Amplify!

something i've been praying for for a really long time.. close to a year maybe? and yes! He's answered my prayers yet again! heehee~

i always thought we Catholics don't have P&W sessions.. for some reason i thought we're the super traditional kind coz of the way my home parish does things.. but sadly to say.. that isn't my thing.. i feel like i can express myself better with the former.. and it took me only one session to have that sense of belonging.. and i didn't feel the least awkward.. in fact.. that place brought back memories! coz i realised it was where my conf 3 or conf 4 camp was held at.. haha.. the water bomb and nonsense.. haha..

i thought it was a place with not-so-many people.. but man was i wrong.. my friend was clever enough to take me into the room rather early.. and by 8pm.. the room was like FILLED! just youths alone was like 100+ people la! zai~ i heard that half the community come from the West.. oh man!

after our P&W.. was a talk by our very own Br. Mike Broughton.... guys from SJI ought to know him ya? i had him as a speaker once and i thoroughly enjoyed myself.. and today was no different..

interesting how he started his talk with a very gentlemanly tone, "shut up and sit down".. haha..

today's topic is about Fear..
i'lll try to type as much as i can remember k? of course, summarised.. Very summarised..

Claim your Fears! do Not submit to your irrational Fears.
by Claiming it.. half the battle is already won..
God will redeem our Fears..
Claim it NOW!

as St Paul said, "NOW is a favourable time." - TODAY!

i met up with my mum for dinner.. and you know what? i find the jap restaurant so strange!

i shall not mention the place nor the name of the restaurant k? haha..

following is the list of events that happened from the time i walked in to the time i walked out of that restaurant :-

• i walked into the restaurant with no one at the entrance to attend to me or anyone else for that matter.. but nvm.. i found my mum..

• we were then served a plate of peas as appeitizer.. to later realise that we needed to pay $4 for that pathetic plate of veg we didn't even order! if it were you.. would you have thought that it was complimentary? coz i sure did!

• the waitress gave my mum a nice hot towel to wipe her hands.. but i think i was either too thin(which can't be possible) or invisible to be noticed -.-'' but she could ask me what drink i would like.. so nvm.. we ask just for one hot towel..

• we took our orders.. and the waitresses didn't know the respective japanese names to the items on the menu -.-'' o.....k.... then i asked myself "i'm in a jap restaurant right?"..

• to those who know jap food well.. you'll know what is Shishamo(i think this is the spelling, at least).. but the waitresses didn't know and they said "huh?"... aiyo! can they at least say something like "could you run that by me again?" or as simple as "come again?" -.- but in any case.. when we said we wanted the pregnant fish.. they said they have it.. (i think this jap restaurant is like super "Kantang")..

• i wanted something off the menu... Salmon Ikura Don(Salmon and Roe with rice)... when i asked the waitress.. she said she didn't have.. 5min later she told me she has it.. but guess how much did it cost? $45!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY TIAN!!! no way la! like macam my rice made out of gold sia.. so i ordered Unagi(grilled eel) Don..

• i usually like the pickled radish they serve along with the main course.. so i asked if i could have more.. guess what? it costs $1 for one puny plate of pickled radish -.- they really know how to earn money man.. my mum was so cute la.. she wanted to ask for an extra serviette but she said she was afraid it might cost her $1 for that too.. hahahaha!

• so after we ate our meal.. we naturally asked for the bill.. and i can't believe that it takes 10-15min to print a simple receipt -.- and yet another 10-15min to return the change.. aiyo!!!
  
  

i've concluded that i no longer like that place.. they weren't short of staff.. but i don't understand why they like to group around and not serve.. other tables had to like wave they hands so vigorously to get their attention... aiyo aiyo.. call me fussy la.. but i don't think that was good service judging by the amount we had to pay.. it's just below expectations la.. really

-sushi tei is still my choice-

ok.. after all that's happening in my life.. i realised i'm like super high for the past two days.. hahaha.. it's like i've got a sudden burst of endorphins released man.. haha..

though things were pretty messy for me(even literally :P)... i'm quite thankful in some ways.. i'm not a strong one, evidently.. but it's through life's struggles that we learn to grow aye?

and you know what? i seriously want time to SLOW DOWN like NOW! hahaha... i don't want to go through that horrible process.. suspense isn't helping me one bit.. i need and want to play real hard now! hahaha..

problems aside..

i bumped into alvin today.. at the library(gosh i can't believe i was there.. lol)... congrats! for the birth of yet another road hazard~ haha.. wah.. he;sdamn crazy please.. one moment he gains a black belt.. the next his license.. how does he do it when he's an officer in tekong?! haha.. zai.. proud of you bro~

strange how all these bumping and catching up with friends tend to make me drift into thoughts.. thoughts about how we all grow up so fast.. and with the ever-shifting priorities in our lives... the inevitable ebb and flows.. leaving some of us drift apart while some grew closer..

