early ramadhan

hey lovies.

in this month full of love and virtue,

i would like to seek forgiveness for everything i've ever done wrong.

and i'm praying for a world which is happier, lovelier and more wonderful.

i'm happy for myself today:)

cos i saw light instead of dark.

i saw the freshness of air after rain instead of looming in the darkness caused by it.

ouh, last monday was ig meetup cum one day camp kinda thing.

it was fun:) well, i'm biased cos my group won. hahax!

anyways, wasn't really a good day for wet day for me yah but i survived.

though not without sacrifises.

i must tell you i hate(exclamation mark!) wearing those tampons. eeewwwww!

but yeah, a girl's gotta do what a girl hadta do.

ouh, i'll show ya pics. but here's a very high warning.

i looked sucky in all photos.

and i soon realised, all photos i take during this month turns out ugly.

probably because i'm fasting although i don't have to. dumb luck man! shessh!

and i saw dis cutie. at the market. so decided to buy the whole pack of carrots just so i can get dis little baby:)

and have i told you? i miss you so damn much sister! when we gonna meet? waaaa!

ouh, dis month is the start of monsoon. just in case you haven't notice the climate change. it's freezing everytime. so keep warm darlings. don't catch a cold and get sick yah?

i still haven't patronise 2 of my family and friends bazaar ramadhan shops.
kak den and gang- The block across AMP Pasir Ris
ain and gang - Sultan mosque area

soon k guys? insyallah:)

Spring Cleaning

My house is under-going through cleaning:)
always bad news for me cause my chores suddenly go triplefold. sheessh...

anyways, right now i'm planning the look of my new room.
need to find out the colours, the contrast, the new arrangement of furnitures, lots to throw away for sure. hehe!
that will mean 2 things.
1) i'll be tired as hell this few days
2) i gonna get new stuff:) bestnye!

today got kenduri. dunno if i wanna go or not.
bro went for an interview for a job he didn't know he applied for.

ouh! i forgot the most important reason for blogging.

i'm damn angry and sad! my period just came!
like 2 days before puase! WTH!!
sobbing here*
coz i need to complete the first 50 pages of the quran by the first week.
if not cannot finish.
and considering it, i have more to do during the fasting month.
Allah give me strenght please:)

k bye^.^
p.s u like the songs i just put up? hehehs. nice rite?

when you're stressed up

edit photos:)

i'm on a mag!

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Discount Magazine Subscriptions - Save big!

i think this is the coolest pop-up i've ever come across! what d'ya think yo?

miss blinz blinz own mag!!

STMXXXXL~short-term memory extra loss

firstly. sorry huda for not making a special blog in lieu of your birthday. honestly speaking, i forgot all about it.

secondly, sorry to mum and bros and all who was affected because of me today. as i said so many times before, i have short-term memory loss. i really didn't mean to do it. i guess under the circumstances, you can't blame me too. how were we supposed to go to an open-air scavenger's hunt when it was heavily pouring outside?

thirdly, to hakim. i don't know if you know what i know you don't want to know but i know i want you to know what i hope you know everytime i know you know that i just know. to people who understands, please don't tell others for then it won't be our little secret anymore now wouldn't it?

now where was i? oh!

to mas selamat. please stop playing hide and seek already. if you are already out of singapore just tell people that you are and stop causing all this chaos here when people think that you are where you are not. IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE! THE JOKE IS OVER! to think that you could receive the privilliege of being wanted dead or alive! huh!

so today. cancelled outing to sungai rd and to mcs for big breakfast. i even cancelled the morning jog! urgh! stupid rain. but in a way it was wonderful as today is the first time in many months i get to sleep in a it's raining outside:) heaven. truly. then rushed out in the afternoon to meet huda and her bestie to go to bugis to shop. well, for me it was actually called window shopping. but anyways, guess who i met along the way? yes, i saw him again. who u ask? well, if it isn't our mr. hot guy. urgh! to think i could be so affected by a member of the opposite sex. i'm not sexist. i'm just not inclined to having any personal affections to them (save for my family and friends tt is). anyways, i realised i've never talked to him once since i've added him in my contact list. i have this bloody feeling he would probably have deleted me from his contact list anyway. too bad siti. he's probably not meant for you. they say a girl's heart can be captured again and again and a guy's, once caught, it'll last his lifetime. so nevermind about me. just go on with your life. and to syad, aka bob, thanks a lot. what ever you said just snapped me out of it. i will not try what you suggested not because i don't have the courage but because i don't have the strenght to rebound from a rejection. it'll just be too much. so....

