When colours matter

Last week I got a pedicure done and faced the usual dilema: which colour should I paint my toenails in?

It may seem like a frivolous matter totally unworthy of a blog entry but trust me when I say that the colours I pick will spark of a war. Literally.

You see, whenever I get a pedicure, my girls openly squabble over which colour I should choose - usually their favourite colours. Xian roots for purple, Wei chants "GREEN! GREEN! GREEN!" while Wen (who has decidedly outgrown pink) suggests blue, silver and turquoise.

Over the years I've tried out a variety of colours and usually settle for something "safe" i.e. shades of reds, purples, corals, nudes and browns. So last Monday I decided to take a gamble and picked a greenish shade.

The minute the colour was applied on my big toe, I regretted it. Instantly.

I could still change my mind there and then, but I decided to stick with it even though it looked arghfully bleh.

Why?

Because green is Wei's favourite colour and I felt that I "owed" her. And choosing green to "beautify" my twinkle toes was a way of "making it up" to her.

Admittedly, I've been pretty mean to my 6-year-old. Qi has "usurped" Wei's position as baby of the household and Wei's not been reacting well to the situation. While she loves her baby sister to bits, it's obvious that she's still trying to come to terms with how the dynamics of the family has changed. She "acts up" and does things to irritate everyone, just to get our attention.

For example, Wei will jump on the bed while Qi is peacefully lying down. The sudden jolts would shock Qi and she'd cry. That would get us mad and we'd yell at Wei for disturbing her baby sister. Or she'd holler, yell and laugh on purpose when the baby's sleeping. Once, Wei even pinched Qi's cheeks and the baby screamed her lungs out.

I try to control my temper whenever these incidents happen but with less than 6 hours of sleep (interrupted, no less) each day, you can well imagine how grumpy this weary fat cat is. And before I can pinch myself, this provoked tigress roars. No holds barred.

Being the thick-skinned and equally thick-headed child that she is, Wei would usually just shrug her shoulders and stomp off only to return 3 minutes later to either repeat her actions or try a different strategy to get some reaction from me.

It's already exhausting enough to second guess what the baby's trying to communicate. I really don't wish to deal with another kid's insecurities. But I know Wei needs to be reassured that she's still my little ragamuffin and I love her loads despite her constant attempts to push my buttons.

When she caught sight of the colour, she proudly announced to her sisters "Che Che! Mummy painted green you know! GREEN leh!"

Wen the silent observer made sure Wei was out of sight (and ear shot) before she commented, "You chose this to make Wei happy right, Mummy?"

"How did you know?" I asked.

Wen smiled and replied, "Because you don't like green, what! You're just doing this for her. Am I right Mummy?"

Sharp and intuitive, my secondborn. That one keeps her thoughts to herself most of the time but when she does attempt to communicate, she usually surprises me with her sensitivity and maturity.

So here I am with a coat of emerald polish on my toes. It's been exactly a week and I've grown accustomed to the green tips peaking from my slippers. I'll let them grow out and make another trip to the manicurist in a few weeks' time.

Best part? Wei's cut down on her crazy antics these past few days. She's still creating havoc, of course. That's never going to change and we certainly don't expect her to.

Isn't it amazing what a little colour can do?

Happy 11th Birthday Xian!

Motherhood's been an interesting journey so far with many heartbreaking, heart-stopping, heartwarming moments.

And it all began for me 11 years ago this day.

Your first experience of anything is always memorable, whether it was pleasant or otherwise. Being a mother for the first time was no different, and I was overwhelmed with trepidation.

I was absolutely clueless about childbirth despite reading up intensively on the subject matter. No matter how prepared you THINK you are, you're never quite ready to take full responsibility for another life.

But I'm thankful my firstborn is such a sweetheart and made my foray into parenthood a relatively smooth sailing one, at least for the first few years.

She may not be academically brilliant, but she's a sensitive soul with a great big heart, and that's worth more than distinctions, academic awards and perfect grades.

Thank you so very much for enriching our lives, Xian! Happy Birthday!

