Naked I came, naked I will depart

Can't really believed that it's already end of the year of 2009. Oh boy, time really flies this year. Many incidents had happened during this year alone that makes me grow so much especially what happened about a weeks ago.. That was really a heart broken experience. My latest post was about I found my purpose through the camp and of course the sharing of my member about his laptop was being stolen and was damaged, well, mine, sort of similar story. By God's blessing, I was being blessed with an Ipod Touch for my Birthday/Christmas/Anniversary gift that I've long for it for so long. The joy receiving that gift really makes me stumble. No words could express that joy.

My work became so much more efficient with the help of those technology stuff. But who knows, exactly a week ago, my Ipod was being snatched from my hand while I was using it. I am so moody for the couples of days. The week before Tuesday(22/12) I was leading worship on regular Sunday service and yet one of the song that I was leading was "Blessed be Your name". The bridge goes like this, "You give and take away(x2), but my heart still choose to say, blessed be Your name". Every time when I lead this song, I can't really felt the same why the original songwriter who wrote this song, but after this incident, oh... You bet I can..

It's always easier said than done. But by this incident, I knew that my heart is still saying "blessed be the name of the Lord". And the Lord reminded me this, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." - Job 1:21. Now I better understanding of this verse. Originally I am not suppose to have an Ipod, but because God's goodness and blessing I've got it. But if the Lord wants to take it away from me to teach me some precious lesson, I wouldn't say no. What is more important to me is, I would rather loose anything rather than loosing God. God is my source of everything. By taking it away, I also believe that He will be giving me back again. Just the matter of time.

I have years to come to taste God's goodness, but I'll just have to wait.. :-)

I love you God..

For the past 2 months..

Ok ok, I'll get it.. I updated already..

Ya, it's by through nagging and scolding that I finally updated my blog. Hahaha.. Been very busy in these few months, that's why I'm not in the mood to blog. Everyday when I reached home what was in my mind was to sleep.. Hahaha.. Anyway, here's a little update about myself..

For the past 2 months:

I started working already lu.. At a moment I pause for a while to think, I no longer can have the student's privillege already. Sigh.. No more RM7 for movie, no more cheap haircut, no more discounted price for food, and many other things. I missed those things.. If victor would have read this, I'm pretty sure that that feller sure be proud that he's a student now and definitely saysomething that will make me give him a one kind look. I wonder why I would thought of it that way, but that's the way it is now.. Hahaha.. 

And I'm currently working at church now. Everyday I found it happy because you know, it's church.. Where else could I be anymore happier to be able to work at church. I've been spending most of my time in the church during the past 3-4 years to help out in the ministries. And now, I'm actually being paid what I've been doing for the past 3-4 years ago, the only different is there's more to do now lah.. I really don't know what my direction will be if I'm not working in church. But well, most probably I'm working in Bentley Music now I perhaps because that's my dream to pursue my career in music industry. On monday I met a new friend working in Bentley and what a small world. He's from KK and we had alot of things in common; that makes us easily to be click with one another. He's actually living in my dream. He studied business previously and now he's taking professional music classes for and pursued his career in music industry. But either way, I'm glad that I choosed the way that God wanted me, not the way that I wanted for myself. 

A little bit stuff from my work. Currently whatever Desmond is doing previously, yup, I'm taking over. Man, it's not easy Des.. I can't planned things ahead and I was forced to make decisions at the very last minute. Oh, by the way, I am in-charge of transportation for the church and as well as "the entertainer" or the "PR" or whatever la.. Now the challenges bar has been raised to a higher level. The challenges faced nowadays it's even hard to tackle. It's not as easy as it was before. More responsibilities added in ministries. All church ministries is all about dealing with people. The more responsibilities was added, the more I need to be able to communicate well and having said that, it seems that so far I'm not doing a good job in this area. It's hard and it's tough. But I'm not giving up.. Another mountain I need to conquer..

There's a saying, "If the mountain is smooth, you can't climb it"..

Communication breakdown

One of so many reasons why people argued is because of miscommunication. All the while I thought my communication skills was ok, but now, after thinking over and over again, nah, I'm not really good at communicating. Communicating not only involved talking but also involved listening. The matter of fact, I suck. There are many times the original meaning of the message seemingly gotten wrong by other people and vice versa. Because of this, I suffered sometimes of wanting to tell other stuff and sometimes, I failed to do so because I fear. Effective communication is hard but still I have to learn..

The dirty word I learned..

Today, I had a very rough day.. Things just doesn't seems right.. Maybe it's time to evaluate myself again..

