Ayes. Am in a totally wtf mood. Am in a very fuck, I hate my life and most of all myself kind of mood. Which is nothing new in fact. But it intensifies sometimes. And I don't get why either. Not why I'm in such a mood but why I am this way in the first place.

Time spent wishing is time wasted.

Oh fuck. Am just wasting a lot of precious time.

If the Korean War doesn't come out, I'll just... jump. Off tmx's point block, probably.

And I just hate the fact that handphone alarms together with alarm clocks and the help of my maid/sibling cannot stir me from slumber. I end up wasting time napping. SUCKS. ):

If I don't get an A, it's a pity. LOLS. Yeah, I guess. Still, prospects are lowww.

Dead lesbian and the fibrillating scissor sisters. Hahaha, that was what they wanted to call themselves. Funny stuff. I really hope I don't have to do the general globo question. And arms race is... undoable. So please please please let it be korean war. Warbears (as recommended by xiaokai) is adorable.

Neverending history and geography. Am korean warring. Going do ME too. Midnight oil burning. Oh oh so much better than forest burning.

The Scissor Sister's I Don't Feel Like Dancing rocks. I can't stop singing it rawr. ((: I have to sing it in falsetto though and it hurts my throat, lols. But it's so 80s and glam rock-ish, it's funny ! Ooh, jeff probst, swooon. (: (haha ! soook ! remember missus p ? oh and mrs k too heh) I like singing out loud on the way home. Hurhur. Especially to some danceable fun song. More podcasts, we must, heh. Yikes, studied (or tried to) with pk, lala and wansu in school today. Meow. I love the choir room and its outside. My favourite place in the school. All the times spent going crazy and hyper.. The times we get frustrated during sectionals.. The times ogling at ahem soccer hunks.. Lols. Yeah, it's so calming. And there's a great view too. They finally made a light work. Lols. Ah wells.. Meow.


Rather be home with no one when I can't get down with you

Dammit. Resistance is futile.


You are imaginative, fun-loving, thrill-seeking and expressive. You're so charming that you attract many friends and you are almost never lacking guys/gals. In your earlier years, you may be totally shy and self-conscious, but you'll lose those qualities in the high-school years. You can be sort of vain or even a bit of a show-off when you get caught up in exciting events in your life, but you usually redeem yourself in some playful way before you lose a friend. Jealousy shows its ugly head sometimes, but generally you aren't affected by it unless your guy/gal tries to provoke it. In the guy/gal department, you prefer the athletic or artistic types. You're in absolute heaven when you find both of those qualities in the same guy/gal. When you're looking for love, a guy/gal who can make you laugh scores points, big time!

Haha ! Oh so true. Coveteous, imaginative, charming.. and drawn to athletic funny types. (:

I FINALLY HAVE THE END !!!!


JUMPS JUMPS JUMPS


RELISHES EVERY SINGLE WORD. MMMMMMMSSSS.


Ahhhhhhh. I can't bear to read it actually. I feel that I must savour every bit and not finish it all too fast. Rawwwrr. Anyway, have been having a cold and scratchy throat. Being sick makes me very very cranky. No anyway, bought espirit stuff and shall buy a bag and dunks after the exams ! And bangkok ! Woooots. (: I'm also thinking stuff from malacca but we'll have to see how it goes.

Omgwtf.

Now's the time for divine intervention, lols. 10 hours worth of productivity please ! (: Heh.

On a completely irrelevant note, Jude Law is so so so goshdarnit hot. Okay, am touched. Biaodi kitty just sent me butterfly kisses. AHHHH ! So sad and beautiful ! I have the cd, hurhur. Thankews lots kiddo (: I've been waking up at ungodly hours to scratch like crazy. Have been unable to sleep. ): Something's seriously wrong with me. Sigh. Okay anyways, I think ragen thinks I'm nuts. Okay. Should be off. Long day of work tomorrow. And cherr wants my guitar, lols.

ANTM break. Will return to the middle east soon. (insert HUUUGE GROOOAN) Nigel Barker is hot. Haha, penchant for baldish people. =X No scrubs and frasier tonight though. ): Pbbffft, all the hype around korean dramas. Tmx is a good example. Reduced to desperate, squealing goo. Lols. Was quite productive today, methinks. Weathering, karst and granite landforms, one mcq paper and hopefully I can finish most of middle east. Heh. Am getting chubbier by the day, so not good. Hope I can get my consultation slot on thursday. Mmms. Finished Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason for the 2nd/3rd time. (: Love brit chick humour.

If there's one thing I've learned,

it's to detach oneself.

Detach emotionally and mentally. Remain in one's cosy little bubble. Yes, explore other spheres and realms and occasionally let people take a look around your own but on no terms whatsoever should you stray into the enclaves of others and prolong your visits. You end up getting dragged into the downward spiral. I'm not saying that friends shouldn't endure pain, hardship blah blah whatnot together. Adversity, on the contrary, strengthens bonds.

But but. Listen to this. But what if you're involved with too many people ? And what if those same people somehow counted on you exclusively ? On a level, a plane higher than the rest ? Overwhelming ? I should think so. One in this position may count himself 'superfriend' but it might just be at the expense of his own sanity. I don't think it's just altruism. You be there for your friends and you do good for them because you relish that they can count on you. It's that trust which creates bonds so fulfilling. But I mean, we are all human. We are not God because we have limits. Limits to tolerance, limits to patience. (limits to the how long a time we can go about without sinning. hmmms, but that's another story.) And it is when we are stretched to the brink that mistakes can happen. It's interesting how relationships are so fragile. I'd liken it to the silky threads of a spider's web but we all know that webs are stronger than they look. Which too can be alluded to friendships but this is not the point of my.. rumination.

Ahem. Anyway, yes, relationships, fragile, inter linked. What you say or do can inadvertantly set off a cataclysmic chain reaction. Before you know it, the situation is beyond salvageable. (omg, this is so cold war. and tit for tat actions. hahahahah.) From what I've learnt in history, har har, a lot of things can go wrong just because of misinterpretation. The misperception of actions and intentions are in turn exacerbated by the failure to clarify things. Ahh, the importance of candid and honest dialogue. Which also leads me to the topic of whether ignorance is truly bliss but I realise that this is getting increasingly convoluted so maybe I shall deal with it another time.

So, because of the complexities and mutual dependence of relationships, one should diversify. Interestingly cliched, the question of whether one would rather a few best friends or a large social circle. See, why not have a moderate number of good friends ? Perhaps they need not have, so called, equal weightage but it'd be good if they could be.. of relatively similar standings. That way, when person A is in trouble, you can still ask for help from person B. From a similar standpoint, person A can also turn to HIS person B. Oh and it'd be good too if your friends weren't all concentrated in the same place. So it's less likely they'd be in the same rut as well. But yeah. That's my point. Refrain from having a bunch of people who treat you as their sole life preserver. It's unhealthy for both parties anyway.

Just detach yourself. I look at jason and I marvel at his ability to remain safely, comfortably protected in his own bubble. When you extricate yourself from the intricacies of human entanglements, you are as likely to protect your friends as you are protecting yourself. It's the extent I guess. We all just have to be sure of how much we can and want to take. The time to just say stop, I need to be alone to contemplate and stuff.

Perhaps what I am trying to say is take the ferris wheel. Take the carousel. Take the flume or something. They too have their ups and downs. But don't spend all your tokens on the rollercoaster. After a while, it's bound to make you sick.