moving on. i guess that's it. oh! i've been listening toa song called timeless sang as a duet by kelly clarkson and justin guarini. they truly have the chemistry and they sound really good together:))

perfect bliss

so...look at the date below then scroll up. what a loooonnnnggg time since i've updated. so yah anyways. i've been working what do you expect. then when i finally have the week off, dad had to go get himself hospitalised. although it was only for a freaking 24 hours. damaged done. so where have siti been to during the past few days??

been to isetan parkway parade for a day. metro expo for 2. then to the most unimaginable place ever! mustafa centre for 3 freaking days. guess what days they were? friday, Saturday AND BLOODY SUNDAY!!! what the hell. luckily each day i went home i was accompanied by a bodyguard....if not... let us not get carried away alright?

so here i am this week...which i conveniently call slack week. most probably because this week there is no sale going on and i have THE WHOLE WEEK OFF!! once in a lifetime opportunity people!

so a few updates about the major things which occured last week. i went to accompany one of my friends to make a police report. the cause... a freaky stalker uncle who doesn't talk when he calls and sends disgusting messages to my poor friend. under the cicumstances and the experiences i've had with stalkers, i followed her to make the report as the M1 service she'e using won't block this bloody person without a police report. stupid company. remind me to send them a discrimiating letter later alright? went home very late cos we went to make the report after work and with the long queue at the police station, it's a no wonder. ummm, wait. THERE'S A QUEUE AT THE POLICE STATION?! what did you expect? singaporeans complain about every bloody thing! they don't care what time it is!! urgh!

another thing is, once i got to mustafa centre, i realised the person at the counter next to mine, a friven promoter, was the friend of the friend i accompanied to make the police report. does that make sense? i think it should lah. and SO COINCIDENTALLY! this friven promoter had the same freaky stalker as my friend! i was like...wtf? what is this guy's problem man? too much free time is it?! so there i was picking up her phone each time it rang with the stalker's very own ringtone. to be exact, the ringtone was Linkin Park's What I've Done!! so as u can imagine... it was a scary 3 days there!!

so the most major thing which happened during these few days that i haven't had time to update must go out to my dad's hospitalisation!! clap*cheers*claps* to dad, please lah come on. not only had yesterday been scary, it was also funny. i know you must be saying,"how can that adjective even appear in this paragraph?" well, you weren't me who went through the entire thing with him! so here's the thing. on sunday, dad went out shopping with mum. carried too much things which caused his back to ache. then at night, his chest start to hurt. the next morning, he complained heavy chest pains and concerned mum took him to the clinic. once at the clinic, guess what happened? A WHOLE MANIFESTATION OF EVENTS UNCONCERNED TO DAD'S STATE OF HEALTH OCCURED! the whole clinic staff was hurrying towards dad fearing a heart attack!! wth! then paramedics start to come in and mum was totally at daze with the whole situation going out of control! my dad was covered in so many wires and they were taking so many of the health readings crap, next thing i know, dad was bring carted off to the hospital. here's the funny part. everyone knows how heavy my dad is. so... the rest i'll just leave it to you to imagine. if you feel like laughing your ass off, ask me next time you see me. i don't feel like embarassing my dad on my blog. really. so he was brought to changi for futher health checks because of the availability of better healthcare equipments there. once there, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!!!! dad wasn't even given anything to help cure his back aches and breathlessness due to the chest pain. guess what the stupid people there did instead?? they reviewed him of his diabetes! DUMB ARSES IF YOU ASK ME!! what the hell is happening to singapore's once best in the world healthcare service?! freak lah. then guess what? dad's chest pain was cured after putting on lots and lots of koyok on him. those who don't know what the hell is a koyok... ask your grandma please?? then as stupid as these people actually are, they only ask dad to stay over for 1 bloody night! so my conclusion of the entire feat? people would try their best to scrape every single cent from you by giving you things you don't need and denying you of the things you truly require just because doing so would cause them extra effort and money. if you have no idea why i said that, ask yourself this question. would anyone give anything for free this few days? hardly!! hell's bells. even the oxygen that was given to dad in the ambulans require payment!

