;forever till forever meets no end

Sunday, July 30, 2006

♥ 12:51 AM

Because sometimes pictures speak louder than words. (and I'm just tired. haha.) http://community.webshots.com/user/aj_choir

AJChoir. We did it. And so damn much more :D

I couldn't have asked for a better, more caring, more responsible, more NEAT and more lovely roommate. Love you nessa (:

Lousy attempt at being bimbotic with the pretty poster. Lala and YT (:

With the guy with the iron grip from the really cool american choir at our meal hall.

One of our many jumping photos but this is perhaps the most successful because at least I'm in the air ! Haha. 805 (my room) is really jumping pic central mans. With some of my favourite juniors.. Gpt, gwei, xiaokai and aggie. (:

Okay, something's wrong with blogger. I can't seem to upload my pictures. Ah wells. Head to webshots. It's not that I miss Xiamen exactly. I mean, the typhoon was a blessing and a curse. It gave us less shopping time ! GRRR. I just love the exchange rate though. Oops. But anyway, yeah, it gave us time to bond and all. Anyway, I was just thinking about it. I mean, how can we say that we miss the place when what made it all worthwhile, what changed our lives, was the people. And I mean, they're the same people we've been with for the past 7 months. It's just that we never really got around to appreciating them. (prime example, tang likjin. lols, hey hey !) And once again, I remember someone's words. (can't remember who.. oh I think it's readers' digest. lols.) Context defines experience. So I guess it really is the context of xiamen and the world choir games that really brought us together. Yup. Okay. Nonsensical ramblings at an unearthly hour, lols. Till tomorrow..

I feel as if I'm losing you ):

Saturday, July 29, 2006

♥ 12:10 AM

In moments like these I sing out a song,
I sing out a love song to Jesus.
In moments like these I lift up my hands,
I lift up my hands to the Lord.
Singing I love You, Lord.
Singing I love You, Lord.
Singing I love You, Lord,
Lord, I love You.

:D

Really have to Thank GOD for the wonders He has done and the miracles He worked in us. Changing many perspectives, carrying us when we were low, bringing and seeing all of us through it all despite our doubts. For every single unforgettable moment, be it an up or a down. (: The pain, the tears, the frustration. The whole trip made all the anguish and every single practice worthwhile. One of the most important lessons I've learnt these 7 months, is faith. And I really want to thank the Lord for showing me, showing many of us, the true meaning of faith. (:

I don't think I'm going to go into details tonight. Missed school today. ): I missed the announcement and the prize presentation and the film crew and my class photo. WAILS. Was simply too exhausted, woke up at 3 mmms. So anyway, I'll just leave this as it is for now.

Thank you :D
AJCHOIR: No Importa La Distancia
We did it and so much more.
Make it more than just a memory.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

♥ 1:07 AM

I have no time to type the SGC much less blog so I guess I cannot type paragraphs chock full of sentimentality. So anyway, to keep things sweet (if not I'll only be able to sleep for 2 hours)..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHARON AND SHAUN !

Can buy alcohol ! Haha, badminton in ulu STU and walking around teachers' estate was nice. :D :D

Leaving on a jet plane. Let's hope that I'll be back again. Heh. The biggest choral competition in the world. To just stand for 20 minutes on the world's stage. The atmosphere and the nerves and the excitement and the thrill of it all. The camaderie and the friendships and the tears of joy and pain that have gotten us this far. Kucinta. Shima e. Karimata. Binnamma.

World Choir Games 2006.
Xiamen, China.

:D Shivers with anxiety.

I'm going to miss my family and Clara and sharon and 33o5 (especially DAFC) and p10 and sooks and just Singapore in general. Haha, okay this is getting long. I hope I don't forget anything. I hate being rushed when I blog oh crap.

Pray for us. (: Journey mercy, the weather, the experience. Will try my best to enjoy myself hoho. Shiver shiver. I'll be back thursday night.