***

Well. It's just my take. Supposed to be reading about karst landscapes and all but pbbffft. Rocks don't really entertain me as much as my own thoughts do. Really itchy. Darn mosquitos. Okay bel, 1000% now. You know you're better than this. Single digit leh. Cedar better still. Lazy ah.. WAKE UP. Pbbfft. Okay okay. Meow.

I never mean to cause any harm or grievous hurt at all. But one thing I can assure you is that I have the capacity to be pissed off. Vulgarities for me, would be a rather superficial level. One mark of being bloody angry with a person would be deleting all their messages from my inbox. I have close to a hundred messages because sentimental me can't bear deleting stuff that have struck a chord or are from people who I deem are important (or I wish were important. ahhh. golden hands.. lols). I used to have like, 20 messages from ______ last year but in a flash of anger, I erased all of them. Just goes to show how people can mean so much to you that any reminder of them just incites hurt and anger. (as opposed to sadness and erm depression ?) For me, it's a very very fine line between feeling guilty and getting angry. I guess it just shows my two halves. The trying hard to be compassionate and appeasing half and the whytf is it my fault half. Lols. Okay I don't know where this is going but yeah. Just. Don't patronise me.

Jema the ahlian is funny. (: And thankews jasmine and yuklum who remembered nonetheless. (: Best of all was hzbro. He was so funnily sweet :D

'Welcome to the exclusive M18 club. Happy 18n2 birthday! Only your brother will wish u to be happy on two days aft ure birthday cos i wish u to be happy everyday being 18!'

:D :D :D Adel is lucky lucky.

Okay, going to try reading up on karst landscapes. Remember, uncle gerald is a sexy penguin. Oh and remember, you can't trust anyone. You can only trust that they may time and again disappoint you.

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to fall...
crop circles in the carpet
sinking, feeling

spin me 'round again
and rub my eyes,this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before
the take over,the sweeping insensitivity
of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
(you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears
they were here first

Mmmm what d'ya say,
Mmmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm what d'ya say,
Mmmm that's all for the best?
of course it is
Mmmm what d'ya say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
Mmmm what d'ya say?
Mmmm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
midsweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling
no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit, you don't care a bit


Was listening to this on repeat whilst trying to figure out mass movements (seriously, slumps ? flows ? rawrr.) and I felt inspired to do an art piece. I like the randomness of the lyrics but at the same time I dig the whole weight of the song. Like, how the random words that don't seem to make sense (at least not to me) actually help add to the depth of despair. Hahaha. Okay, random thoughts but yeah. Shall do it after As if I remember.. Oh and I really like the mmm what dya say part. Heh. The sentiments of one who has been patronised..



Haha ! Yesyes. Someone just kill me and scatter my ashes from the top of the andes or something. Right. I took some left/right brain quiz and apparently I have equal hemispheres. Mmmms. Okay, should be off to read cuba. Hoho. Db rocks (: And I love the cow my brother gave me. It's so fat and cute I shall call it muumuu. How random.

Before I forget,
I luuuurve you XUNNY BUNNY, blessed 18th birthday ! Lots of hugs and kisses ! And we shall go club hopping ayes ! :D

running with scissors

[because blogger was being beachy yesterday]

So my birthday's officially over. And just when I thought it'd be just like any other day, it wasn't. Haha, a whirlwind of emotions. But I just watched the trailer (see, this is what happens when you don't have the luxury of youtube, you watch trailers, which is great by the way, at apple.com) of this movie titled Facing The Giants I think. It's about american football and one line stuck with me.

When we win, we praise God.
When we lose, we praise God.

So yeah, for everything, everyone,
praise God ! (:

Was initially reluctant to meet the choir kiddos in school but did so anyway. Many many thank yous to biaodi, xiaokai, ting mei, xiaokang, meirong, shaun and jeremy tiong who were there to erm embarass me with a song, lols. Thank you lots too for the gifts and card. ((:

Went to causeway point with huiting, meirong and jingkang. Haha, we had fun being nonsensical at popular and took crazy neoprints. Lols, I had lots of fun and we have have have to do it again. Heh, Mr Pringle's Angels ! :D

Anyhow, am really exhausted. Whirlwind of emotions as I've said. Haha which led me to think how one can feel fatigued and tired when one hasn't been doing anything physically strenuous. It's funny how thinking and all, the mental and emotional parts of a person, can have so much weight on the physical aspect. Which just goes to prove that it's mind over matter. Hehe, cool theory eh. But I shall expound on it another time when I'm feeling more chipper.

It's interesting how the Lord works. I got to spend some time by myself so I prayed and thought. Mostly I was worrying and reflecting and grasping the message. I was also missing my dog to hug but it's curious, because God sent me a cat. It was oddly reassuring and funny because I kept looking at it and was trying to summon it through thought so it was a freaky sign, you can say. Anyways, my point is that God works in mysterious ways and it's for the best because things really come to light. Was pensive and felt quite teary but yeah, that's the effect of being rather overwhelmed by the Lord ayes ? Ahh. Anyway, it was a refreshing way to spend my birthday. So thank God (:

I really must thank all the people who made my day today in all their ways, both great and little. Each message brought a smile to my face, honestly. (: So yep, THANK YOU

wilberg. kiki. andrew. xunnybaby. adel. michy tang. dijayy. qngwn. biaodi kitty. zhanny. angel. db. tmx. nessa. mrs hady. zhixiong. trina. ruz. tang. radish. sis in law/sooks. lala. poahsin. jeremy tiong. meirong. tingmei. shaun. xiaokai. lustful tan. natalie kwok. graces. yenyen. chairs. mrs toh. cherr. jema. sally. houteng. serene. jiahui. pyong. saffie. fellow n00b. xianhui. (and erm coughnelsoncough lolssss)

(: (: (:

Now it's my turn to wish my fellow ptenner !! Haha, I love that we have consecutive birthdays.
To darling JEMIMA XUE MING MING
hEyY yO Yo ! i lub euu* woRxX ! mUacKxX ! tAkE cArE kaEx !
HAHA ! seriously, jema, take care, study smart, God bless ! LOVE :D

Oh, I want to watch Driving Lessons, Running with Scissors, Norbit, Employee of the Month, Mr Woodcock and Stranger than Fiction. Haha, to name a few. Trailers rock. And at causeway point just now almost fot very pissed off because I was rushing and this mat (mutt ? lols) refused to let me past him on the escalator. Deliberately. Twice. Even though I asked, nicely. Twice. He (and might I mention that he is younger than me) put both his arms on the handrails and when I asked politely, he just glared at me and didn't budge. It took me all the energy in the world not to ask him to fuck off because he lacked all the manners in the world. So I just nonchalantly pretended that I wasn't in a rush after all. Oh and you know what ? On the way down, he actually waited for me to 'catch up' with him by standing by the escalator just so he could cut in front of me and be smug. Like, what the fuck is your problem ? Low life. Hmph. But I shan't dwell on it.

Goodnight world. (ooh, remind me to get drunk !)


trust in the Lord with all your heart
lean not on your own understanding
in all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will direct your path.
Proverbs 3:5-6

So my birthday's officially over. And just when I thought it'd be just like any other day, it wasn't. Haha, a whirlwind of emotions. But I just watched the trailer (see, this is what happens when you don't have the luxury of youtube, you watch trailers, which is great by the way, at apple.com) of this movie titled Facing The Giants I think. It's about american football and one line stuck with me.

