Saturday, November 28, 2009
♥ 1:55 PM
Wednesday wednesday wednesday !
I've already decided my liberation song. I usually decide on a song to play on my ipod after my last paper. I remember that after my A level history paper, I played U2's Elevation. After year 1 sem 2 (or year 2 sem 1?) I played Queen's Don't Stop Me Now. This sem it's going to be Hall & Oates' You Make My Dreams Come True. Hur.
Halfway through. Hasn't been that bad thus far. I realize the exams are really a test of stupidity. How stupid one can be to do absolutely stupid things. Like panicking because one thinks she didn't print her answer for the comparison between detectives for her open book exam and then realizing on the way home that she had printed it but somehow missed it amongst the materials she prepared. ARGH. Stupid. Just fortunate that I knew roughly how to answer.
Probably because I was at an Irish bar the night before with beer in my hand and crime on my mind.
I want to watch Twilight just for kicks. And the show about the Japanese airport. And Fantastic Mr Fox. I intend to watch more Hitchcock films and read all the short stories of Sherlock Holmes.
But for now, concepts on territoriality, sovereignty, indigenous rights and whatever nonsense I can muster for development.
***
Edited, 230am.
Seriously, geog of development = worst decision ever. Ranks right beside (or maybe even above?) Natural Hazards which as everyone knows, was a real disaster (pun). So anyway I decided to watch webcasts because I gave up on readings but now I'm giving up on webcasts and thus the whole module altogether. Well done. Argh such a turn off, economics suck. I have to turn to wikipedia instead to learn about the washington consensus. Save me.
It's funny reading some bits about the Outer Space Treaty (in the Mische article on reconceptualizing sovereignty, 37 pages, which took me 4.5 hours). Fortunately irrelevant.
Today doesn't feel like a saturday. It sucks to waste a perfectly good saturday on an exam.
I feel like a single parent. It is even worse when one is rendered so helpless. I really can't make any decisions now and in any case I don't know how to make one either. And yet I am pressed for an answer. I am reluctant to part with 600 dollars and probably another 300. I don't think it is a good idea to not be on the family trip either even though I wasn't keen in the first place. I don't know. Maybe winning toto would help.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
♥ 11:52 PM
James Stewart and Grace Kelly in Hitchcock's Rear Window. Aren't they gorgeous and doesn't it seem so frightfully romantic ? He reminds me here of George Clooney somewhat. Only he has a much sexier drawl.. Now I want to watch It's a Wonderful Life and Vertigo. I prefer Rear Window to Strangers on a Train though. Even though the former was contained in the apartment block. The latter had the most compelling plot about the criss cross murder but somehow it just didn't feel as engaging. Maybe because I watched it on youtube.
***
All my exams are in fass this year. None where the mpsh are. I wonder if it's a good thing.
My heart aches everytime I hear Clara wheeze. I will go to where she is and try to coax her back to sleep the poor dear. :( I can hardly concentrate or fall asleep myself hearing her having so much difficulty. :( She's so different in the day, it's odd. Sigh. :(
I can't wait for the stupid exams to be over. It seems that with each passing semester I'm getting less concerned for exams. Like mark said, maybe it's because I don't need to keep a perfect cap score. I need more non-examinable modules or something.
Falling down. Not in the DFENS kind of psycho way. But back to all of that nonsense.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
♥ 4:12 PM
Listening to godfrey's webcasts. His accent is pretty strong. Instead of blah blah blah he says bahbahbah, like really fast. Haha :x And he says 'I.E.' often. It's distracting. Pbft, I don't like all this talk about the accuracy of indicators and methodology bahbahbah. I prefer discussion on policies and actions.
In other news, I am heading to smoo next sem. :B
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
♥ 1:13 AM
I thought I was going to have a real productive day until I turned on the goggle box. Who knew there were such good shows on a tuesday night ?! I always have dinner with FRIENDS on.. Watched a bit of Amazing Race and Wheel of Fortune after that. The killer was So You Think You Can Dance from 8 to 11. I KNOW. I didn't even stop after that. MTV's Exiled and then Suite Life on Deck (yes yes.. debilitating fondness for disney channel shows !). Roar!!!