Skeletina

This morning as I watched Xian get dressed for school, she pulled off her PJ top to reveal a bag of ribs.

Sigh.

My firstborn's shooting up fast yet she's not filling up sideways. She complained her pinafore's getting short (I just bought her a bigger size this year) but the huge armholes highlight her horizontally-challenged frame.

I suppose it's a typical mum's worry about her seeming "lack of nutrition". Years from now she may be chastising me for trying to fatten her up once she hits the age when maintaining a reed-thin figure is considered a consummate beauty regime.

This reminded me of a silly ditty I created for each of my kids a couple years ago, each based on a certain characteristic or physical attribute. I never wrote them down but now I think I should in case my memory fails me in my later years.

Hers is titled Skeletina and it comes complete with eerie-spooky original music too. Heh.

And yes, I've also written her a personal note on my other blog that I started as open letters to my kids.

Skeletina

Ske-le-ti-na
Ske-le-ti-na
She's a boney girl

Ske-le-ti-na
Ske-le-ti-na
In a boney world

Ske-le-ti-na
Ske-le-ti-na
She is very thin

Ske-le-ti-na
Ske-le-ti-na
She's all bones and skin

Teo Yuan Ching
30 July 2012

Copyright © Teo Yuan Ching

Off With Their Locks!

In about 3 weeks' time, the girls will head back to school. 

Xian's 'been promoted' to upper primary - she'll be in Primary 4. Wen will join her as a newbie in Primary 1 and Wei's moving on to Nursery 2.

MIL figured that since I'm off work this week, it's the most opportune time to bring the girls for their back-to-school haircut. (She also decided to have her greying roots dyed dark brown/black.)

They girls usually visit Auntie Fang at Compassvale Link where she operates her home-based hair salon. She charges SGD5.00 for a haircut (for kids) and that's a real bargain. A couple of months back I brought Xian to my regular hair salon at Serangoon Gardens and I'd to fork out SGD12.00 (or was it SGD24.00?) for a mere trim. 

The girls love to visit her home because they can play with her kids (around the same age as my older girls) and watch TV while waiting. Auntie Fang's also quick with her scissoring as she knows how impatient children are when getting their haircut.

Snip! Snip! Snip!

She's good for basic cuts and fuss-free styles, suitable for children. She cut my hair once but I realised that she layered my hair too liberally and the finishing was rather choppy, which made my untidy, wavy mane even messier than usual. Doesn't help that I don't have smooth shiny lustrous locks either.

Anyway, I paid SGD12.00 in total because she charged only SGD2.00 for Wei's fringe trim. Where else can you find such a reasonable rate?!?!??!

The girls are happy with their cuts. And I'm happy because I didn't burn a hole in my pocket. :)

Dyslexia Misconceptions | Being Dyslexic

Let's not make any bones about it.

Xian shows symptoms of Dyslexia, although she's highly functional and is still able to cope with school work, albeit struggling.

Now I've reasons to suspect the Wen may be dyslexic too.

While I've come to accept these facts, my heart is heavy when I hear disparaging remarks made about my girls. Comments that are all uncalled for and uttered by the very people who're supposed to be encouraging them. Ironical that the term "caregivers" should be used when their emotional capacity is in the negative range.

Forgive my harsh and bitter words. I've been bottled up for far too long.

Dyslexia Misconceptions | Being Dyslexic

Favouritism

I've been reviewing my posts and to my utmost horror, realised that 80% of my posts related to family are based on my firstborn, Xian, and this could lead to some false conclusion that she's the only one of my 3 kids whom I care about.

Perhaps as the firstborn, Xian's milestones and experiences impact me the hardest as I'm also following her on these adventures for the first time as a parent. As a result, many of the "first time" journeys are both hers and mine.

That's not to say that Wen and Wei will take the same paths because they are all different in their own ways. So all my experiences with Xian may be completely be reversed, based on each girl's character and development.