When we win, we praise God.
When we lose, we praise God.

So yeah, for everything, everyone,
praise God ! (:

Was initially reluctant to meet the choir kiddos in school but did so anyway. Many many thank yous to biaodi, xiaokai, ting mei, xiaokang, meirong, shaun and jeremy tiong who were there to erm embarass me with a song, lols. Thank you lots too for the gifts and card. ((:

Went to causeway point with huiting, meirong and jingkang. Haha, we had fun being nonsensical at popular and took crazy neoprints. Lols, I had lots of fun and we have have have to do it again. Heh, Mr Pringle's Angels ! :D

Anyhow, am really exhausted. Whirlwind of emotions as I've said. Haha which led me to think how one can feel fatigued and tired when one hasn't been doing anything physically strenuous. It's funny how thinking and all, the mental and emotional parts of a person, can have so much weight on the physical aspect. Which just goes to prove that it's mind over matter. Hehe, cool theory eh. But I shall expound on it another time when I'm feeling more chipper.

It's interesting how the Lord works. I got to spend some time by myself so I prayed and thought. Mostly I was worrying and reflecting and grasping the message. I was also missing my dog to hug but it's curious, because God sent me a cat. It was oddly reassuring and funny because I kept looking at it and was trying to summon it through thought so it was a freaky sign, you can say. Anyways, my point is that God works in mysterious ways and it's for the best because things really come to light. Was pensive and felt quite teary but yeah, that's the effect of being rather overwhelmed by the Lord ayes ? Ahh. Anyway, it was a refreshing way to spend my birthday. So thank God (:

I really must thank all the people who made my day today in all their ways, both great and little. Each message brought a smile to my face, honestly. (: So yep, THANK YOU

wilberg. kiki. andrew. xunnybaby. adel. michy tang. dijayy. qngwn. biaodi kitty. zhanny. angel. db. tmx. nessa. mrs hady. zhixiong. trina. ruz. tang. radish. sis in law/sooks. lala. poahsin. jeremy tiong. meirong. tingmei. shaun. xiaokai. lustful tan. natalie kwok. graces. yenyen. chairs. mrs toh. cherr. jema. sally. houteng. serene. jiahui. pyong. saffie. fellow n00b. xianhui. (and erm coughnelsoncough lolssss)

(: (: (:

Now it's my turn to wish my fellow ptenner !! Haha, I love that we have consecutive birthdays.
To darling JEMIMA XUE MING MING
hEyY yO Yo ! i lub euu* woRxX ! mUacKxX ! tAkE cArE kaEx ! HAHA ! seriously, jema, take care, study smart, God bless ! LOVE :D

Oh, I want to watch Driving Lessons, Running with Scissors, Norbit, Employee of the Month, Mr Woodcock and Stranger than Fiction. Haha, to name a few. Trailers rock. And at causeway point just now almost fot very pissed off because I was rushing and this mat (mutt ? lols) refused to let me past him on the escalator. Deliberately. Twice. Even though I asked, nicely. Twice. He (and might I mention that he is younger than me) put both his arms on the handrails and when I asked politely, he just glared at me and didn't budge. It took me all the energy in the world not to ask him to fuck off because he lacked all the manners in the world. So I just nonchalantly pretended that I wasn't in a rush after all. Oh and you know what ? On the way down, he actually waited for me to 'catch up' with him by standing by the escalator just so he could cut in front of me and be smug. Like, what the fuck is your problem ? Low life. Hmph. But I shan't dwell on it. I have more pressing issues now anyway. Like, a bug the size of my finger that is terrorising me. Damn I hate winged insects.

So yes, goodnight world. (ooh, remind me to get drunk !)

trust in the Lord with all your heart
lean not on your own understanding
in all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will direct your path.
Proverbs 3:5-6

So my birthday's officially over. And just when I thought it'd be just like any other day, it wasn't. Haha, a whirlwind of emotions. But I just watched the trailer (see, this is what happens when you don't have the luxury of youtube, you watch trailers, which is great by the way, at apple.com) of this movie titled Facing The Giants I think. It's about american football and one line stuck with me.

When we win, we praise God.
When we lose, we praise God.

So yeah, for everything, everyone,
praise God ! (:

Was initially reluctant to meet the choir kiddos in school but did so anyway. Many many thank yous to biaodi, xiaokai, ting mei, xiaokang, meirong, shaun and jeremy tiong who were there to erm embarass me with a song, lols. Thank you lots too for the gifts and card. ((:

Went to causeway point with huiting, meirong and jingkang. Haha, we had fun being nonsensical at popular and took crazy neoprints. Lols, I had lots of fun and we have have have to do it again. Heh, Mr Pringle's Angels ! :D

Anyhow, am really exhausted. Whirlwind of emotions as I've said. Haha which led me to think how one can feel fatigued and tired when one hasn't been doing anything physically strenuous. It's funny how thinking and all, the mental and emotional parts of a person, can have so much weight on the physical aspect. Which just goes to prove that it's mind over matter. Hehe, cool theory eh. But I shall expound on it another time when I'm feeling more chipper.

It's interesting how the Lord works. I got to spend some time by myself so I prayed and thought. Mostly I was worrying and reflecting and grasping the message. I was also missing my dog to hug but it's curious, because God sent me a cat. It was oddly reassuring and funny because I kept looking at it and was trying to summon it through thought so it was a freaky sign, you can say. Anyways, my point is that God works in mysterious ways and it's for the best because things really come to light. Was pensive and felt quite teary but yeah, that's the effect of being rather overwhelmed by the Lord ayes ? Ahh. Anyway, it was a refreshing way to spend my birthday. So thank God (:

I really must thank all the people who made my day today in all their ways, both great and little. Each message brought a smile to my face, honestly. (: So yep, THANK YOU

wilberg. kiki. andrew. xunnybaby. adel. michy tang. dijayy. qngwn. biaodi kitty. zhanny. angel. db. tmx. nessa. mrs hady. zhixiong. trina. ruz. tang. radish. sis in law/sooks. lala. poahsin. jeremy tiong. meirong. tingmei. shaun. xiaokai. lustful tan. natalie kwok. graces. yenyen. chairs. mrs toh. cherr. jema. sally. houteng. serene. jiahui. pyong. saffie. fellow n00b. xianhui. (and erm coughnelsoncough lolssss)

(: (: (:

Now it's my turn to wish my fellow ptenner !! Haha, I love that we have consecutive birthdays.
To darling JEMIMA XUE MING MING
hEyY yO Yo ! i lub euu* woRxX ! mUacKxX ! tAkE cArE kaEx !
HAHA ! seriously, jema, take care, study smart, God bless ! LOVE :D

Goodnight world. (ooh, remind me to get drunk !)


trust in the Lord with all your heart
lean not on your own understanding
in all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will direct your path.
Proverbs 3:5-6

E' per l'amore che ti do
E' per l'amore che non sai
Che mi fai naufragare
E' per l'amore che non ho
E' per l'amore che vorrei
E' per questo dolore
E' quest o amore che ho per te
Che mi fa superare queste vere tempeste

Josh Groban's Oceano, I like. (: Especially the part where he changes key. Woahh. Haha, I'm listening to the Kaiser Chief's I Predict A Riot. Such a fun song ayes. I hate the computer when it's being all laggy on me. Okay, I'm typing in ms word because it's faster. I think it's the computer rather than the internet connection. Bah, just goes to show that I am just another product of multitasking. I've always had a short attention span. I get bored VERY easily. I have tons of unfinished projects, hobbies I gave up halfway. It's quite sad really.