Nick and Jema are back ! Time sure flies... Especially when one needs all the time in the world to nerd thy ass off, argh. Right about now is the time when I make a list of things to do after exams. But really, there's not much I'm really excited about doing.
It'd be nice to catch the meteor shower but oh well.
Monday, November 16, 2009
♥ 1:39 AM
I took this rorschach inkblot test on facebook. It was pretty hard to do. Almost every picture had the option of some sex organ. :/ But I mostly saw animals in them. It said I'm a dreamer.
'You have a very active imagination and enjoy fictional stories. You are more likely to believe in the paranormal and things that are not of common belief in society. You make your own path, and this is good, though you may have trouble feeling a part of your surroundings. Depression can be a side effect so it is important to accept yourself and seek friends who have like ideas. The more you let people tell you there's something wrong, the more there will be. Just don't loose your grip on reality.'
Sometimes, it's just been fifteen minutes and I ask myself 'what am I doing?'.
I wish all my readings would just print themselves out for me. Home has become a space of despair. With all the work I have to do and with Clara's situation. Being out is equivalent to escaping. To not broaching such topics. Sigh.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
♥ 1:05 AM
I am seriously zonking out. My head is all but spinning. Alternating between editing the crime story to sgflea to tumblr to facebook to I guess, blogger also.
I've been having extra bad sleep of late. Even during naps. I don't seem to wake up fulfilled. Sigh.
Oh, I was like mega excited when doing my crime fic readings on Charlie Chan and Fu Manchu because the author quoted Said ! Like, the famous Said who wrote that seminal book on Orientalism ! Haha, there was an overlap between portrayals of asians in american crime fiction and cultural landscapes and I felt so excited. Tempted to email tim, lols. On another note, it's annoying because I'm taking this module alone so I cannot split the preparation for the open book exam with anyone. Bah.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
♥ 12:42 AM
I think I can be quite a geek sometimes. I wore my Baker Street (for the uninitiated, Sherlock Holmes) polo that has 'Elementary My Dear Watson' at the back during the crime fiction presentation and no one said anything about it. Sadz.
It was a good night out with affordable food ! Should head there again and try the pizza and gratin. The highlight of the dinner was probably gerald's over sized v-neck tee and that disturbing slice of his chest !
Chicago (no, not 'oooooooooh no baby please don't go' chicago but the one with roxie hart and billy flynn) and The Killers are coming next year. The Lion King will be at the IR too.
So. Much. Work. I have no idea where to start for development. I need study buddies. This last crime fic assignment is killing me. We are hopelessly slow and inefficient and I am not looking forward to editing it. ZZZ.
Still troubled and not sure of what to do at all. Sigh. :(
Friday, November 13, 2009
♥ 2:09 AM
): ): ):
Nicholas' King Charles Spaniel, Trevor
Sandhya's Shetland Sheepdog, Caesar
Ryan's bunny, Portia
): And my dog seems to have difficulty breathing. I don't know what to do and it's so painful to listen to her gasping for air.
):
***
I hate people who blast their music on buses and trains. I always feel like blasting classical music or some of my not so mainstream music in their faces at full volume in response. Transgression, yes. Obviously some losers cannot respect the notion of personal space. Especially after a long day and in a traffic jam.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
♥ 10:41 PM
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna turn around and
DESSERT YOU.
Dessert me please ! Yum.
***
I will miss Clara's snoring.
You know, I like new sparkly things because I get excited at their novelty. But the thing about me is that my attention span is extremely short. What I like best is to return to things I am already familiar with, things that comfort me. I just cannot let go of things of old. Which could explain why I am a notorious pack rat. :/
Hopefully I'll be able to start with crime fic readings tomorrow after the last lectures of this semester..
On a random note, I don't like the 'magic' we see on tv because I don't know how they do it and it irks me haha..
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
♥ 11:08 PM
1) make a fist with your left hand, with your left thumb inside, 2) squeeze your thumb as hard as you can, 3) put your right index finger down your throat. your gag reflex is gone.
