we're all equal-unless you're different from me

What I’m about to write is a very heated topic with little to no gray area for most. I’m sure there will be a few of you reading this who don’t agree with what I have to say. That’s ok, but this is my blog, and I write about what I want. You choose to continue reading. Although I never intend to offend and I try to keep things light and fun, writing my feelings about this topic in my journal over and over and over isn’t helping me to feel better. Maybe putting it here will. I am not intending to offend anyone, and if I do I am truly sorry. I’m just trying to comprehend. If you choose to read on you may feel the need to comment. Please do. I welcome open, respectful conversations, EVERYONE’S right to have a differing opinion, and the right to make those opinions heard—even if I don’t agree.  HOWEVER-please be advised I will NOT tolerate hateful, hurtful, goading, or attacking comments. They will be immediately deleted and my relationship with you will be reconsidered. If you choose to read on you are agreeing to the terms mentioned above.

Change is a comin’. The LGBT community is demanding it. And do you know what? I’M ALL FOR IT. Yep, this little Mormon girl from Salt Lake is for Gay Rights. Why, you may ask? Because I feel that it’s the right thing to do. I don’t understand how people can feel they have the right to rob someone else of happiness. I know I wouldn’t appreciate someone telling me that the love Mr. Wonderful and I share is evil, and immoral, and an abomination in the eyes of the Lord, so who am I to say that to someone else? Some of you may argue that “the Bible says”. Ok, so WHAT if the Bible says? The Bible also says to love one another and to leave the judging up to God, but we definitely have no problem ignoring those passages.  You don’t get to pick who you love any more than you got to pick your parents or the color of your skin. Am I saying to ignore what you believe to be true and follow what the mainstream tells you to do? Of course not. Am I asking you to show everyone the same unconditional love Christ shows for us all? Abso-frickin-lutely.

When I was young I felt differently. I even voted for Utah Constitutional Amendment 3. This is probably the biggest regret I have and one of the things I am most ashamed of.  Mostly because at my young age I didn’t really understand what I was doing. Although I have never had a problem with the LGBT community I was following the current, and not really thinking for myself (evidence there just how dangerous uneducated voters are, but I digress). Two days after that election I was at work talking to one of my regular customers about the outcome. He also happened to be gay. He expressed his profound sadness about the decision and his anger at the pride of people for thinking we had the right to tell him how to live his life. Then he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Why would people want to deny me the opportunity to marry someone I love?” After that it was personal for me and I have never wished so badly that I could take something back. Seeing the tears in my friend’s eyes and knowing that I had caused him pain with my actions will be something I regret forever. That experience taught me just how important our agency is, and how it’s even more important to not take that away from others. Agency is the one thing Heavenly Father won’t take from us. Why do we feel we are allowed to do so? There are exceptions to this, of course. When someone is putting themselves or others in danger or taking away the rights of others, then yes, we need to step in and say ‘no’. I just don’t understand how something as silly as a man wanting to marry another man is enough to send us into upheaval.

People will argue the ‘sanctity of marriage’. To that I say bullshit. Marriage has NEVER been sacred--wait, let me re-phrase. Marriage is only as sacred as the people entering into it treat it. Marriage began as a business transaction and a way for countries to maintain peace. It’s only within the last 200 years that people have actually married for love, and not for some sort of monetary benefit. Even marriage in the last 50 years has changed drastically. I know many married couples who don’t plan to have, nor want, children. Fifty years ago this was unheard of. Yes, marriage is an important step for some who want to have a family, but it’s not the sole reason to do it anymore. The people who argue ‘then what’s the point in getting married’ ask the elderly couple, the infertile couple, the couple who were finished having children before they remarried why and they’ll tell you: LOVE. Two gay men marrying each other will no more sully the reputation of marriage any more then we heterosexuals have done. This isn’t a new thing. Henry VII was married EIGHT times, and MURDERED TWO because of his roving eye. If you want to see a modern day version, look around you. It’s in the 50% of marriages that end in divorce, the bed-hopping culture we live in, the Kim Kardashians and Britney Spears who change husbands the way we change clothes. The spouses who couldn’t remain faithful if they tried, and the people who joke “this is only my first marriage. I have time” have completed that task. I just don’t understand how people who have known each other for hours can run to Vegas in a drunken stupor and get married, but a loving, committed gay couple who have spent their entire lives to each other cannot. Yes, the LGBT community has a reputation for being promiscuous, but guess what? The hetero community is JUST AS BAD. You don’t believe me watch any reality show on television or go to a bar or dance club. Denying the whole something because of the actions of a few is unfair and WRONG, and I will do everything I can to make my voice heard.