I overheard Alexi Murdoch's Orange Sky on Prison Break just now. The song made me feel kind of sad. I want to watch the OC again ! Especially season 1. It's on the soundtrack after all and it's beautiful.

You know, I was telling xiaokang that the novelty of birthdays in general diminish with age. Maybe it has to do with the parties and wrapped presents as a child. Though I only remember one proper party in primary 2 with catering and all. Heh. But anyway, now it is just another day. Another 24 hours. I don't know. It's like Christmas, kinda. You wait A WHOLE YEAR for it. Like, go through 4 school terms and blah blah and bam ! Orchard road lighter up, jostling crowds, strains of carols.. Then the day comes. And goes. Before you know it, the whole build up, the hype about it all, all invested in those 24 hours. I mean yeah, it's a season and all but the day itself is special special. So yeah, the same goes for birthdays. You can't help but hope for something extra special, extra different, extra memorable. But well. Hrms. Not that I don't love all my friends tons for remembering. But it's interesting how it is just any other day. It doesn't deserve to be any other day. Haha, it's funny how I'm being so egocentric about it when in reality I'm quite bashful with all kinds of obvious, outward displays of erm affection, lols.

Anyway, it's 0040 hours and apart from the dafc girls who wished me last week, I want to thank wilberg, kiki, andrew, xunny baby and princess adel. I was smiling crazily to myself as I read their messages. (: I think it's quite lovely that the slc people (andrew and wilberg, heh) remembered. And ahh, ptenners, enough said.

Okay, I shall like, club my life away after the exams. And watch like all the m18 movies lols. Nyahh. Apparently I have surprises in store for me tomorrow courtesy of dearests xiaokang and xiaokai. Lols, ahh in more ways than one I'm blessed. (:

Okay, I don't care. I'm calling it a day with origins of cold war. Rawrr. And it is so dammit hard to book a consultation slot with ocm. Ah wells. I hope the day's a good one. I had a good start anyway. (: Goodnight world.

Oh, prays and crosses fingers.

It's for the love I give you
and for the love you don't know
that makes me wreck
It's for the love I don't have
and for the love I'd want
It's for this pain
It's for this love I have for you
That makes me get over those real storms

Praise the Lord for seeing me through eighteen years. :D

To every single junior and friend
and actually, everyone else for that matter
you are in my prayers. (:

God loves you.
Forever till forever meets no end.

Dear Lord,

honestly. honestly, honestly, I've never been in such a position. Oh wait, to digress a little, you know how we all learn something from everything ? From relationships, experiences, situations that might not even be our own ? It just dawned upon me what my lesson is. The fact is that, I've been an ungrateful, complacent baby who hasn't been counting her blessings. Time and again, I get more than my share of what I deserve. And I don't ever learn from it. I don't ever appreciate it. So yeah. This is the lesson. That I shouldn't be taking things for granted. That like my father always said in the past, the Lord always helps those who help themselves. There's so much I can do, there's so much I have to do. This is my wake up call. This is what I have to take away from this. That I have to do something if I want to change things. That I should not let the evils of the temporary world overwhelm me and make me lose sight of that which will glorify God's name. For He has already done so much for me. And though nothing I do can ever make up for lost time and energy, I have to try. I know that through God I can be stronger and better than this. And I know that with faith and also by helping myself, He will not forsake me.

The funny thing is Lord that I'm drawing this from the experience of others. Interestingly, as painful as it may seem and sound, reality is not all that divorced from the divine. Is it possible to say that we bring things upon ourselves when the Lord has planned it out for us all ? So maybe it's probably all in God's grand scheme of things. With our efforts combined as well I guess. But as in, if it's His will, then it is His will. As much as reality is harsh, is painful, we have to see it in a different light. I like to say that there is a reason for everything. As much as we know that, it doesn't mean we accept it. Lord, I pray that whatever happens. For all of us, for each of us, it's a tiny drop in the ocean of our lives but it'll shape us and teach us all the same. Lord, I pray that we come to terms with reality, with the fate we perceive cruel. But really, it is important to accept that it's your plan for us Lord. It's not fate but rather what You want us to go through to make us stronger better people.

I'm being honest here Lord. I don't know what to say. Everything is easier said than done but through You nothing is impossible. It's whether we can find it in ourselves to have that faith in You. That You can help us help ourselves Lord. My predicament is currently nowhere as dire but You have shown me how important it is not to lose sight of you Lord.

Dear God, I know I am nowhere near the biggest optimist in the world. But maybe Lord, maybe it is because I lack faith. Experiences have taught me that many a time, false hope just bites you in the back. But then again, maybe I've overlooked the many times that You saved me and the people around me. Anyway Lord, there are some people who especially need prayer. Lord, I pray not for the perfect consequence or the best answer, but rather that You keep my juniors Lord. That You watch them and care for them like You've always done and will always do. Help them be strong and be a comforting source they can draw upon especially in this time of need. Lord, we all know You have your reasons. So I pray that they will come to know and accept whatever happens and even then, stay strong and grow. Lord, I know that through you all things are possible. Miracles are possible. And that they can survive and keep intact after this ordeal will be a miracle enough. Lord, provide them with the will and resolve to be strong.

We cannot forget to thank you for the blessings that You have showered upon us. Your abundant grace and mercy, the little things we take for granted. So I thank you Lord for providing for us still, day after day. Truly, with You by our side, come what may. Thank you Lord..

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

EXACTLY.
You'd never guess who that nick belongs to. Lols.

Dancin' where the stars go blue
Dancin' where the evening fell
Dancin' in your wooden shoes
In a wedding gown

Dancin' out on 7th street
Dancin' through the underground
Dancin' little marionette
Are you happy now?

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you

When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue

Laughing with your pretty mouth
Laughing with your broken eyes
Laughing with your lover's tongue
In a lullaby

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you

When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars, when the stars go blue, blue

When The Stars Go Blue by The Corrs and Bono. There's a Tyler Hilton and Bethany Joy Lenz version if you want something less mild, heh. But this song's really nice anyway. I love the Corrs. (: The whole irish thing helps. And they have this great instrumental track called Rebel Heart that is fantastic and I remember that the gym girls used it for their routine. (:

I'm going to persist. Till thursday night at least. I must, I must. And I love mondays. 3hours worth of fab shows hurrah ! ANTM, the season finale of Grey's, Scrubs and Frasier. I like bishan park but still, the souless wounded puppy owes me. And I don't just mean money, ahem. Lols. Metro rocks. And damn, popular really doesn't live up to its name. I still can't find The End. Rawrr.

Off to unemployment and inflation. Joy. Oh and I don't think I'll ever finish ASAE. Life sucks.

Uneventful sunday. Spent it like how I spend er, every other day of the week ? Haha, who says you can't spend the whole day sleeping ? Had tuition and finished two chapters of econs. AM PROUD OF SELF, BEAMS. :D Going to continue reading abit of ASAE later. Rescheduled with ocm again. I tell you, he just loves sending me on guilt trips. And I didn't even deserve the first one ! Hrmphs. When oh when will I get to even see THE END ? More than 300 luscious pages in glorious hardcover. Ahhhhhhhhh. I must savour every single consonant and vowel and punctuation mark, I must.

