I’ve heard it a million times and in fact I have said it a million times. I’ve stood before groups that are headed overseas, I’ve spoken to rotary clubs, I’ve encouraged and prayed with mothers of teens here in Glenwood and assured them that all was well… “If God has called you to something He will provide the finances.”
So why do I find myself once again in this state of unassurance, lingering in fear. Pondering my life as an Inner-city-tutoring director. Even though I know the truth; there is a shame that hides behind my eyes every time I think about fundraising. It is not that I do not believe that God has called me here; and it is not that I do not believe in the cause because I do! I suppose if I am honest it is more of not believing in myself and believing the lies that have been spoken over me rather than the truth from God.
I sat in a Nicaragua meeting this afternoon, we talked about needing to raise over and beyond for the clinic in El-Palme and my heart shut off. How could I raise for Nicaragua and still yet for a mission trip this summer with the Glenwood youth and for camp and for my salary starting next year? It is all so overwhelming.
As I sit here pondering all the “impossible” I am reminded of a saying that my friend Denine and I used to say. “Don’t worry, God can sell a cow.” (Every animal in the forest belongs to Me, I own the cattle on a thousand hills. Call out to Me and I will rescue you and you will honor Me. – Psalm 50:10&15) As funny as our little saying sounds it was an easy way to remind ourselves that God is in control, He owns everything.
So no it’s not easy; and my overwhelming feelings did not just disappear as I wrote that last paragraph. That would nice though But, I am reminded that It is not up to me. It is not humanly possible to face the overwhelming needs without feeling overwhelmed. But God… But with God all things are possible. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel afraid and that I never doubt. For I am sure that probably in a few minutes I will doubt again. But it is remembering what the Lord has done and walking in obedience, brining my insecurities, fears and failures to Him over and over again.
Once again here I am laying my fears and insecurities at His feet.
2 comments:
It's crazy that this would be one of the most stressful things about being on the mission field--fear of fundraising! hold onto the truth of God's word, that a worker is worthy of his (or her) wages, and that he has called you to be a levite. The levites didn't receive the scraps of the israelite table, but rather the 'fat portions", which speaks something about God's care for people who serve "full-time at the altar."
remind me of these words in a couple of months when it's MY turn to fundraise again!
It's crazy that this would be one of the most stressful things about being on the mission field--fear of fundraising! hold onto the truth of God's word, that a worker is worthy of his (or her) wages, and that he has called you to be a levite. The levites didn't receive the scraps of the israelite table, but rather the 'fat portions", which speaks something about God's care for people who serve "full-time at the altar."
remind me of these words in a couple of months when it's MY turn to fundraise again!
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