Yes there are arguments about the church part-they will lose their tax-exempt status for refusing to marry a gay couple, yadda yadda, yadda. Frankly, I’m not worried about that. Most of the gay friends I have are spiritual, but not religious, and the likelihood of them wanting to marry in a church (or temple) in a religious ceremony is about as likely as any of us growing another limb. Yes there will be people who will try, but I truly believe it won’t be the issue everyone is making it out to be so for me it’s a moot point.

The bottom line for me is it hurts my heart to see such hate camouflaged as Christianity. Denying people their right to choose is NOT Christian. Watching my best friend worry about whether he will get to marry the person he loves while I take it for granted hurts my heart so badly. To those of you who don't agree, but don't stoop to hateful, bible-bashing, 'you are evil and going to hell' comments, I am not talking to you. I understand and respect your right to feel differently. I just don't understand why. I'm LDS and this is the biggest problem I have with the Church. It is something I struggle with. Every. Day. Yes I understand the Gospel says it's wrong, but I also struggle with the fact we came here to have and exercise AGENCY. Although you don't choose to be gay if you choose to do something that contradicts those Gospel teachings how are you any different from the adulterers, thieves, and murderers? It may be a poor comparison, yes, but my point is they are exercising their right to choose, why can't everyone? How will gays being able to marry and have what we all strive for going to ruin and tarnish our own heterosexual relationships or diminish the value of what WE have with the person we love? How can some parents look at their gay children and in essence say 'You are not allowed to be happy because you are different from the rest of us'?
How ashamed will we feel in 50 years, looking back, and seeing how we treated our fellow man? I just don't understand, someone please help me understand how inequality equates to love and compassion? Forty years ago black men weren't allowed to hold the Priesthood because they were black. Now they can. Just three years ago the Church's stance on homosexuality was that it was a choice. Just last month they released a statement saying this isn't true-it's not a choice. I just don't understand how something that is so unlikely to affect us more than hey 'John can go see his husband in the ICU now when he couldn't before' is such a huge deal. Why are we taking it upon ourselves to be judge, jury, and executioner? It's the Lord's job to judge us, not ours. So why can't we all just focus on ourselves and our families and leave it at that? 

busy pants

I'm always a little taken aback when people tell me I keep myself busy. I'm not like Riss or Meg and have to schedule my time out months in advance *wink wink*. I'm usually available for last-minute things, and my schedule is relatively open, but after a little reflection I realized I am a pretty busy girl-just in different ways:

-I helped Sparky coordinate (well I made food platters) coronation for one of the MANY things he's involved in.
-I attended my first Pride this weekend. It was fun to have a new experience and to see so many of my friends!
-Since my friends are so great at supporting me I've been trying to support them more, too! (Hedwig, Chicago, Seussical, and Pirates! Of Penzance?, and a stop by the Canyon Inn to catch Channel Z are next on the list)
-A quick (and I mean quick) flight to St George for my Lexi bug's first birthday, then right back home that night so I could do a show the next day.
-Trying to keep going to tap, but rehearsals have taken over there, too...
-Mr Wonderful is still working swing shift (YUCK), so we try and see each other as much as we can during the week-usually involves odd hours and runs to the gas station for a cherry coke and twenty minutes to fill each other in on our days. We try to make Saturdays our day, but sometimes my business gets in the way...
-I have been cast in THREE shows in the last six months, and they have all been pretty substantial roles-oh, you know about Spitfire, the massive undertaking that was Blithe Spirit, but not the third? That is because I was just cast as Missy in the 'Marvelous Wonderettes' this last weekend with my old friends Meg and Melody, and new friend Paige. We started rehearsals yesterday, we totally rock, I love the pro team, the script is so cute and funny, and it's lots of good old school 'bubble gum' music from the 1950's and 1960's that I am having a BALL learning. We open in July, and I am SO EXCITED to finally (Oh, I didn't tell you I've auditioned for this show every time I've seen a posting for it and never been cast until now? Well I have.) be a part of this show. Stay tuned-details to follow!

Cindy Lou (Melody), Missy (me), Suzie (Meg), and Betty Jean (Paige)

So all of this coupled with the fact Mr Wonderful has been cleaning my kitchen lately more than I care to admit I guess I DO keep myself pretty busy after all...

love, love, love

Sometimes you forget just how blessed you are and it takes a monumental pile of crap to remind you that it's not as bad as you think. The last few weeks have been a monumental pile of crap and today I am overwhelmed with love for a few people. So much so I have to put it out there lest I continue to feel ungrateful for not putting it out there.