Of the 3 girls, Xian's the most good-natured, carefree and mild-tempered. She's a lovely girl; kind and considerate and cares for those around her. Academically, she may not be brilliant as my 8-year-old Little Miss Scatterbrain's got some dyslexic characteristics and needs time to improve on her learning skills.

Xian's rather sporty, active and likes dancing and swimming. She even taught herself how to cycle in a week (and didn't fall much) last year. Xian's also a dog lover and enjoys helping out at Woofy's Corner our pet shop once in a while. A few months back, she started to take a liking to fishing and now she accompanies the hub on his fishing trips to the pond. In order to fuel her interest further, the hub even bought her a new rod and reel as her birthday present!

Xian's "catch" (with some help) - a redtail catfish

Xian's 8th birthday 2010

As for my 5-year-old Wen, she's quite the complete opposite. While Xian's clearly more sociable and outgoing, and takes to people quickly, Wen's reserved, cautious and may appear standoffish at times. But once she's warmed up, she's extremely sweet, friendly and loyal. Her school principal Ms Chua told me last year that Wen's a "serious" girl who didn't smile or respond when she (the principal) greeted her in the mornings. However, when I met Ms Chua recently, she noted a marked improvement in Wen's attitude and said that Wen now smiles cheerfully and says "Good Morning Ms Chua" or "Goodbye Ms Chua". I guess it's because Wen's now more used to the environment after 1 year of studying in the kindergarten.

Wen can't dance as well as her older sister but she likes to sing and makes up her own songs, especially when she's playing on her own in a corner of the room. Wen's pretty quick in picking up new skills and is a fast learner. Unfortunately she doesn't like to do extra work and can be distracted easily, as shared by her Jan & Elly English Teacher Sam. Apparently she doesn't pay attention in class and takes a long time to complete her tasks because she's busy playing with buttons on her jacket or looking at her friends' work to listen to her teacher's instructions. When I spoke to Wen's kindergarten teacher, she affirmed that Wen's pretty quiet in class but she does mix around with her friends. But she's a real chatterbox at home.

I chanced upon this link which talks about parenting and how the birth order of children affects their character development. Based on the article, Wen displays some classic "Middle Child Syndrome" traits i.e. the attention-seeking loner who doesn't understand why she can't be first. She startled me recently with this conversation thread:

Wen: Why is my birthday last? I don't want to be last!
Me: Huh? What do you mean?
Wen: Everyone's celebrated their birthday already!

(Wei's in April, Xian's in May, Wen's in August)

Me: But you can't choose your birthday. Yours is coming soon. Just a few more months.
Wen: But I don't want to wait. I want my birthday to be first!
Sigh. Wen often complains about not being 'first' and dislikes wearing Xian's hand-me-downs. Unlike Xian who's not too bothered about her appearance, and is comfortable in grubby T-shirts and shorts, Wen's quite a vain 'princess' and wants to wear pretty (pink, mostly) dresses most of the time. She has a nasty habit of being an obstinate and overly whiny crybaby, which irritates us to no end. My personal take is that she's upset about being sandwiched in between her sisters and do this to get our attention. She's also extremely sharp and perceptive, and can read into situations quickly.

The way into Wen's heart is, believe it or not, food. She's adventurous with trying out new food and I often have to resort to "bribing" her with food when she misbehaves. Hence, one of my nicknames for her is "meaty" because she's got a great appetite (though she isn't overweight or pudgy) and its a real delight to see her enjoying her meals. :)

Wen, my Little Miss Vain, in Bali

Wen at Woofy's Corner with Cody, Mabel's corgi

Wei is only 2 but she's definitely not a pushover. In fact, she's a tough little nut and won't allow herself to be at disadvantage just because she's the youngest. When the girls squabble, she's usually the culprit who kick off the fight and would terrorise her sisters by biting, scratching, kicking and pulling their hair. Wei can be quite commanding and bosses her sisters around (though I think they give in to humour her). She's quite fearless and even has the audacity to go up against the MIL (who's never had any of her kids or grandkids disobey her).

