Saturday, February 28, 2009
♥ 2:03 AM
Belle is chasing her tail.
Belle is going to miss Jema when she leaves. :(
Belle bemoans the end of recess week.
Belle is fat and needs to exercise.
Belle needs simple. And happy.
Belle knows she will pay dearly.
Belle is broke but wants to watch Rachael Yamagata.
Belle finally got her cupcake. Rose and raspberry with lychee icing, mmms.
Belle wants to be in a band.
Belle can't decide which to change her facebook 'what are you doing now' to, haha.
Friday, February 27, 2009
♥ 12:29 AM
Neurotic
noun. A total freaking psycho, with serious emotional issues. Prone to bouts of extreme paranoia and schizophrenia.
Yes, that sounds just about right. I think I need some kind of rehab. Or maybe group meetings AA-style.
The only things I want now are either a cupcake, chiffon cake, lava cake and a comedy. Sour, hollow feeling is being made worse by jogging after dinner. Smart belle, bloody brilliant.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
♥ 2:09 PM
AWESOME :D
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
♥ 11:19 PM
Blogger is still not letting me post pictures ! >( I am not pleased and may have to consider hopping to livejournal. -haughty sniff. And it is really annoying when I print notes and then misplace them. I can't find my sustainability lecture 4 slides !!! Grrr. Webcasts are really cranky too. Sorry but climate change science and all this talk about emissions trading do not excite me. Meh.
Although I've not finished, Prozac Nation is really like 350 pages of emoness. It's craaaaaazy.
There is a chill as I think of the way being deprived of normal feelings has the paradoxical effect of turning me into an emotional wreck. As Russian writer Aleksandr Kuprin put it: "Do you understand, gentlemen, that all the horror is in just this: that there is no horror!"
Llama llama duck. I love llamas and alpacas. They are so soft and placid and adorable. Moonface is FUNNEH. And kudos to xunny for the DEMONIC BURLESQUE GUARD BIRD ! Hurhur. I'm so proud of our efforts. Xunny, sally, mich, jema and I, from around 5 to 9, created a banner, t-shirt and dollhouse for qua !! Hurhur. :) The dollhouse is super cool okay. Pool, deck chair, time machine, demonic cabbage, demonic bird, bath tub, sink, television, bed, dining table, campfire, clock, flowers in the attic, random faceless guy... Hurhur. I did the carpeting and wallpaper ! It was really tiring but a really fun night so yeah.. Hope graces will get facebook soon !
Aikes, mid week. I need to up the productivity !
Monday, February 23, 2009
♥ 12:18 AM
I hate the feeling of getting ready for a fight. Being on guard and allowing the self-defence mechanism to kick in. Maybe it's that there is something I have to defend. Maybe knowing that I don't have a strong case to justify things. Maybe I just don't like being wrong. It's such a sour feeling, I hate it.
Must maintain poker face.
Haha, I guess that's what they mean by me being immoral I guess. Upset but guarded always.
Hot and cold and I don't know how long before another one bites the dust. Evidently I cannot have my cake and eat it too. Wrong priorities. Belle belle you need to redeem yourself.
It's all the partying and the playing. Except without the sex, drugs and rock and roll. You know, I expect otherwise but sometimes I'm just end up feeling like a blank between parentheses.
Am not sure which is worse. This or work work work. Damn I am bad at moderation. And we all know how much I hate the extreme ups and downs of rollercoaster rides. Falling does not thrill me. In fact it does the exact opposite, it scares the bejeezers out of me.
What a perfect time to put Amsterdam on loop and contemplate futility in all the cracks showing in this big white nothingness.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
♥ 12:20 AM
People like Sheba think that they know what it's like to be lonely. They cast their minds back to the time they broke up with a boyfriend in 1975 and endured a whole month before meeting someone new. Or the week they spent in a Bavarian steel town when they were fifteen years old, visiting their greasy haired German pen-pal and discovering that her hand-writing was the best thing about her. But about the drip drip of long-haul, no-end-in-sight solitude, they know nothing. They don't know what is is to construct an entire weekend around a visit to the launderette. Or to sit in a darkened flat on Halloween night, because you can't bear to expose your bleak evening to a crowd of jeering trick-or-treaters. Or to have the librarian smile pityingly and say, 'Goodness, you're a quick reader!' when you bring back seven books, read from cover to cover, a week after taking them out. They don't know what it is to be so chronically untouched that the accidental brush of a bus conductor's hand on your shoulder sends a jolt of longing straight to your groin. I have sat on park benches and tubes and schoolroom chairs, feeling the great store of unused, objectless love sitting in my belly like a stone until I was sure I would cry out and fall, flailing, to the ground. About all of this, Sheba and her like have no clue.