I know I say it all the time, but Mr. Wonderful more than earns his blog name. I don't know how he does it, but he balances my random craziness with his steady, even keel. He reminds me that life doesn't always need to be taken so seriously, that it's ok to act like a little kid now and then, and that his taste in things isn't as bad as I think. He is caring and considerate and knows when to step up and pick up the slack. He does so quietly without looking for recognition. He does it merely because he loves me. He supports my passions-even when I know going to the theatre isn't his favorite thing. He will humor me when I volunteer us to pose for friends who are trying to build their photography portfolios. He is quick to recognize what I need and be that man for me-the hands to lift me up, the shoulder to cry on, or the person who sits quietly next to me while I vent. Is our relationship perfect? No. But he is perfect for me and I am so grateful for him. I thank my lucky stars for whatever I did that made HF see fit to send him to me by making our paths cross again. He is such a wonderful man, and I am so happy I get to call him mine.

I don't know how I lived 26 years without Sparky in my life. He is the yin to my yang, the Blanche to my Rose, the Carrie to my Charlotte. Meeting him was truly kismet and I thank my lucky stars I can call him one of my very best friends. He is the person who not only convinced me to think outside the box and audition for a straight play instead of my standard musical, but also that I could do it. We are so alike it's almost scary, and he is my go-to person for all things 'chicky'-much to Mr. Wonderful's relief. We can go on a week-long vacation together and come out the back side still loving each other as much as we did when we left, we talk about anything and everything, we aren't afraid to call each other on our respective crap, and even if we go months without talking (it's happened), we pick up right where we left off like nothing has changed.

Almost two years ago I met Stephen. We've spent these two years as acquaintances, following each other on Facebook and our blogs, but I have been so blessed in getting to know him better after playing opposite him for these last few months. Stephen is handsome and kind, caring, supportive and witty, extremely talented, eloquent and uber smart (I frequently feel inferior to his knowledge), and funny as hell. I figured he was, being as he's in an improv troupe and all, but WOW. All I do is laugh when he's around. He has a soft side he tries so hard to hide with cynicism, but once you can get past that and see the real Stephen there is so much more to him. He has helped me so much in the past 8 weeks-he has been my cheerleader, my support, a great ego-booster, and above all my friend. I am SO grateful for him and the fact that I can now call him a friend instead of just an acquaintance.

Around the same time I met Stephen I met Justina. She is the sweetest, kindest, most genuine person I know. She will quite literally drop everything she is doing, drive out to the Magna library, and run lines with you for an hour even if you haven't seen her in ages merely because you needed her to. She is so supportive (and has come to see Blithe two-or is it three? times), funny, talented, and so full of Christ-like love for everyone. I'm sure there's not a mean or hateful bone in her body, I admire her immensely, and wish I was more like her. I just love her guts.

Theatre families are an interesting dynamic. Sometimes you hate them, and sometimes you really hit it off with them. My cast mates in 'Blithe' have made this one of the best theatre experiences I've ever had. Yes it's been hard, stressful, and there were times I didn't think I would be ready in time. But we were, and it has been amazing working with so many wonderful people. As ready as I am to move onto the next adventure I am sad for this weekend and knowing I won't be able to see these wonderful people as regularly as I am now.

When I met Karalee I was a 20-something and she was fresh out of High School. Now I'm a 30-something and she's fresh out of cosmetology school with a sweeter than sweet husband. I am so grateful that our paths crossed again, not only because she does my hair for me but also because I genuinely look forward to seeing her. I love talking to her and she is another one of those people I can go forever without seeing and we still manage to pick up where we left off. Kar is kind and compassionate, patient, and long-suffering. In short I wish I was more like her.

The list goes on and on, and I hate making public declarations like this because I always worry someone will be hurt because I haven't mentioned them. If you're reading this rest assured I am grateful for you. These are just the people who have been on my mind the most lately and I couldn't NOT say something about them. (And thanks for letting me steal photos off your Facebook pages everyone.) :)

a tale of two auditions

Well folks, I never thought it would happen, but it did. What, might you ask? Pull a seat up and I'll tell you. Brace yourself; I'm about to take FAR too long to tell the shortest story ever.

