Atmospheric Reentry

To get the attention of someone
considered to be the shining jewel
of the club is the ultimate
ego trip you could have.




Until you realize that
everything becomes worthless
when this someone actually gets you.

---

I could have turned my gaze elsewhere and leave you basking in your five minutes of fame. The skinny long-haired lady next to us is already responding to my provocations long before you came to the ledge. However, my inner nature told me to stay. I cannot deny that I longed for you just like you secretly longed for me. With no words able to describe our feelings, I understood that despite your outer toughness, you sought someone who could match your ruggedness. Others will have their turns touching your body, but I am the only one capable of feeling your soul. As you leaned on my arms while trying to bend your body, I knew that you sought someone who can make you feel secured right at your most vulnerable moment.

Discreet
June 29, 2008

The Comeback

Just maybe,
the reason why
I still insist on my
alone time
and travel across the
sleeping city
to that spot
at the corner of
Nakpil and Orosa
is to find someone
I could lean my head into.

Still it feels good
knowing you can bare your
weakness to someone

a stranger,
who appears

stronger than you.

A Perfect Circle

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million same

It was the closing of September when your eyes first met. At the corner of Orosa and Nakpil in Malate, he entered the bar brokenhearted and yearning to free himself from an attachment which is nearing its end. Across the dance floor, guzzling your Red Horse Beer, he saw you amongst the beautiful men who made passes at him. It was your small, smiling eyes that captivated him. It was your goatie that caught his attention.

You noticed his glances and acknowledged it with a faint smile. Like a shard of metal slowly getting drawn to a magnet, he moved closer wishing that the attraction was the same. Barely five minutes after he arrived, both of you were already in the corner biting each others lips and feeling each other's tongue unmindful of the guests who were probably disgusted by your shameless display of affection .

Difficult not to feel a little bit
Disappointed and passed over
When I look right through,
See you naked but oblivious

Your make out ended in a motel somewhere near Quirino. It was a one-night stand he would never forget. He can still feel your slim body rubbing against his chest and your thick facial hair still brushes his back whenever he imagines of you. You were a hard kisser. His lips were left swollen for days after your intimacy happened. You were a pinner in bed. Had he surrendered to your aggression, he would have received a hard impalement from you that morning.

You were a good cuddler. In your lean arms he felt safe. Between the orgasms, you shared your dreams to his thirsty ears. You made him see new worlds he yearns to find himself in. Believing that your encounter would just last a night, it was a tell-all revelation: That you were a student of law; that you were a high government official at the tender age of 27; that you were someone who made a name and will always be proud to tell it even to those you will cross in bed. Bruised from pincer attacks he received that day, he lowered his defenses for you to peek into his soul. He thought that there was a connection even when your affection was meant to last for just one encounter.

A hug, a last kiss and it was all goodbye. You parted ways without looking at each other's eyes. In two days you will be returning to your home in Bacolod. He resigned to the fact that you will never see each other again.

But I threw you the obvious
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy

Eve of the New Year, restless and seeking for temporal affection, he returned to the same bar only to find you again. Standing next to the ledge, your eyes met. Pleasantries were exchanged and your smiling eyes once again drew him next to you. Unfortunately, things were different this time. Emancipated from all romantic involvements, he stuck with you hoping to resurrect a long dead past.

Revelers passed, admirers checked out. But despite the choices he could pick, he chose to remain with you.

Here I am expecting just a little bit
Too much from the wounded
But I see, see through it all
See through, see you

Hands clasped, he thought you still remember your connection. In his desperation to seek assurance, it was your presence that made him seek no more. "Why would I search for another and let them barge into my locked doors," He told himself. "You are already here and you have seen everything that I keep within."

As the night wore on while God played his music, he noticed that your eyes surveyed all directions. You were looking for someone and he felt your slow disconnection. "Maybe you are with another person," he hesitantly admits to himself. "Perhaps your lover is here and I am just a spare tire you want keep until your company shows up to reclaim you before the dance is over."

'Cause I threw you the obvious
To see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy

Past four in the morning, you thought he already left. He bid farewell when he felt the icy chill occupying the space between you. But behind the veil of smoke; of the spectacular laser lights that pointed on everyone's sweaty body; and the booming bass sound from the huge speakers that made the packed club bounce to Rihanna's music, he secretly stayed behind to pick up what is left after dropping him for another. As he looked for a replacement - of someone he could show just to tell in your face that you're not a loss, it was still your image that occupied his thoughts.

Had you told him earlier you were already with someone, it would be easier to accept things as they were.

You brushed each other's elbow for the last time in the near-empty dance floor just as when he was about to exit the club. Around you were couples making out and a handful of revelers pushing each other to the ones they want to get introduced.

"Happy.New.Year.dude." He said in a slurry voice

"We will see each other again. Goodbye." Your eyes, which once captured his lonely gazes on a fiery September night was now pointing at the other direction.

- towards the friends you introduced, which he deliberately ignored just to stake his claim over you.

"It was truly over," he insisted to himself.

You found somebody else.

You don't, you don't
You don't see me

You don't see me

You don't, you don't
You don't see me at all

---

- Three Libras, A Perfect Circle

The Return

We learn from experience that a very tipsy person has the same chances of swaggering at the middle of the road and making a detour to the sleaziest of places when left to survive on his own devices. It happened to several friends I "nursed" before. They all arrived safe after dropping them off in front of their gates. Since I am as human as the ones I looked after in their most precarious state, the swinging towards the middle of nowhere can also happen to me.

The week that passed has been a turn-over for everything: The turn-over of gifts to friends, family and relatives; the turn-over of romantic emotions from the past to the present; and who would have thought, a person I turned-over a couple of months ago would have a surprise comeback after meeting him face to face in the same spot before.

And so there was I, drunk, after downing seven bottles of beer at a party. I left the company of revelers when I learned that they would stay at a nearby coffee shop instead of heading to their homes. They were inviting me to join, but I said that I could not stay. I was worried that I might disgorge in front of the guys who call me supremo, or I might do something crazy which I might regret when I get sober.

I staggered pass several blocks of buildings and found my way in Ayala. I must say that it was difficult to keep oneself steady while trying to figure out how to get home. My god, I can't even remember how I was able to arrive at the Enterprise from Greenbelt. What more if I hail a taxi and not direct it to someplace else?

But experience tells that I have been to worse cases before. At Mami Athena's gathering early this year, we downed countless shots of Fundador while having Red Horse as our chaser. I had to throw up everything I ate just to pump out the alcohol from my tummy. On my way home, I had to ask the cab driver several times to drop me off so I could throw up in a corner before proceeding to our destination. When Centurion called for a drinking reunion together with my two "adopted" young lads last summer, I had to appear more sober than my kids even if I filled a toilet bowl with my sludge. I promised to bring them close to their places in Pasig even when I was the one needed to be accompanied home. This case was not so bad. However, I knew that I couldn't show up to my mom without appearing to obvious of my "fruity" smell. I had to get sober elsewhere or I might get grounded after twisting my excuses again.

I told the cab driver our destination. Malate.

Christmas Eve was almost upon us, and yet, Orosa was still teeming with nightlife. Except for a few tell-tale signs of sobriety, people are still geared to party. For someone bored and restless like me, a fewer crowd made no difference. I head towards Che'Lu to get re-acquainted with my home turf again.

However, just when I was about to pay for the entrance fee, I noticed that there were no people dancing on the floor. The place was literally "nilalangaw" which only meant that I couldn't do a full throttle no matter how adrenalin-inducing the house tracks were. With no other choice, I dragged my carcass on to the next bar which is O. At least, even if the dance floor is empty, the club's claustrophic layout would give an impression that there's still party in the house.

The night was still young and time was on my side. Mom wasn't looking for me, and my sister might be busy surfing the web using my computer again. My goal was to party as hard as I could to catch up from the two months of being absent in the circuit. It was also my way of flushing out the alcohol before it settles down in my head. Flirting was never an option since I could not distinguish a guy from another. Everyone just wanted to have a dance partner and it never occurred to me that I wanted it too...

...That was until I saw him leaning in one of the stainless steel beams near the bathroom while smiling at me.

"Oye nandito ka pala!" I said to him with a slurry voice.

"Honga eh, medyo malungkot kasi sa bahay." He answered in a somber tone while trying to conceal his awkwardness at our chance encounter.

"Galing ako sa party. Chill muna dito bago umuwi ng bahay."

"Honga eh, pansin ko lasing ka na..." He was obviously alone - and looking for company.

Forgive me for being highly sensitive to signs and omens, but to see him there - after vowing never to return to that place when I ditched him a few months back must be something serendipitous. As far as I can remember, I sought cosmic intervention for him to stay, only to push him away when I discovered that he wasn't the one I am looking for. The heavens must be pulling the strings, and at that moment I wasn't so sure if resisting our fate was a good alternative.

So I went along and tried to dance as God played his favorite house tracks.

Thrice I took a leak at O-Bar's cramp, but well-lit bathroom. Thrice when I returned to the dance floor, I still find him there, standing, alone and perhaps waiting for me. His gesture was gentlemanly - whether he meant it or not - and to return the favor, I stuck by his side to make him feel that he was never alone that night.

Looking back, I should be ashamed to be in his proximity when I had been cruel from the very start. When I sensed his intrusion the first time we got close, I had to pull back by ignoring his text messages and date invitations. I blocked his Yahoo Messenger so he will not see me online. Literally, I disconnected myself to spare him from all the hurt that I might bring and yet there he was, keeping me steady while the world around swirled in a dizzying frenzy.

"I am glad it was you who found me." I blurted out while my eyes were on the verge of shutting down.

I don't recall his answer. But I remember putting my head on his shoulder while he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I'm about to leave, would you mind if I invite you home."

"Sure!!" I felt his mood lightened up.

I took it as a cue to pick my bag and leave the place less than an hour after I arrived. After all, I would rather entrust myself to someone I already know, than take the risk and get involved with a stranger I just met.

