27/07/06, Greg Mason, Why grieving parents forgave Reena's killer
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VANCOUVER -- You have to wonder what Suman Virk and her husband, Manjit, are made of.
It wasn't that long ago that Reena Virk's parents sat in a Victoria courtroom and first heard what happened to their 14-year-old daughter the night of Nov. 14, 1997. How seven young teenagers -- six girls and a boy -- lay a horrible beating on Reena before two of the seven dragged her to the water and finished her off.
Imagine hearing how your child was punched and kicked as many as 18 times in the head, causing her brain to swell. How the blows to her stomach caused severe damage to her abdominal wall and liver and pancreas. How the blows about her face caused her eyes to swell shut.
Imagine listening as a pathologist described how your child's half-naked body was discovered in a shallow inlet eight days after the attack, her tongue clenched between her teeth, the likely result of a grand mal seizure, often suffered by people who have head injuries.
Imagine, too, listening to him describe the terrible bruising found on your child's back, a sure sign she lay in the fetal position for much of the attack, defenceless, trying to protect herself as best she could.
And then, imagine this: It's the fall of 2005, just six years after hearing all that in court, and you're in the back room of a small church in Mission, B.C., and who walks through the door but one of the two people convicted of killing your daughter. A young man you wanted dead not that long ago.
And minutes later you're hugging him.
How in God's name do you find it in your heart to do that, Ms. Virk is asked over the phone.
"Actually," she says in a soft, kind voice, "it's because of God we did it."
Warren Glowatski, who was convicted in 1999 of second-degree murder in Reena's death, recently hugged his victim's parents again, during an aboriginal healing circle that was part of his parole hearing.
It was at the hearing that Mr. Glowatski, who was 15 at the time of the attack and is now 23, was granted unescorted temporary passes. The exchange of hugs mirrored their meeting last fall, but their encounter in the church was much harder on the parents than the parole-board meeting was.
"It was very emotional," Ms. Virk recalled.
"There was nothing between us. No table, nothing. We were able to ask him questions."
Like why he did it.
"He didn't really have an answer," she said. "He just said he got caught up in the moment. There was no real motive."
The Virks are Jehovah's Witnesses. Ms. Virk said her religion teaches forgiveness, and as followers in the footsteps of Jesus she and her husband must practise forgiveness, too.
There aren't many religions in the world that don't preach turning the other cheek, and yet I'd bet most people flocking to churches and mosques and temples today could never do what the Virks did.
"It wasn't easy," Ms. Virk said. "As I said, we wanted him dead for taking our child away. But then we realized eventually that he did feel genuine remorse for what he did. He started working with the restorative justice group. He apologized many times. And we had to consider that he came from a very troubled upbringing that likely contributed to what happened."
At their first meeting everyone cried. And cried and cried.
Mr. Virk said they needed to forgive Mr. Glowatski so he could make the most of his young life. And also so he and his wife could release some of the anger that had built up inside them.
"If we didn't forgive him he'd carry a heavy heart around with him for the rest of his life," Mr. Virk said in an interview.
Now only he and his wife will have to.
Kelly Ellard, after a third trial, was convicted last year of second-degree murder in Reena's death. She maintains her innocence.
Ms. Virk once wanted Ms. Ellard dead too. Now she feels sorry for her because, she said, she's so obviously messed up.
The Virks still cry for their daughter, especially when they think of milestones she would have reached were she alive. Her mother says Reena would have been 23 this year, maybe thinking of starting a career, thinking of marriage, who knows.
"Every day is hard," she said. "Hopefully, with what we were able to do with Warren it will allow him to move on, to let go of his nightmare. Unfortunately for us, the nightmare will never be over."
Imagine that.
It wasn't that long ago that Reena Virk's parents sat in a Victoria courtroom and first heard what happened to their 14-year-old daughter the night of Nov. 14, 1997. How seven young teenagers -- six girls and a boy -- lay a horrible beating on Reena before two of the seven dragged her to the water and finished her off.
Imagine hearing how your child was punched and kicked as many as 18 times in the head, causing her brain to swell. How the blows to her stomach caused severe damage to her abdominal wall and liver and pancreas. How the blows about her face caused her eyes to swell shut.
Imagine listening as a pathologist described how your child's half-naked body was discovered in a shallow inlet eight days after the attack, her tongue clenched between her teeth, the likely result of a grand mal seizure, often suffered by people who have head injuries.
Imagine, too, listening to him describe the terrible bruising found on your child's back, a sure sign she lay in the fetal position for much of the attack, defenceless, trying to protect herself as best she could.
And then, imagine this: It's the fall of 2005, just six years after hearing all that in court, and you're in the back room of a small church in Mission, B.C., and who walks through the door but one of the two people convicted of killing your daughter. A young man you wanted dead not that long ago.
And minutes later you're hugging him.
How in God's name do you find it in your heart to do that, Ms. Virk is asked over the phone.
"Actually," she says in a soft, kind voice, "it's because of God we did it."
Warren Glowatski, who was convicted in 1999 of second-degree murder in Reena's death, recently hugged his victim's parents again, during an aboriginal healing circle that was part of his parole hearing.
It was at the hearing that Mr. Glowatski, who was 15 at the time of the attack and is now 23, was granted unescorted temporary passes. The exchange of hugs mirrored their meeting last fall, but their encounter in the church was much harder on the parents than the parole-board meeting was.
"It was very emotional," Ms. Virk recalled.
"There was nothing between us. No table, nothing. We were able to ask him questions."
Like why he did it.
"He didn't really have an answer," she said. "He just said he got caught up in the moment. There was no real motive."
The Virks are Jehovah's Witnesses. Ms. Virk said her religion teaches forgiveness, and as followers in the footsteps of Jesus she and her husband must practise forgiveness, too.
There aren't many religions in the world that don't preach turning the other cheek, and yet I'd bet most people flocking to churches and mosques and temples today could never do what the Virks did.
"It wasn't easy," Ms. Virk said. "As I said, we wanted him dead for taking our child away. But then we realized eventually that he did feel genuine remorse for what he did. He started working with the restorative justice group. He apologized many times. And we had to consider that he came from a very troubled upbringing that likely contributed to what happened."
At their first meeting everyone cried. And cried and cried.
Mr. Virk said they needed to forgive Mr. Glowatski so he could make the most of his young life. And also so he and his wife could release some of the anger that had built up inside them.
"If we didn't forgive him he'd carry a heavy heart around with him for the rest of his life," Mr. Virk said in an interview.
Now only he and his wife will have to.
Kelly Ellard, after a third trial, was convicted last year of second-degree murder in Reena's death. She maintains her innocence.
Ms. Virk once wanted Ms. Ellard dead too. Now she feels sorry for her because, she said, she's so obviously messed up.
The Virks still cry for their daughter, especially when they think of milestones she would have reached were she alive. Her mother says Reena would have been 23 this year, maybe thinking of starting a career, thinking of marriage, who knows.
"Every day is hard," she said. "Hopefully, with what we were able to do with Warren it will allow him to move on, to let go of his nightmare. Unfortunately for us, the nightmare will never be over."
Imagine that.
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