i'll shut up already. maybe i'll update again tomorrow. when i have better mood. trust me to give that lame excuse. i actually need to go and count the amount of money i had spend so carelessly on fatty and chocletty snacks and also the amount i've spend on clothes this past few months. i realised something last 2 days. money don't drop from the sky. it comes from somewhere. and if you keep digging up the molehill of cash you have right now, you'll be left with a hole deep enough to bury yourself in. as my departing statement, thank yous are said a lot of times in the oscars and grammys. if all of them are combined and the thank yous are actually cash, i'll be living in the seventh heaven by now. so...thank you people and have a good evenig ahead! :)

bad omens

so i finally remembered what i was supposed to blog about last 2 days. make that last 3 days, considering today is already saturday. i'm working today at 11a.m. so beat me. i'm blogging instead of sleeping. i can't resist. this topic is too hot to bear.

aniways... last 3 days, on the way to work and i saw a whole company of vehicles carrying out the funeral procession. since that day was the eve of chinese new year, i thought, "ain't that sad. it's a sign of something bad." true enough, that very day, iman fell down and hurt himself quite badly, requiring an operation to take out the blood clod he had due to the fall. poor guy, he's just a year old last month and this happens. so coincidently, mum got real sick that very night also. stomach cramps and all. so, lesson learnt from this entire event. never take bad omens easily. it might hurt someone you love. luckily for me, i prayed for the poor soul who had to pass away on such a happy day and wished that maybe he/she won't be late for the party at the heavens. guess that's why no bad luck has befallen me since. but i won't speak too soon. you'll never know what karma hides under that oversized-kimono-sleeve of hers.

one more thing i was supposed to blog about. i don't like my black skinnies. i don' mind the black and khaki-coloured ones. but the most expensive skinnies bought won't fit me right. i keep inching down my waist lah. and in my line of work, you really can't have that happeing to you always. not only is it irritating, it can also be embarrasing...if you know what i mean. ok that's all for now folks. valentine's coming and i'm not working that day! thanks brenda! and posting results coming out soon also...this 19th i heard. *bites nails vigorously. i really hope to get into mass comm ah. but whatever it is, i'll accept what fate lies in store for me. who knows i'll get to reach heavens before completing my diploma? :S

today in life

so. i was supposed to do many things today. and i'm supposed to update lots of things. guess it didn't happen. sorry. i've been moody these days. don't know why. i think it maybe because of my recent job lost, the fired conversation with my family, the anger i have for everybody, even if they didn't do anything wrong. i'm sorry. really, i am. but today. i'm tired of apologising. its too late. everyone already formed opinions of myself long time ago; when i did those mistakes i shouldn't. too bad i guess.

i'm not saying sorry.
i'm not becoming the old me.

its just, its a new year today. today is 1 muharram and i'm fasting tomorrow and my new boss haven't called me since the interview just now to confirm whether or not i'll be working tomorrow and i'm feeling damn confused for getting the revenge i deserve and i'm feeling vexed with mum's attitude with me this pass few days and i'm angry bros always get what they wants and the care and concern of mum while i'm just another irritating fly in her world.

i'm not jealous.
i'm just angry i'm not dead yet.

and i'm sad she isn't willing to help me through my first job failure like how she helped bro.

i hate the people i love. i guess that's bound to happen sometime ain't it? i'm just another siti in the family. nothing great. i'm just hoping they'll not see how special i am till the day i die. then at least, they will feel very bad i'm dead and i'll know they care. right now if i die, the only person i know will cry for me is huda. i don't think my rents and bros will cry. they know nothing about me. they don't know why i do things. they just think i'm some simpering, ugly bitch that they have to keep coz god gave me to them. they think i'm useless. fine, i don't do the housework.