No Importa La Distancia.
To God be the glory :D

Thursday, July 20, 2006

♥ 2:04 AM

No time for losers cos we are the champions.

Lofty aspirations ? Perhaps. But who says we can't dream ? It all has to start somewhere. A goal, an aim, a direction, a purpose. (looks like I'm trying to exhaust my synonyms haha) Will reserve my 'jiayou' post for friday I guess. (am supposed to be doing case study and AQ anyway. sucks.)

Tmx and her 1000Z. Oh man, it was just hilariously gross. Hahaha. =/ The telescope and all. Eeew. Waha. Was quite dead today. Barely had practice because we had to go for gp remedial. Zzz. Went for econs remedial but ngps was making my head spin. Shawn rocks (: His dad gave me a lift to sengkang. Mmmms, it's always fun talking to him, my ahpa ! Hehs. (:

Don't know why but I feel exhausted. This is despite being ANYWHERE near productive. It's not that I pay especial attention during lectures and tutorials. Hrms. I realised that I not only have friday's history tutorial but also a case study to hand in. ARGH. I hope I remember to meet dseng tomorrow. =/ I feel really bad for having to reschedule like a million times.
Anyways, I'm going to start packing tomorrow. Will leave the stuff to be bought for friday. I know, late. Considering some crazy ass juniors like gwei hahaha packed ages ago. This is quite random but gpt has nice shirts. Like the 'I'm No Prince' one or something. Lols, how apt. Got thrown out of class for the 3rd/4th time this year. Ah wells. 2hours of gp tomorrow. TORTURE. ): And grrr, missed scrubs two weeks in a row. Will be missing it for a third. Project runway too next week. Bleagh. Ahh, may tomorrow be a much better day..

It was songs of love that
I would sing to then
And I'd memorize each word
Those old melodies
Still sound so good to me
As they melt the years away.

Yesterday Once More
-The Carpenters.

I love oldies. :D

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

♥ 1:26 AM

Yay, db and I ! The heels were mighty high ! But so so pretty and even more expensive. Heh, topshop. Our post exam shopping trip. (: <3

Siglap I will miss. ): Ahh and my lovely juniors and aunty ishita too. ): Unsuccessful jumping picture though. Haha, really hard, this kind.

Can you see zx and I reflected in the background ? Hoho :D Very, as gpt likes to put it, ghey. Hahaha. Oops, kidding.

Every day we play the game of hide and seek. Why ? We mask our feelings, emotions, individuality in order for approval or because of the fear of failure. More specifically, to quote jeanette's nick, we all fear rejection.

I read somewhere (corinna's blog ? not too sure hrms) that when you are sad etc etc about breaking up with a person, it's not the person per se that you are grieving for. It's the situation, that perfect ending you envisioned that you're mourning for. How interesting. Not that it applies to me I guess but it's fascinating how manipulative thoughts can be. Hrms.

May tomorrow be a better day.. (:

♥ 12:03 AM

now's your moment
floating in a blue lagoon
boy you'd better do it soon
no time will be better
she don't say a word
and she won't say a word
until you kiss the girl

kiss the girl
-disney's the little mermaid

Though it's not my favourite disney cartoon (this is a hard one.. beauty and the beast or the lion king hrms..), I really like the song. Hoho. Part of My World too. It's so sad. Echoing saffie's sentiments, loneliness is really a mighty sad emotion. Neglect and all mmms.

Tmx was relating the story about how simin and binglun got together last time. Haha apparently he always sends her home then one day he just held her hand. Like, lols !!! Can you imagine if someone just held your hand without a word ? Awkwardness, clammy hands.. Although it must've taken quite a lot of guts. But he's thick skinned so hrms, not a problem.

Just something quite random and interesting.

