When Horses Fly.

Pegasus Vintage Book Page Print, $8.50

This weekend I went to the Oregon Air Show with my dad and two of my brothers. While we were walking around the grounds trying to score as many free stickers and FAA Junior Agent badges as possible, my little brother Bob turned to me and said, "I'm going to buy a horse and a plane."

"Cool!" I said. "Are you going to learn to jump from your plane onto your horse like The Phantom? That's a classic move. The ladies love it."

Bob sighed at my stupidity. "No. I'm gonna teach the horse to be a pilot. Then I'm gonna ride the horse while it flies the plane."

"Oh," I said. "Well I guess that's even better."

Black Holes and Broken Sunglasses

This weekend my top favorite sunglasses broke.

They broke while I was drumming, which could have made for a really cool story, like maybe I had just finished a perfect rendition of "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse and did a massive headbang to celebrate and my sunglasses flew off and hit Dom Howard (the drummer from Muse) in the chest because he happened to be standing in the doorway and then he started a slow clap and said "You're bloody talented" and when I jumped up to hug him I stepped on my sunglasses and they broke and Dom was like, "Don't worry about it, I'll buy you some new ones IN LONDON because you are going to come on tour with us and fill in for me whenever I need a wee nap. Cheers!"

In reality I was sitting completely still while my little brother (who is a way better drummer than I am) tried to explain to me the concept of a paradiddle, and my $12 sunglasses just fell off my head onto the floor and broke. And I seriously almost cried.

I was able to find a replacement pair (in blue plaid) on ebay the same night for less than 10 bucks, which was awesome, but in my state of grief I also bought two other vintage pairs from Etsy and saved about a thousand more in my favorites folder, including these:

70s Rainbow Sunglasses, $9.99

Now I'm sort of hoping someone else buys these before I do, because I need to stop spending all my money on sunglasses, and I'll need to pack light when I go on tour.

p.s. I just bought tickets to see Muse in Minneapolis in October. Might need to buy a new pair of sunglasses to celebrate.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Oregon is currently experiencing a heat wave. We hit 101 today. Anytime the temperature climbs above 90 I'm convinced my second floor apartment is not actually an apartment but a human oven closely observed by alien chefs. It's terrifying. And sweaty.

Vintage slip, $8

Today I fled to the beach to escape the heat. Tomorrow I plan to wear nothing but a vintage slip to work, then crawl over to the air-conditioned grocery store across the street, lay down in the freezer section, and try not to get arrested for indecent exposure.

p.s. For all you sweaty, stylish Portland folks, also happening tomorrow: The Up in the Air Summer Affair Rooftop Party and Fashion Show. I'm hoping to peel myself off the grocery store floor, put on a bra (hopefully), and go check it out. Should be a really good time! See you there?

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week

Print, $12

I keep trying to think of something witty to say about this, but basically I just think it's adorable.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week: Back From Florida Edition

Vintage Florida Love Mug, $9

I'm back from Florida, miraculously alive and in one piece (I did lose approximately 3 quarts of blood to the Everglades mosquitoes, but hey, I'm sure they needed it more than I did). Crazy snake-hunting/alligator-stalking/Jon Voight-impersonating adventure stories and photo evidence are forthcoming as soon as I get my thoughts in order and my brother figures out how to burn me a photo CD (the kid has many other skills).

I promise to make it worth the wait.

As a preview, here is a picture of me petting a water moccasin that my dad caught in a swamp:

Not shown: me wetting myself.

I'll be back to a normal blogging schedule this week so stay tuned for haiku, chochas, and lots of other fun stuff!

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Vintage(ish) Band Medals, $9

I had my first drum lesson last week. I walked in with big dreams of becoming the next Meg White or Dominic Howard, but then I was so nervous I forgot my own phone number and told my teacher I was going to vomit. My greatest achievement in my first half-hour as a drummer was banging out four 8th notes in a row and not puking in the trashcan.

Hardcore, right?

This week's lesson went much better. I successfully drummed a rock beat and wept with pride (I've only known my poor teacher for a cumulative hour and he has already seen my entire range of emotion). Now I want everyone to know I'm a drummer. Carrying my drumsticks around in my purse and accidentally dropping them at parties is a good first step, but I think clipping a few old school band medals to my favorite black blazer would be even better.

I have to go practice headbanging.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Vanilla Lavender Goat's Milk Soap, $5

Every year for my birthday and Christmas I ask for a baby goat. And every year, like my pleas for a Mighty Ducks DVD gift pack, this request is ignored by my family and friends, who insist that I couldn't fit a goat in my apartment (I could) and that I don't really view Coach Bombay as a father figure (I do).