have you known about the other things which i did?
have you ever thank me?
have you ever said you love me?
have you ever given me an explaination why i can't rest when i'm sick?
do you even know if i'm not well?
of course you don't.
you don't care.
you won't even care if i lay dead by the kallang river.
i'm sure you'll take care of the funeral business. you don't want to look bad in front of everyone.
i spoke my mind and died. i'm supposed to be dead already.

so don't expect me to be your maid just because i'm not schooling and stop giving the stupid excuse that i'm supposed to do things for you just because i'm a girl and a girl who doesn't know how to do housework is completely useless. come on. i'm not going to get married. and we're living in modern times. talk like that doesn't fit my bitchy lifestyle. you should be thankful i have become as i am and not some notorious, out-of-control slut somewhere at geylang. people my age, most, don't even know what it feels like to hurt so much you pray for death as you sleep and their lives are just about hanging out, listening to musics, finding new boyfriends and shopping till your bank account is no longer available. so shut up already. even a baby cry when it's bored of seeing the same peek-a-boo gag. so stop it. you won't like it if i blowout. my whole entire life, i've never hurt anyone mentally, physically and emotionally, all at the same time. don't make yourself the first the enjoy hostile treatment from me. its not going to be nice.

now that that part is done. i have a checklist of things to do. i'll just write it here so i won't forget.
1. upload up photos from the jakarta trip. then maybe kak norls can pick it up from here. (it doesn't seem to work huda. i don't know what's wrong)
2. type in the poetry long due for this blog. (remember my soul confession i promised to upload but didn't? ya. that one. and another one also)
3. continue blogging about that trip to jakarta. (next time i start it'll be from chapter 2.5 onwards)
4. do up my schedule of things around my life. (everything in a mess right now. just so you know)
5. clear up every single sec 3 and 4 book then pass it on to juniors and fadhlun.
6. clear my wardrobe and sort out my clothes. asap!
7. find the person who had been stealing my shoes!!!!! i'm so angry. he stole my slipper and my school shoe!! what am i supposed to wear when i take my results due in 2 weeks time??!!
8. re-write most of my blogs. maybe even make a new one. this one had been crap this past few weeks. no one comments on my poetry anymore. don't make me give up what i love. i'll kill you then kill myself if you do that.
9. i must start remembering things. what did i write this list for? oh.... right....
10. i must stop doing stupid things and saying wrong things this year. heard its 2008 and its the year of the mouse and since its really a new year for me, both in the actual and islam calender, i must start doing things right. i mean that. really, i do. don't believe me? ah, asal? asal? (thanks kak dilah!)

i've been crapping those few lines. i won't apologise. too bad if you don't like it. its not my problem. my problem is that i took 2 bloody hours writing this up. sleep already siti. its 2.25 am!

changes

i'm happy now. life is too short for me to dwell in unhappiness. so, here's to me and the rest of the people who take this day as a turning point. no matter how minor the change is. i'm going to be a happier person. so be jealous. and i changed my skin. so, enjoys people. i'm off to fly. literally.

adioz amigos:))

today---> 3rd entry

i felt like blogging today
and so i did
this entry is to cover what happened today.

so, slept late posting the first entry and making the second entry
woke up early to go to little india, arab street and plaza sing.
enjoyed every moment of it, esp. the part where my bro overslept on the top deck of 81 bus and though everyone else had already boarded off, he's still snoozing his way to the next station. lollies. and the part where we went shopping for my tapered pants and belt. superb.

along the way, huda and i made plans about our next meetup. can't wait to see her. missed her so much. ans yue mim, my bro's friend called, OFFERING ME A JOB DURING THIS CHRISTMAS ALL THE WAY UP TO NEW YEAR!! i'm excited. yay!!

went back late afternoon to relax and shelter from the heavily pouring rain. and while waiting, i served the net from MY ROOM FOR THE 1st TIME ON MY BRO'S LAPPIE!! yay,yay!!

then heda PASSED ME TAUFIK'S SONGS!!! super YAYAYAAYYAYAY!!! hehehehheh. TRUCKLOADS OF THANKIES HEDA!!! woots!