"But I have convinced myself that there is absolutely nothing in the world, no sky, no earth, no minds, no bodies. Does it now follow that I too do not exist? No: if I convinced myself of something [or thought anything at all] then I certainly existed. But there is a deceiver of supreme power and cunning who is deliberately and constantly deceiving me. In that case I too undoubtedly exist, if he is deceiving me; and let him deceive me as much as he can, he will never bring it about that I am nothing so long as I think that I am something. So, after considering everything very thoroughly, I must finally conclude that the proposition, I am, I exist, is necessarily true whenever it is put forward by me or conceived in my mind."

Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. "I think not," he says, and vanishes.

Haha ! Interesting non ? Heh. Randomness (: I'm going to owe so many people presents. =/Ahh, will have to pay library fines. I've only finished one out of four books so far. So much for short stories, haha.

4 more days to WCG. =/

He knows my name, scary/fascinating. No not twinks sadly, lols. Forgot about packing erpx. Too much time spent feeling tired about school. Sigh. 53 days to the prelims. Hope hope hope. I need tuition. I bought ice cream from the some mrt cart thingy. There and then I wished I could open an ice cream store. Mmmms. Heavenly. I'll be faaaaaaat like no one's business then. Hehe, so idealistic I am.

Because I'm trying to do the case study about AIDs and the pharmaceutical industry,

it's like you're a drug..
-kelly clarkson's addicted

Haha.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

♥ 11:48 PM

Crying just makes one very tired. It's not just the energy put into the process but also the effort channelled into the thought process. It's not about the grades. Looking deeper I realised it's the disappointment I have with myself. It's not that my grades are OMFG KILL ME sort of thing (actually they kinda are ah hrms) but it's just that I know I am capable of more. But even that's not the point. The point is, I've wasted so much of me doing things that, and I only realise now, are making me quite miserable. The huuge huuuge amounts of time spent eating out, going for practices, talking to people online.. Such unhealthy indulgences. (physically too, though I think I lost weight and now weigh as much as xk, haha) In retrospect, all those activities only served to make me feel more miserable with what life has come to be like. Thinking about it, I don't really feel gratified at all. Maybe a few times here and there. But the net joy, so called, is in the negative. At this point, given the amount of time, effort and money I put into such activities, hoping to at least derive some amount of bliss, it's just not justified. It's just not worth it. I examine the things I've been doing the past 2 months and I find that I've gone nowhere. I'm starting to see the glaring blemishes on what was previously a 'wonderful' lifestyle. Things aren't as fulfilling as they were (or as they seemed to be). The more I go out, the more alone I feel. See the irony in it. The more I feel for people, the less appreciation I get. It's just too tiring.

My train of thought is running all over the place but essentially, I'm just too tired. I'm tired of subjecting myself to such misery. I'm tired with how I'm not getting enough out of my priorities in which I've put in so much effort. I'm tired and my grades are not doing my abilities justice. I should stop caring so much for everything else. Like I always mention, hope is the cause of disappointment. Come to expect less of others and they will not let you down. I guess it's time I expect more from myself. My effort and diligence on my part. I don't want a repeat of last year. All I did got me nowhere.

I'm just very very weary.

At this point, I want, no, I need to be past caring. I just have to concentrate on not screwing up for this final lap. Get over this final hurdle and get out of the horrible place that I'm in. The fact that life only gets harder doesn't provide me with much of an incentive.

It's quite simple to tell when I'm moody. I'll be unusually quiet or curt. And it's not because I'd rather not have people to talk to me. On the contrary, it's because I just want people to care. I'm too depressed and tired to continue. I guess I have to constantly remind myself to move on and go past caring. Again the question of appreciation. Obviously I mean a lot less to some people than they do to me. They just don't know how much they affect other people. Ahh, not worth it. I don't want to compromise my own happiness for the sake of others all the damn time. A meaningful relationship is a two way street and well if people can't see that, then it's their loss. I just don't want to care anymore.

some say love is like a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed

Saturday, July 15, 2006

♥ 1:22 AM

Headbutt

♥ 12:36 AM

Tiring day at school. Yawn yawn. Wtan rocks (: Sanuse too. Didn't get to play games though. Tired tired. CHMA was an interesting experience. I think the school is beautiful. And the hall is huuge ! I like the tall ceiling, haha.

when you try your best but you don't succeed,
when you get what you want, but not what you need.
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep,
stuck in reverse.

and the tears come streaming down your face,
when you lose something you can't replace.
when you love someone but it goes to waste,
could it be worse.

