Blogback Mountain

Probably the coolest brooch ever. (And maybe she's single? Because my brother is going to want to marry her.)

I'd pay extra for a shirt that came with mustard stains, too.

A Cup of Jo has been running the most specific gift guide in history. But it works. I'm waiting for the Dad Who Wants to Build a Bunker in Preparation for Nuclear Holocaust category (but more on that later).

Don't Read Culture Jam While Working At a National Chain Store: A cautionary tale.

When you read the words "Body Image Month," what do you think of? Tony Orlando's holiday diet? Right on, partner.

Fashion Orgasm wants to know your hair issues. Sing 'em loud and proud.

If I saw Ambika on the street wearing her rad new coat, I might have to scream something like "Ooww! Ow! Sex-ay Lady!" and then I would hate myself.

People who are more stylish than me.

I'm Always Gettin' Booty Calls

Hey Winona!!
Good to see you, er...umm...that is write to you.....I really enjoy reading your blog....as you probably know ( who wouldn't enjoy it?). Since you are doing the coat post, I wanted to see if you could help me with another problem...winteresque in nature...I absolutely heart these boots....LOVE THEM>>>


But alas, the site that sells them...only in size 8 and under....and they are cheapo bc they are man made material...Nothing wrong with being cheap...but I would love it if I could buy them for a little more in real leather. I read a little while ago that you did do a post on some Winona-esque boots that you liked....Could you possibly do a posting of Winona-esque boots for something like these? Please Winona, winter is coming and I need something I could wear and not be embarrassed that after a couple weeks of use they would be falling apart.. Thank you so much!!!
Signed,
Booty Call

Dear Booty,
Ah yes, the great boot conundrum. Judging from my friends' laments and the volume of emails I receive about finding the right pair of boots, it is by far the most pressing matter facing our nation today. I'm seriously surprised it wasn't the central issue of last night's republican debates, instead of how to keep brown people out of America.

But back to the specific question at hand (foot?). I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want first? The good? Well, I applaud you for flouting convention. The good news is that I found a nearly identical, supercute pair of boots on sale for $69! The bad news?

They're suede.

But wait! Hang on! That doesn't have to be bad news. Let's talk about suede. Suede is leather's quiet, kind cousin. Leather might be totally cool and badass and up for anything, but suede is there when you need to talk. You might date leather for awhile and experiment with drugs together and then spend the rest of your life looking back on that time with a confused mix of regret and pride, but suede is the nice, stable one you go back to. You know how Sarah Jessica Parker dated Robert Downey Jr. and then married Matthew Broderick? Leather. Suede.

With that said, I vote you waterproof these puppies and wear 'em with pride. They will probably make you breakfast every morning, which leather would never do. Find them here.

If you're reeaaalllyy into leather (my, that is a risky phrase), then check these out too:

Palladium "Fairbanks", $169, nordstrom.com

Seychelles "At Last", $163, zappos.com

Hush Puppies "Lavish", $140, zappos.com

Puma Sport Fashion "Khaci Wns", $258, zappos.com

Most also come in brown. Godspeed, young squire.

Things I've Read That I Love

I think The Office is the greatest thing that's ever happened to America. Fuck our independence. Fuck the Emancipation Proclamation. Fuck Betty Crocker Warm Delights Brownie Bowls. (I'm probably going to be sent to Guantanamo for typing those last three sentences, but I think it was worth it to make my point).

So when I heard that Mindy Kaling (who writes, produces, and plays Kelly) also writes a fashion blog, I was both threatened and excited. Turns out both instincts were correct, because her blog rocks (yay!). It's like a way funnier version of my blog (bitch).

It's called Things I've Bought That I Love, which is yet another non-pervy title that I wish I'd considered a year ago when Daddy Likey was but a glint in my eye. But oh well, there's no room for jealousy here (I'm kidding, there's lots of room, I moved the couch).

Just go read it and laugh and come back soon, y'all hear?

p.s. Mindy, in my wildest dreams you will read this and send me an email telling me what it was like to work on Crossing Over with John Edward. Never in my life has an IMDB tidbit so piqued my interest.

Coats for the Real Douchebag

One of my BBFFs (Best Blogging Friend Forever, duh), Wendy B, made an extremely insightful comment regarding my last post: "What if I have to find a coat for a douchebag? Any suggestions for that situation?"

If I were Oprah, I would call this an "Aha Moment." (If I really were Oprah, like hell I'd be writing a fashion blog--I'd be paying Matt Damon to eat mini quiche off his abs).

How could I have been so insensitive? How many douchebags read that post and were left reeling by my brusque disregard for their feelings? How many girlfriends of douchebags are still desperately searching for the perfect douchebag-friendly coat?

I asked my brothers for help with this one, because although they are not douchebags themselves, they are experts in the field. I had them on speaker phone as we undertook a massive online search, which included the following unfortunate incident:

Brother: Oh my GOD!
Me: Jesus, what?
Brother: Don't type "douche" into Google if you have your image filter off.