Che'lu will always be my bar of choice but in the two occasions I hit O-Bar alone, I left the place with my life drastically changed.

My first visit lead to a one night stand with a young lawyer.

A day later, I was emancipated from a forbidden attachment. A week later, I broke up with my partner.

The last lead to an intimate but non-orgasmic sleep-over. I woke up the following morning cuddling a human and not drooling on a fluffy pillow.

Uncertain of our future, it was Tannis who I found.

---

Afternoon passed on and I prayed for his return.

At past 3, I started losing hope.

Maybe I wrote the wrong number. Perhaps he lost the card on his way home. I also cannot rule out the possibility that every word he said and every gesture he did that night was a result of his longing. He was merely lonely and when I filled out his void, my presence suddenly became irrelevant.

Another Moment In Paradise, October 20, 2008

--

-tobecontinued-

Another Moment In Paradise (Last Part)

The rule of clubbing states that everything happens in just one night. You pick a dance partner; dance in a rhythm that expresses your innermost longing; drink hard; grope harder; kiss, like the separation of your lips would mean a shortage of breath; hug tight and savor the moment of togetherness because when the time comes for dance partners to part ways, everything will be over.

Another clubbing night experience would never be the same as the night-out you had tonight.

---

And so we returned inside the bar for another round of beer and dancing. The revelations had convinced him that we should extend our stay to get to know each other deeper. The discovery stunned me as well. Chemistry and commonality rarely becomes a double trait in one person. The dance floor was packed and everyone danced to the beat of Rihanna. We never had the chance to talk. Instead, the proximity of our bodies lead us to fill each others need for intimacy. Assured that I am with the right person, I danced with him like I would dance with my boyfriend. We would kiss, tongue and hug each other tight. We would let go from time to time to give each other some breathing space. Other hands would try to distract us, but in the end we make sure no one will be carried away by the swirling currents of people seeking somebody else to be theirs.

We would go bathroom breaks together - him walking closely behind me - his arms tightly wrapped around my shoulders. I broke walls of people, making sure he was secured behind me, while I bear the brunt of bodily collisions after my rude and assertive dispersal. He might be tough, older and more assertive when he's sober but with his senses nearly disabled by alcohol, I was his best fall back guy. I never sought him there, but our strange encounter gave me reasons to put up a fight on his behalf.

I would have stayed and danced with him but the night is nearly over. I found what I sought that night and perhaps he found his as well. Parting is such a sweet sorrow and I was the one who bid my goodbye.

"Tara, let's go home." He followed without any protestations.

We claimed our bags at the bar counter and walked outside with my arms around his neck. We talked more about the revelations earlier and at the back of my head, I was resolved to see him again.

"You're too good to be true, I hope this would not be our last." I finally confessed.

"Hindi mo pa nga kinukuha ang number ko eh, paano tayo magkikita ulit?"

I've been dancing with strangers for as long as I remember. Dancing was my liberation and it reminded me that no matter how my hands were bound to one person, my soul runs free to express its innermost desire with other people. At the end of ecstasy, I return to my sullenness by trying to forget the encounters of the night. I don't leave traces thus, I don't give personal details to dance partners.

Now that I am free, the choice to let others stay rest entirely whether I will let an encounter develop into something longer than just a club-night-stand.

"What's your number, i-text kita."

He took out his phone for his pocket so I can get his number. While transferring his details into mine, my luck run out when the number on the screen of his phone suddenly disappeared.

"Malas ah, na low-bat ka na." Fate was testing my initiative.

"Dito ka lang, intayin mo ako."

Determined to keep him, I went inside a KTV bar to borrow a pen from the lady cashier. She was busy counting the bar's profit so I grabbed the pen lying on the table without her approval. In a calling card I found on my wallet, I started scribbling my number. Though the place was dimly lit and the effects of alcohol had started kicking in, my persistence won over. I gave him the card outside hoping he would not lose it. We talked a little longer about our interests until the topic shifted to a subject relating to our past.

"So why did you break up?"

He said that the guy was 7 years younger than him. His immaturity had put him off and their bedside personality did not complement one another. I am sure that there were deeper reasons behind their break-up but I didn't bother to probe further. Instead we talked about our longings and our plans now that we're both single.

"I'm looking for someone younger but can think more mature for his age."

"I'm looking for someone older and can think more mature than me."

"I'm not getting younger and I hope to find someone who'd be willing to grow old with me."

"I'm 27 and I think I'm not getting younger as well. That's why when I found what makes your heart beat, I decided to stick with you up to now."

"I think I love you na..." he finally mumbled while trying to keep the smile from his face. I just returned the favor by smirking, knowing that everything is just but a drunk's talk.

"This is really out of the ordinary, and I'm glad I went out of my way just to find you."

Over another round of Red Horse, we talked about our likes and dislikes with our partners, our bedside manners and the things that made us smile and cry. I learned that he's a home-buddy who enjoyed playing chess or watching QAF reruns. He said that behind his tough and aggressive nature was a soft guy who cried over little things.

"I'm hypersensitive and I'm afraid you will find me boring."

"What made you say that?" I replied "I deal with all kinds of people."

At that moment, I finally grasped the potentials between us. The compatibilities are obvious and the adjustments, if there are, would be insignificant compared to the sacrifices I gave up to sustain a failed relationship. Our conversation was like those of two lonely people preparing to enter a union and behind the fears and hesitations of starting a relationship all over again, I finally muttered,

"I'm yours."

I guess all the things we've said we're just product of our loneliness. But now that I'm sober enough to remember that strange encounter I had last Saturday, it seems like I kept my part of the bargain. His words would still reverberate like they were just said an hour ago and the hopes we shared during our chill-out talk is what keeps me believing that there might be a future for the both of us.

The sweet talk would have went on, but alas, our time was up.

"Thank you very much for meeting you." I uttered over and over while my head was pressed against his chest. "I had fun, you're someone worth keeping."

Daybreak had finally arrived replacing the brief twilight that kept us hoping in the dark. We stood up from our chair and walked together towards Taft Avenue, as the last of the party vampires were now on a hasty retreat out of Malate.

"If you ever lose that card, I will wait for you at the same dance floor on Friday." He just smiled as he put his arms around my shoulders.

It was a short night and for the first time, I would have wished it to last longer in order to buy time to know someone I might never see anymore. Thrice, he asked if we could sleep together. On his second try I gave in and offered my place provided that he would never make any noise. He rescinded his suggestion admitting that he might not be able to keep his promise. On his third, he opened the idea of checking in a motel, but it's already too late to sleep together.

Morning was upon us, and my family will be looking for me.

And so we stood at the corner of Taft and Julio Nakpil as an acceptance of our separation. I stayed with him to wait for a cab that would take him home. Promises were conveyed, even if words bore no meaning. After all, words would last long enough until reality settles in to put a final verdict on our ending.

The cab finally arrived and it was time for him to go.

I said my goodbyes. But just before he opened the door to enter the vehicle, he turned around to see me again. Without any hesitation, he grabbed my shirt, pushed me closer to him and with one final act, he kissed me in that street corner unmindful of the passing people around us.

Fighting back, I closed my eyes and responded to his kisses with equal passion he had shown throughout the night.

---

Epilogue:

I slept at past 6 am hoping that he would text back upon his arrival. I never recieved any message.

I was stirred from sleep to check my phone. It had 3 unread text mesages. They were from friends bidding me good morning.

In between short naps, I dreamt of getting a text message from an unknown number only to wake up and see an empty screen.

Afternoon passed on and I prayed for his return.

At past 3, I started losing hope.

Maybe I wrote the wrong number. Perhaps he lost the card on his way home. I also cannot rule out the possibility that every word he said and every gesture he did that night was a result of his longing. He was merely lonely and when I filled out his void, my presence suddenly became irrelevant.

Just when I was about to write him off and accept that I was taken for a ride, my phone vibrated. It was a new number and this was the message it contained.

"Men! Tannis*! Hope u can still remember me :) am here at rustan's supermarket grocery lang, supply for next week. :) ayus ka lang?"

He remembered and we started texting again. However, the person who came back is not the same lonely guy I met in Malate two nights ago. Something has changed and this change reminds me that yes, it is best to slow down from my infatuation.

*Tannis - his code name for this entry.

Sunrise Over Malate

Your sunshiny presence
was a speck of light in that most
deceitful of the night.

- Ode to Mister B and Benchboy from Odders who found themselves in the same dancing ground that night which lead me to write about this entry.

---

Malate is a place where dreams are made and where fairy tales do not end with a happily ever after. It is a place of refuge for those who mend a broken heart or a shattered soul by lathering their throats with beer and partying the night away with house music until the sound numbs weary ears and the dancing drains energy from exhausted feet. Malate is a home for those who wishes to forget. And for those trying to escape the agony of living a double life. It is a place where anyone can be what they want without fear of being rejected or ridiculed by a world who sees their existence as a threatening infestation to mankind.

And for the third straight week, Malate has been a place of sanctuary. The thought of its glitzy, sweaty dancing floors enabled me to hold myself together and go through life by looking forward to the night-out the following week. When my emotions get assaulted by my own artificiality, a trip to Che'lu will remind me of the joys of feeling something real. Ironic, isn't it? The flirting which always happen over there re-assures that no matter how I get crushed over and over, my dignity remains intact.

Someone will get swayed by my false pride.

The popoy with the masseur was over and instead of going to his next client, he decided to spend the night with me. For both of us, the temptations of forgetting was much stronger than the call of reality. Having fun and instead of thinking the troubles that lie ahead sounds more appealing as an end for a turbulent month that was about to pass. However, the bond I placed after we did it was too strong to be broken in one night. For the first time, someone's presence became an inhibition for me to follow my usual activities in that said place.

He said many things about his life there. Like me, he is a hardcore clubber who sometimes rely on drugs given by friends and admirers to get him into the groove. I told him that I don't need drugs to get high with music. Aside from being too expensive, I've learned from years of hitting dance floors to let the music lead my body.