Beautiful. Coldplay's Fix You. Something's telling me that something's wrong. But I'm going to take xk's words and go in faith. (: Yup. Today was a very depressing day though. Ayes ayes ayes, will miss him tons, my good friend. ): ): ):

2 steps forward 3 steps back

Friday, July 14, 2006

♥ 1:10 AM

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Well...

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too

So, take this love and take it down
Year and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe
Well maybe
Well maybe the landslide will bring you down

Dixie Chicks' cover of Fleetwood Mac's Landslide. (: I love the country feel. Haven't done my history tutorial nor have I done the geog timed assignment. Argh, why must we have the lecture so late tomorrow. ): Blahh. Oh, the spca came today and brought with them this UBER ADORABLE mixed puppy (: (: (: We were going crazy trying to pet it and take a picture. Hehe, it was so lovely and soft and squishable. I want to work at the spca or a pet shop, haha.

SOOOOKS I LOVE YOU ! <3

Angeline, my maths and chem tutor when I was in sec4 left for a year of work in england. ): Ayes, she was so nice and a good, patient teacher too. Ahhh, I still need an econs tutor. Rawrr.

I'm sorry. Maybe I was wrong to expect so much. I think people only show concern when other people ask for it and they take for granted those people during other times. I don't know. I guess it's led to me overestimating them, thinking that they knew me well enough to know how I intensely dislike being neglected. Ayes, the small things matter. I'm glad it's quite cleared up though. Made me feel a mixture of sadness laced with disappointment. Was emo and cranky/pmsy for a bit. But yeah, am much better. I still care yah.. (:

Anyhow, the best bit of today ? The short part of the bus ride sitting beside twinks. :D :D

Count your blessings

Thursday, July 13, 2006

♥ 12:26 AM

I like wednesdays. Not too many classes hurhur. Breaks galore. Econs was total and complete crap. So sue me I only read up on EOS. Wry. How do you spell torture ? T-wo-h-o-u-r-s-o-f-g-p. ): Ayes I hate compre, sucks. I really need to start studying. Rawrr. Oh, am quite excited because I'm going to visit a COMMUNIST country. How cool is that !? Hurhur. History students are special okaayy. It's funny how I love being in the arts fac and can't do maths for nuts yet I'm supposedly 67% left brained. =/

I admit I can be fluffy and bimbotic. Lols. Seems that DAFC is going to make way soon for some illegally blonde club hahaha. Must force myself to read the papers. Ironically, I don't quite care about politics. Don't quite care about economics either. I'm more of a 'social aspect' sort of person. Poverty, epidemics, non-material standards of living.. How the mind works and its effects on human behaviour. I think psychology would be quite cool but I'm afraid I won't like the technical and mathematical bits hrms.

Okay I have the history source based study (totally no info rawrr sigh), econs case study, geography timed prac.. I should start studying for next week's econs timed prac ayes. Seeing as how I badly badly need to redeem myself. Haha. I wish there could be a special machine to churn out summaries of geog/hist readings. I wish. Maybe I should just pay someone. HAHA. I want a thumbdrive. They're quite cool.. Diskettes are so passe, lols. Am badly in need of an econs tutor also. Hrms sigh. I know my inabilities. I doubt we'll be playing games for pe on friday sigh. Leader elaine is helping to teach pe. =/

I realised that there are quite a bunch of july babies. This translates to no moolah. $$$ Sadness. Cherie, Cherrlyn, Sueann, Sharon, Sooks, Shaun, my sister, my grandma.. Pity Ikea is so far away. Life has pretty much resumed normalcy. Returning home at 8ish/9, napping and not doing any work. Yup, long tiring days. What's worse, the hectic revision programme. I miss cng. ): One day soon when I'm really free, I'll get down to writing the script for our little project hehs.