-Barbara, in Zoe Heller's Notes on a Scandal.
Probably one of my favourite bits in the whole book. And then you begin to see why Barbara is such a psychotic, manipulative, obsessive, sad old person. I don't want to grow old like that.
***
Today was a good day. Apart from the stupid throbbing headache that I'm experiencing now. Mainly because for the first 5 entries of my learning portfolio for sustainability (10%), I got an A- !!! WHEE :D Unfortunately it seems that I always only do well for assignments that don't count for much, lols.
And of course, Greatest American Dog every wednesday night. (SPOILER AHEAD IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOW. Though I really think I'm the only one who watches it around here lols) The dogs are ADORABLE. Andrew the maltese looks like cousin It. And Preston is so cuuute. And Star is really pretty. Unfortunately I came across a spoiler when I was looking for his picture but there you go, the winner of the show. Hot and cute and a dog lover to boot ! Yum.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
♥ 1:13 AM
I think my neighbours hate me. :X It was like 11ish and I was playing Coldplay on the piano. Muted, of course. Amsterdam, Lost and Fix You. It's not too difficult so I can sing along a bit. And it just feels good. That moment, those weepy songs. Music makes me happy. Life should be that good and simple.
I think other people need such moments. Not me. I don't think I deserve it. I wish that qua and mich and db and pyong and all the people who only sleep 4 hours a day and drink 4 red bulls a day can stop even for a while to do something that they can say with certainty makes them happy and makes life good.
Sometimes I wish I was under the same pressure. That I was in smoo and had tons of group meetings and assignments and deadlines. At least my life would be scheduled and more disciplined. Although forced. But sometimes, all I can think about is how the last thing I want is a youth wasted on sleepless nights and too much stress. Crazy ass work just so I can graduate and get a job that has be doing more crazy ass work. I don't know.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't mind not being some high flier just as long as I can be generally contented with life and do the things I want to do.
And since it's been pretty much decided that I'm going to do honours (unless my cap drops drastically below 3.5, omgah please no ! haha), all I intend to do is try to pull my grades up. I do think that I might consider contract teaching if I really can't find a job related to the arts/environment/events-planning. Oh but it's not as if it's some second rate back up plan. I have considered teaching but I spoke to a few teachers and they advise me not to join straightaway so hrms.. Who wants to go into the wedding planning business with me !
Watching a full episode of any show online, when it doesn't hang, always always puts me in a good mood. It was HIMYM today. Awe-some. :)
Monday, February 16, 2009
♥ 10:49 PM
I think about all my friends who are going to be in 7k a month jobs, wear awesome suits that will make even Barney Stinson jealous, juggle a handsome spouse and smart ass kids, embrace domestic goddess-hood, do community service, have some exciting hobby on the side AND look freaking gorgeous and I just feel so...lame in comparison. Just average. Mediocre. Boring. I don't know, it's just a hunch.
This is random but it'd be nice to be a wedding planner.
I don't know. I feel a bit bleagh with the thought of having such a general degree all of a sudden. Especially since I don't know know if I'll be using geography to save the world. And it seems that many signs are pointing to no at working at the place where I want to work at. I don't know. I foresee job hopping. :/ This is so not me anyways, contemplating my future.
***
Lonelyboy sure is being awfully retarded. Sheesh. Remind me to read Middlesex. Oh and stuff by Updike. I'm glad that I'm reading more than last year.
Things to do: Return gideon his money. Do up photos and captions and compile 2229. Print out lecture notes. Return Easter Parade. Finish Notes on a Scandal. Borrow Cold Spring Harbour and Prozac Nation ! (Yay, my recess week reads. :) Er, apart from my readings of course. Cough.)
Darn it, the hydro textbook puts me to sleep. I miss the atmo textbook.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
♥ 10:02 PM
Darn blogger, it won't let me upload photos. Pbft. Valentines' Day was spent singing (always a good thing :)) and getting down and dirty (okay no, just really warm and sweaty) with Jema, Mich, Qua, SK and Yizhen at the Cedar Fiesta ! :D It seems that there weren't many teachers we knew there :( It really doesn't seem like 4+ years actually.. Pity we reached late, didn't see many people from our batch. But we did manage to see miss lizah (who is a lot thinner) and a very florescent mr goh :D I'm glad they still remember us. I guess as much as it seems like they should, it'd be very difficult. Then again, the retarded things that we did.... :X Pretty unforgettable, haha.