It's like being possessed by hard beats as the sound entrances my smoke-filled head.

One difference that sets the two of us apart is that while he kept friends who were regular club goers, I prefer to party without any company. It has always been me all these years. Besides, impressions tell that it's better to get wild when an acquaintance is not present than to impose modesty or risk getting being talked about by those who were shocked by my occasional excesses in the dance floor.

True to his claims of being well-connected, the masseur, who I will call John for this entry immediately went to this cute twink the moment we set foot inside Che'lu. If you're wondering, he paid for his own entrance. Graciousness is not my middle name. They stood there next to the ledge, groping and hugging one another. I sensed that there was something in them by mere observing their closeness and true to my speculations, he later confessed that the twink was a sex partner he met in the club before.

"Grabe, kung titingnan mo ang liit ng batang yan pero putcha ang laki naman ng burat!" He whispered while guzzling his first bottle of San Mig Light. As if I really cared. There was no doubt that the kid was cute, but I'd rather pick a brute that had an average appeal than to settle down with a lanky who would most likely run away or blabber in a fistfight.

Despite my uneasy feelings toward the twink, I noticed that John was obviously obsessed with him. The kid made strong resistance to his aggressive passes so poor John had to move on seeking a new prey. Meanwhile, I saw two effeminate men eyeing on me. I'm with someone, so I just let them stare while I followed John around acting like his escort.

"Tara tanggal tayo ng damit!" He dared when we found ourselves in the middle of the dance floor again.

"Sigurado ka ha? Masyadong maaga pa dude." I said smiling. He was insistent to show off and thus, I was forced to follow him. We took off our shirts and he mounted the ledge when the DJ changed the music. While my companion danced on the ledge, I waddled across the sea of gay people hoping to get a spot on the other ledge across from where he was dancing.

He was not the only one who can have a piece of the spotlight.

---


The night wore on and John, visibly intoxicated after downing a couple of beers swaggered around like he was the alpha male on the dance floor. The three Red Horses that I gulped in successsion did not even had an effect on me. Sobriety had a price and mine was the total renunciation of the right to flirt around. Instead of hounding for cute guys, I followed John wherever he went. At times, serving as his anchor when the raging sea of revelers threatened to toss him around.

My companion had a lot of friends and admirers who greeted him left and right. Though most of them were effeminate twinks, I could not help but feel out of place when I get introduced to them. Had it been a solo-flight night-out, I wouldn't have to torment myself acknowledging people I'm not interested to meet. If I didn't resolve to stick with John, probably I would be dancing with someone who's the one following me instead.

"Pare labas lang ako sandali." I nodded to grant him permission.

As John made his way towards the exit, a midget lady went in front of me. The sounds blasting from the speakers suspended over our heads was getting more upbeat and girl hinted that she wanted to dance. I accepted her subtle invitation by moving closer. With our groins just few inches away from colliding, I went down on my dance partner who was shaking her hips with machine-like execution. With my hands firmly placed on her legs, it was the most excruciating leg bending I have to do. Not only did my butt hurts, but the pushing around by a crowd rushing to leave the dance floor for a beer break meant that I have to keep my balance steady or else I might crush my partner dancing in front of me. The girl, who never had to worry being pushed around had a wonderful time grinding and twisting her body against mine. There were times, I had to extend my arms and create a cage around her so people would not trample her.

Exhausted from the back-breaking dance, the girl took a break and returned to her table while I was left standing alone on the dance floor. Then I remembered John who went outside earlier. Probably he was talking to a friend or maybe, flirting around with another twink. To show up might turn away his prospective partners. However, I realized that ever since we went to the club, I never saw him openly soliciting the attention of others.

I went out and found him in front of O-Bar. He was talking to a thin guy in a manner that would suggest that they were colleagues in the profession. After the guy left, I went beside him to check if he was alright. He gave a reserved smile and invited me to sit on one of the unoccupied chairs outside the bar. Visibly exhausted, I decided to stay and keep him company.

"Mukhang inaantok ka na ah." His eyes were shut as he yawned beside me.

"Hindi. Okay pa ako."

"Okay lang ba tol na nakabuntot ako sayo. Sabihin mo lang kung pasira ako sa diskarte mo ha?"

"Ayus nga yun eh, hindi mo ako iniiwan."

"Heto ang first time na naging responsible ako sa isang tao dito sa bar" I confessed, smiling.

He returned my confession with a smile and leaned his legs next to mine. With our relationship hitting off the bar. He told me the story of the lean guy he was talking to earlier. The guy was also a masseur who used to be under his care when he stayed in Davao for several months. He managed several boys who called him kuya. It was his job to give them clients that would sustain their operations in that city. What worried him is that his collegue had become thinner after several months of not seeing him.

"Baka naman laging nalilipasan ng gutom?"

He never reacted to my punchline.

It was almost four in the morning. As we sat outside Che'lu, the crowd in front of us began to disperse by walking towards J.Nakpil. I tried to gaze into his sleepy eyes who were fixed into the brightly lit horizon. It was my hope that I could get invited back to his place. Now that I am able to see the bigger picture, maybe the reason why I decided to stick with him despite the many potential affairs that night was my desire to close the deal with a fuck that I can consider something more real.

However, signs tell that he wanted someone - anyone other than me.

We returned inside for a last dance. This time, he was intent to go all the way by mounting the ledge again with his shirt already tucked on his pants. ow that I have the permission to follow him around, I mounted the ledge where he danced and stood just behind him trying to follow his groove. As he impressed everyone below with his ability to translate the music into bodily movements, I watched closely, sometimes rubbing my naked chest against his back so that his sweat would be mine. One audience who was obviously drunk went up to dance with John. His hands groped not only my partner's torso but also his friend's who danced beside us. Annoyed at the thought of being violated, John turned around to face me. The timing was so perfect for after nobody took the bastard seriously, he pulled his pants down exposing his bulging tummy and his black bikini brief to the "ewwws" of everyone. As for John, his vision was blocked by my broad shoulders and we danced face to face until the drunk guy was pulled down by an embarassed friend.

John ordered two more bottles of booze on our return and walked naked around the floor to flirt with the crowd. The guys who caught his attention were mostly skinny effeminates. It was the trannies and the girls who befriended me that night. As John flirted with these young men, my hands cupped his right pocket to protect his cellphone from potential snatchers. They proliferated among the revelers and that night alone, I believe that two went home without a phone in their hand. Meanwhile, John's response was favorable, for as my hand secured itself above his leg, he placed his hand on top of mine.

"I'm checking your cellphone. Don't worry, it's just my hand."

Those moments were the closest thing I could ever claim to be our bond.

Daybreak came to Malate but with my partner still charged up, I had no choice but to stay in Che'lu's sweaty dance floor and wait for him to call it a night. Everyone who was left inside was scrambling to find a partner they can flirt, and possibly bring home for breakfast. One of those who finally caught up with John was a guy I tripped long before I met my him. Had it not for trip's friend whom I made out last week, he was the one I was rooting to get intimate with the last time our eyes met.

Wasted, John approached him and his twink friend who was dancing right next to the ledge. Meanwhile I stood frozen just a few steps away watching their next move. The guy I tripped suddenly kissed John, while John began positioning himself to lick the nipples of the twink guy dancing with them. "A familiar posturing for a morning threesome," I thought. With their attention locked into each other, it felt like they had created their own world,

Where I became one of the outsiders.

Scrambling to hold my defenses together, I fixed my eyes to trip's friend who was standing behind them. He was watching the trio intently, who are now hugging each other as their bodies bounced to the beat of sound. The guy who stood behind me was trying to reach out my hand. I took it back the moment I felt his fingers rubbed against my palm. To be honest, he was cute. I could acknowledge his advances to get back at John and his abandonment but when I saw my real trip's friend being so jealous at the trio who's groping each other's hips.

A sudden surge of humanity filled me.

Rekindling old flames was a good idea but who am I to reach out when I decieved him by giving a false cell number last time. Would I look more pathetic if after following one person the whole night, I would end up making out with another one?

I guess there was no escape other than to accept defeat. Much as I would like to appear triumphant in the game I played with John, my feelings lead me to submission. The floor was not mine this time and for once, the wounds of others will cause my suffering.

Such is the cycle of life.

After a quick trip to the bathroom for a last leak, I went back at the trio to inform the masseur of my intention to leave. The sun was already up outside and in a matter of minutes, my mom would be looking after me.

"Una na ako sayo bro. Ingat sa pag-uwi."

"Huh? Alis ka na? O sige ingat. Text-text na lang." He said briefly before going back to his partners who were now touching each other's crotches.

What a life he had. Not in a million years would I wish it to be mine.

I left Che'lu as the last of the vampires were scrambling for taxis that would take them home. The sky was deep blue and the sweet September wind blew from the grassy hills of Sierra Madre and gave a fresh breath of life to those who have given up in their search for affection during the long chilly Saturday night.

Reality finally got hold of me that morning. With flirtmates around, there is no way I can again be free in Malate. How can I forget and move on when there will always be someone who will remind me of the past?

Maybe, I have to leave the place to seek solace elsewhere. I do not know where, but somehow I will manage to thrive when I plant my roots elsewhere.

The first rays of sunlight awakens the real residents of Malate. Life begins its crawling pace as I dragged myself from Orosa to Taft and seek a cab that would finally take me home.

As I raised my right hand to hail the next cab slowly approaching my side of the road.

It dawned to me that it's time to start all over again.

September begins and I am once again free to chart my new destiny.

Magdamagan

The night is still young and so are we.

- Zoe to Mugen
Second Year College

---

Alas Dos

Apat na magkakatropa ang lumabas ng DB Bar sa Congressional Avenue. Sila ay kapwa may tama ng alak salamat sa apat na bucket ng San Miguel beer na kanilang tinungga. Ang dalawa ay napagkasunduang gawing opisyal ang kanilang pag-iibigan. Unang umalis ang binatang kinakati isayaw ang sarili sa dance floor. Sumunod ang pinuno na unang inakala na makakasabay umuwi ang isa sa kanyang mga alaga.