Last night, at my birthday dinner with my family, one of my wishes kinda sorta came true.

When I opened my little brother Bob's gift, which was artfully wrapped in a stained brown paper bag and sealed with 15 hidden thumb tacks (thanks, kid), I found a framed "Certificate of Goat Milking Prowess," good for a lesson in basic goat care at a local farm.

At first I laughed nervously, thinking this was payback for Bob's 12th birthday, when the entire family pretended we had pooled our money to buy him 6 months of beekeeping lessons instead of the video game he so dearly desired. But then I looked around the table. No one was yelling, "Gotcha!" My brother Tona wasn't doubled over in hysterical laughter like he was for the beekeeping incident. My mom was beaming with excitement.

Finally Bob said, "I got it at the high school auction. Isn't this what you've always wanted?"

I laughed and clutched the frame to my chest. "Yes, Bob, it's exactly what I wanted."

p.s. Currently planning my perfect goat-milking outfit. Any suggestions?

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

"Lovely Rita" Print, $6

So, speaking of blush, how gorgeous is this print? It makes me want to paint my cheeks pink and dye my hair black and pluck my eyebrows and change my name to Rita and lure two live butterflies to perch on my head wherever I go.

Reasonable goals. Reasonable goals.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week: Butterfly Body Art

Butterfly Tattoo Knee-High Socks, $13

When I first got my driver's license, my parents would let me borrow their Volvo if I agreed to take my little brothers to school in the morning. I needed that Volvo in order to drive up and down Main Street blasting my Fatboy Slim tape, so of course every morning I dutifully drove my brothers to school.

One day I was hustling everybody out the door when I noticed my youngest brother Bob had locked himself in the bathroom.

"Get out of there, Bob, we've gotta go!" I yelled.

"Umm, I can't," he whimpered back.

I walked over and knocked on the door. "What's wrong?"

He opened the door a crack and peeked through. "I drew penises all over my hand."

He held out his hand and sure enough, the kid had had a Superbad moment and made 6 or 7 very obvious renderings of the male anatomy on his hand and forearm. With a permanent marker.

I put his hand under the faucet and tried to scrub them off, but they wouldn't budge. We were running late. I had a test. "You know what?" I said, "They're hardly noticeable! I think we should just go."

"But what will the other kids say?"

"Just tell 'em they're butterflies."

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week: Arch Nemesis Edition

1970s Poisoning Handbook, $16

I recently acquired an arch nemesis. It's a pretty low key thing so far. Mostly we send each other ominous text messages and say, "We meet again" whenever we, well, meet again.

If I wanted to step things up though, I can think of a lot of uses for this book (which is actually a guide to known poisons and remedies, rather than the How To Poison People guide that the title implies). Here are a few of my ideas:

1. Set it on the coffee table and invite Arch Nemesis over for tea. Be sure to mark pages and write things like "Good option. Minimal foaming."

2. Run into Arch Nemesis on the street. Say "We meet again" (duh). Let book fall out of purse. Look at book, then look at Arch Nemesis. Say, "Oops."

3. Send book to Arch Nemesis's house with a note that says, "You might want to look up the antidote on page 43. Like, now."

That's all for now. I've gotta get to work on perfecting my menacing cackle.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Hand-Drawn Clothes Line Egg Cup, $12

I don't really understand what you do with an egg cup--do you put an egg in it? Like, a whole egg? With a shell? MOM WHY DIDN'T YOU TEACH ME ABOUT EGG CUPS?--but I can say, with confidence, that this is the cutest egg cup in the world.

And just in time for Easter! You could totally put an Easter egg in there. Or something like that.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Secret Garden Hair Clip or Brooch, $12

I have a huge crush on New Zealand-based Etsy shop hunter gatherer. They sell adorable hair bows and bowties in vintage-inspired fabrics, and all their product tags say "hunter gatherer thinks you are quite lovely."

You see, I'm a sucker for flattery. Also for floral prints. Also for New Zealand accents. Help me, Jesus.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Rainbow Kitten Pocket Journal, $15

As soon as I saw this, I knew I had to get it for my little brother Bob, because he loves kittens and rainbows and journals. And I was right: today on the phone I asked him if he liked it and he said, "Nona, are you kidding me? It's a kitten. Barfing up a rainbow. And it's a little journal to boot! It's INCREDIBLE."