I wonder if p10 are going to meet to watch pirates. Haha, we watched the first installment together. Jack Sparrow ! Woots ! (: Ahh, my beloved girlfriends.. Actually it's now p8 ? Wry. Word of the day is pedagogy. Mmms. The art or profession of teaching. Hehe. Trying very hard to expand my vocabulary. A lot of times I yearn to do artistic things. Draw pictures, take photos (arty ones haha), make jewellery/crafts.. No time, no money though. Ayes. Maybe also no talent, hurhur.

I wish a day could be made up of 25 hours. Just one more I know I'll waste anyway. Just 60 more minutes that I'll take for granted. Ah, I hope tomorrow won't be so bad.. Pray that the boss doesn't throttle each and every one of us.

I like just strolling and thinking about things.

Mental walks in the park.
(:

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

♥ 10:44 PM

And so it's now the long long loooonnng road towards South Africa 2010. Imagine, I would've completed my uni education (hopefully...) by then. Haha. It's a long long looooonng time. Like how going nuts in sec2 was eons ago. Ayes. Don't get me started on how much I miss Cedar.

Anyways, I digress. I admit that I'm still a football n00b although I now know what an offside is, haha. I guess it's partly due to my only watching a grand total of 4 matches. Opening, the first semi, finals and the japan-australia match. Haha. But I think Italy's win was a well deserved one. Haha. I think buffon's save of zidane's header was first rate and defending especially by car- whatever the captain's name is (quite hot that one lols) was really good. So mmms. Although the highlight (if you can call it that) was the HEADBUTT. Like, omg Zidane, what were you thinking mans ? It was totally a wtf moment and a horrible way to retire. ): Ahh wells. Anyhow, it was a wonderfully colourful month and I enjoyed discussions with the class girls and yt. (: And and, I'm glad that tmx won her 49 bucks, hehe. I got this off corinna's blog. (: I love the ad ! It's very inspiring really. Here's to the beautiful game, heh.

You can stand amidst its fields of gold and green,
And hear a billion hearts that beat, unseen.
You can join the crowds that cheer as one,
In a place where they all come.
You can fill 90 minutes of fighting time and space,
With tragedy and triumph and amazing grace.
You can forever carry them in your soul.
Their names carved on every goal.
This is where you may always belong,
This is where legends are born.

Because I slept for about 4 hours on sunday afternoon, I couldn't sleep before the match on sunday. So I slept for about 2 hours ish and was walking around school on monday like a complete zombie. I could barely open my eyes and think straight much less write an econs essay. Wry. And oh, lucky me has an econs timed prac tomorrow. First thing in the morning. Whyyyyyy. Goodness, I hate market structure with a passion. ):

I don't think she'll see this but
HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY DEAR BEANSPROUT SUEANN ! :D
Thanks in advance for the stones/flowers/feathers/random pieces of nature you promised, hehe.

Not forgetting, A CHERIE ! HAPPY 18TH GIRL !!! (:

This is quite scary. Less than 2 weeks to Xiamen. I'm tempted to run around the multi storey carpark screaming like a headless chicken. Okay. But I forgot, I can't run. Maybe roll mmms. Just watched some weird youtube video of part of the portugal mexico match. The spanish commentator was like going 'simao SABROSSSSSSSSSSA' in this weird voice, trying to be sexy and all. Lols. But simao's goal against mexico was really very nice mmms. Was watching Oprah and the dream wedding featured was so sweet and beautiful ahhhs. Shania Twain sang You're Still the One. (: Her music's good, country rock and ballads ? I don't do genre classification very well but yeah. Argh, I need econs help. ): Sigh.