went out again after maghrib to harvey norman. bro wanted to buy for me a camera with a $300+ budget for my super duper belated b'dae present. actually, he's feeling guilty coz he bought presents and treated his friends for their birthdays recently and realised he DIDN'T GIVE ME ANYTHING FOR MY 16th B'DAE!!! how pathetic is that? i don't know, too much to even bother counting man.

went home and got online then guess what happens then? you'll never believe! Hadi said my poetry was good:) how cool is that? for a person who hates any artistic works to, i quote, "sense your anger and frustration." hehehhehehe. YATA!!!

anyways, tomorrow hady will be on at Suria Segar at 10am. so must sleep early coz i already super tired and sleepy after all the walking. and i consider that as part of my exercise for the week. i'm already feeling guilty for not exercising sufficiently after all the WRONG FOOD i've already consumed all month long. *sigh exaggerately. the only comfort i can take is that i've lost 2 inches from my waist when measuring it for the pants i bought earlier. at least i know my works have not gone to waste;)

byes...i'll update another poetry work tomorrow. love you guys. and to huda and kak norls, please make time off your busy schedules. I REALLY WANNA WATCH ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS....REALLY BAD~.~

Crap...Literally

so yesterday was Hari Raya Haji. like always my family went to the sacrifice ceremony at some very ulu place. wanna know the reason why? the smells, sights and some other things i wouldn't mention in here. well this year there was a LIL difference. ours was combined with sembawang cc and wak tanjong, so there were more people whom i do not know about. it was kinda like a friend-making cum lose-your-appetite session for me. well the 2nd thing kinda caused the 1st thing. well Hetty Sarlene was there too and people were like talking about her being an outsider who's gonna marry into our jemaah and people don't think she'll last long. my comment? i'll just pray she'll be enlightened and may Allah give her strength to pull through the whole thing. and it was raining, so the entire thing started later, ended later and worsen the entire ugly process, hence leading to the smell crap spoiling everyone under the crowded little tent to throw up what little food they had in their stomachs. but in the spirit of making sacrifices, everyone played their active roles in helping each other through the solid 7 hours there. talking about sacrifices, i'm had made one that very day. i shall publish it in another blog soon.

so back to my exciting life. i'm blogging. don't like my slaggy stories, leave. this is for people who may want to know about it:) so talk about today. went out. my mum took a day off to rest from the tiredness of yesterday, so decided not to waste the day by slagging at home instead we'll spend time as a family outdoors. i volunteered to belanje everyone at Swensens. well, seeing that
1. mum's b'dae is this sunday
2. dad's b'dae is next sunday
3. mum wanted to eat fish and chips
4. dad wanted ice-cream (earthquake to be precise)
5. bros wanted baked rice
6. i'm in a mood to spend money
7. i bet mum was wrong in the deal or no deal home viewer's contest but she was right (i hate it when she's right...TWICE!!)
8. my family deserve the take

i'm obliged to do it. see, i'm a nice person. anyway, besides the great and expensive meal, bad things occured.

1. i met an old stalker
2. i wore high-heels and almost fell
3. i hit someone while pushing the cart out of ntuc fairprice coz i was trying my best to maintain body balance but failed terribly.

i'm sorry. truly. karma is biting me now becoz of that. i hope a bad thing happens to me soon, considering the moral embarrassment of being scolded in front of everyone by mum was not enough to meet the satisfaction of miss karma, coz i don't like being kept in suspense that i'm gonna die of being knocked over by a car. seriously, it stinks. but people who thinks its crap, like my brother does, please feel free to ignore it and die of the same tragic end as me. cool, huh?

i'm gonna die a virgin. how life sucks. only temporary siti. don't worry, everything's gonna be ok nisa. as soon as you die, you'll see.

i hate this

this is a self-confession. if you do not agree to any of it, please don't tell me. i'm angry right now. so don't tell me what to do or what not to do. the source of my anger are these things:

1. my family is not going for holiday this year. i don't even know why. all the plans made earlier just seemed to crumble away before my very eyes.

2. i've wasted 1/3 of my holidays at home. not getting a job. not getting paid. because i thought we're going on a holiday. but we are not. see no. 1. i'm irritated. shut up.