and speaking of life.. i really wonder what is it like going to school again... time to make new friends yet again.. oh man.. and travelling is sooooo gonna annoy me seeing as i now have a nest at the end of the green line.. anyhoos.. i really hope things will work out fine for cresencia and i once school begins..


ok.. had the urge to blog... nothing interesting really happened.. i'm just VERY HUNGRY!!!!! hahaha...

nights world..

tears of pain
tears of regret
tears of fears
name it..
i've been doing nothing but crying recently..
what in the world is wrong with me?
useless.

humans and their expectations

let's play masquerade
aid obliterate the scars behind the mask

Oh Lord.. in You i place my trust.. please hear the silent cry of Your child..
Lord.. please forgive them all..
have mercy..
Amen..

can you hear God, can you hear Him?
can you see God in Everything?

Operation Wasted : Successful

Experiment R-OH : Tested Positive


i just needed an experience to forget the past experience and hell did it work too well >.<

dark
sounds
but silence
strange movements
throbbing
out
but in tune with the words

some comments were just unnecessary.

Too many walls
Too many broken dreams
I have built around me

Trapped within loneliness
Blinded by pride
I didn't see You sit next to me

Too many nights
Wondering why
It had to be this way

Deaf to Your voice
Cold to Your touch
Didn't hear what You said

You said
Come to Me
I know you're weary
All those burdens I will carry
Come to Me
And rest
Under the shelter of My wings

Come to Me
Remember your first love
Come to Me
I'll wipe away your tears
Come to Me
My child
You are precious
In My eyes

Chase away doubts
Lift away the gloom
Hold me tight my Daddy

I can lean upon You
Cast it all on You
Come boldly to Your grace

You are my peace
You are my calm
When storms rage around me

I was lost now I'm found
No longer bound
Now I'll always look Your way
And I'll say

I've come to You
I know You will carry
I've come to You
I'm no longer weary
You've filled my heart with joy
I'll fly upon Your wings

I've come to You
Remembered Your first love
I've come to You
You took away my fears
I've come to You
My tears
I lay down at Your feet...

No longer walls
All my dreams fulfilled
I know You as my Daddy...

Warmed by Your love
I cast off my pride
And I know You're sitting here beside me...

a want to isolate myself from the world - failed

when will these things leave me?
when will i stop hurting the people around me?
when will i ever learn?


i needed to talk to someone in the afternoon..
and He sent me Cheryl..
yup we bumped and i'm so glad i did..
and ya.. why is it our friends are so caught up with their lives that they forget those who were with them in the past? they have new-found-friends.. that they forget us.. it's like they never really cherished what we shared..
only goes to show who your true friends are aye? those who stay by your side no matter how calm or choppy the waves.. who remember you and treasure every moment shared with you.. they truly treasure you..
(Note: i am NOT speaking of anyone in particular)

i didn't want to go home so early tonight..
and He sent me a new colleague to keep me company for dinner
yup.. i didn't want to go home for dinner.. in fact i wanted to go to the beach so badly.. to catch the sun set on my own.. to cycle and enjoy the breeze.. to meet an old friend who always hear my heart's cries without fail..
but i chose to just have dinner and walk around town.. took a nice long bus ride home.. in hope of isolating my thoughts.. but i failed..


i predict nothing's really gonna turn out right for the next few days.. i'm too caught up with my thoughts and visuals to think straight.. i wanna master the art of vegetating -.-


immune sounds good.. i wanna know how.. i hope one week is more than sufficient...

so you think you're so All That.. well good for you.. i obviously think very lowly of you..

i hate it when people get me angry..
images start flashing across my mind
hurtful, they are
some, violent
some.. just horrible..

so what if they've got ego issues which swell out their collars.. don't i have the right to contribute my opinions? yet you have the audacity to blame ME? well done.. i'm so proud of you.

i know i'm not in the right state of mind.. and physically.. half the time i feel like puking, literally.. i know i'm saying all this in a moment of anger.. but ah what the heck.. it's my blog.. my avenue.. my outlet..

i know we're all not perfect..

i really just need time..
i need You, Lord..

*~~*

on the better side of life.. a phrase hit me today..

"those who sing will know Love."

indeed. very accurate.

if only we could really experience together.. the intimacy of the music we sing.. For God.. as an assembly.. and not choir vs congregation -.-

the last song sung today was oh-so-meaningful that i could cry.. ah! just lovely~


take up His cross
it's Holy wood you carry
open your arms
it's Holy work you do...
...
you'll know who I am..
I am your God..

not to sure about the lyrics and title.. but i love it!