Seen on tumblr. TRY ! Works for me..
Tiny ray of sunshine on an otherwise bleak outlook- A for both the group photo essay and my individual polar bear report for natural resources. A for awesome ! That's like 45% I think. Now I just need to provide passion and depth for the finals. Fisheries, the Arctic or the Mekong ? :S
I want the week to end and yet I don't want the week to end. Still have the crime fiction story to work on. Can't start mugging when I still have assignments due. Argh.
Monday, November 09, 2009
♥ 1:18 AM
I wonder what it is about modern life that has made us so incapable of feeling and knowing how to feel. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know if I want to talk about it because it's painful thinking about it and so I try to look and act as if everything is normal and okay. But then I go crazy because everything is not normal and okay. And then in the midst of all this crazy I realize how alienated and disconnected I am. How everything is pushed and pushed again down to my depths. It is some sort of denial I guess. I don't want to cope with this. I don't know what I want or don't want to hear. I don't know if it would help to be distracted.
I realize that as we grow older we grow more sensitive, more sentimental. Because we are so comfortable with things, up till a point where we take them for granted. Until you get told to please take a seat, things are very bad. I cannot even bear thinking about it and it makes me muse about how I don't want to go through such agony, that surely I cannot live through this and this again. Maybe it is not good to get attached, to love. Because the prospect of loss and loss itself is searing. :'(
Saturday, November 07, 2009
♥ 12:03 AM
Spontaneous dinner just because we miss each other and Howard just ORDed ! Lots of super funny talk about grinning/grinding and matchmaking the both of them and topless people (and unfortunately subsequently imagining people topless or in bath towels) and being exasperated about sentosa cove and weird questions along the lines of 16 pens (ahem) and how guys pee. Haha I'm sure Howard repeatedly wished he didn't join us.. We should meet again soon ! :)
I made scrambled eggs today, yum. :) Oh and this week's The Office episode was hilarious as always. Oh Michael... Started on my polar bear essay and I've come up with a pretty straightforward outline. But oh how I must fill up 5+ pages ! Arial font sized 12, 1.5 line spaced. Heh. Had another nightmare. This time I dreamt that I forgot to hand in chinese zhuo ye on behalf of my class and it was under a pile of stuff. Was panicking like crazy and for some reason uncle was there and he meanly dao-ed me the whole time. 'Twas a very odd nightmare..
I'm so glad I didn't go on to study law. I don't know how you do it xunny ! Am reading Linda Nowlan's report on the Arctic Legal Regime for Environmental Protection. Full of weird jargon, bleagh. I saw gorgeous black sequin-ed heels at rubi ! WANNNNNNNNT.
Okay tired and unproductive. Shall hope for the best tomorrow !
Thursday, November 05, 2009
♥ 12:26 AM
IT'S OVERRRRRRRRRRR !!!! Both my crime fic and landscapes presentations. Can you imagine.. I had to prepare for both in a day. Bah. And then during our landscapes run through just before the tutorial, that horrible group mate suddenly burst into tears. THAT WAS A FIRST. Was a total wtf moment. Good thing that we were the last to present and I think we did relatively well.. But gosh, if there's one thing that I have to keep learning semester after semester it's that one needs good group mates but sometimes one just gets screwed up ones.
So I'm left with the commentary due on monday and the actual crime fic due the week after huzza huzza..
MSN.com is telling me not to date
-Mr Tin Heart, the emotionally unavailable man
-#1 Playa (actually a playa is a kind of dry lakebed in arid environments.. I think they mean Player, hurhur)
-Mr Mummy's Boy
-Sir-Late-A-Lot (oh no, I'm miss late a lot although not as late as qua who is still in sengkang :x)
-Mr-Office is My Home (so I can probably rule out anyone with a great salary right?)
-Mr Whiny
-Mr Quick Trick, someone who lies repeatedly
-The Ex Texter
-The Game Boy
Oh and I wanted to be Rene Margritte's The Son of Man for halloween originally since I have a bowler hat but that didn't pan out. :( And I didn't think most people would get it either.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
♥ 12:13 AM
FINALLY I SUBMITTED THE STUPID FLASH MOBS ESSAY. So much grief I tell you. Reached home at around 1030 after finishing it up in school. Flash mob presentation and crime fic presentation to prepare today. Shall try to get work done on the train. Mmms, where I am usually most productive haha.