3. people are always sending me messages about islam where it is stated, "you'll be rewarded for forwarding this message". i mean, wth ah. those human beings who started the chain mails are not god, who i must add, IS THE ONLY SOUL LIVING THING THAT CAN GIVE YOU PAHALA!! so stop acting like you're god already. and btw, that mails about meetings with Allah s.w.t or Muhammad s.a.w, is totally crappy and untrue. i'm not being a bad muslim, i'm being the best one. the people who think they did meet with them are crazy. computers only exist from the 21st century. Muhammad s.a.w died a long time ago. and people who met Allah s.w.t are serious hallucinating. its either that or they wouldn't have time to go on the net to send that letter coz they'll be busy praying for their lives.

4. i'm angry because many people i care for are getting hurt right now. and i can do nothing to help better their situation or even prevent them from being so. i feel useless. but hey, what can i say? i'm not Hiro Nakamura who can bend space and time. which i must say, the one person on Earth which Allah will have trouble controlling coz he truly think he can change the past, present and future. i mean come on, kun faya kun. for those who are not used to the term, it means, if its meant to happen, it will. no matter how much you try to change it.

5. my cousin got U grade for her emaths of the N-levels exams. now what am i going to do about that? nothing.

alrite. that's all. i'm tired of typing. and i feel better already. thanks.

6. look at me. i'm saying thank you to a machine. how impossible can i be? ARGHHH!!!

dis is very me

throughout my whole life, there are 3 things people usually say about me.
1. i'm random.
2. i'm jolly and laugh at absolutely anything and everything, till sometimes it hurts others.
3. i'm nice.


from all of the observations, i've learnt to change for the better. become more mature. where does that get me? i destroy myself. read through all my blogs again. recently, it has only been about me and i. so rarely about myself. myself has gone away. all because of what i and me wants to be. my mum once said to me, "watch your mouth. one day its gonna hurt yourself more than others." its true. that day has come without me even noticing. i just went on with my everyday life like nothing has happened. its so painful. now that the crowd have gathered again, we have finally realised our selfishness had lead to the heart-wrenching pain which siti khairunnisa feels everyday. we are sorry. truly. forgive our mistakes and give us a second chance, please.


now off to the second part of this. HADY MIRZA WON ASIAN IDOL!!! who would have guessed? not even the "good" judges can predict his win. what can i say? i have his autographed album and poster. want it? wonder how much its worth is on e-bay. anyway, his win was so unexpected, my family and i have created a few reasons for his win.

1. He is GOOD! (duh! i won't buy his album if i didn't think so in the first place)

2. He have crowd appeal (a huge one at that. i mean, his cute and confused smile melts every girl's heart lah. fine, i'm biased. kill me.)

3. the service provider for the votes made was Mediacorp Tech. Pte. Ltd. (i mean come on, see the link?)

4. singaporeans are the richest among all people from the other countries (seriously, do u need explanation on that? links. rich-more votes-win! futhermore, 1 vote is 60cents, singapore money. imagine that same amount in other countries!)

5. singaporeans benefit from the whole voting thing cause we are the only nation with more than 3 quaters who understands english (wrong voting format, vote discounted! i mean, WTH! 1 vote 2 choices. people from other countries who don't understand that wasted so much money man!)

6. Hady have a lot of crazy fans all around. you might never know what they are capable off. one can only guess. (and i really mean that!)

7. Hady is a muslim and hari raya haji is this thursday. (see the link? Allah have ways to shock even in the most expected time! Yay! Islam rocks my SOCKS!!)

so those were all the reasons my family and i can think about. please tag if you have more to add or even comment on the few reasons i've already put up. and btw, i hated the malaysian judge. i mean, so what if u think jac is THE best. you have NO RIGHT to CRITISIZE my idols!! move off and hide your face in the toilet bowl or something now that jac had lost! BOO-YAH! ok, too much watching of kim possible:) and the song rendition of tak bisakah by the indian idol was cute, BUT U TOTALLY SPOIL THE SONG!! i don't think peterpan fans will appreciate that. and jac and hady, both of u please stop singing your gemilang and freedom songs. i know it is good but pleaselah, bored already leh. sing some other EXCELLENT songs, preety please, with cherries and pudding cream on top?