After that Mich, Qua and I had a late lunch and conversation at pp macs :) Won't be seeing mich again for a while ! Dinner at the soup restaurant with my family at night so overall it was a good day :) Tiring though..
Hello people who are secretly stalking me by reading my blog and not tagging ! Coughcough michelle and qua. Who's the stalker now huh ! Hahah.
I've been getting really crappy connection lately. I think it's my laptop. WHY, WHYYYYY. AJFDALKFJLDSJFLASJDFLAF; It's been so warm lately. It's hard to get things done. Borrowed Notes on a Scandal ! Finished Yates' Easter Parade. Hmm, not as stellar as Revolutionary Road. But a nice read nonetheless. Gossip Girl hung on me, gah. It's the connection I tell you... Must be the heat..
Friday, February 13, 2009
♥ 1:40 AM
Due to some miscommunication (serene center! not KAP macs!), I walked continuously for an hour along bukit timah road. Didn't think it'd be that far. But dammit it was and I was on the verge of collapse ! HAHA. Okay no, not collapse. Caving in and hailing a cab. But I made it ! Hehehe. I love it when I'm retarded and stupid and stubborn persevering like that and it pays off.
Turns out I could've slept 2 more hours on thurs because tutorial was cancelled !!! HUMBUG. On the plus side, I found two readings for my landscape project (thanks to humz, I love the topic ! it's quite difficult to do secondary research on it though..) and and Yates' Easter Parade ! HEHEH. No need to make my way to bras basah. School has its uses. For once. :X
I love the current biophys lecturer. He's funny ! :) And I kinda like learning about thunder crab and filter feeding and halophytes or whatever. His talk about the research they do in biology makes me envious of people like marcus ! So interesting...
Am happy because despite 5 hours of sleep again (consultation at 930 so I woke up at 7) and my exhausting walk, I spent 3.5 good hours with Jema, Sally and Xunny :D (actually, more than that with xunny cos I followed her vday shopping..) Ice cream at Island Creamery too :)) Pineapple Tart is a really nice flavour, heh.
Okay I hope I finish whatever I'm going to make on time. HAHA.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
♥ 1:46 AM
Yes, I'll only get around 5 plus hours of sleep. Sigh.
No I didn't take a nap today like I usually do.
Yes usually if I don't get enough sleep I end up lazing around and skipping class.
No I can't do that tomorrow because I have two tutorials.
Yes I am actually excited about tutorial because we get to go out in the field for hydrology. (hurrah !)
No I still haven't figured it out.
Yes I'm trying to let some things go, to stop over thinking..
No way am I going to miss coldplay. (quoting zz '...sell house also must go !')
Yes ! I'M GOING WITH SOOKS AND HER FRIENDS !!!
No, thank YOU lookylikey :D the conversation helped. I feel comfortable talking to you. love you mei :)
Yes I finally had waffles on half-price tuesday ! Thanks jq !
No a lot of times I don't think I'm good enough.
Yes I admit I can be narcissistic. And I secretly nurse this huge ego.
No belle ! Resist. Chant the mantra !
Yes you can do it. I think. I hope. Oh what the hell you're going to cave, I just know it.
***
Need to sleep. The Virgin Suicides on dvd tomorrow ! :DD
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
♥ 9:34 AM
OMGAH JUST AS I WAS WISHING THEY'D COME...
COLDPLAY IS COMING TO SINGAPORE !!!!!!!!! 23RD MARCH !!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHHAHAH IS 2009 A GOOD YEAR OR WHAT ?!?!?!
WHO WANTS TO WATCH !!!!
Tickets on sale from 16th Feb, from 88 to 248 bucks. It's probably a good thing that I didn't get the most expensive tickets for jason mraz.. The other 45 bucks can go towards watching Coldplay ! HOHOHO.
Just that I'll be broke like no one's business. Maybe it's time to give tuition..
♥ 12:08 AM
I'm looping Coldplay's hits nonstop. Perhaps it's the wail-y quality of Chris Martin's voice or the melancholy in some of the songs.. Clocks, Amsterdam, Yellow, Lost, Viva La Vida, Trouble, Fix You, The Scientist, God Put A Smile Upon Your Face.. Shucks, I love their stripped stuff.. :) I listen to the acoustic version of Lost and I feel like running around happily. :)
I love peeking at Clara when she sleeps. She's adorable, all curled up and fuzzy. :D I think that's why mothers love looking at their sleeping children.. I'm thankful that her foot seems to be healing..