Madilim at walang sasakyan sa kanto ng Quezon Avenue at Agham Road nang bumaba dito ang isa sa mga binata. Ang pinuno naman ay patuloy na binabaybay ang daan na magdadala sa kanya sa Fairview. Ang dalawa ay napagkasunduang magpalipas ng gabi sa isa pa nilang kaibigan.

Na umamin rin ng kanyang pagkagusto sa isa sa mag-syota.

Alas Tres

Nakarating ng Malate ang binatang adik sumayaw. Ang mag-syota naman ay kumain sa isang lugawan malapit sa Espana. Dito rin sila tinagpo ng isa pa nilang kasama na may gusto sa isa. Ang pinuno ay nakarating na ng bahay. Pinipilit man nitong makatulog subalit ang pag-iisip sa isang tao ang pumipigil sa kanya upang mahimbing sa kama.

Alas Kwatro

Habang naglalakad ng pasuray-suray sa dancefloor, biglang dinikit ng isang binibini ang kanyang balakang sa binatang adik sumayaw. Pinatulan ito ng binata kaya't panandalian silang nag-exhibition at nagdirty-dancing sa palibot ng maraming bakla. Natulala ang binata at napaisip: "Babae kaya ang kasayaw ko o isa na namang tranny?" Matangkad kasi ito, mahaba ang buhok at tila may pagka-agresibo gaya ng lalaki. "Baka naman lasing lang kaya matapang." Sa huli, nanaig ang galing ng babae. Napasayaw niya at napaghubad si lalaki.

Ang tatlo ay nag-kwentuhan sa apartment ng isa sa may Morayta. Buong akala ng lahat na may mangyayari, subalit nanaig ang pride ng bawat isa. Walang gustong magpatira at walang gusto makibahagi ng jackpot ng isa. Binalak nilang dumayo sa Malate upang ipagpatuloy ang inuman. Maraming tao. Nagpasya silang tatlo na bumalik na lang ng apartment.

Hindi pa rin makatulog ang pinuno. Binabagabag siya ng kanyang damdamin para sa isang taong hindi na mapapasa-kanya.

Alas Singko

Pasikat na ang araw at pauwi na ang mga gumimik sa Malate. Patuloy pa rin ang pagkwe-kwentuhan ng tatlo sa apartment, samantalang ang binatang adik sumayaw naman ay nagmamadaling makahanap ng kaulayaw sa dance floor. All for the sake of inflating his ego and detaching himself from the events that happened earlier that night. "Kala nila sila lang, kaya ko rin sumabay." bulong nito sa sarili. Nagkita muli sila nang nakasayawan nito ilang buwan na ang nakakaraan. Matino naman ang kanilang pag-uusap, subalit narealize ng binata na maaring isang callboy ang kanyang pinagtripan nang huli silang nag-krus ng landas sa ibabaw ng ledge.

Pagulong-gulong pa rin sa higaan ang pinuno. Hindi pa rin siya makatulog.

Alas Sais

Maliwanag na ang langit. Ang mag-syota na nakitambay sa apartment ng isa nilang katropa ay papauwi na sa kani-kanilang bahay. Hawak kamay sa loob ng bus, pinaramdam nila sa isa't-isa ang pag-iibigan nilang dalawa. Walang nangyari sa buong magdamag, subalit ang kanilang relasyon ay maaring makaapekto sa samahan ng buong grupo.

Nabigo ang binata sa kanyang quest na makahanap ng kalandian sa dance floor. Marami ang naghangad ngunit wala ni isa man sa kanila ang kanyang natipuhan. Just when he was ready to give his number... saka naman walang available... Magsisimula ang bagong linggo gaya ng dati - siya na isang uring mangagawa na maraming dala-dalang pasanin sa mundo; ang mundo na patuloy ang pag-ikot at tila walang pakiealam sa kanya. Matapos kumain ng Pares at apat na pirasong fried siomai sa Bestfriends malapit sa kanyang bahay, kaagad rin itong nakatulog matapos ang isang magdamagang gimik sa piling ng mga tropa at ng sarili.

Sa kabila ng pagiging duguan ng kanyang puso, nakatulog rin sa wakas ang pinuno.

Geisha

Para kay PrincheCha Fiona nang minsang ka-text siya habang ako'y nanood ng Memoirs of a Geisha.

The Jomanian rules of Clubbing.

---

1. When nobody invites for an inuman, hang-out or a reunion of some sort, the best course of action is to proceed to Malate when the weekly "gimmick pass" hasn't been used yet.

2. BED is always expensive, while Club Mafia is still a trash. O-Bar is for the fabulous so still, the best watering hole in that side of queerdom is Che'lu.

3. Che'lu has the lousiest dance track list of them all. Not only does the music skips occasionally, they are so obsolete compared to BED/Government standards.

4. However, they have the friendliest clientèle in town. A five minute stay in the dance floor will gain you a new-found "friend." It has been proven many times before.

5. We can flirt with naughty ladies, but we never take them seriously - no matter how gorgeous they are.

6. We can dance with trannies or effeminates, but we never let them touch us. Physical needs command that we seek someone tougher.

7. Therefore, what we seek are the masculines. It doesn't matter if they are goodlooking so long as they have this "animalistic" appeal that we seek.

8. We can dance the way we want, but always put in mind never to take one's clothing, no matter how addictive it is to show one's muscular advantage after a year in the gym.

9. We never talk. We never say "hi," "can we dance," or "you're cute" to get one's attention. Instead, we dance, we look at someone's eyes, we smile and we hold hands. We let them strike first.

10. We never dance with someone who tags his girl friend along the bar, and we never steal guys who already found a partner. We do not want the same crushing situation happen to us.

11. A bottom will always rub their butt against your crotch, while a top, would be glad to rub their crotch against yours. Turn your back from them and they'd be doing a frottage in an instant.

12. Remember that our sole reason for having a solo-flight night out is for us to feel. We can grope, squeeze, dance closely, lean on someone's shoulder and even kiss torridly so long as the partner deserves our affection. We long to be sexual, but rules apply that we can never be.

13. We never entertain people who wants us "to go."

14. After all acts of intimacy has been performed, do remember never to tell one's true name. We never give out our number no matter how promising the prospects are. One worry is enough.

15. Lastly, we never flirt with the taxi driver going home. Such disgraceful act destroys our ego.

These are the rules we must abide. Remember that all we have is just, but a borrowed night.


Yours truly,


The Grand Executor,
Darkstar.

Discreet

You mounted the ledge like a usurper coming from the crowd below. The spot you just occupied was the same corner I was aiming when I went to the ledge an hour ago. Since I was busy trying to make a score with the ladies, I let you take my place. After all, your pheromone-drenched body was a welcome addition to the merry boys who ruled the space we both occupied.

The ladies dancing on the same ledge were slim and gorgeous. They were in front of us. Their hips moved and their bodies twisted, while their boobies bounced to the beat of the sound. I was certain I flirted with a woman and not a tranny this time. You see, I have this habit of mistaking a she-boy for a real chick.

Your presence became a sudden distraction, just when I was an inch close in getting my prized pussy. Everyone was trying to have a piece of you. Even the spotlight turned from the ladies who danced like sluts on my part of the ledge towards your direction, where revelers gathered just to see you bust a move. You know why our eyes were turned to you? Your ruggedness suggested a masculine demeanor, but it was your bulky chest, flat abs and tanned skin that took everyone by storm. In the sea of flamboyancy, a half-naked barako dude like you was the only thing missing before the ship overloaded with gay men turns overboard forcing everyone to sink before getting your attention.

You danced with much so much spunk, while your audience surrounded you with their hands raised up to touch your sweaty torso. I would have done the same, had my pride jacket failed me. You were a sea god out there (where one even made a sign of the cross after feeling your abdominals with his hands) amidst the frenzy of prancing sea-men. Secretly, I desired for your attention; but knowing how inferior my beacon was for you to take notice, I decided to swim on my own, hoping the mermaids on the other side of our sea would still find my presence interesting.

"Naks andami mong fans ah!"

"Hindi naman." Your smile left a trace of inflated ego, while your peripheral glances sized up my attributes that you matched up with yours.

Your audience went elsewhere a few dance tracks later. Perhaps they got tired of worshiping your body, which can never be theirs no matter how they desperately supplicate for your blessing. You were still in your corner dancing, while flexing your biceps for everyone to see. They were firmer and bigger than mine. But with a height that never reached even the tips of my shoulder blades, I appeared looming darkly behind you.

If you were a sea god dancing proudly over a sea of drowning gay men, I was a Titan watching your every move. In my brooding silence, I hoped that my shadowy presence would catch your attention.

And it did, without me doing any work.

You put your hands behind your back to feel if your shirt was still tucked inside your tight jeans, while I, simply put mine near yours pretending not to brush your sweaty fingers. But with every brush, our fingers touched and ran across one another. Soon, the touching gave way to holding. Who would have thought that we could ever become intimate even if it was our mere hands expressing our hidden feelings for one another?

Soon, your patrons returned touching again every part of your lean body. I let them have their way for you have already chosen your mate for the night. While your left hand tried to push away stubborn hands aiming for your zipper. Your right hand was on mine, squeezing my hardness. I tried to reciprocate the favor by squeezing yours but I felt it would simply be inappropriate.

Your objective was to catch other's attention and I don't want to block your way.

I could have turned my gaze elsewhere and leave you basking in your five minutes of fame. The skinny long-haired lady next to us was already responding to my provocations long before you came to the ledge. However, my inner nature told me to stay. I cannot deny that I longed for you just like you secretly longed for me. With no words able to describe our feelings, I understood that despite your outer toughness, you sought someone who could match your ruggedness. Others will have their turns touching your body, but I was the only one capable of feeling your soul. As you leaned on my arms while trying to bend your body, I knew that you sought someone who can make you feel secured right at your most vulnerable moment.