i've finished watching Heroes season 1. lag, i know. don't remind me. after watching the whole thing, my mind's preety screwed up about all the voting system, time, war and cockroaches. ok fine, i'm random. but its true. there was a cockroach in my room yesterday and i couldn't kill it without thinking about myself being a hiro and killing sylar with that magnificent sword of his. lols:)

don't mind me, i'm just being as special as i usually am. what? you don't think i'm special? i just killed sylar in my room yesterday. talk about ironies.

turning point

yesterday night, at 12 am, i declared myself a changed person.
it was difficult to realise all my bad deeds and learn to become something new out of it.
thanks to the recent life-changing events that happened, i've turned myself into someone better. weird how life bugs you. well in this case change you.but i'm ok now. understand me. if you know the real me, you'll understand.but it's turning out no one understand me for myself. not even my dear ones. i have dark corners in my soul. if i ever lived a life of an american kid, i'll be one of the goths. but i don't. instead i live in singapore. as a teenager who was born and bred to be a full-blown muslim. full-time. i never regret this life i live as this is only temporary.

like the sayings of this one person,"living as a full-time muslim on earth and in this life is like staying in an unseen prison, chaining and restraining every single motion you wish to make. not that free-will is non-existent. its just not there yet. you're covered from top to toe with clothes that restricts your freedom of style. you're required to pray five times a day that more often than not destroy the plans for happiness that we persue in this life. you must take care of everything that you say, think, hear, smell, touch, taste, see and feel. this changes your whole life. your freedom of speech is definitely cut. and you can not wish for evil and revenge. always forgive and forget. like this world don't have enough hate and deception. why add to it? everything makes sense. when somethings don't, blame it on those who don't follow the simple rules of life. live, love and pray."

its easy enough to hear and understand, ain't it? read between the lines. be a little more complex will you? i hate people who take things too simply, so much so that its taken for granted.

"I despise simplicity. It is the negation of all that is beautiful," Norman Hartnell.

chilling out!~

so, i'll update on the most fun thing which had occured to me during the weekend. i got a break from my sewing lessons up till wednesday so most of the time will be spend practising new skills, making designs for the new clothes i'm making, watching Heroes and Prison Break box sets and of course, sleeping.

and besides slagging my butt off, i've also worked out, indoors and at the gym on the second storey of the community centre. although i must say the trip to the gym had almost caused me my back again. not mentioning getting wet all the way home and risking myself of a cold. so here i am today, again in a turtleneck, just returning from a trip to tampines to get my sewing supplies on a heavily rainy day. seems to me s'pore is frrreeeeeezzzziinngg!! never thought i would say that considering i'm always praying for the sun to go away every single time when i'm walking home from school.

come, lets talk about yesterday. went home from the excersice, freshen up, ate lunch, read a book ,took a nap and played pirate poppers. btw, that game is starting to make me frustrated, but still it was fun. so then my ever silent phone tinggled to live with an sms from kak norls. she asked me to come with her to a dinner at expo. asked details about the event, seek permission from parents and suddenly, i was on my way out. everything always changes so fast in my life. one minute i was sleeping, the other minute, i'm walking out in the rain again, away from the comfort of my warm and dry home, towards fun and laughter. so kak norls was late and i had to wait. didn't really mind the waiting considering she was always the one waiting whenever we went out. i must say the whole event was an eye-opener for me. i didn't know so much efforts were ongoing to make us singaporeans more knowledgable of the cultures and religions in this little island. met so many new friends who were not only fun but clever too! haha. so all of them are older than me, besides the child and nephew of kak maria. kak maria was a worldy woman. besides the fact that she totally talk and look like my mum, she was a hilarious person! i still remember her jokes and the eye-action!; totally original. had a 7-course meal served to us, which we cleared; every single plate gave to us was emptied, thanks to the delicious food served and the helpful serving done by kak maria. the event ended far later than expected. it ended about 10.30, 1 hour after the anticipated time. then everyone said their goodbyes and we all went home. along the way kak norls was enlightening me on how the bad jokes on marriage counselling was started by kak maria and the rest of the volunteer crew. wierd and hilarious. for futher details please ask her or me personally. don't want the joke to get out of hand, if you know what i mean. hahahahahhahahahaaaha. ok,that's all for now folks!