Recently I learned a dirty word especially in this generation which is "responsibilities". Not everyone likes to carry responsibilities around on their shoulder. Some pushed it away, some ignored it and some even don't care want to find out what is the meaning of responsibilities. I've always thought that I understood this word quite well, but in recent few incidents make me doubt about it. I admit that I've not done well in some area of my life but believe me, I've tried.. Maybe due to my own weaknesses, it seems like I can't be consistent. The book of Daniel has been always my hardest book to digest because Daniel has such integrity and consistency that he do really deserved to be one of the greatest man during the time of babylon. He resolved not to defiled himself with the royal food and wine, he did not bow down to the idols, he did not refuse to pray 3 times a day even an order has been given from the king not to bow down to any other gods or man except the king and many more. Even the administrators tried to find faults in him but they found none. The key word I believe what was describing Daniel is "exceptional qualities". Daniel did everything that he was called to do even if the workload is light or heavy. He still delivered a exceptional qualities work.

Exceptional qualities... This is hard, but still have to learn.. 

Some guy name Vincent something said this:

"If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem. The key to success is responsibilities."

With great power comes from great responsibilities.. Familiar right? The more I pondered it, the more I find it very true.. 

Weird, very weird..

I just had a very weirdest dream ever. Somehow it’s not really a weird dream, but I don’t what other words can be replaced other than weird. So it’s 6 in the morning and I just slept for only 3 hours and yet I’m very awake, so I decided to blog the dream I had.

Actually before the dream started, I had my devotion and do a little bit of bible study and I usually will pray a prayer that the Lord will speaks to me whenever I read His words. But just now, I prayed a prayer that I never pray before, I prayed that may His word of revelation will reveal to me. I always wonder how did God taught His disciples especially in the days of Abraham till the day that Jesus was born. Well, I found out that there’s few; (1) the Lord spoke to them directly, or (2) through dreams. So, here is my dream.

The dream is about my family. I had 2 brothers in reality, but this dream is about my youngest brother. So I believe its Sunday in the dream, cuz I bring my whole family out for shopping. So before we started shopping we decided to put down my brother to one of the care centers that the shopping complex provided. Just before we put them down, he accidentally knock his head on the table and bleed. The reason is because there’s a nail on the table. Everyone was nervous, but no one take any actions, so I carried my brother and run like a mad person to find clinics in shopping complex, but there’s none. Oh ya, to make the dream more dramatically, in reality I love my youngest brother a lot. So you can imagine how desperate I was in my dream to save him.

The story continued, so I managed to found a clinic at last, but it was an old clinic and they told me that they needed certain equipments if need to do an operation. So I ran all over the place and search what the doctor needs. After I bought all the stuff, I was too late, my brother died because out of breath. I cried and sober for the whole dream after that incident. Guilt are added more and more to myself because I thought it was me that cause him for his death because I was too late to pass the things that the doctor needed. I cried and I cried and I cried non stop. But later I heard news that my brother was actually being murdered. The ventilation equipment was being pulled out that cause my brother’s death. I saw a knife and I ran all over the place with that knife, even if my family and my friends stopped me, I ran and hide from them and I search for the murderer personally.

At the end before I managed to found that murderer, one of my best friends met me and talk to me. She told me that I needed freedom; freedom from guilt and anger. She offers me a prayer and right after the prayer I begin to feel better and I went back to the clinic and see my brother for the last time. When I reached there, I forgot how I knew that somehow that was the murderer. Suddenly my anger came back and I wanted to capture her, but somehow she’s very strong even she’s has super powers, very much like she was demon possessed.

I ran away from her and at a point I have to jump off from a building. Ok, I know it’s a bit long and a little to dramatic, but this is a dream after all right? I didn’t managed to die jumping from 10th floor. When I jumped, somehow, I prayed and it works. So she was so mad and she jump down too and start using her super powers. I was afraid and I have is the word of God and faith only. Both of these eventually help me to overcome the fears and I even using the name of Jesus to do exorcist. Finally everything was over, and I asked her why she did that. She said she saw my brother was too suffering from pain, so she just took off the ventilation equipment. Suddenly, out of no where, miracle happened, my brother came alive and I was overwhelmed by God’s miracles. And that’s the end of the story. I woke up and my tears are falling off from my eyes.

Why at the first place I mentioned about my dream? There are few lessons for me from God. Firstly, God reminded me how much I need to care for my family and pray for them. Recently many things happened; I seldom spend time with my family. I need to do a little bit of catch up here. Secondly, God showed me in that dream how powerful is guilt and anger is. Guilt and anger is the strongest weapons for satan to use to attack mankind. Thirdly, being confidence of the power of God. Whenever you believe and Jesus said whenever you called unto His name, He surely will come down from heaven and give you a hand to help you.

One of the reason I believe I had this dream is because recently in Malaysia there’s too many of murder cases of little children. I know that’s not new, but every cases is getting more and more violent and serious. Many parents were very afraid about this. They are living in fear everyday that they afraid that something might happened to their beloved children. I really prayed that God will be with all of us, especially with those who are weak. May the Lord bless us all.