If you ask me about Wei's most unique behaviour, it would be that she loves fruits and vegetables! Yes, she attacks greenies, sometimes raw, and her favourites are broccoli, cauliflower, string beans, lettuce, grapes, oranges and apples. When we bring the kids out for pizza and spaghetti, I'd order salad for Wei and she'll happily crunch on them!

Wei seems mature for a her age and hardly acts "baby-like", possibly because of the influence from her older sisters. She's fiercely independent and as soon as she mastered the art of grabbing a spoon, started to eat on her own (refusing anybody's assistance) before she turned 2. Wei started walking when she was 12 months, earlier than her sisters who both wobbled about till they were about 14 plus months. A cheeky, demanding firecracker who's fiercely protective of me (she doesn't allow anyone to disturb me, her milk source). B ut at the same time, Wei tends to bully me quite a fair bit too. Perhaps after 3 kids, I'm a little less uptight and fussy about managing them especially since I'm outnumbered.

Wei playing at the park

Wei enjoying her own birthday cake

So there. A quick analysis of my lovely daughters, each unique and special in their own right.

But what about this concept of favouritism? I try, as often as I possibly can, to remain fair and impartial and not to take sides when they have disagreements. I go all out to ensure that each of them get equal treatment although the older two girls sometimes use the "Not fair! Che Che / Mei Mei can do this and I can't" tactic to make me feel guilty.

In the same article about Middle Child Syndrome, I found this paragraph which touched a nerve:

Favoritism
An especially charged topic among parents is favoritism. Favoritism is a word no parent would like to use, even if in most cases it is somewhat inevitable. As a parent, you find yourself drawn to a child who is most like you — traits that you can identify with and deeply empathize with as you experience them yourself.

But, siblings are like hawks when it comes to clues of favoring, and as parents we have endless capacity to love all our children uniquely. So you need to celebrate what you love about each, and absolutely curb yourself from ever saying that one child is more loved. It often helps to remind ourselves that we have endless capacity to love our children uniquely.

Read more: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/14335112/#ixzz0quhFNQ8g
What more can I say? I'm only human and while I can try my best to ensure I don't practise favouritism, I may not always succeed, depending on the situation. But all I can ascertain is this: I love all my girls dearly and as a mum I'll do everything I possibly can to nurture and provide them with an appropriate home environment so that they'll grow up to be mature, responsible individuals with a goodness in their hearts.

My 3 darlings - Xian, Wen Wei

The girls at Cold Storage Kids Run 2010

My Silver Girl!