*~~*

oh Lord.. please teach me how to love and forgive..

what's all this man! is it coz of this "auspicious" month that i have so many problems?! one by one.. they suddenly appear in my face..

i feel invisible!!!!

disappointed
and
utterly disgusted.


why are some people just so brainless! so ignorant.. their insensated actions.. goodness! no apologies will be accepted..

aforementioned.. some people are just so weird. Period. how reassuring.

can you at least treat me as if i exist?! if you have a conscience.. i really hope it taught you a lesson.. i want to tell you how much i hate you for this but i can't.. argh.. i thought the least you could do was to respect me a little.. obviously not. i don't think i'll even bother even if you tried elucidating.. seriously. thanks for ending my day so "well".. and if you try hurting the one i love so dearly.. i don't think i'll ever find it in me to forgive you again. when will you learn!!

why must i live a life ensnared by lies?!

i went to Balestier Hill Secondary School yesterday to help judy out with some simulation thingy.. basically to raise awareness about people with disabilities..

the lower sec kids were pretty mischievous man.. especially the boys.. they treat the wheelchairs as if they were bumper cars or fun carts.. tokyo drift -.- my goodness.. some things still don't change..

it was a real pleasure meeting yining after that..and it's always good to know that someone shares the same views as you..

and there are so many weird people out there.. people from different walks of life.. they react so strangely to situations sometimes..

there are the impatient ones..
those who push you on your backs with their trays.. as if the queue could get any faster by doing so..
those who rush into the trains.. without 1st allowing others to leave the cabins.. as if the train will leave without them.. and as if they can find a seat in such a packed train..
those who disrupt a queue at the bus' berth.. only thinking about the number of seats available and that it could fit everyone and hence failing to realise that what they did was not the least courteous..
those who treat you invisible in a queue and just order before you.. expecting to be served first.. when they realise the items on the tray don't belong to them.. they make sarcastic remarks.. when obviously they are serving you 1st..

there are the sad ones..
those who only wants branding and hence let brand determine their lives after that
those who still are indecisive and just accept whatever is given and regret later
those who didn't cherish what they already have and left for something which was previously deemed to be "The Ideal Way"..


i seriously think there's more to life than all this.. why can't people make more sacrifices? accept the way things are? why can't people just give a little more.. will it kill them? will they die if they don't make payment within the next 5min? -.- i really don't understand what goes through their minds..

Note: i'm not referring to anyone i know in particular.. please do not take what i just typed personally.. really no offence meant..


i know life doesn't really turn out you envisioned it to be.. but sometimes.. you just got to learn how to deal with it.. make the best out of it.. i like M1's slogan: One Life. Live It.

oh my goodness.. so retardedly cute! hahaha.. i like......

taken hostage
yet so willing
stripped off your weapons
your armour pierced

secrets
shhh.
hush now
silence is deafening

play me a tune
sing me a song
my soul longs for a melody
the last sound

i wish i knew what i could type in this space here..

emotions overwhelm me
sinking me into a spiral
a whirlpool
struggles.

you gotta fight it, girl!
believe.

failure isn't final.. i'll bear that in mind.

*~~*


lost for words
yes. no more.
talk me through this
i need You.

..yet another life experience..

when life hits you and gets you down.. you shouldn't let your passion fade away..

unfortunately.. maybe fortunately for me.. i left the SYC.. yup.. harsh news.. but it's alright.. i'm sorta glad in a way coz i feel that maybe i wouldn't be able to cope with studies and their scores when school reopens.. additionally.. the environment is really not for me..


i really appreciate those who were by my side all these while.. be it to cheer me on or to give me encouragements and assurance.. or to even give me a reality check.. haha.. i'm glad they all came.. coz at least i could mentally prep myself for today..


they have good music.. i must say.. but i guess like for some others.. this place isn't my place to be..

i feel happier singing for friends.. for family.. for God.. ya..

i'm glad music/singing still drives me today =)
(haha.. now i can use my keyboard for compositions and songs instead of my bean sprouts :p)


know of any other avenues? do let me know k? i've been offered two more.. but i don't think i wanna offer my sundays.. plus it's a weird thought to be under two other conductors.. hahaha.. i could use a break for a while.. haha..


music is still my love.. no one will and can ever take that away from me (:

CHOCOLATE TIME!!! i'm beginning to think strawberry goes really well with chocolate! haha.. looks like i may not be just a plain milk choc girl anymore... muahahaha..