I would have wished for you to turn around and face me. But with all the searchlights focused on you, I was a mere shadow standing behind with my arms ready to catch if you fall. I could have asked you to be mine, but what happens after I consumed you? Would our lives intertwine like when it happens in some gay fairytale? Much as it gets tiring sometimes, truth is, what we had was just a night's dance.

Even our names were unknown to one another.

Maybe someone else deserve you better. Maybe I have become a player who simply wants to gauge how far would my discreet flirting would get me. Maybe you will meet someone who would make you feel more than I am capable of.

With my hands still bound to someone, I know, you will be happier with someone else.

But you know what, I also thought what if you were that someone who could make me feel better? What if you were that someone who would someday give back my freedom? What if behind the mask we both wore last night revealed a person who was simply tired of giving too much?

What if I was letting a chance go, despite how strong our connection was? What if despite how your worshipers waited for you to perform miracles, you were already performing it on me?

Sadly, like all the guys I flirted before you, I would never know the answers...

"Pare ang astig mo."

"Talaga, salamat ha."

"Una na ako sayo. Enjoy mo ang party."

"Una ka na??"

Yup Paalam.

No matter how I wanted to stay longer and no matter how dying I was to keep you company until daybreak comes,

I know where my limit ends.

Had you met me when my heart was still made of wood. Things would have ended differently.

But now that it is already surrounded with barbed wires.

It is goodbye for us.

Even if fate gives us a next time, I know, we will never be the same dance partners we had been at the White Party last night.

---

Touch my body
Throw me on the floor,
Wrestle me around,
Play wit me some more

- Mariah Carey, Touch My Body

Remembering The Badinggerzie Saga

To you, who I danced at BED two years ago:

Found your multiply page last year. I did not make my presence felt for the uncertainty that you might not be the one who left me with lingering memories that lonely night. Yesterday, I found your blog through one of my links. You are the same guy who owns the multiply account I discovered before.

Two years is a very long time - long enough for you to forget our dance that night. However, in case my hunch is correct. If you are the same guy I met at BED, then call this reunion a serendipity.

Just to let you know pare, I still remember.

I hope to see you again.

---

Dear Badingerzie
March 25, 2006

Ganun pala ang feeling kapag ang mega bet mo ay suddenly na karir mo sa dance floor.

Grabe, hindi ko kinaya ang mga eksenang nangyari kanina. Alam ko lang, kasayaw niya yung isang chabelitang hindi naman deserving sa kanya dahil halatang hindi keri ang mga giling niya. Maya-maya, lumapit na lang siya sa akin at tinulak ako papunta sa gitna para makasayaw. I swear kung uod lang ako, pwede na akong budburan ng asin para mag wiggle ng walang katapusan sa kinatatayuan ko.

Alam mo ba ate, habang kaharap ko siya, lahat na ata ng pwede kong punahin sa sarili ko eh napuna ko na. Nandun na magworry ako dahil amoy sigarilyo ang aking hininga. Nandun na napaka-oily ng balat ko at wala man lang akong panyong pamunas habang sumasayaw kaming dalawa. Nandun at pati ang bilbil ko eh ikabadtrip ko na dahil lumalaylay sa tagiliran ko. Para akong dalagitang nasa harap ng kanyang first crush, kulang na lang matunaw ako habang sumasayaw sa harap niya.

Nakakatuwa ano? Kahit ako hindi ko ineexpect na ganun pa rin ako ka eng-eng pag may bet akong pumansin sa akin. Jusku! bihira lang ata sa tanang buhay ko yun. Kahit nung kapokpokan ko pa nung sinaunang panahon, once in a blue moon lang mangyari ang mga pagkakataong ito. Takot ko nga, baka sa sobrang lousy ko magsayaw (dahil sobrang tense ako habang nangigigil siya habang gumigiling sa harap ko), maaring talikuran na lang niya ako't makipagsayaw sa iba.

Lalo na't kung saan-saan ang tingin niya at hindi sa akin.

Diba sobrang looser ng kalalabasan ko nun? Siguro kung nangyari yun, nagpaka-tago tago na ako sa madilim na bahagi ng BED at magpapanatang hindi muna magpakita sa lugar na yun in 48 years.

Kaimbyerna, mahirap talaga tumanggap ng rejection minsan.

---

Pasensya na kung hindi ko na kayo masyado nasamahan nung nakapartner ko siya. Alam ko namang happiness rin kayo. Nakakatawa nga eh. Everytime na kasama kita, nauuwi sa karir mode ang drama ko. Ngayon nga lang eh pumalo sa jackpot. Siya yung unang superbet na sinabi ko sayo na dinedma mo lang. Mukhang swerte ang dala mo sakin - mas tumataas ang market value ko kapag nasa isang bar tayo.

Alam mo ang nakakatawa, habang nag-uusap kami... habang binabakuran ko siya BUONG magdamag nung umalis na kayo, at habang inaalalayan ko ang mokong dahil lasing na lasing na; nakabaon sa isip ko yung sabi mong wala akong K magkaroon ng happiness hangga't hindi ko nakukuha ang pangalan, tirahan, edad, trabaho at telepon number ng bet ko.

Sa kanya... abot langit ang nakuha ko - except sa isang bagay na sinadya kong di kunin. Kung happiness na akong nakita siya nung medyo maaga pa, marahil perfection na ang nakasayaw ko siya.

---

Sayang nga lang

Ang aming moment ay isang magdamagan lang - sa isang dancefloor kung saan konti ang tao at ang music ay talaga namang hindi nakaka-inspire isayaw.

At ang pabaon niya lang sakin ay ang kanyang 5'8 na height, singkit na mga mata, makinis na kutis, dimples sa mga pisngi at makisig na pangangatawan.

Siguro hanggang sa panaginip, paulit ulit na maririnig ko ang kanyang Fookien-accent na Tagalog at ang kanyang walang katapusang tanong tungkol sa kung sino ang kasama ko sa bahay at kung maari ba siyang makitulog.

Para tuloy akong si Cinderella habang paulit ulit ko itong naalala habang sinusulat ang entry na ito.

---

Nagsama pa kami ng mahaba-habang oras matapos kayong umalis ng BED.

Sumandal pa kami sa pader, nahiga sa sofa, nagdikitan ng mga braso, nagkiskisan ng mga pisngi. Kung ibang tao lang siguro yun, nauwi sa laplapan ang nangyari sa aming dalawa.

At alam mo ba, nagvolunteer pa akong ihatid siya sa kanilang bahay sa Cubao na nauwi sa paghahatid niya sa akin malapit sa bahay - nalibre pa ako ng pamasahe.

Sabi niya kasi masyado daw malayo ang Cubao para sa akin eh... baka magkaproblema lang ako pauwi.

At alam mo ba ang pinakamalungkot sa lahat?

Ang aming simula at katapusan ay inabot lamang ng dalawang oras - katumbas lamang ito ng isang panonood ng sine na nagkaroon ng malungkot na ending.

Marahil pagkagising niya mamaya, nakalimutan na niya ang lahat - at ang amats na lang ang maiiwan sa kanya. Sa kanyang pagbangon at pagsisimula ng araw ng tanghali, hindi niya maalala na may isang nakilala siya sa BED na sumalo sa kanya - habang siya'y lunod sa alkohol at magulo ang pag-iisip.

Marahil kapag nagkita kaming muli sa mga susunod na panahon, isang panandaliang titig na lang o kaya astig na patango ang isusukli niya sa pagbati ko sa kanya.

Marahil sa muli naming pagkikita... nakalimutan ko na ang hitsura ng kanyang maangas ngunit katuwa-tuwang pagmasdang mukha.

Napakalapit ko na sana, pero sadyang pagkakataon - at disiplina ang nagpigil sakin.

---

Tanda ko pa, ilang segundo bago ako bumaba hinirit pa niya na magtext ako sa kanya, na sinuklian ko lang ng paasar na ngiti.

Tangina, paano ako magtetext sa kanya eh sa kalasingan niya

at sa takot kong magkaroon ng dugtong-dugtong na linya ang aming kwentong buhay na nagsimula ngayong gabi...

Nakalimutan naming magpalit ng numero ng cellphone ng bawat isa.

Ang lahat ay tinapos ko na sa isang gabi lamang.

---

Dear Badinggerzie (End of Daydream Fantasy Redub)

Under 1 Minute

Saturn keeps asking you to be responsible and make sure that whatever you do is in alignment with your ultimate goals, and there’s a reason why he’s asking. You’re moving into a high-powered position, and you’ll be there very shortly, if you’re not there already. As a major voice of authority in the world, you’ll need to be the example of a well-integrated person, whatever that means to you. This week your desire for adventure will far outweigh your capacity to reason, so please be conscious. You can have a great time, spending your money and sharing the fun with everyone you know, but in the end you have to be sure that the way you come off to others isn’t undermining all your hard work. This week you could throw away a decade of labor for a moment of fun. Proceed with care.

Astrological forecast for the week of April 21 - 27, Sagittarius
Notes Along A Journey Blog

---

Darkstar: Joms ang tanga tanga mo talaga!

Joms: Alam ko, and I am so proud of my stupidity.

Mugen: Haha Pucha under one minute, nakahanap ka kaagad ng karir pagkapasok mo sa loob ng Che'Lu. Sinong mag-aakalang ganito ka na kabangis ngayon.

Joms: Kaya nga matindi rin ang control ko eh. Alam ko kung ano ang potentials ko... matagal na.

Pulsar: Ano ba talaga ang nangyari. Magkwento ka naman for the sake na may pag-uusapan tayo.