Please please let me finish ASAE tomorrow. I think I've been spending too much time on econs. Shouldn't be neglecting history. Rahh. ): I don't feel like attending the mock papers and gp, sigh. Okay, uncle gerald if you're reading this, you should be sad to know that you've lost a valuable reader (ie. me) because I can't read your entries with your new template thanks to my screwed up computer. Sad face.

Ooh lala, we must go shopping and beaching after the exams. I can already make a list of a hundred things to do. Jasper and mark said that I lost weight. On the contrary, I feel fatter than usual and am suffering from a receding hairline. Life is depressing. Oh and I've diagnosed it as being stressed from not being stressed. Sucks.

Back to dunes and the like. Goodnight.


Me and you, we got more yesterday than anybody. We need some kind of tomorrow.
-Beloved

Oh, speaking of lustful tan haha.
markmark:
you're still lusting after that soccer guy ?

Hahaha, how did he know ? According to adel, he turned back to look. But probably at hzbro. Lols, am daydreaming.

I've been longing for as long as i can remember
Something like this to go my way
And it always feels so right
And then you take it all away

Tell me how will i fall in love like that again
And i'm still singing my way without you, singing in pouring rain
I'm still dreaming about those nights, it's our first together
See i thought i found the love i'll have forever

Now i'm high and in myself
Behind this shattered veil
And i know it's only me to blame
And I'm swimming through this ocean of grief
And i'm sailing up your pain

Tell me how will i fall in love like that again
I'm still singing my way without you, singing in pouring rain
I'm still dreaming about those nights, it's our first together
See i thought i found the love i'll have forever

Don't live there and in this house
Something to do
I cant escape
Even though i try
Photographs and memories
I never knew i had so many tears to cry

Tell me how will i fall in love like that again
And i'm still singing my way without you, singing in pouring rain
I'm still dreaming about those nights, it's our first together
See i thought i found the love i'll have forever

I've been looping this song since, 2 hours ago. Imogen Heap's Missing You. (: Visited open house today. Major yawn because most of the people who came were from the school anyways. Ahh, watching the kiddos perform made me realise how much I miss singing. (I know, this is perhaps the 234 billionth time I've mentioned this) I love the japanese song (: It's sad sounding and yet somewhat wistful. Ahh, I miss ajchoir. And I want to join them in malacca but it clashes with prom ! Decisions decisions. 60 BUCKS ARGH.

THE END IS HERE.

Remind me to visit a major bookstore. Popular is not counted, pbbfft.

I think I study better in the day. Even though I usually spend more time studying at night. Problem is, I'm asleep most of the day. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.

At least 8 hours of work a day, I promise.

Okay, am off to finish my mcq and just maybe read parts of the review section. Lols.


And it always feels so right
And then you take it all away

Friday the 13th, I'll let pictures do the talking.

mr ongcm ! he wasn't really even posing. lolols. we accosted the lone ranger.. haha
okayyy, we both look retarded. SHAWNIE my ahpa ! (:

with charlene's oops our beloved ms wtan (: with the lovely charms she made for us. (:

DAFC ! minus caryn. again, hrms. but yeah, using the table in 111, our homeroom, upon ah huay's suggestion.

the princess, the radish and I.

busty tan. photo crasher, TSK. lols, with regina and humz's funny expression, heh.

with bikini and tanyizhen ! oh and a bicycle. hrms. hahaha.

the morning table people ! minus yingtong. and we sorta lost serene and marie along the way. =/ but still, Cedar Cedar ! (:

threethreeohfive. hurhur. oh and our class jokers. vietnam boy and the secretly crazy qingqing, haha. you should see the infernal affairs spoof they did. FUNNAYY. (:

vietnam boy. so shuai ! lololols. (:

***

The maths dept was HILARIOUS. Mr hong was adorable and looked like a very cmi paikia. Lols. Tmx's mr tan was also abit nuts, talking to himself lols. And mr phang's oh oh oh oh. Hahahah. We're very fortunate I find. We have really really nice teachers. Ms Zhu, Ms Tan, Ms Ng, Mr Ong (hrmmms.....). And for the maths people, Mr Tan. Yeah, our class is fortunate..

And and, I was seriously touched by the choir message. The lyrics are afterall the same ones that inspired my gifts for a bunch of the juniors. And well, the photos just reminded me of how fortunate I am. (:

THANK YOU MUCHLY
to my beloved DAFC
denise.charlene.adeline.yunhui.humairah.regina.caryn.siyi.
for my early gift, the card and mister twinks the duck/chick. :D :D :D
love love love (:

It's times like these we learn to live again
It's times like these we give and give again
It's times like these we learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

Recent obsession with imogen heap. (: (: (:

Airplane. Can't take it in. Clear the area. Getting scared. Hallelujah. Headlock. Hide and seek. I am in love with you. Just for now. Leave me to love. Loose ends. Missing you. Oh me, oh my. Shine. Have you got it in you. Speeding cars. Sweet religion. The walk.

Woooots. Seriously, nonsense photos with DAFC is bliss. Haha, we have no shame. Ohh and we had our 'buffet'. Lols, nonsense lah. Hahaha. And and, we had our PODCAST and the charlene tan show ! HAHAHAHA. It was hilarious ! :D


You find your way back down.
And I'll keep the area clear
please clear the area.
When you find your way back down
in one piece.
Then I'll just be waiting here
right here.

TONS OF WORK I HAVEN'T DONE

Sulks like there's no tomorrow.

I'm not going to go into specifics but there's project runway tonight and I've got acres of ground left to uncover. Boohoohoo. And, might I add, zero prospects for gp.

SUPER VIETNAM BOY ! And his chest grabbing sidekick ! Lolsss.

Our last geog tutorial ever. (in which we did a drq, groans) We love miss zhu ! Pretty pretty. The geog people minus caryn. Hahah, the guys are spastic. I think they love the camera more than the girls do.

You know what ? Screw it.
I can't help feeling quite bitter but heck, what tmx said is right. All that matters is how the choir and I feel about it. Specifically the juniors. Screw the school. AJChoir sud sud oyyy. (:

The above is a result of vj's passage 1, lols. I'd love to delve deeper into the issue on hope (seeing as how, being a true libran [librarian ? HAHAHA], I am both a dreamer and a cynic), but I've yet to complete the case study and compre. But anyways, some food for thought. Haha, brings to mind ACS' signature 'the best is yet to be', lols.


'Hope is a virtue independent of its realisations; it is an intrinsic value, an end in itself, allied to courage and imagination, a positive attitude full of possibility and aspiration. For that reason you discover more about a person when you learn about his hopes than when you count his achievements for the best of what we are lies in what we hope to be.'

So yeah. Screw it. Heck achievements.

Call me
stubborn, proud, greedy, covetous
whatever other synonym you can think of,
(because I don't deny that I am all those,
as much as I'd like to beg to differ, )
but I have half a mind to scream on friday

HQ YOU DESERVE DSA !!!