Xian's passed her National Survival Swimming Award (NASSA) Silver Test yesterday! According to this website, the NASSA is a test which simulates a scenario of a sinking ship loaded with passengers and goods. The objective is to educate and train candidates to possess the knowledge and competence to overcome adversities in a genuine situation. Pre-requisite: NASSA Bronze Award (Xian passed this in March 2009) Attire while undergoing Test: Male - Long pants, long-sleeve shirt or T-shirt Female - Dress or slacks, long-sleeved blouse or shirt or T-shirt Children below 12 years old may use short-sleeve shirt / blouse or pyjamas Criteria: Straddle or tuck jump entry from the side of the pool, and swim 100 meters within 4 minutes Demonstrate ability to "drown-proof" for 1 minute Tread water using one arm, with one arm at the back of the body for 1 minutes Immediately after, tread water for 3 minutes using both arms Undress in water, make float with attire and use it to swim 25 meters using legs only Swim 200 meters using backstroke, 200 meters using sidestroke, 400 meters using front stroke (breast stroke / freestyle) During the course of this swim (front stroke), the candidate must execute 2 dives: 1 head first, and 1 leg first. (each dive must swim submerged for at least 5 meters) Climb out from the deep end of the pool without the use of steps or assistance. Each successful candidate will receive a collar pin, woven badge and a certificate, which can be collected at the test venue approximately one month after the test. It's a pity I wasn't able to take more pictures towards the end of Xian's test as my youngest rascal Wei was getting sleepy and fussing away. It was also drizzling and not a good idea to carry Wei and take pictures at the same time. Anyway, here are some photos: If you ask me, it's really not an easy test. I was initially quite apprehensive about registering her for it because I wasn't sure if she'd be able to swim 100m within 4 minutes. Plus it requires stamina and endurance to complete 800m in various strokes. But her coach, Mr Bakar, clearly believed she was ready so I registered her for the test 2 weeks back. Yesterday morning, I drove Xian together with Wen, Wei, MIL and FIL to Toa Payoh Swimming Complex. It's where she usually attends her swimming lessons and it's also the test venue. MIL wanted to go along to watch Xian swim and also to give her some moral support. Midway through the test, Wen, Wei and myself went to the side of the pool to clap, wave and cheer Xian on. Towards the end of the test, poor Xian was clearly worn out and she was the last one out of the pool. But this isn't a test of speed and I'm very proud that Xian completed the required assessment rounds. At least she didn't give up midway through (2 kids did) and stuck it out till the very end. Xian later confided that she was exhausted but she thought of how she would let us down if she didn't complete the test. But she was energised when she saw her sisters and I running along the side of the pool and calling out to her. I'm sure glad we all went down with her :) Next stop: GOLD! Xian's definitely not ready to take the gold now as the requirements are much tougher and she's got a long way more before she can beat the clock. No pressure and no rush to complete it as I'd rather she does it in her own time. Anyhow, I just found out that NASSA will be replaced by a new national water safety programme SwimSafer from 5 July 2010. Hence, I'm not sure what the conversion leveling will be and whether she'll be eligible to take the gold award based on her NASSA silver. I'll leave that to her coach to decide and he'll inform us when she's prepared. :) Xian in her PJs and all ready for the test MIL helps to tuck stray hairs into the swimming cap as Wei decides to put on a cap too Cheeky Wei! Xian (Cap 3, 3rd from right) taking instructions from the tester Xian in action Completed: 1st task of swimming 100m with 4 minutes, waiting for next segment Treading water - she had to undress underwater, make a float out of her PJ pants and swim back Wen waiting at the side of the pool to cheer Xian on!

First Born

Here's a short poem written when Xian was born back in 2002...

Number One: Xian

First Born

Mummy's cherubic angel
Daddy's darling little girl
Kickin', wrigglin' and screamin' she did
Into her brand new world

Daddy's pretty princess
Mummy's precious pearl
Charming her way into our lives
With every gesture, smile and gurgle

Mummy's lovely baby doll
Daddy's apple-of-the-eye
The Chinese zodiac swift Steed reigns in her
As does the sign of the twins - Gemini

Tiny in size though she may be
But in our hearts she's a sure-fire win
Born 29 May 2002 on a Wednesday
Our first little Leonglet - Sook Yin

Teo Yuan Ching
7 June 2002

Copyright © 2002 Teo Yuan Ching

Dearest Daddy

In 2003, I wrote this for the hub as a birthday "gift" on behalf on Xian...

Dearest Daddy

Every weekday morn

After I'm up for not too long

It's time for you to go

Off to work to make some dough
And oh boy is it rough

Heck, I'd say it's very tough!

To spend the rest of my day

Knowing I'll only get to play

When you come home late at night

And I have to really fight

To keep my sleepy self awake

Though I know it's for my own sake

If I get to bed by nine

Like most baby friends of mine

Yes, yes I know full well

I give Mah-Mah, Yeh-Yeh lots of hell

When they try to put me to bed

And I flatly refuse to co-operate

In the Sarong Wars I may sometimes lose

But that's a strategy I choose

'Cos after 20 winks or so

I'll be recharged and ready to go

I'll then use my of energy, every ounce

And when you're back on you I'll pounce!

To me Sunday's the all-time best

'Cos that's the day you take a rest

And when we all go out and about

I love to scream and shout
That's just my way of saying "Sook Yin is happy!"

To be with you, my dearest daddy.

~ Baby Sook Yin ~

Teo Yuan Ching
25 March 2003

Copyright © 2003 Teo Yuan Ching