Joms: Ganito yun mga parekoy. Sinamahan ko yung mga tropa ko sa Odders mag-Malate ngayong gabi kasi daw matagal na silang hindi nakakabalik dun. Nagmamagandang-loob lang naman ako dahil sa kanilang lahat, ako lang talaga ang hindi nawalan ng connection sa lugar. In fact, karamihan nga ng mga ka-generation namin ay bathouse at massage parlors na ang pinupuntirya eh. Just for old time sake, I went to Malate and brought them with me.

Pulsar: Okay. Bakit ka sinabihan ng tanga ni Darkstar?

Joms: As usual, balik ako sa dating hang-out. Nagkataon naman na habang papunta kami sa dance floor ay may na-ispatan akong lalaking pasok na pasok sa trip ko.

Mugen: Nagkataon na trip rin niya si Joms. We could see it in his eyes.

Pulsar: Mind describing this guy to me?

Joms: Ordinary guy lang siya sa standards ng marami. Mga 5'6 ang tangkad, payat at kayumanggi ang kulay ng kanyang balat. Naka-cap siya na white at yellow ang suot niyang polo.

Pulsar: So anong nakita mo dito sa binata at bakit mo siya nagustuhan?

Darkstar: Ako na ang sasagot para kay Joms. Gaya ng mga natritripan niya, he stands out among the crowd. Mukhang sanggano. May goatie na, may soul patch pa sa mukha. Mapungay ang kanyang mga mata at sa tindig pa lang ay alam mong barako siya.

Mugen: Yeah. Rugged type ang gusto ni Joms eh, and he very much fitted into his ideal guy.

Pulsar: Gaya ni Bamboo-looking guy at ni boylet from last time?

Joms: Oo. Ewan ko ba, bakit may fetish ako sa mga lalaki na mukhang muslim o kaya naman ay bad boy. Kulang na lang ay bentahan niya ako ng dibidi eh.

Darkstar: Matangos kasi ang ilong kaya ka baliw sa kanya.

Pulsar: So anong nangyari pagkatapos.

Joms: Obviously gusto namin ang isa't isa. Pero dude, I swear, hindi ako sasama ang loob kung mapupunta siya kay Nate, yung isa kong tropa. Nung una nga, sila ang gusto kong i-pair up eh.

Darkstar: Kaso mo, kay Joms siya pumunta. Si Joms rin ang unang nagpakita ng interest sa kanya.

Mugen: To continue the story, nagsayaw sila for around two hours. Walang palitan ng partner yun ha. At mind you, close dancing ito. I wouldn't be surprised if they touched each other's body dahil dun.

Darkstar: Which is what they actually did. Grabe. Ang sarap sana halikan ng chest nung guy. Balbon kasi. Arghhh!! Bakit ba kasi ngayon pa naging torpe si Joms eh.

Pulsar: Is that all that happened?

Joms: Ah eh..

Darkstar: To continue the story. Masikip sa loob ng dance floor. Nagkataon na umatake na naman ang pagiging knight in shining armor nitong kupal nating kaibigan kaya hayun, feeling protected ang lalaki. Sa lapad ba naman ni Joms, literal na binakuran niya si binata habang sayaw lang ng sayaw ang lalaki. Naghubad pa nga siya ng damit eventually eh.

Mugen: Habang si Joms naman ang nalamog sa lahat ng mga dumaraan. Ewan ko na lang, if some guy did that to Joms, hindi rin ako magtataka na lumambot talaga ang puso niya sa taong ito.

Darkstar: Which I think is what really happened. Even toughies would appreciate being protected when they feel vulnerable. It's a human nature.

Joms: How I wish someone would do that to me. Pero sadya atang ako ang laging mahilig tumapat sa line of fire eh.

Pulsar: Any violations you did? Tahimik si Dominus. Something naughty must have happened.

Joms: Ni-lips to lips ko yung guy. Masyadong tense ang aming sayawan eh, bumigay ako sa kanya.

Darkstar: Ni-lips to lips nga, daig pa si Maria Clara sa pagiging mahinhin humalik. Haay.

Joms: Alam ko na hesitant siya sa kanyang gagawin. He's trying to show a very masculine image to everyone eh. Tingin mo ba, bakit naghubad ako ng damit kasabay niya nung nagsasayaw kami?

Pulsar: Bakit nga ba??

Joms: Dahil ayaw ko siyang mapag-isa sa gagawin niya. Isa pa, I don't want to appear na subordinate sa kanya no? Even if my chest, I think, is still sagging, my shoulders and my back could compensate for my shortcomings.

Pulsar: Now that we have established that something happened. Did it end up elsewhere?

Mugen: Unfortunately no.

Darkstar: Sayang. Chance ko na yun para may matikmang bago.

Joms: I already violated the Awakening agreement. At least man lang, I could avert a greater disaster by doing the almost impossible by ending the intimacy right on the dance floor.

Darkstar: Gusto ka talaga nung guy Joms. Sumunod na sayo palabas, pinisil pa ang etits mo para ipaalam sayo na gusto ka niya makasex.

Joms: Kaya nga diba pinisil ko rin ng pasimple yung sa kanya para malaman niyang trip ko rin siya. I can bring him to the nearest motel if I want to. Kaso mo nagpaalam ako na may work pa ako.

Darkstar: Nagsinungaling ka nga eh... Kung di mo ginawa yun, I can give him our best. I'd make sure he will never forget us.

Joms: And as the price, I might... get attached.

Pulsar: Good thing you are aware of that.

Joms: Sa mga nangyayari sa akin at sa buhay pag-ibig ko, I have all the right in the world to look for someone who could make me feel. Namimiss ko na ma-infatuate, ang masiraan ng bait dahil sa isang tao. Let's not talk about Phanks, pero kapag nasisiraan ako ng bait sa kanya, it's because I worry. It's not because I am intoxicated with infatuation.

Darkstar: Let's not delve into that aspect of your life. Chill dude.

Pulsar: Love and lust are two different matters. The only problem is, you pretend to be tough, when you know, only a thin wooden wall prevents you from crashing into someone else's life.

Dominus: It was very disappointing. But I am proud that you exchanged your earthly desires for your higher goals. It was extremely close, but you managed to get out in one piece.

Joms: I did. I even sealed everything by giving him a fake number. I swear, I won't think twice of hanging out with that guy, especially if I find out that our interests are the same if I gave him my true number.

Darkstar: Hindi kaya nag-sayang ka ng pagkakataon para mahanap ang iyong tunay na kaligayahan?

Joms: But this is my life. Much as I would like to get a number 2, I know it is very unfair for the one. I never intended P-Man for that position, but he was, now that I am not afraid of admitting it, close to being that person.

Darkstar: Nanghihinayang pa rin ako. Parang iniwan mo sa ere yung guy.

Joms: I wouldn't mind letting you out and transform into a real human if it would make him feel comforted. I made him feel that I was his, until I decided to wake up from our dream.

Joms: Given the chance that something happened between us. I wouldn't follow my lust. Instead, it would be a night of affection. Ganun naman hanap ng mga taong nag-iisa dun diba? All they want is to feel needed. They want to feel that someone is beside them and will never leave their side. Expert tayo sa ganyang emotions parekoy.

Darkstar: Kaya ang mga one night stand mo eh nauuwi sa relasyon o sa FUBU dahil sa ganyan mong prinsipyo eh.

Joms: Precisely, that's why I avoid doing sex with sleepovers before. I make the person feel, for the lack of proper word to use, loved. Kala mo mahirap rin sa akin yun, kasi nakakaramdam rin ako. The mere fact I am willing to stay and keep the person company means I am investing my emotions. Sa pag stay ko kasi imposibleng walang sentihan ang maganap.

Joms: Remember Darkstar, I know you are my tough side. Pero know what, the best feeling in the world is to wake up with someone sleeping beside you. Yung tipo bang madiin pa ang pagkakayakap sayo at ginagawa kang unan.

Darkstar: Fine. Tama na nga ang drama. So it's the end for that guy. Sayang talaga but it's your call. Bilib ako sa self control at diskarte mo. It only shows you're becoming one with yourself.

Joms: I wish.

Pulsar: So paano guys. What will happen next?

Dominus: I suggest Joms should stop going to Malate for the meantime. Palagi na lang ganito nauuwi ang storya eh. If he really desires to achieve a higher state of consciousness, he should, by all means, abstain from all earthly pleasures.

Joms: I am just human not to long for those desires.

Darkstar: Joms is just human not to feel horny all the time. Dinadaan na nga lang niya sa Jeff Palmer madalas eh.

Dominus: But you made a promise before. Don't tell me you're backing out now that you're beginning to reap the rewards of your sacrifices.

Joms: I will try my best to keep still. It would be very challenging, but I pray that I will never forget my word.

Pulsar: Well then, the conference is over and let's call it a night. Thank you boys for sharing your inputs and explanations. So far, we're doing well as a team and we should keep it that way.

Darkstar: Sayang pa rin...

Joms: I will think about him for days. I wonder how things would have been had I given him my number.

Dominus: Only time will tell, but I believe that he is not part of your fate. You did the right thing by letting him go.

Joms: Then I resign to my current state of existence. I sincerely hope that he will find the person he is looking for.

---

Ngunit habang kami ay nagsasayaw sa dilim
at magkayakap ng mahigpit. Sa kanyang mga
ngiti at lapit ng aming mga labi sa isa't isa'y
ramdam ko ang kanyang saya sa
pagkakaroon ng kasama.

Kahit pa ito'y isang pangmagdamagan lang.

Night Of Temptation | Dominus In Control - Last Part

Matagal din kaming tumahimik. Manaka-naka pa rin akong nagnanakaw ng tingin sa kanya.

“Ikaw ba, may asawa ka na?”

“Oho sir. Dalawa na nga anak ko eh.”

“O sayang naman. Ang gwapo mo eh nagpatali ka kagad.”

“Nabuntis kasi sir. Kaya pinakasalan ko na. So paguwi nyo sir matutulog na kayo nyan?”

“Malamang hindi pa. Siguro magpapaantok muna.”

“Magpapakantot sir?”, sabay ngiti.