So there you go.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Tiny Rose Teacup Ring, $10

Pretty much every night, I get out my favorite mug (National Geographic mug shoutout!), boil some water, and make myself a lovely cup of tea. Then I set it on the counter and forget it exists while I watch 3-7 hours of Criminal Minds. Then my boyfriend comes home and sighs dramatically and says, "Nona, you didn't drink your tea again. Why do you make tea every night when you never drink it?" And then I say, "Why are you always judging my tea-drinking habits? Matthew Gray Gubler is the only man who understands me!" And then my boyfriend says, "You have never met Matthew Gray Gubler. You are in love with his character on Criminal Minds, not him, and in reality he would probably be just as confused about your insistence on leaving full cups of cold tea all over the house." And then I'm like, "Damn, maybe you're right."

Maybe wearing a cup of tea would work better for me?

p.s. Thanks so much to Jolene for the heads up about this adorable little shop!

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Rhinestone Bee Bobby Pin, $14

Here's a story about the last time there was a bee in my hair:

I was 10, and my brothers, mom and I were driving down the highway in the family minivan. My brother Tona, who was sitting behind me, tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Nona, don't freak out, but a bee is making a nest in your hair."

So I opened the sliding side door and tried to jump out of the van.

Luckily I had neglected to unbuckle my seatbelt, which choked me back as one of my legs dangled out of the car. I screamed, "I'm gonna jump!" and Tona screamed, "I told you not to freak out!" and our younger brother Devin just screamed and my mom screamed loudest, "Don't jump! Close the door! What is going on?! STOP THE INSANITY."

She swerved into a nearby parking lot and told me to get out of the van. I dove to the pavement and began rolling around as if I were on fire.

My mom's mood, meanwhile, had shifted from angry hysteria to stone faced placidity. She calmly exited the car and walked into a nearby video store.

Eventually I got back into my seat and waited for my mom to come back. She was in the store for a very long time. My brothers and I wondered if maybe she had slipped out the back door and abandoned us. Surely we'd pushed her too far this time.

Finally she emerged, struggling to carry a gigantic piece of cardboard. When she opened the sliding door we saw it was an elephant-shaped promotional poster for Operation Dumbo Drop.

"I just...I just think we need this," she said, putting it in my lap. And then, without another word, we drove home.


Maybe a cute bee bobby pin in my hair would work out better.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Patent Leather Rubber Duckie Purse, $18

I chose this 1960s purse as this week's Etsy find because I thought it was pretty cute. Then my boyfriend caught a glimpse of it on my computer screen, jumped up and down and shrieked, "Aaaaahhhh! That is the cutest thing I've ever seen!!"

So apparently it's really cute and a total guy magnet. You're welcome, ladies.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Books and Birds Gocco Screenprinted Library Card, $3.50

Remember when all the books at your elementary school library had these cute little cards in the back where you signed your name to check them out? And remember how exciting it was when you looked at the card and saw that you had checked out a book directly after your crush? And remember that one fateful day when you looked at the card in the back of the How to Draw Cars book and saw the name of your biggest crush, David E., right above your name? And remember how you were so overcome with passion and excitement and serendipity that you kissed the card, stole it, and kept it in your diary?

No? Oh.

Happy Valentine's Day.

p.s. Speaking of true love, I truly love pretty much everything in this shop.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

1980s patent leather clutch, $10

My current wallet, an amazing 1970s metallic silver clutch I found for $2 at an estate sale a few years ago (yes, I breathlessly describe this backstory to every single unfortunate soul who compliments me on it), is disintegrating. And I mean that quite literally: every time I open it to get out my debit card, stringy little pieces of it come off in my hand. This makes for some awkward encounters with cashiers, especially when I start crying.

So yeah, I'm in the market for a new wallet. Searching Etsy for candidates, I came across this beautiful vintage clutch. After the few years of therapy it will take to learn to let go of my current wallet (an amazing 1970s metallic silver clutch I found for $2 at an estate sale a few years ago, did I mention that?), if this one is still available, it might be just perfect.

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Lady of Shalott Locket, $8

A couple months ago some friends and I were discussing how easy it is to confuse the "Lady of Shalott" with the "Lady of Shallots," the latter of which we decided would be some kind of goddess of ground vegetables. I think by the time our conversation ended, I had been crowned the "Lady of Oregano," but that's another post for another time.

But if there were such a thing as the "Lady of Shallots," I think she would delight in wearing this "Lady of Shalott" vintage locket, with this picture tucked inside:

Right?

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Vintage Hat, $10

When I see people on the street wearing hats like this, I'm automatically intrigued, excited, envious, and intimidated. The ability to conjure up such a complex mixture of emotions for just 10 bucks, and keep your head warm and dry? Now that's a sweet deal.