Yes, it was a harrowing task, and one that stole my brother's innocence, but eventually, we found a selection of warm weather essentials perfect for douchebags of any stripe:

Ah, the classic douchebag. Toned, gelled, and bronzed, his well-practiced leer says narcissism with a twist of misogyny, on the rocks. "No means yes" is his middle name, and for this douche, only the finest American icon will do.

Not all douchebags are conformists. Some pretend they are Jared Leto.

This form of douchebaggyness occurs when the skater pothead in the back of your high school science class somehow secures a steady stream of girlfriends into his mid 20's, inflating his ego to dangerous proportions. A busy-print hoodie accessorized with faux gang sign? Dope, yo.

I'm not actually going to tell you where to buy these.

Coats for the NonDouchebag

Editor's note: I attempted to finish up this post and publish it on both Thursday and Friday, but on Thursday I binged on turkey and then watched a four hour documentary on the genocide in Darfur (my boyfriend chooses the most uplifting Thanksgiving entertainment), and yesterday I saw No Country for Old Men. Neither of these films proved conducive to writing jokes.
__________________________________________

So, an embarrassingly long time ago, one of my very dear friends, Lindsay, sent me this email:

Winona,
I have a serious question for you on behalf of my BF Alec. This is why I'm writing to you through your very important and official website blog email. He is currently searching for a jacket, a medium weight, perhaps military inspired, appropriate for a brisk day with possibly layering at a moderate price (maybe under $100). We have been looking for a website that this could be found on, but alas I'm unskilled at online shopping and even more so when it comes to men's clothing.
Love and Bunnies,
Lindsay

Between my move and the ensuing Comcast dramz, I didn't have a chance to craft a full reply before today, but I did have a chance to scour the internet in search of cool men's coats. That search led me to few coats, and one big epiphany: It is borderline impossible to find men's clothes if you are not a douchebag.

I mean, Lindsay and Alec's request doesn't seem that crazy--a cool jacket, under $100--but it is, when you consider that the mid-priced male clothing world seems to be dominated by shit like this:
Seriously. Browsing the men's section of shopping sites is like trudging through a frat party at 3 am. It's an exhausting endeavor, indeed. I brought up this issue with my own non-douchebag boyfriend, and he said flatly, "Yeah, why do you think I never go shopping?"

Even when you find a non-douchebagy item, it is almost always modeled by a douchebag, hence tainting its beauty:

I love this coat. I think it is a beautiful, versatile, flattering coat. But if the model doesn't get the hell over himself in, like, the next minute, I'm going to track him down and punch him in the mouth.
If you're less sensitive than me, here's the info: Mavi Jeans Military Twill Jacket, originally $128, on sale for $65, macys.com

But anyway, I prevailed. I trudged through countless proverbial frat parties, past the puddles of beer, ass grabs, leering glances, and sexist jokes (anyone who wants to complain about my stereotyping of fraternities, go to a fraternity), and I found a few good coats.

First up, one of the few places my boyfriend does shop: J. Crew. (He'll take Hamptons gay over douchebag any day.) Since no one can afford their normal clothes anymore, the online sale section is where it's at, and two supernice, good quality, military-inspired, mostly affordable jackets are hiding there right now:

Love love love this one. It's corduroy, has great details, and is only 80 bucks.
Cord Geary Jacket, jcrew.com

Maybe a bit boring, but it will go with anything, last forever, and keep you warm.
Fatigue Jacket, $99 (down from $145), jcrew.com

During my Great Jacket Search, I came across Topman, the male version of Topshop. I didn't do enough research to be able to declare it douchebag-free, but I did quite enjoy their coat selection. A couple favorites:

Brown Wool Mix Bomber Jacket, 60 pounds (let me just calculate that in dollars real quick...hmm...let's see...factor in the stock market, the war in Iraq, interest rates, the rise of China, the world hating us, and...this coat probably costs like five grand. Damn.), topman.com

Black Longline Jacket, 65 pounds (same deal--and for Americans, "deal" is definitely the wrong word to use there), topman.com

So yeah, the one tiny problem with Topman is that whole currency exchange thing. I'm sure it will blow over soon.

And, thank the lord, you can always count on Ebay. I typed in something really complex like "military-inspired jacket" and found some great options at great prices. One Ebay store I really like is GS-Sense, where I found tons of rad, military-inspired jackets for under 100 bucks. Like these:

G-Star, $89.99

G-Star, $59.99

G-Star, $119

And now, dear readers, I reach out to you for help. Know of any places where Alec could find a sweet jacket? Have any suggestions in general for guys who'd rather not wear message tees containing slightly differentiated versions of "I have a big penis."? Please, share your wisdom in the comments!

What I Wish the Universal Reaction to This Photo of 18-Year-Old Hayden Panettiere in GQ Magazine Would Be:

"Wow, that's fucked up."