- Very Very Graphic Content, Eon

---

Nabasa ko itong entry sa blog ni Eon isang buwan na ang nakakaraan. Noong una pa nga'y natatawa ako sapagkat hindi ko mawari kung ito ba'y totoong nangyari o isang kathang isip lamang. Nang matapos kong basahin ang entry ay kaagad ko rin itong nakalimutan, ngunit ilang linggo lang ang nakalipas at isang kaibigan naman ang nagkwento sa akin ng kanyang experience sa taxi driver.

Confession niya sa akin na may nangyari daw sa kanila ni manong nang minsang magpahatid siyang lasing pauwi galing sa isang pagsasalo. "Grabe ateh bigla ko na lang siyang dinakma," text niya sa akin. "Hindi naman pumalag si taxi driver, natuwa pa nga siya eh." dagdag pa ng aking kaibigan.

Sa kwentongkalibugan ay iba't ibang istorya na rin ang nabasa ko. Merong mga sex stories tungkol sa jeepney driver, FX driver, tricycle driver at pati na rin sa taxi driver. Mukha ngang over-exposed na ako sa kababasa ng ganitong tema ng mga storya na kahit hindi siya bahagi ng aking experience ay parang naranasan ko na rin makipag-trip sa ganitong mga tao.

At sa kabila ng mga pantasya kong makatikim ng true-blue ER (Laborer) bilang partner, alam kong wala akong bayag para sumabak sa ganitong experience. Hindi rin nila siguro ako papaniwalaan na PLU. At kahit sa dinami-dami ng kwentong taxi driver ang pumuno sa aking imahinasyon nitong mga nakaraang linggo ay hindi ko kailanman inisip na mangyayari sa akin ang ganoong kwento...

... Hanggang kagabi.

---

Umuwi akong lasing matapos magsayaw sa Che'Lu buong magdamag. Marami pang tao sa kalsada ngunit dahil sa ako'y bangenge na, ang tanging hangarin ko na lang ay makahanap ng taxi na magdadala sa akin pauwi.

Nagkataon naman na may humintong cab sa harap ko. Pagkasakay na pagkasakay ko pa lang dito ay napansin ko na kaagad ang taxi driver: Singkit ang kanyang mga mata, payat ang katawan at maputi ang balat. Halatang bata pa siya at obvious na malakas ang dating niya sa akin.

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung naka-jackpot ba ako o dapat akong maasar sa aking kaawa-awang kinasadlakan.

Tinanong niya ako kung saan ang biyahe namin. Sabi ko ay sa Santa Mesa. Maayos naman ang bungad niya sa akin hanggang sa kanyang hinirit na maraming taong gumigimik samantalang adaming taong naghihirap.

"Nilibre lang ako ng tropa ko." Depensa ko sa kanya.

Upang malaman ang ugat ng kanyang paghihimutok ay tinanong ko kung ilang taon na siya.

"Ano sa tingin mo?" Balik niya sa tanong ko.

"Twenty six, hula ko magkasing-edad tayo."

Napangiti lang siya't napaisip ng malalim. Sinabi niyang mas matanda siya sa akin ng isang taon. At the back of my mind ay naaliw ako dahil nakatyempo ako ng taxi driver na hindi malayo ang edad sa akin.

Nagpatuloy ang kwentuhan. Interasado talaga ako sa kanya eh.

Habang binabagtas ang Taft Avenue ay natanong ko kung may pamilya na siya. Noong una'y ayaw niyang sagutin ang aking tanong. Ngunit dahil sa ayaw rin niyang maputol ang aming kwentuhan ay inamin rin niyang may asawa't anak na siya. Noong mga oras na iyon ay 50 pesos na lang ang laman ng wallet ko. Upang may ipambayad sa taxi ay kinailangan ko pang maghanap ng ATM na madadaanan namin.

Ilang minuto bago kumanan ng UN Avenue ay pansin kong panay ang pahaging sa akin ni taxi driver tungkol sa problema niya sa pera. Tinanong nga niya ako kung magkano daw mabebenta ang kanyang "i-phone" na halatang pinirata galing Tsina para panustos sa kanyang pamilya. "Punta ka sa Greenhills," payo ko. "Marami dun ang bumibili ng phone kagaya ng sa iyo."

Sa hindi malamang dahilan ay tila nagiging tense ang sitwasyon naming dalawa sa loob ng taxi. Bukod kasi sa panay ang buntong-hininga niya'y panay rin ang unat ng kanyang mga binti sa tuwing may ikukwento sa akin. Hindi pa kasama dito ang kapansin-pansing bangga ng kanyang maugat na kamay sa aking binti sa tuwing siya'y hahawak sa kambyo ng sasakyan. Aware ako na isang maling tanong sa kanya't baka mauwi sa kung saan ang aming kwentuhan. Kaya naman kahit na nagpipigil akong sumulyap sa kanyang singkit na mga mata'y sinadya kong umiwas at tumingin na lamang sa kalsada.

Nalaman ko sa aming kwentuhan na nakatira sa probinsya ang kanyang pamilya. Nalaman ko rin na hanggang alas-7 pa siya ng umaga sa daan at kulang pa ang kanyang boundery noong mga oras na iyon. Tangina, kung hahayaan ko lang na ang katarantaduhan ko ang bumangka sa aming usapan ay madali ko siyang natanong kung may maitutulong ba ako para mapunan ang kanyang pangangailangan. Ang dali dali sanang sabihing "pare trip kita, painit tayo, ako nang bahala sa boundery mo." Kahit sa totoo'y wala naman akong pera. Hindi makakailang talagang nalilibugan ako habang kasama siya sa loob ng taxi, ngunit dahil hindi ko ugaling magpahaging sa ibang tao'y nanatili akong tahimik sa aking kinauupuan.

Nang mga oras na iyon ay nag-aabang lang ako sa kanyang kamay na humawak sa binti ko o kaya naman ay kunin ang kamay ko sabay lagay sa gitna ng kanyang binti gaya ng ginawa sa akin ni P-Man noon. Ang daming posibleng sitwasyon ang tumatakbo sa utak ko habang nagaganap ang pakiramdaman sa aming dalawa. Ngunit sa kabila noon, isang bagay lang ang pilit kong tinataga sa sarili ko sa kabila ng aming napipintong digmaan.

Word of honor. Yun lang.

Kasabay kasi ng aking "Awakening" ang pangakong hindi na ako magiging naughty hanggang sa kaya kong ilaban. Ang pangakong ito ay hindi ko binitawan sa isang tao ngunit doon mismo sa nagpadala sa akin dito sa lupa. Talk about spirituality in times of temptation. Ang lupit ng conflict! Pero dahil na rin mas mahalaga sa akin ang kapayapaan ng sarili kesa sa tawag ng laman, malakas ang laban ko kagabi. Ayokong sumira ng salita lalo pa't patuloy akong humihingi ng favors sa Kanya.

Pero ang tadhana talaga ang ay ayaw magpaawat. Kung meron ngang hidden camera na nakafocus sa akin ng mga oras na iyon gaya sa Pinoy Big Brother ay talagang pahirapan ang challenge na binibigay ni Kuya sa akin.

Ilang kalye bago ang aming bahay ay may dalawang bangko na may ATM machine sa loob. Bihira lang mag-offline ng sabay itong dalawang bangkong ito ngunit kagabi ay nagkataong sabay talaga sila. Sa asar, sinabi ko kay manong driver na idiretso pa ang taxi malapit sa Stop and Shop.

"Diba dito ka lang sa malapit?" Pagtataka niya sa akin.

"Wala akong pambayad sayo eh. Okay lang yun, para medyo madagdagan ang kita mo sa akin." Pangiting paliwanag ko sa kanya.

Sa tabi ng Jollibee ay may makikitang ATM machine, na noong marating namin ay offline rin pala. Asar man ay nagpatuloy pa ang aming biyahe hanggang sa umabot kami within striking distance sa mga motel ng Santa Mesa. Kahit madilim at walang tao ang paligid ay sobrang liwanag ng mga motel - na kulang na lang ay may chorus na kumakanta upang ako ay lalong asarin. Sa awa na lang ni Kuya ay online ang mga ATM ng BPI sa tapat ng Simbahan ng Parochial. Sa wakas ay nakapagwithdraw rin ako ng pamasahe pauwi.

Pagbalik sa loob ng taxi ay may pinagkakaabalahan si manong taxi driver. Kung hindi ba naman talagang nang-aakit si ginoo ay ewan ko na lang.

"Paano kaya to, binuksan ko yung cellphone at natanggal yung memory card niya. Marunong ka bang magbalik?" Tanong niya sa akin na may ngiting panunuyo.

Hindi pa siya nakuntento sapagkat habang inaayos namin ito ay tila nilalapit niya sa kanyang binti ang na-disassemble na cellphone.

Madali ko naman naibalik ang memory card, na sa hinala ko ay sinadya niyang baklasin upang tumagal ng kaunti ang aming usapan. Sa daan pabalik ay isa isa kong ni-recount ang mga nangyari habang si Manong Driver naman ay sumisipol habang nagmamaneho ng kanyang taxi.

• Nagkita kaming muli ng mga tiga HB. Bukod sa na-miss ko sina Lostwansoul, Techsupport, Jandreks at Japhet ay na-update rin ako sa buhay-buhay ng mga tropa ko sa Pinoyexchange.
  

• Pinakilala sa akin ni Mister B ang kanyang significant other. Bukod sa napaka-friendly nito ay ramdam ko ang kanyang mabuting hangarin sa aking kaibigan. "I'm so happy for you." Ang bulong ko kay Mister B bago ako umalis ng Che'Lu.
  

