"Life" is getting a bit too "tired" for my liking...

7:33 am

I never thought I would open this window again... I never thought I would rely on this as an outlet to my inner emotions... Never...

It's not that I want the freedom. It's not that I want to be able to do what I want. Somehow deep down inside me, I just want the ability to be able to decide. I don't really want to be on my own and do anything I want to do. I just want to know that I am able to do so. I just want to know that. I don't actually want that. I like the power. I like the control. I just want to know I am in control but I don't need the actual control. Sounds complicated but that's how I feel inside me right now... It's like I want to know that I can choose. I like the choice. I like to be able to make decisions freely without getting people upset...

Why do I have to resort to this again...

10:17 pm

It's been a long time since I last typed anything here but this time, I really have to get this down here. It's like a milestone in my life or somewhat like it.
It bugs me as to how things are changing so quickly. No, not only things. The surroundings, the people. Everything in fact. Bugis Junction had so many major changes within the past month? I almost don't know my way around anymore. Food Junction's on level 3. Edge is gone. Seoul Garden has moved. Billy Bomber's gone. Coffee Bean's gone. Oh man. It's so shocking. Things can just change so fast that it's scary. Maybe you can say it's me. I spend 5 days a week in camp and 2 days out. The mere 2 days is not enough for me to roam and explore Singapore. I can't change fast enough to cope with it. If only it were the surroundings changing, my life would be better. People change too. I know the only thing constant in life is change but hey, just a few months and people can change so much. It scares me quite a fair bit. It makes me think that everything seems to fade with time. It doesn't feel the same anymore. I don't feel the warmth and the closeness. All I feel now is the awkwardness, the desperate attempts to find a topic to talk about. That foreign feeling kind of sucks. What's not helping is the er-hem company I get 5 days a week. It's terrible. My world's turning topsy turvy. I can't cope with this. If I had a heart that's any weaker, I'd probably die of cardiac arrest. Seriously, I think university changes people. I guess that's both good and bad. The immature might become mature. The mature becomes... I really don't know. I can't tell anymore. I can't catch up. Their lifestyle's changing maybe? The way they hold themselves just aren't the same anymore. University is like a life-changing machine. It changes people like 180 degrees? I wonder what they preach there... I wonder if I'm the one changing? Maybe I have but to me, I don't feel that the change I went through is as drastic as those around me. I feel lost. I feel helpless. The once organised mS is now lost. Now aimless. mS doesn't know what to do with his life anymore. Surprising?

Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same...

9:57 pm

Insidious...

11:16 am

I just realised I've been tagged by cali chan. Oh man.
Here goes : Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. i like to talk to myself? *gasp*
2. i like to think that i am psychic *hmm*
3. i have this tremendous amount of energy so i don't feel tired when i wake up in the morning like people usually do
4. people say i have obsessive compulsive disorder becuz i like to keep the bunk clean in BMT?
5. when i eat those economical fried bee hoon on the brown paper packaging, i like my chilli to be at the top left hand corner
6. i think ponytails are cute?

all right. the 6 people are... sigh... i dunno who la.. like no friends like that one... okay here goes... gen, claire, shawn.... eh shid no one else reads my blog! somemore shawn in bmt and cali did this thing alr:(

1:11 pm

Honestly, do you think it's worth it? Is it worth losing everything just like that? Sometimes, things can be quite difficult. But is it worth living your life this way? Why let such things become an obstacle? I've put the past behind me. Would you? Things might be better for everyone...

10:09 pm

Sigh. I'm so bitchy. Haha. Better blog something to cover up! It's so hard. I have so many grievances but I don't want to say it out because it doesn't even make sense to myself. I think I'm unreasonable, you know? Haha. Damn dumb.
I shall do a FAQ.
How's your results?
I'm satisfied with it, ignoring the fact that I got ungraded for Chem S paper. :) I guess I didn't deserve any better since I felt like crap after it.
What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in the army?!
I'm waiting for my posting which is out on 23rd March. I will be back to army life on 26th March. :)
How's army life?
Looking back on it. It's been eventful, meaningful and memorable. There's a sense of satisfaction when you know you survived BMT.
Ahh. I am so going to miss my home. I don't want to go back to army life! I can't possibly complain about it here. :)

10:18 pm