blacK solitude

Monday, April 30, 2007

GOD

im
.
so
.
bloody
.
messed
.
up

what a scary dream =(

~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 1:47 AM

* * *

Thursday, April 26, 2007

the light of life is slowly diminishing. . .

~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 5:59 PM

* * *

before i start
pls read this book

"Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho"

i finished it within a day.
big deal ?
yeah.. nth to b proud of..
but i read the book twice.
cos it got me pondering.

why
why is there so many things formed in my mind yet i cant bring them out with my voice?
why is there a need to live, to work, to sleep and to eat?
what does tat make of us ?
what will it eventually turn out to be ?

we work for a living,
to pay for the expenses,
to survive,
give gratitude to parents for bringin us up,
for our own expenditure,
entertainment,
impressing frens,
build r/s. . .

why are we even doin all these?

so what if i study well and get myself a degree?
so what if i work hard and get a good pay?
so what if im happily married with a perfect husband, 2 beautiful kids and a dog?
so what if im rich?

we all know that, we will all die at any point in time,

why do we stil keep doing the same damn thing over and over again w/o knowing why...

so as,
not to be despised?
not to be excluded from everything?

so as,
to be popular?
to be normal lyk everyone?

i dun wanna be lyk them.
i dun wanna be a robot,
wake up in the morning,
get rdy for work,
lunch brk for 1hr,
knock off at the usual time,
go home,
sleep.
or,
forever watchin movies,
or,
go dance,
then eat and back to home.
when dawn breaks,
back to work again.

routined.
its too damn routined

i dun wanna worry abt not fitting in
i dun wanna do things that i dun even feel lyk doing
i jus dun care.
i wanna be mad too
i wanna have the courage to go up to those i dislike and kick them in their faces
i want to help put things right
i dun wanna be a coward
i dun wanna hide
i need peace
i wanna find my inner soul

i need to find my soul
i need a reason

to live as well

yes, im inspired by the book.
and no,
im nt going to die.

at least,nt yet.
i've nt yet fulfilled anything.

"the happier people can be ; the unhappier they are."

-------------------------------------------------
if one day
you know you're gonna die in a week's time
what would ur reaction be?
what would you do ?

me ?
i would go on a wild shoppin spree
buy diamonds for my girlfriends, sis and mom
treat my frens to superb food and wine
catchin breath-taking sunrise and sunset sceneries
dance my heart away at the most happening club
get so wasted that i cant even rem wat happen the next day
to go on a holiday even if its gonna be a super short one
give my love to the one and only man in my life,
tell my frens and family how much i love them thou i do make the stupidest mistakes in life tat upset them
apologize to everyone for the things i've done and not done.

thats wat one normally would think of, isn't it ?
but when such news befall on you in real life,
would you be doing all this?

no,
instead
one would be so absorbed in his own world,
pitying himself
hating everyone
not caring about a shit that's happeninga
nd wanting to leave the world even sooner

so tell me,
which is which ?

will one only truly understand the meaning of life
until having experienced the kiss of death itself?

-maybe i should. . .

~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 12:24 AM

* * *

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?

I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
I guess I'm a little bit shy
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me without making me try?

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
I've gone identity mad!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you walk out the door!

*i guess. . .
nth's for sure. . . *

~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 2:02 PM

* * *

Monday, April 16, 2007

I don't care about the priority
Let's break the rules and ignore society

Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss u underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care
We just don't care
We just don't

i dun wanna care bout it too. . .

if only i can. . .

~ v0nny a.K.a v|oLet ~ was alone 4:29 PM

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Sunday, April 15, 2007