I finished Little Children (in about 2 and a half days !) and I loved how the ending was unpredictable. And that dreams are wonderful and beautiful but only because we are aware of the dismal reality we are stuck in. Whether the materialization of that dream will be as beautiful as it seems is..really questionable.
I do seem to have this thing for surburbia and all its darkness. I just remembered how I want to watch American Beauty again to really understand it. Somehow there's nothing very normal or typical in the middle class American (Singaporean?) Dream. Maybe that's why it's scary. Because such tensions are commonplace.
Oh, I watched Almost Famous yesterday. Finally I've solved the mystery of why Tiny Dancer's such a hit. It's a pretty sad show I think.. For Penny Lane.. She reminds me of Holly Gollightly. Acting all lovely and free spirited but really you know that she cares. And Jason Lee is quite cool ! When his name is not Earl, haha.
Sorry for being so absolutely cantankerous these past few days. It's PMS, furreal. Haha.. Of course, nothing that an episode of The Office and good sleep cannot cure. :) Oh, tetris helps too in the short run..
I have things to work on :/ It's only february, 2009 barely started.
♥ 12:08 AM
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
You're So Real -Matchbox Twenty
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
What The World Needs Now -The Carpenters (HAHAHA, SERIOUSLY?!)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Us -Regina Spektor
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Last Name -Carrie Underwood (er, maybe a take on my impulsiveness?)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Wake Up Call -Maroon Five (I act as people's conscience !)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I Believe in a Thing Called Love -The Darkness
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
On The Road -Sun Yanzi (haha escapism, maybe..)
WHAT IS 2+2?
Life Could Be a Dream -The Mills Brothers
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND(S)?
Why Georgia -John Mayer
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Innuendo -Queen (huh ! :S)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
So Young -The Corrs (immature thus far I guess.. or just living it up ? haha)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Tears Dry on Their Own -Amy Winehouse (??? haha)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Good Vibrations -The Beach Boys (HAHA ! quite an odd choice..)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Nothing Lasts Forever -Maroon Five (what the hell ! haha oh dear !)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Candyman -Christina Aguilera (ooh.. sweets...)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
O Tu, Cara Scienza Mia Musica -London Sinfonietta (I'm actually not sure what that means..)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Here It Goes Again -OK Go (really not a secret actually..)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Reason Why -Rachael Yamagata :D
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road -Elton John
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Intuition -Jewel (not.)
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Dreamsome -Shelby Lynne
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET？
We Go Together -John Travolta & Olivia Newton John, from Grease (omgah, the dance ! hahaha)
HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Letter Read -Rachael Yamagata (o.O)
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
I Want You -Rachael Yamagata (eh, how come so many of her songs !)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Have It All -Jeremy Kay, Scrubs Soundtrack (the first line is 'somedays I feel like crying' :X)
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds -The Beatles
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Shortly Before the End -OK Go (yes, the most accurate one !)
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
25 Minutes -Michael Learns to Rock (er I'd be more punctual ? haha :X)
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, WHEN YOU MEET YOUR BOSS?
Waiting for My Real Life to Begin -Colin Hay (haha yes ! if my boss is God :D)
Monday, February 09, 2009
♥ 11:46 AM
♥ 3:14 AM
I was just guessin',
At numbers and figures,
Pullin' the puzzles apart.
Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.
Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh, what a rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' tails,
Comin' back as we are.
Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm going back to the start.
-The Scientist, Coldplay
***
On hindsight, I chose the wrong people. Oh belle, how you do love to set yourself up for disappointment. So much for being honest.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
♥ 1:04 AM
E. from Entourage is starring in the show. He's a short guy but he's cute, heh.
At least 10% of sustainability and 12.5(or is it 15?)% of hydro are out of the way. Landscapes proposal is next. And then hydro prac and biophys prac.
I just borrowed Tom Perrotta's Little Children. I don't know what's with me and novels about suburbia... The Virgin Suicides, Revolutionary Road and now this ! And I don't even watch Desperate Housewives ! Oh but I do so love it so far. :) They're all movie tie-ins too.. And 2 out of 3 star Kate Winslet, haha.
It's been such a long time since I last sang (that is, not whilst walking to the bus stop or in the lift). Must've been about 2-3 weeks ago ! And I haven't seen pten for the longest time. Ho guowei also. And db. Ayes. :(
Sometimes, no, most of the time I think, what's the point ?