Seriously ? I honestly think he does. And xinyi too. Truly.
Just let me whine.
I would think that I'm a better judge.
Selfish underlying agenda ? Maybe.
But screw it. The system is flawed.
Haha, tmx's UNSUNG HEROES plan ?
People like becky and jade..
(oh oh, am so proud of bikini ! she's such a smart babe :D )
But anyways, I've quite enough of the school.
Maybe not the people. Especially my class and the choir people.
But whatever. Nothing can compare to Cedar anyway.

Rawrr, have to do econs and gp. Heard the men are from mars blah blah author on a radio interview and he said that one main difference between males and the fairer sex is that women keep score. Haha, interesting.

Oh oh, this little thing called repression, otherwise known as
denial.

You know what I find utterly detestable ?
When people don't reply my messages.
I absolutely hate it.

I would launch a long, bitter tirade about the insolence of such people but my lunch is calling. And these people are not worth the effort anyways.

Oh, you know what ? I think I'm finally learning to let go. It's not hurting so much anymore. Sure, the scars will always mark the spot for me to scratch up the suppressed emotions and expose the wounds. But I think, at least for now, they're healing. A good indication would be this semi void where it used to ache. I'm not making things happen anymore, I'm going with the flow. In any case, it's what I have to do. It's the right thing anyway.

How about getting off of these antibiotics
How about stopping eating when I'm filled up
How about them transparent dangling carrots
How about that ever elusive kudo

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How about me not blaming you for everything
How about me enjoying the moment for once
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
How about grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down

How about no longer being masochistic
How about remembering your divinity
How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How about not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence

How do you use the word providence in a sentence ? Hrms. Alanis Morissette's Thank You. And since today is world animal day,

Ahhhh. My love. (: (: (: I hope everyone hugged their pet today. And because I'm all for good causes, especially those related to the environment,

yups. Panda passport ! Everyone should sign up. (: I just hope that real, concrete action is taken. I think it'd really be kinda cool to work for an NGO. I watched Helen the baby fox yesterday. It's this japanese show about a REALLY CUTE baby fox and a KINDA CUTE little boy. Haha. It's quite sad really and poignant.

I'd ruminate about culture in Singapore but I have to rush at least 2 history outlines. SEA ones too, bah. Okay, everyone who's a fan of snow patrol (am currently addicted to chasing cars) and/or grey's anatomy (sooks ! dear senior corinna !) should watch the finale video or the compilation of clips from grey's. Spoilers but it'll make your heart ache.

Okay, will blog serious gp related stuff next time. I hope. Remind me to read the papers. =/

We get high in back seats of cars
We break into mobile homes
We go to sleep to shake appeal
Never wake up on our own

And that's the way we get by
Way we get by
And that's the way we get by
Way we get by

We go out in stormy weather
We rarely practice discern
We make love to some weird sin
We seek out the taciturn

And that's the way we get by
Way we get by
And that's the way we get by
Way we get by

We found a new kind of dance in a magazine
Tried it out it's like nothing you ever seen
You sweet talk like a cop and you know it
You bought a new bag of pot, said let's make a new start

And that's the way to my heart
The way to my heart

That's the way we get by
Way we get by

We get high in back seats of cars
We put faith in our concerns
Fall in love to down on the street
We believe in the sum of ourselves

I said that's the way we get by

Spoon's The Way We Get By from The OC: Mix 1. (: Like sooks, I love OSTs. October 13th is fast approaching !!! Meaning, THE END. In more than one way. The end of AJC officially and more importantly, =/ haha, the 13th and FINAL book of The Series of Unfortunate Events. Can you imagine ? I've been an avid reader and fan since.. 2001 ? Ever since trinetta recommended this diary like book with nice pages. Ahhhh ! Hyperventilates. Hopefully everything will come to light. Or I will throttle lemony snicket. Sniffs.

Oh I forgot to mention the nice bus ride I had with wl. (: Haha, he's full of nonsense. I miss prata with him and shawn.

Had a really weird dream last night. My grandad was inside. Ayes, I miss him so. For some reason he was going to China. I miss his papery skin and placidity. ): We were at the airport with my mother. Suddenly the scene changed and I was in what was similar to our hall but in China. Apparently there was some competition about creating a jingle for a product I think. I was with my class I think though I only remember me eating chips with caryn and mrloh saying to us that we shouldn't eat. Hrms. Yeah, we were watching the contest and for some weird reason, our representative was yizhen and ragen. I know, very weird combination considering they don't know each other in reality. They were doing this duet which was really nice. Haha, they both could sing mans. And I remember telling radish that seeing as how they only had 5 minutes, they were really good coming up with the song and all. Then for some reason, I borrowed pyong's camera. I think there were other choir people too. Hrms. Then there was something wrong with the camera but she fixed for me. The scene changed again and we were out on the street in China which happened to resemble orchard road exactly except it was dustier (the haze ? lols) and instead of lido isetan it was daimaru. Or watsons. Lols. Then I suggested to visit the area where far east would be because I didn't want to visit a departmental store. When we got to that area, it was some temple and a mini version of tiananmen square. Lols. So weird. The scene changed again and I was in a small chinese bookstore where I bought what looked like the little red book but it wasn't. It had pictures of mao and cultural revolution stuff in front and the title was in english and chinese. Then since the queue was really long, I decided to browse. Then I saw this nat geog like magazine and it featured something like never before seen places in the world. I remember coloured photos of this shipwreck with seaweed and skeletons around it. Very freaky and pirate-ish. Then I saw a bunch of choir scores and I thought I'd buy them. I realised that it belonged to merianna ! So weird eh ? Yeahh. And that was where the dream ended. Interesting.

It probably is choir related. Seeing as how there were references to singing, scores and choir people. And China probably because of Xiamen and the fact that for a moment yesterday, my phone wallpaper was that of Mao. =/

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
Gonna grab some afternoon delight
My motto's always been 'when it's right, it's right'
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day
And we know the night is always gonna be there any way

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight

Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always thought a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
A little afternoon delight
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight

Please be waiting for me, baby, when I come around
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down

Okay, this song is actually quite very wrong. Lols. Starlight Vocal Band's Afternoon Delight. It was on The Anchorman. Which I watched first on the plane to PNG (in transit to brisbane erm in 2004 methinks). IT IS HILARIOUS. And quite crude. But funny all the same. Heh. I think the song is fun though despite the implication of the lyrics.

We went trigger happy. (: (esp tmx, I have so many pictures of her. which she took herself. -_-) A week before school closes officially. It was our last pe lesson ever too.

The 3305 girls. (: (oh + a baby boy, haha)

Fun in the auditorium after our econs mock paper. Hurhur.

GLEE. :D DAFC minus caryn though. Our most successful shot. Only tmx is not airbourne. Heh.

But this makes up for it. Hahahaha, she's flying ! She's trying out for hermoine or cho chang and ahhuay is erm auditioning for the role of the cleaner !? Lololols.

Ah, only a week to go. We're turning into photowhores overnight. Lols. Ahh, I didn't go for graces' birthday steamboat so

to my dearest fellow ptenner, GRACES KONG YING YING, have a very very blessed 18th year ahead ! Much love (:

Had great plans to complete both drqs and read the papers. HAHA. So not happening. The econs paper was energy consuming, rawrr. Ah wells, that's what the weekend is for. =/ I feel fat. Seriously. Am starting to develop extra flabby arms and cheeks. Noooooo, I need to reduce my mooncake intake. I saw a really nice, retro looking dress at j8 whilst looking for wtan's present which we didn't get in the end because mini toons was closed for renovation. RAWR. Still, why is the theme retro !? Gah. Okay need to retire to wake up bright and early and attempt work..