 Last week I did the risky move of auditioning for two shows. Two very different shows (a whimsical musical and a comedic straight play) that would be in rehearsal at the same time. After a lot of debate and persuasion from Sparky and Piano Man they convinced me to try out for both by telling me the worst thing that would happen is that I would be cast in both and have to choose. Of course this is me we're talking about so I knew that wouldn't be an issue. I must admit I would have been lying if I said I wasn't a little worried about the tiny possibility of being invited to both.

Wednesday I went to audition #1, waited 2.5 hours, missed tap, and then completely bombed. (No, this isn't an exaggeration. I was embarrassingly awful, and yes I was prepared so I can't blame it on that). I left not expecting anything, but amazingly enough I was invited to call backs on Saturday, and bombed again. The sad thing was I was more upset with myself for failing to be as good as I know I can be and for missing tap on Wednesday then I was about the fact I knew I wouldn't be getting a casting call.

After the failed callback I headed over to Audition #2. Aside from a tiny stumble during my monologue this audition went surprisingly well. They thanked me and told me I would know by Monday, so I thanked them for their time, and headed home. I have only had a feeling-that confident 'I nailed this-the role is mine' feeling after an audition twice. This audition and the callback for when I played Emily Arden in State Fair. I felt pretty confident but I tried not to get my hopes up and to not stress the rest of the weekend. (The closest thing I did to counting my eggs before they hatched was reserving a copy of the script from the library just in case.) Other than that I pretty much didn't think about it again and I didn't stress. Not. One. Bit.

Monday finally rolled around, and guess what? I got a call. The best part? It's a LEAD. Me. I finally did well enough to earn a LEADING ROLE. I will be playing Ruth in Blithe Spirit at the Empress in Magna. The more I read the script the more I love it, the cast is spectacular, and I will be working with several friends again-including Stephen! I am beyond psyched, I'm scared out of my mind, and I can't wait to start rehearsals on Saturday!

The show will run May 4-24 on Fridays, Saturdays, and Mondays. I'll post more the closer it gets, but mark your calendars now!

come on down to the creek...

City Creek, that is. Last night Sparky and I visited the brand new City Creek Shopping Center. Although I heard on the news they expected over 50,000 people to visit opening day I was just too curious to wait. Here are a few highlights:

-It was busy, but WASN'T wall-to-wall people like we thought it would be.
-For some odd reason the new smell of everything made me happy.
-Trying on a $37,000 engagement ring at Tiffany & Co. yes it was GORGEOUS, and yes I day dreamed about it the rest of the night.
-Utah has a DISNEY STORE again!! (although there was a Disneyland-esque line to get in so we skipped it. What I could see from the windows was lovely.)
-The weather was perfect.
-There are a few bargain stores-I got a cute bracelet at Love Culture for $2.00!
-The Kneaders is HUGE, and surprisingly efficient. When you go say 'hi' to Tui (too-EE) for me.
-The only stores that validate are Nordies and Macy's-or maybe it's H&M, I can't remember. So unless you want to pay $2.00/hour for parking ride Trax and literally be dropped off at the front door.
-Getting yelled at by the po-pos because apparently jay walking is illegal... (whoops)
-Spending the evening window shopping with Sparky.
-Walking around slack-jawed at how much some women are willing to spend on a formal dress ($800)
-The sky walk separating the two malls was our favorite-SO BEAUTIFUL!!
-Although I won't realistically ever shop there I WILL go to just walk around and enjoy the weather. (That and it's easier to window shop when you can't even pretend to afford anything you're looking at.)

All in all it was a great night, and I highly recommend you visit-and SOON. (If the crowds weren't that bad on opening night y'all will be fine--PROMISE.

And if anyone needs someone to go with them, I'll go again. It was WAY cool.

the crucible: grand theatre



Photo Courtesy of Salt Lake Community College

 Last night Sparky and I had to opportunity to see The Grand's production of The Crucible. It was written by Arthur Miller in 1952 and although it is a dramatization of the Salem witch trials, Miller wrote it as an allegory of McCarthyism, and many of the themes still hold true today.

*Forgive me, I forgot my program so I am unable to credit anyone by name except my friend Jon.*

The show opens on Reverend Parris (my good friend and the insanely talented Jon McBride) praying over his seemingly unconscious daughter Betty while neice Abigail Williams stands by. Parris caught Betty, Abigail, and a few other friends dancing by firelight in the forest-allegedly conjuring with Parris' slave from Barbados, Tituba. Upon being caught dancing Betty fainted and is unresponsive. Witchcraft is immediately suspected, although Parris is hesitant to concede to this conclusion as he is not well-liked by his parrish and is worried how this will affect his already ill-standing. John Procter then arrives to Salem to find out what has happened and it is quickly revealed that Abigail had an affair with him while she was working in his home and that is why she is now living with Parris.

