My friend
Amanda knows a lot about human behavior. So she probably knew it would take me all
of two seconds to agree to join her for a class on baking Nostalgic Snack Cakes
at the Institute for Culinary Education (ICE) in New York City.
Who could
resist such an offer? After all, we both grew up in suburbia during the golden
age of lunchbox snack treats, where nobody really fretted about a little sugar
or empty calories in the diet and hyperactivity was euphemistically described
as “school spirit.” Suzy Q’s and Ding
Dongs are our ethnic food! Having
already delved into the art of the homemade Twinkie, I’m anxious to expand my
snack cake repertoire.
The class is
led by Chef-Instructor Faith Drobbin.
She’d laid out a sampling of snack cakes that she’s prepared in
advance. There are freshly turned
Twinkies, Suzy Q’s, Funny Bones, and Ding Dongs.
We chat
about the different names of cakes generated by the longtime rivalry between snack
cake giants Hostess and Drakes. Was it a
Ding Dong or a Ring Ding? What’s the
difference between a Twinkie and a chocolate glazed Twinkie, called a Chocodile?
Is the filling Marshmallow Fluff, or buttercream? What’s the difference between a Yankee Doodle
and a Sunny Doodle? What were Captain Cupcake’s actual super powers? The
class is filled with snack cake aficionados, but I’m just a little suspicious
of the woman in the back of the room chomping on a Granny Smith apple. Who let
her in?
Chef invites
us to try the samples she’s laid out.
Everyone is very polite and restrained, but after 5 minutes I can’t hold
back.
“I’m going
in,” I whisper to Amanda. We divvy up a
chocolate glazed, cream filled Ding Dong.
It is a heavenly, light, devils food cake, filled with sinfully good
cream filling. "Do I have chocolate in my teeth?" I self-consciously ask Amanda.
Chef Drobbin
does a fine job of demonstrating the Yellow Snack Cake recipe, and the
Chocolate Snack Cake recipe. Here’s
where I have a snack cake epiphany.
Every single snack cake in the universe consists of either yellow cake
or chocolate cake, with cream filling and a chocolate glaze. No matter what the snack cake may be, the
recipes for the individual components are the same. If you master the recipes, you unlock the
caloric key to infinite variations. At
this moment, I feel a little like Escoffier and Twinkie the Kid all at the same
time.
Amanda’s
insight is just a little different as she eyes the Chocodile. “I really think the key learning here is that
everything is better dipped in chocolate,” she remarks.
We get ready
to bake, and there are lots of questions from the class. How do
you get the goop in? How big should we
make the Twinkies?
“How big do you want your snack
cake?” comments Amanda.
“These are First World problems!”
Chef advises
us that with the proper recipes, pans and techniques we can create a fine
facsimile of any iconic snack cake. Yet
they won’t taste exactly the same. Ours
will taste better, because we’re using butter and eggs.
We start
baking and needless to say, as the day proceeds, our vegetable intake is
minimal, and our carbohydrate consumption is close to astronomical.
We prepare
Chocolate Snack Cake for cupcakes, Ding Dongs and Chocodiles. At times, we find
ourselves engulfed in a cloud of cocoa, but when it all comes together, the
batter is dark and glossy.
We decide to
double the batter for the Yellow Snack Cake Mix. This is a bit of a no-no, and Chef is
somewhat peeved. When we’re done, we actually have enough snack cakes to host a
birthday party at PS 143 in Queens.
Amanda becomes
quite accomplished at injecting cream filling into the cupcakes.
And, we
perfect the high art technique of snack cake glazing.
Some of it resembles Lucy
and Ethel at the candy factory. At one point, a blob of icing lands on Amanda’s
big toe. She has worn flip flops to the
class. I really need to talk to that
young lady about proper kitchen attire.
The final
touch? We express our inner doodler, by
applying the squiggle of icing on the top of the Hostess Cupcakes. We have prepared enough empty calories to
power an army, and we box up our cakes and head for the subway. I have a sugar hangover. Amanda complains
that she’s thirsty and she has a tummy ache. She returns home to consume a large
helping of animal protein, and enjoy the adoration of her daughter who has been
waiting all day for treats from Mom’s class.
Me? Well, we were such a well frosted, high
producing team that I think we may have a future in snack cakes. I think our next class should be, “How to
Make Your First Million by Hosting a Neighborhood Bake Sale.” But first, I'm planning my next marathon bike ride.
©2013 T.W.
Barritt All Rights Reserved