You know how it's the little things in life which make your day ? The sort of things that make you smile when no one's watching ? Those rare chuckles are the most genuine. I woke up this morning to

Hello belle :) just decided to msg you to say good morning! hope everything's gg alright for you :) have a great day !

To be reminded that one is loved is perhaps one of the warmest, fuzziest feelings ever. It made my day. (: I don't care, desmond has competition. Hurhur, I love you loads loads xunny baby :D

Which brings to mind the subject of friends these days. You know how they say they'll be there for you et al. But many a time I find (a personal observation) that friends only begin to 'be there' when there is an impetus or stimulus. There has to be an event that involves a certain degree of emotion to spark a bond. Like oh, adel was upset with econs and tried to be encouraging. Then when I was upset with geog, she reminded me of what I said to her. It was not so much what she said that made me feel better but rather that she remembered my words to her which touched me. And it wasn't the first time either. (I'm digressing from the main point but anyhow..) So that really left an impression on me and I truly appreciate it. Sometimes, you don't have to say anything but all you need is a good listener. Someone who truly takes your words to heart. That itself can be heartwarming.

Okay so my main point is, the stimulus. In the above example, the results bit. So yeah, that's nothing new. It's quite normal, even expected, really, of friends. But how about those times where there is no stimulus ? How about the banal, the mundane, the prosaic ? Everyday life ? What does it take for one to make the first move, to initiate concern, friendship ? How often do people buy stuff in the spur of the moment for their friends (not even other halves) just because ? It just goes to show the extent of thoughtfulness I think. How a friendship, a relationship should be and can be celebrated whenever, wherever. The other day, I was pleasantly surprised when zx asked about how I did and told me not to despair. As much as I dislike discussing anything remotely related to the academics, I appreciate his thoughtfulness. (: And like, how db bought me a keychain for the fun of it ? Who doesn't enjoy such spontaneous acts ?

It's amazing how something so small and so simple can set a mind reeling and broaden perspectives on friends. Or should I say, narrow my perspective on really good friends. One quality that is sorely lacking nowadays I feel is sincerity. The number of times we repeat those same, generic, cut and paste phrases for the sake of saying something. I'm not saying that by forwarding messages one does not have genuine intentions. But how many go the extra mile to personalise the message ? Or think up of new silly poems celebrating friendship ? I know shawn for one composes his own mushy poem thingies for caryn. Okay that's not a very good example. Hrms. Huiting has messaged quite a few good mornings and makes a point to include 'bel bel sis'. (: And the keychain she got me out of the blue ? I don't know about everyone else, but stuff like that make me smile and go weak in the knees. (lols, fine. maybe not. but you get my point.)

The thing is, how many people (arrrgh ! cannot stop with the rhetorical questions !) actually go that extra mile ? Okay maybe they have ulterior motives. Am looking at all sides of the issue here. Lols. Maybe they seek gratification or they want a favour or even maybe attention perhaps. I should think however, that only the most erm wary and distrustful would question the intention of the sender upon receiving such heartwarming messages. Heh. So yes, why is it that some people can surprise you with such consideration and concern but others, others you should never bother to expect such actions from ? It is so rare I feel for platonic friendships to exist at a deeper level. Or maybe, it is not a deeper level at all. Maybe it should be the benchmark for a friendship in the first place. As opposed to say, an acquaintance, a fairweather friend, superficial/shallow relationships.

But then again, to attack that point, friends should give without expecting anything in return. So technically, there should not be any gauges or expectations. But I ask you, how is it HUMANLY possible to give and give and not have the slightest feeling of doubt ? I just thought of something. Relationships, like anything and everything else tangible and intangible in this world, has a start point and an end point. Not in the sense of a time period but rather in a sense of boundaries and delineations. It is perhaps the depth of bonds forged the determines whether you are consider that person to be a friend at a 'deeper level'. Like, more than just an acquaintance ? Different degrees and stages. Just like how in primary school we had columns for enemies, friends, good friends, best friends and best friends forever friends. How do we decide ? I think it goes beyond just liking the same type of music. The bonds, man. And what determines the bonds ?

***

Oh and dear senior corinna, thanks lots. (: (: See ? Just what we all need. Perceptive friends who take an interest.

Ayes. So many things and I don't know where I'm heading or where I was headed for in the first place. Anyway, this is just off the top of my head. Sitting here at 1 in the morning contemplating life and friendship. I feel that it's time I engage myself in more introspection.

I can't go for graces' steamboat thing. Which, is actually for her birthday ! ARGH I AM A HORRIBLE FRIEND. ): Boo, I got scolded so I didn't dare ask. Ayes. School. Oh, something I abhor.

I'm looking through you
where did you go
I thought I knew you
what did I know ?
You don't look different
I've learnt the game
I'm looking through you
you're not the same

Yeah baby you've changed

The Beatles/The Wallflowers' Looking Through You. I've memorised the lyrics somewhat. Have found them apt on many occasions.

It's sad, really. How much you've changed. Something about you is different to me now. Or maybe, I never really knew you in the first place. I just want to grab you by the shoulders, give you a good throttle and scream, 'where is the friend I thought I had ? where is the person, with all the goodness I saw in the past ?' Right now, I'm just picturing myself responding with a dejected shake of the head.



In honesty it's been a while
since we had reason left to smile
Hello Sunshine
Come into my life

HAHAHAHA I must say this. The biggest laugh I got today in a long time was when charlene saw the really nice photocopying shop lady. So she shouted her customary AUNTY OYYYY !!! from like, at least 50m away. Only, to her dismay, I pointed out that it was none other than mraw's mother, mdm lee, the admin manager ! WAHAHAHAHAHAH ! Lols. Funnny.

Graces has invited us to her place for steamboat. I think it's to er celebrate mooncake festival, lols. Was talking to michyyy about it then we started going on about lanterns and IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL~~~ Hahah, typical whiny sounding plastic lanterns. Lanterns really remind me of my childhood, playing at the little park under my block of flats in sin ming last time. Ahhhh. Reminds me of grandads also. Ayes. I miss then. Anyways, it's at 9 at her place ! Which is like, RAWRR ! Why so late and why so far !!! WHINES. ): I doubt my parents will relent. Rahhh. ): ): ):




You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say

But goodbye.

Okay the contrast is really bad. But if you look closely, you can tell that we really cannot make it. Hahaha. Except maybe ahhuay. Ahh, yayy for DAFC. (: During gp prep today we had an interestingly funny albeit gross conversation involving class bras, grass bras, chlorophyll and wheat grass milk. =/ Don't ask.

Haha, I am tempted to put this on the board in the foyer. The one and only TMX ! Our 1000z Iron Lady !

Was having ban mian at hougang mall the other day and it brought back memories of dinnering after choir at S11. ): A whole bunch of us (yl & gang) usually ordered banmian. Ayess. It'd either be S11 or amk central or occasionally macs/J8 foodcourt. And I still remember the one time we ate at chompchomp. HAPPINESS. (: And all the times we ate at the small siglap coffeeshops and the bedok coffeeshop and meeting at bedok macs. Ayes. I miss that. Oh and I realise we've had dinner quite often at the PS foodcourt. The grilled fish ! Mmmms. Fooood glorious food.