Reverend John Hale is then summoned from Beverly to help with Betty and confirm if her stupor is really the Devil's hand at work. Once Hale begins examining Betty she comes out of her stupor and she and Abigail sing a list of names of people whom they have seen with the Devil, including Procter's wife Elizabeth.

From there things snowball and the girls begin accusing everyone and anyone in their village of dealing with the Devil. Eventually High Judges are brought in to 'try' each accused, and their death certificates are all but signed unless they agree to confess to wrong doing and 'return to Jesus'.

Director Mark Fossen has done a wonderful job of bringing this story to life, by not only telling it in a way that is very straightforward, but also making it impossible for the audience to not take the subject matter personally. Fossen did a very good job of instilling fear by attacking every sense he could-an eerie green light (actors were top and bottom lit) with a blood-red back lit scrim and townspeople in silhouette chanting/whispering/singing (honestly I don't know what it was, but man was it chilling) with every mention of witchcraft, and by slowly closing in the Grand's well-grand-stage by flying in additional set pieces as the story progressed and the characters became more stubborn and set in their ways. This introduced a new layer of claustrophobia and discomfort to me as a viewer I would not have experienced otherwise.

The casting was well-done-I immediately felt compassion towards Goody Procter and those who were wrongly accused, extreme dislike and then compassion towards Mary Warren as she wrongfully accused and then struggled with the consequences that came as she tried to withdraw her accusations as well as proving the others were lying too. I immediately disliked Abigail and knew she was a jealous, unstable young girl who would do anything necessary to get what she wanted. I especially loved John Procter. He was perfect; angry and defiant one minute, broken and down trodden at the realization of his mistakes the next.
Jon's Reverend Parris and Governor Danforth were especially infuriating how they staunchly held to the fact they were doing the Lord's work and their willingness to let innocent people lose their lives because of their pride-even in spite of realizing they were wrong and had fallen not only into Abigail's lies, but also the lies of the people who stood to gain financially as people were murdered one by one. I'm still pissed almost an entire day later.  

This production of The Crucible  is possibly the best I have ever seen. It strikes chords and runs an eerie parallel not only to the issues facing our society today, but also how so many people use their positions to instill hatred and fear to the people they lead with their own stubborn, hateful acts because they believe they are 'doing God's work'.

Please make time to see the 'The Crucible'  at the Grand. It runs now through March 24.

Curtain is promptly at 7:30 p.m. at The Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State St., Salt Lake City

$10-$24. Call 801-957-3322 or visit http://www.the-grand.org/ for more information.

thankful: Sparky

Four and a half years ago I did a show. I'm still in awe about how much that one experience changed my life.
It was that experience that blessed me with one of the most important people in my life.

Last night we were talking about how we are both in a funk as of late and have no idea (or a good reason) as to why. I suggested we make lists of five things we are grateful for every day without repeating through November. It can be big or small, as long as we are grateful for it then. I then suggested we text them to each other to make us accountable for it. He agreed, and here we are.

Tis the season, and if you'll humor me, I am going to share my lists with you each day. Although this isn't the list I sent him today I find it fitting mine should start with the person who inspired the idea. My Sparky.

He's silly.

He supports me in everything I do.

He has the best picture face. No really, he does.

He's oh so strong!

He can make his legs dissappear!

 He survived an ENTIRE week of Disneyland with me.

Not only did he not kill me, but three years later still tells me that was the

best trip he's ever been on (and he's been around) and that we HAVE to do it again.

Yes, it's fun and silly, but in all seriousness I wouldn't trade my Sparky for anything in the world. He is my doppelganger (well, if I were a gay man anyway), a huge support to me, we can literally go MONTHS without talking and pick up right where we left off, we can get into the deep stuff conversations, he lets me tell him that he's being dumb without taking it personally (and vice versa), he knows me ALMOST as well as Mr. Wonderful and can read my moods at a glance, he will go see a cheesy community production of whatever with me without complaint, and quote random lines from Steel Magnolias with me. Above all he is my friend and such a huge blessing in my life. It may seem simple, but that's what our friendship is. Marvelously simple, which is exactly what each of us needs. I am so grateful I will always be his Foxy.