Running in circles, chasing tails.
Belle your priorities have been whack since day 1.
But yes yes I do so love to indulge in all the things that are bad for me.
Baby, I'm going to have to take a raincheck on this one.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
♥ 2:35 AM
Felt slightly overwhelmed suddenly.
Db was super excited and on seventh heaven from her class outing, pyong was asking about venue rental prices, uncle was showing me articles on obama, my sustainability groupmates were enthusiastic, typed very fast and are very confused over what to include in the write-up. I had to email HN, had to email my hydrology groupmates.. Was in the midst of typing pros and cons for 3239.. Then JT popped up and planted the notion in my head. And from that point onwards, it was no turning back.
The point of no return.
Soooooooooo the impulsive, present hedonistic person that I am dropped it like it's hot.
I do realise that I may someday look back and scream and kick at past belle for the ridiculous things she did. But I did what I did. :/ I dropped thai music. If I don't pull my grades up this sem, I am so going to kick my own ass. SERIOUSLY. This means field studies FO SHO next year.
***
Omgwtfbbq. I left the laptop on for a whole day, finally downloaded gossipgirl and now I can't dammit play it cos they say I require some codecs when the plugin check confirmed I have everything. WHAT IS THIS SHIT. >((((
I just painted my nails a patchy, ugly, bloody sort of red. Yup, definitely pms.
Saw the music video for 'I'm Yours' on starworld. I need a beach holiday of sorts.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
♥ 1:20 AM
How nice of you to offer. 'Twas unexpected. :)
Darn all those horrible cab drivers who refuse to take me and Clara to the vet. Despite the advanced booking. I had to change the appointment AGAIN. Dammit. Lucky the problem doesn't seem to be too serious unlike the previous time. I've brought her in taxis before.. About 3 times? Apparently they're more sensitive now. Like wth.
Have I already mentioned how much I love my lobster & hula girl boxers ? I wear them as shorts around the house. So comfy and so adorable. Hehe.
Truckloads of work. Meep. Not even including weekly readings. Belle belle, be more disciplined ! Have to make some headway with the comparisons of state of the environment reportings. Seriously I have no idea what I'm expected to include in the learning portfolio. Pbft. Hydrology prac is due friday, got to watch The Overture again for the assignment due monday, Changing Landscapes proposal due soon too. Aikes.
Ahhhh all the nice movies are finally opening on our shores. Remind me to watch Vicky Christina Barcelona when it comes out on vcd. Javier Bardem mmms...
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
♥ 12:15 AM
You know what? I don't tire of it at all. Except when I am well and truly tired from the lack of sleep or when I am sleepy in the afternoons. (you know how heavy lidded I get in the hot afternoons after a full meal..) Even though it's nothing spectacular. But maybe that's the whole point.
I still can't put a finger to it though.
Cherr called me a cheater. HAHAHAHA. Oops. I don't know, this has befuddled me for what, half a year or more already. So so I don't know. Isn't it ironic, don't you think. A little too ironic, I really do think.
I wonder how long this can be kept up. :S I don't see very far into the future unless I'm daydreaming. Which happens to be always.
Monday, February 02, 2009
♥ 2:05 AM
Clair De Lune just strikes a chord somehow. I feel some stirrings within me.. Am watching trailers and I just heard it on Tokyo Sonata (nope, no relation to the winter one). I can't explain why though. Maybe someone taking Science of Music can, haha..
Crap, I need a stairmaster. :B I am officially the fattest person I know. PAH.
Comfortable. :) No frills. I had an unexpectedly good saturday. Haha, if only everyday could be like that.
Consumer durables statistics are tiring to find. Zzz. So much sustainability stuff to complete ! Learning portfolio, argh ! :(
Can't wait for Slumdog Millionaire and Revolutionary Road. I read both books ! :) Though the former was actually titled Q & A. I finished the latter in 3 days and oh gosh, it's so matter of fact, without the embellishments and melodrama. And yet it is intense and sad and scary almost..in that dark way.. Oft quoted phrase in the book (actually from The Petrified Forest, a play). In retrospect it makes sense why it recurs..
"Wouldn't you like to be loved by me?"
Sunday, February 01, 2009
♥ 10:29 PM
Favourite photo blogger recommended this with his photos. Splendid choice, complements it perfectly.
LOVE IT.
COLDPLAY, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, COME TO SINGAPORE DAMMIT !!!!!!!!!!!