On hindsight, I should've gone for more of carl's lectures. Haha. Too late now. I just hope I find an awesome, interesting topic to write my commentary on. It's supposed to be about the arctic !
B+ for my development report ! Which is great considering there are only two of us and we didn't exactly spend much time on it..
Off to catch much needed sleep. Tomorrow (today) will be a loooooonnng day...
Sunday, November 01, 2009
♥ 4:55 PM
Apologizing
does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right.
It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.
***
Saw that on tumblr. I think it makes sense.
Quite a meh (read depressing) last weekend of october. Thursday was horrible. Friday was very disappointing cos birthday dinner turned birthday supper turned out to be for nought. And I really needed something to cheer me up. Howl at the Moon was great fun even though I was the third wheel (jasper came too late) and I didn't see hot baldie. I'm really sad that they're moving the dueling piano concept to a new location.. Hope they keep the musicians though ! And it was our first time listening to these black dudes and they are really a bundle of energy, haha.
Choir practice always makes me happy even though I was the only one in semi-costume, understandably. Too short though, I find haha. Maybe we should meet to study.. Had interesting conversation with cheeguan in his borrowed honda civic. He says that if we want to 'retire' at 55, we should 'settle' everything by 30. Meaning, we must start looking for our spouse now. And the more scary thing he mentioned was that that person must be the right one. Cos it'll be the last one. Haha how rare and special it is that one's first is his last ! But anyway, it's an interesting theory and I guess I don't think about such stuff because I'm not one who plans way in advance. I wonder what will prompt me into seriously worrying about 'THE FUTURE'. Probably when my friends get married or when I start working and being around old people.. :S
Anyway at night I couldn't concentrate on work and decided last minute to head to dempsey with zkai to partake in the festivities of halloween. Went as a chinese waitress haha, finally my random cheongsam is put to good use. Didn't find powder so wasn't very ghostly but I painted geisha lips ! Something I've wanted to try for a long time. It was already late when we reached and most customers weren't dressed up anyway, bah. After that zk decided to invite kane and his platoon mate to supper with us which arguably was the most awkward supper I've had ever. On hindsight, I realize because I was the minority in the group. Not because I was a girl. Lols. Lucky gwei was there and we caught up a bit if not it really was quite disappointing. Makes me realize how important girlfriends are.
Which brings me to today and how the flash mob project is sucking the life out of me. Seriously. I have never spent more energy on any module. It's disgusting. To think that I could be in Loughborough enjoying life instead of having everything depress me. The only consolation is that for the one absolutely sucky project mate we have, I have two very awesome ones to depend on. Seriously, they should add prerequisites to geog modules.
Had another odd dream last night. Somehow I was back at my old house in sin ming and I was late for choir practice and everyone came over to my place to rush me. Or something. I quite distinctly remember aggie and lwei. Aggie and someone else drove and there were quite a lot of people when I reached the carpark. And then we realize that someone's car got a flat tire and somehow kelvin fong was there replacing it. Then yi-mei and edna were telling me that kelvin hates me for I don't know what reason. Which is the weirdest thing. By the time I left my house for choir it was 12pm and I was worried about everyone waiting for me and being really annoyed. Talk about odd !
And the most crappy, most depressing thing about everything is how I think my dog is really sick. She has this odd bump on her forehead, she tries to bite me when I touch her leg, her eyes are worsening, her breathing gets laborious at times and she has funny lumps near her stomach. It makes me want to cry. The earliest I can bring her to the vet is saturday because I'm so busy with work and no one can drive us anyway. Sigh. :(
Everything is really quite horrible nowadays and I guess it's sad sometimes how I am narrating this in the form of a blog rather than to a person. And you know, some of the people who read this will suddenly ask if I'm alright, if I need an ear. Well yeah thanks I appreciate that. But really, it really helps when you get something you need where you didn't have to ask.