• Tumayo ka lang habang nag-aastang maangas sa loob ng masikip na dance-floor at tiyak makakakarir ka sa trip mo. Siya talaga ang palaban nang kami'y nagsasayawan. Ako naman itong si duwag na pinagdebate pa ang kanyang mga alter-ego tungkol sa morals ng kanyang gagawin. It was so easy to flirt now that I have the confidence to do it. Natandaan ko tuloy yung sabi ni Dr. Magsasaka na hindi nasa itsura yan kundi kung paano mo dadalhin ang iyong sarili. Pero dahil malakas na ang loob ko, natutunan ko na ring magimpose ng control sa aking mga diskarte.

• Na-meet ko ulit si Bamboo-looking guy. Matapos siyang mag- I love you sa aken at tawagin akong "hon" noong una kaming magkita sa bar ay nakalimutan na niya ako.

• Finally, nagkaroon ako ng close-encounter sa isang taxi driver and I got to live to tell the tale about him. Ang daming pagkakataon para may mangyari sa amin. Hindi lang ako gumawa ng move. Marahil siya rin ay nakikiramdam kung sino ba ang kasakay niya. Kasasabi ko lang na angas ang asset mo pagdating sa mga PLU, ito ring angas na ito ang weakness mo kapag ordinaryong tripper na ang katapat mo.
  

Matapos ang pagliliwaliw ng isang gabi ay nakarating rin ako ng bahay. Bilang pakisama kay manong driver ay tinaasan ko ng onte ang tip sa kanya. Aaminin ko, muntikan na akong matalo sa challenge, kung sadya man itong pinadala sa akin. Kaya naman pagkasarang pagkasara ko ng pintuan ng taxi, dagli akong tumingin sa itaas upang maghanap ng bituin sa langit.

"Thank you Lord."

Ang nasambit kong pangiti bago ako maglakad ng pasuray-suray patungo sa pintuan ng aming bahay.

Night Of Temptation | Dominus In Control - First Part

I have to blog this experience because chances are, I'd forget about it when I wake up sober later.

Ang tadhana kapag naghamon, aasarin ka talaga kung hanggang saan ang ititigas mo.

---

Isang buwan na rin simula noong lumabas ako ng hibernation at nagsimulang makigimik kasama ng mga barkada ko. This time, mga tiga-HB naman ang pinaunlakan ko sa lakaran sapagkat bukod sa matagal ko na rin silang hindi nakikita, hindi makakailang sobrang na-miss ko rin sila.

Masaya naman ang inuman sa Gilligans. Naroon ang mga tsismisan kung sino ang nagliligawan sa PEx at naroon rin ang mga usapan kung sino ang tumaba at pumayat mula ng huli kaming nagkita-kita. Malaki na nga raw ang pinayat ko, sabi na rin nila. Pero ang higit na mas nakakaenjoy ay yung ikaw na ang nagbibigay ng payo kung paano pumayat, o mag-build up ng katawan dahil pinagdaanan mo na sa buhay ang phase na iyon.

---

Nagkataon rin na pagkaraan ng mahabang panahon ay nagawi si Mister B sa Malate. Kung matatandaan, si Mister B ang sinabihan kong magpaalala sa aking huwag maginarteng bisexual nang minsang nakipaglandian ako sa babae. Kasama niya kanina ang kanyang buddy at naging pagkakataon ito upang makilala kung sino ang pinakamamahal niya.

Dahil nasa Chelu na rin ang mag-irog ay naisipan kong sumunod sa kanila. Gaya ng sabi ko noon, medyo mahirap na para sa akin ang mag-clubbing mag isa kaya naman sinamantala ko na ang pagkakataon para bumalik ng nasabing bar kasama nila.

Ayus naman ang crowd. Gaya ng dati ay puro mga bading pa rin ang nasa loob ng bar. Simula noong huli akong naghasik ng lagim sa Club Bath ay may isang bagay akong natutunan tungkol sa pakikisalamuha sa kapwa PLU. Aaminin ko, tingin ko sa aking sarili ay Class-B Hipon lang, ngunit kapag umasta akong maangas, manly at aggressive sa aking kilos ay hindi malabong makaporma ako sa lalaking trip na trip ko.

Yun ang nangyari kanina, binalak kong umiskor sa binatang napansin kong sumasayaw sa dance floor.

Sa tatlong bote pa lang ng San Mig Light ay may tama na ako. Oatmeal lang kasi ang kinain ko sa hapunan. Itong pagiging senglot ko rin ang dahilan kung bakit kahit ang sikip-sikip sa dance floor, para akong sanggano kung makipagbangaan sa mga nakakasalubong ko. Itong banggaan rin marahil ang dahilan kung bakit napansin ko ang binata habang nagsasayaw siya malapit sa dulo ng ledge.

Kung pagmamasdan ay hindi naman siya ganun kagwapuhan. Mga 5'7 siguro ang tangkad niya, moreno ang kulay ng balat at makapal ang labi na ang sarap siguro halikan. Gaya ng sinabi ko kay Gripen noong isang araw, hindi ako papatos ng mukhang lambutin pa kesa sa akin. Kanina, habang nagsasayaw siyang mag-isa ay tingin kong isa siya sa pinaka-astigin na napansin ko sa bar.

Ang diskarte ng paglalandi ay madali lang. Tumapat ako sa harap niya habang lumalagok ng San Mig Light. Patuloy naman siya sa pagsasayaw na tila walang pakielam sa mundo. Nang kinalaunan siguro'y napansin niya ang pagpapapansin ko. Maaring trip niya rin ako kaya't inaya niya akong makipagsayaw sa kanya. Habang palapit ng palapit ang katawan namin sa isa't isa ay patindi naman ng patindi ang tensyon sa pagitan namin. Sa takbo ng utak ko nang mga oras na iyon ay ito marahil ang debateng nagaganap sa aking kunsensya:

---

Darkstar: Fuck pare trip ko siya! Trip niya rin si Joms. Tara patusin na natin.

Mugen: Gusto ko rin siya. Kaso nahihiya ako eh.

Pulsar: Gusto ko rin siya, kaso masama ito.

Dominus: For the love of God, magsayaw na lang tayo.

Darkstar: Sira ka ba? Palay na ang lumalapit sa manok aatras pa tayo?

Dominus: Eh kung sa tingin ko ba ay mali, papayag ba ako?

Darkstar: Pagkakataon na to. Top o bottom siya, dadalhin ko siya sa kama! I'm so tigang na.

Dominus: At ang kabayaran ay ang ating karma. Sira ka ba, nangako si Joms. Hindi niya pwedeng bawiin yun.

Pulsar: Honga, sayaw na lang tayo. No kissing ha. Balik na lang tayo sa ledge. Mas safe dun!

Mugen: I'm getting a boner. Paano to mga parekoy?

Darkstar: Dikitan pa natin ng sayaw. Kapag nilapit niyang mga labi niya, lalamutakin ko talaga. Pustahan tayo hindi niya kakalimutan kung gaano ako kagaling humalik.

---

Mabuti na lamang at may kasama itong si binata. Nang maramdaman niyang umiinit na ang eksena ay umatras itong bigla upang sumama sa kanyang kabarkada.

Nagkataon naman na sa kanyang disengagement ay nagkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob na hanapin sina Mister B at ang kanyang buddy upang dumikit pansamantala sa kanila.

---

Lumalim pa ang gabi at tuluyan na akong tinamaan matapos uminom ng dalawa pang beer. Matapos ang ilang buwan ay nagkita ulit kami ni Bamboo-looking guy na naging kalandian ko noong minsang naligaw ako sa Che'lu.

Sobrang pumayat na siya ngayon. Hindi na rin niya matandaan ang pagmumukha ko. Ito man ay dahil sa kanyang kalasingan, ngunit ang nakakalungkot doon ay kahit na trip trip lang ang aming encounter ay hindi ko siya kinalimutan. Blame it on the number of guys he had flirted with while I was away. Pero gaya ng paulit-ulit na storya ng mga PLU sa Malate, Past is past. There's no choice but to move on and forget everything.

Pero hindi ko talaga siya makalimutan eh. Labag man sa aking kunsensya ay naisipan ko pa ring tumambay sa tapat niya mismo habang inuubos ang huli kong bote ng beer. Sa bawat pagsulyap ko sa kanyang mga mata'y siya namang ilag ng sa kanya. Sa huli, hindi lamang siya ang naging aking distraction sapagkat sa tabi niya'y umupo ang aking pinaka-kinalilibugang bet na kasayaw ko lang tatlungpung minuto ang nakakaraan.

It's like past and present sitting side by side tempting me to choose only one.

Tumagal siguro ng limang minuto ang aming stand-off. Panay ang tingin ko sa dalawa ngunit sila naman ay nakatingin sa malayo. Sa huli'y umalis ang aking boytoy siguro ay para habulin ang kanyang barkada. Si Bamboo-looking guy naman ay nagmukhang lalong wasted ngayong nasisinagan na siya ng strobe lights galing sa ceiling.

Ganun siguro talaga sa Malate. You're as good as one dance for the night.

Matapos maubos ang iniinom kong beer ay nagpaalam na ako kay Mister B at sa kanyang buddy. Mabait naman si buddy kaya't tiwala akong masaya talaga ang aking kaibigan.

I had fun and for the first time, natupad ko na ang pangarap kong magsayaw ng walang dala-dalang excess fat sa katawan.

Ngunit kung merong isa mang scene sa loob ng Chelu ang hinding hindi ko makakalimutan.

Iyon ay noong ako ay nasa ledge, samantalang sa baba naman ay naaninag kong hawak kamay na sumasayaw si Mister B at ang kanyang buddy. For a time there, I sincerely wish I stayed home to rest beside my buddy. Hindi man nila namalayan ngunit habang nakatingin ako sa kanilang dalawa ay hindi mapawi ang ngiti sa aking mga labi.

Sumakay ako ng taxi sa kanto ng Orosa at J.Nakpil. Sa mga oras na iyon ay umaasa akong wrap-up na ang gabi ko.

Ngunit ang hamon ay hindi pa nagtatapos doon. Iyon pala ay may higit na mas challenging na kasunod...

---

-tobecontinued-

for past references, see also the blog entry: Che'Lu