flies, damned flies and static tics

Did you know it's been over 400 years since birds first discovered the secret of flight? It was only their full-scale taking-to of the sky-space that allowed the Ancient Romans to build effective roadways, such was the crowdededness of the countryside with all the beasts of the field, including those winged fuckers the birds, standing really very close to eachother indeed. It came not a moment too soon.

And thank god they did because my family made their millions from hats, first invented over 399 years ago in response to the shitbombs that rained down upon our ancestors' heads for the first time since Pterodactyls became extinct. A good 60 years before.

Did I mention that Bill Oddie told me this? No? It's not because i've been court-ordered to stop peddling that lie. It's because the Bangalore Bosun told me he'd fuck me and kill me if it didn't stop.

Oh hang on, I HAVE stopped. Shit.