a companion on my ride home.. kinda fun :p

but ya.. i think company of friends is keeping me sane at this point in time.. and i really appreciate it so much.. i know i may not have expressed that.. but i am thankful to all those who were there for me.. like minxun, kaihong, lisha, sally.. thank you all, really..

took me quite a while to really finally open up to someone about what happened to me today.. and i'm glad i could share it.. i find it a bit personal to share it openly.. but i still tried anyways..

God really works in wondrous ways.. and He's forever faithful.. i guess it's times like these, when you fail, that you really go on your knees and turn to God.. asking for the strength to Finish Strong..

i think it's nice to pamper ourselves once in a while.. whenever we're down..

i declared myself a Self Appreciation Day yesterday.. haha.. and it was totally awesome!

had my hair trimmed..
indulged in my favourite cuisine
bought myself three apparels in total
and had really great company


it was a day well spent, truly..


so reality sets in.. and now i'm struggling with ELC coz for some reason.. i can't remember ths cases to the respective principles.. bleagh...

FM paper was totally GRRRRRR and RAWRRRRR!!! it deserves to be sentenced to lifetime shredder-ment.. ok.. i know i'm totally not making sense.. haha.. but it was so horrible! so disappointing..

maybe i deserve it..



I always thought I had an angel on my shoulder,
To pick me up whenever life got a little colder
Coz it could rain and rain and rain all day
But you’d always be a call away
Making me smile with the things you say

You lift me up with the wings of little things
Groovin’ to the music of the melodies we sing
Whenever life gets hard I try to run and hide
Need you for me to confide
Looking around me you’re just beside

Now I’m flying high
like a balloon up in the sky
Coz I'm flying, oh my
Letting it all pass me by

felt so disconnected from myself today.. like i was without a soul walking around.. distracted.. partly traumatised.. traumatised by a really bad and vivid dream.. but i'm better now.. though still tad disgusted..


amazing how a phone call can make a difference to my day..

it was from an old friend.. i guess it was nice to know i was remembered.. and i'm glad could give him some advice he needed.. and i hope he'll do something about it.. i'm glad he took it well too..

i wonder why i can give practical advice to my friends but not to myself.. i guess like many others, when we're too caught up in our own situations.. we fail to see our folly.. instead.. some of us hope.. some of us end up in some kind of a delusion.. while some of us just have to suck it in knowing they made the same mistake twice..


it's really nice to know that i can make a difference in my friends' lives.. in a way.. it brings me joy.. knowing i did something right..


i know there are mothers who are so torn inside.. not knowing how to handle their children.. they take pains to raise up a child over more than a decade.. to find themselves in a situation where their teen turns their back on them.. it's kinda painful for me to witness too.. man..... no one can explain a mother's love for a child.. no matter how distant he/she is.. she will still show her love even in the every slightest way possible.. even a simple text message shows their concern.. but sadly some teens just shove them aside..

i'm no different.. and i'll admit it.. i know i wasn't a good teen when i was growing up.. looking back kinda hurts sometimes.. i guess it's all part of nature..

second post of the day.. haha.. as you can see.. i'm just super distracted..

i was just thinking about friendship.. about how we're always there for each other.. whenever we need someone to lean on.. so heart-warming..

yet on the flip side.. when things turn sour.. it feels so awkward.. painful for some.. so heart-wrenching..


i have to admit.. i find it quite hard to handle when friendships go bad.. i tend to brush it under the rug.. coz i'm afraid to face it head on.. coz friends to me are like gems.. i don't ever wanna let go..

it's so strange knowing you see someone regularly.. at a place where you both frequent.. and because you don't really know what to say.. you just don't even wanna see your friend.. let alone in the eyes.. coz you're so afraid..afraid you might start another conflict because you're not in the right state of mind to craft out the right words to say.. so awkward..

yes.. that was me.. just yesterday.. kind of hard.. until my friend initiated the conversation.. only then i forced myself to loosen up.. i don't understand why it's all so strange.. we're still good friends and all... but........... i dunno..


i see my friends around me unhappy too.. concerned about one.. worried about the other.. i wish all these will stop soon.. faltering friendships are so painful to witness..

i'm not sure if any of you can relate to how i feel.. i know one of my friends can.. but.. i don't really know how to function in life without being happy.. like.. there's a void in me.. and i'm like an incomplete zombie walking around.. lifeless..

i was reading my myer briggs report again.. i'm an ENFJ.. and it never fails to amaze me as to how accurate it is..

i can't take it when there's friction with my friends.. coz i tend to reproach myself.. failing to see my own needs..

i find myself such a nuisance sometimes.. a parasite..



God created all things good..
let's remind ourselves we're made good too..
especially since we're made in His image and likeness..

i decided to have a go with the personality test mx took.. so here are my results.. not sure if it's entirely true.. but here it goes......


Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you. (hmmmmmm!!!! haha..)

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.



if you're interested... it's at:

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

i wanna thank God for the many things He's done and given me this week..

thank You, Lord for helping me through my prelims.. despite the amount of effort i put into studying.. for the friends who kept me company during this period as well..

thank You, Lord for choir friends who initiated a really good project and weekly reflections.. for letting us to be able to set aside time do all this despite our crazy schdule..

thank You, Lord for my mummy who forgave me and still trusts me.. i know it wasn't easy for her.. and thank You for healing her..

thank You, Lord for sending me a dad and a really good friend to comfort me when i was really so down and out.. for giving me someone to hold me.. i felt like i was in Your arms.. knowing You were there for me..

thank You, Lord for blessing me with everything i have.. a family.. friends.. everything~

just when i thought i could get some sleep..

turned in early last night.. around 11.. like finally man... was just so tired..
but woke up at 3..
to an awful taste..
it hurts like crap..
disrupted my sleep..
oh wells..
at least i got some rest..


at least today a friend said i look much better today.. haha.. he himself looked like a zombie today.. still got time for hangovers sia.. tsk tsk tsk... lol..


gonna see another doc tmr..
man i feel so bad disturbing those around me in the exam hall.. paiseh~!

tmr is FR.. and i'm unprepared.. sigh..

different place
different people
a vacancy
a long way down

a familiar silence
a famliar scene
a dejavu?

it's time
frantic flipping of sheets
scratching of the pens
heaves of frustration or relief?

clock keeps ticking
interminable
yet rushed
and then it ends



it begins today
one down
four more to go
same battle, same struggle
fret not

i wish time would just stop for a while..
let me take a nice stroll and enjoy what's around me..
i feel i don't even have the energy to treasure what i have anymore..

i wish time would be kind..
and help me cover all that i need to before the papers..
coz i'm not doing anything at all!
i'm far from the bare minimal..

i wish time would be a friend..
to help me erase the hurt i've gone through..
erase the memories which i must not remember
and help me move on..



i'm disappearing..
i know not who i am..
depressing..