time...

while awaiting calls from future employers who i must say take a very, very long time to call me back, i'm spending time with my family and friends. and also, not forgetting, myself.

i've used all sources to search out unmarried cousins' contacts. this is made to strenghten our ties. my idea. good isn't it? hahahaa. self-praise lifts up one's esteem and bring down one's morale. i must strive to remember that.

i've talked and discussed many issues with my family members, from teenage issues affecting people my age, to financial and religious issues that affects me as a whole. i must say its been an enriching experience for both the body and soul.

i've read and re-read books which i never notice were actually at home. and i've learnt a lot of stuffs from mum, mostly the household stuff. HEY! it's interesting ok. do you know that you can use the sides of the bread, which people usually cut away, to make some delicious kuih called kuih kukus? and its so easy to make; add coconut milk and sugar and coluring and just steam it! i'm starting to sound like chef wan here. anyway, besides the point, i've learnt about many things in my family and i wouldn't share it to public. its confidential. akunye pasal ah aku nak share ke tak nak, yang kau kepo sangat nak tau asal? tak de kerje lain ke? ok. i was talking to me again. just for the record, there is me, myself and i. me is myselfnye concience. myself is the sensible one and she does everything. don't push it! ok fine and i am the one who controls everybody else's actions. so everyone has a place and sometimes it gets a little crowded.

so now to calm everyone down and to do something which makes everyone happy, i've gone through the effort of moving myself to the library and get me a book to read. look, i used all, me, myself and i in the job to get a new book. cool huh? shut up i. shut up myself. say sorry both of you. now. before me gets angry.

interesting

this is what the horoscope has to say about me. and only i know how true it is.

scorpio:
If you're not in the mood to be social right now, then don't -- it's much more important to keep yourself as content as possible than it is to get along well with others. Besides, you aren't going to tick anyone off by refusing their invitations. Recently, you've had the tendency to sacrifice your free time whenever someone has asked you to, and that has to stop. It's time to say 'no' just because you feel like it. You don't have to have something to do all the time.

get that man. i'm feeling what it says and now i'm gonna find myself a job. ASAP!!

mondays...

it's monday.

there are a few reasons that makes this monday special:

1) its the first monday i'm able to wake up at 11
2) its the first monday i don't have to wake up thinking about what time the o's will start
3) its the first monday when i've woken up with nothing in mind of what to do other than slacking and prayers
4) its the first monday i've woken up as a 16-year-old
5) its the first monday i felt bad waking up to coz i just wanted to continue sleeping

i'm still going to be emo these few days and continue posting up my works. and hadi suggested i translate some of the malay writings. i'll see how it goes. cause sometimes in the process of translation, the meanings behind the works gets lost. so, as i said, i'll see how it goes. and btw, i may not be online tomorrow, as i'll be going to johor to shop or be going job hunting and window-shopping in town. we'll see how it goes.

"only time will heal all wounds," they say.
"they don't know the true feelings of getting rejected time and time again. its like getting stitches for a wound and it keeps re-opening, without the wounds getting healed," i reply.
"well, maybe, the wounds aren't really there."
"i can lie about many things, even about my very existance; but i'll never lie about getting hurt."

today is poetry day

my glasses broke yestereve
hence, due to my blindness for the day, i'll spend most of my time here.
Instead of going to the Creative warehouse sale and searching for a job at town.

this is a random post, to those who wants to know about my life updates.
i don't really want to write this, but since this is what blogging is all about, well, why not?

i prefer to express my feelings in poetic writings.
DON'T ask me WHY i LOVE poetry.
its just my way of expression.
try and understand me.
i know its not easy.
even i sometimes don't understand what i have written.
however, there is one thing you should know about it.

my words are true coming from the very soul of my life
my thoughts and feelings rule my head instead
my eyes would not be able to tell my life story
the way my words express the very want and cry of my heart