Ayes, to sum it up, I miss choir. I miss SINGING. Not that I don't warble at the top of my voice and embarass everyone within earshot. As much as my taste generally lies with pop/indie rock/oldies, I enjoy harmonies and melodies and a cappella. Budak Pantai's Sukiyaki rocks. We should do it someday. I want to go see them ! (: Heh.

Justin brought his laptop and controllers. We were playing winning 11 8 in block ten. Lols. Barca vs Real Madrid. He kept thrashing shawn 4-0 ! Lols, ahpa is just.. lousy. Though he does have quite wonderful passing abilities. I drew with caryn 1-1 thanks to the superb skills of casillas and random jabbing at the buttons. Lols, tyco. But it was fun. Oh, I had a very pleasant surprise today and it totally negates yesterday's sadness. (: Thank God ! There's hope for my history yet ! It's a small step but nonetheless, hoho. :D Okay, going back to econs. Meooow.

Grey's Anatomy
"The only two people who don't know Derek loves Meredith are Derek and Meredith."

It's funny how most of my epiphanies occur in the bath. Was feeling rather low and then I heard the first few strains of Josh Groban's new song.

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world

Yup, those words if I'm not wrong. It's interesting because at that moment, I felt that God was speaking to me regarding my results. Ahhh as db said, I still have time to improve. Hopefully what ongcm said will hold true. That we'll jump 2 grades. Mmmms.

J.D, needing a place to crash
You're gonna slather jam on my face and sic a family of raccoons on me aren't you ?
Janitor who offered his garage
Dammit i've become predictable.

Scrubs. :D

You know what I said the other time about just wanting sympathy and to be baby-ed ? Well yeah. Now's one of those times. I always try not to let things as trivial as results get me down but ayes I admit that I too can be affected. Ayes. Whatever. Rawrr. Sometimes I really don't know why I care so much.

Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don't feed me violence just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars

The paper cuts the cheating lovers
The coffees never strong enough
I know you think it's more than just bad luck

There there baby it's just textbook stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling don't loose your head
Cause none of us where angels and you know I love you
Yeah

Sleeping pills no sleeping dogs lie never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this, now's a better time as any

There there baby it's just textbook stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling don't kill yourself
Cause none of us where angels and you know I love you
Yeah

It's ok by me, it's ok by me, it's ok by me
It was a long time ago
It's ok by me, it's ok by me, it's ok by me
It was a long time ago

There there baby it's just textbook stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling don't loose your head
Cause none of us where angels and you know I love you
Yeah

Imogen Heap's Speeding Cars. Okay, I downloaded a whole bunch of her songs. I haven't 'dissected' them yet but so far, I liiiiike. (: The quirky lyrics and melodies. Mmmms. I recommend Headlock and Missing You also. :D And have been watching BEP music videos. Hurhur. I don't know why but I am quite addicted to Fergie's London Bridges and I love watching Bebot and My Humps. Lols, I knowww. It doesn't seem like my type but ah. Shrugs. Oh oh and Hey Mickey, along with Beep, is one of those reaaaally dance-able songs. Heh, coolio potato. Should get saffie, michng, gwei and zkai to choreo something, lols.

Ahh. The school week is restarting. Insert endless whining. We'll be getting hist3 (sad faces aplenty. for me that is.), geog 2 and gp. Sigh. I wish our truncated timetable could be shorter. I need a longer break. Gahh. Oh, I saw cheeguan and shawn goh at hougang mall today. (: (: Fun fun seniors. I think that shawn g. has, as far as it seems to me, the qualities of the perfect guy. (my book, remember. haha.) He can sing (this scores major brownie points in my opinion, heh), he is really goshdarnit smart (intellect ! more brownie points, yum), he is a crazy-funny person (ahh people who crack me up) and the fact that he's quite cute is a plus point too. Oh hurhur, nothing major. In fact, even all my twinks and seejay daydreams are nonsensical and nothing serious, lols.

Mmmms. I want to watch a movie. I've written out my schedule more or less for this week. It's time to get life in order and my priorities right. Yups. And God bless my darling friends/juniors who are taking their promos. (:



dahil sa iyo

i heard there was a secret chord
that david played and it pleased the Lord
but you don't really care for music, do you
well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing hallelujah

hallelujah...

well your faith was strong but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
she broke your throne and she cut your hair
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah

hallelujah...

baby i've been here before
i've seen this room and i've walked this floor
i used to live alone before i knew you
i've seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

hallelujah...

well there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me do you
but remember when i moved in you
and the holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was hallelujah

hallelujah...

well, maybe there's a God above
but all i've ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

hallelujah...

Rufus Wrainwight (sp. bahh.)'s Hallelujah. It was on The OC as well as Shrek. It's a very very beautifully sad song.

Yay ! 8 out of 9 girls ! Humz/Mrs Hady couldn't make it though. ): She has to break fast. But still, attendance was 16/20 which is quite fab. Heh. Most of the pictures are with adel and hrk. But woots ! Ah huay, Caryn, Siyi, Aunty Josephine, Adel, Ah Pong/Radish, me and Regina. Hehe.

The two biggest aunties in our class. Hahaha. We had this whole story sequence too on adel's camera. Lols. Involved lots of hair pulling and stepping. Haha. The DAFC spirit !

Hehe, mister sian. No prizes for guessing who ! Hurhur. The vietnam boy with the injured toe ! Oh and his signature boardshorts and skinny frame. Lols.

So humz, terence, houteng and jason/qingyi couldn't make it. But it was a successful gathering all the same. :D (apart from the awkward moment. =/ ayes. hope ahpa and caryn are alright..) Even though I was late meeting princess adel. (at least I'm the late QUEEN. lols.) So while the guys played basketball/soccer, tmx opened the ceremony by lighting up her goldfish lanterns. Hurhur. Then we all gathered to eat mooncakes, drink tmx's homemade chrysanthemum and snack on various other tidbits. Then whilst the guys continued with their ball games, the girls (and some others like renny and jianqi) played adel's candle game where the winner blew out the most candles. Justin managed 7 and charlene and regina managed 6 I think. Lols. Then yunhui suggested that the top two winners should hug. Hahahha. Our daily stabs at tmx. =X

Then we lit lanterns and played a little with the sparklers. Took lots and lots of ridiculous photos with our lanterns. Lols. Most of us were in white or orange or black. Except xiaohui who was in green and the guys who wore their soccer jerseys which are orange and white. Hahah. Then the whole bunch of us played captain's ball (much to mr sian aka wl's disappointment, lols). But it was pretty fun all the same. Heh, cheow is a good defender. And I have butterfingers. Bah. After that when it started to drizzle, we had our lucky draw which jianqi won. Hurhur. Then we took some more lame photos and yup, I left with shawnie.

Heh, so it was a really good evening/night. (until my father spoilt my mood with his message. hmph.) Mmmms, our mid autumn/mooncake/fbt celebration !Lols. Okay anyways it's time to restart revision. Full steam ahead. Seeing as how my history results are nowhere even close to decent and I desperately need to do well at econs seeing as how my history results just make me want to give up hope and vomit blood. So yes. Really time to wake up my idea. I have to do this. For myself. And ultimately, to glorify the Lord.

Through Him,
impossible is nothing.