You know, to be honest, I think it sucks to think that you've done so much to help a person just to hear that person crediting someone else. It's funny how I can feel guilty of making someone else feel guilty. Erm yeah. That's why it's seldom that I give myself credit. Talk about feeling underappreciated. I mean, it's nothing new really and it stems from my insecurities and fragile/brittle (weak ?) mind. But if there's something I resent, it is being taken for granted or disregarded. Especially by people who mean something to me.

And you know, it's just me. I can't take stuff like that well. I'm just not used to people telling me that I suck. Seriously, it makes me think. And think. And think some more. And not stop thinking. That's how much something small can affect me. I mean, something that happened last year, I still think about frequently in the bath. As much as it hurts, as much as I try to forget. Thinking about it, I realised that I never really forgave him. Closure I have attained maybe. But I just cannot forget and start afresh or resume anymore. It is just this unremovable stain, a tainted memory that I keep reliving. I just can't help it. I don't know. It's just how I'm made I think.

Back to how I've pissed people off. You know, when people tell me that, my impression of them changes immediately. I start to see areas where they've been inadequate in, questioning their right to judge me. A lot of the time I hardly think it's justified. Call it pride. Call it caring and thinking so highly of them and not ever imagining that they'd ever say such a thing. Call it faith and trust in the person to appreciate and accept me regardless of what I ever did to them.

You know the words she said to me still ring in my head. I replay how they said it over and over again. It sucks. Ah yes, you can call it denial also. But anyway, it shows how the trust I have in people has been whittled away. Maybe being cold and unfeeling makes one less susceptible to hurt. Maybe it'll make me less prone to such mental torture. At one point I felt so horrible, so hollow and hurt and empty. But I don't know, I can't. It could just be that I'm trying too hard to be a good person but I'm doing it all wrongly. I'm playing the part that says Good Guy but reading the lines of the Bad Guy. I seriously don't know. But anyway it saddens me to think about it though I must admit, these two years in jc have opened my eyes. Forced me to see the wide gulf between what is ideal and what is real and how both can never be bridged.

Ayes. I don't know. I really don't. Perhaps it's my need for acceptance. How I just cannot live knowing that people are disliking me. I might expound on that next time. But thinking and reliving everything so vividly is mighty tiring and sad. Ahh wells. As I've said, life only gets harder.

I will just have to commit everything to God. Through Him, all things are possible. Because if He is for us, who can be against us ?

I thought wrong. Say goodnight and go.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

♥ 8:04 PM

I've been feeling cranky and moody of late. Am not too sure why. Perhaps it's the thought of what needs to be done and yet the inability to do it. The thought itself is tiring. And I just spend hours on end napping, upping the urgency. Yet at the same time, I feel quite unperturbed by it. I think it's stress from not being stressed, as someone told me quite a while back. It's this nagging distress with myself that somehow is not potent enough to motivate me. I'm not quite sure why though, it's funny. Okay not hilarious haha funny but a quizzical, cocks head to one side and thinks funny.

I find that a lot of times, I don't like what I'm doing and I have no interest whatsoever in the things I have to do. This has created this.. lack of direction in my life, I find. I have no idea what I want to in future or what I want to study. Heck, I don't like thinking about having to study because I clearly dislike studying. But yeah, we need to make plans. Anyways, yes back to the aimless thing. I don't know what I like. Just the other day I was thinking about how it'd be cool to be one of those people who performs in musicals and travels around the world. But what kind of future is that ? Some unattainable one.

The point is, I seem (see, I even have to use the word seem. It just goes to show that I don't know what I'm doing, what I'm saying that I have to qualify it using that word) to have no aim, no drive, no motivation.. I'm not sure. I can hardly trust myself. Often I find that there are many parts of me arguing with myself. Different facets, perspectives, conflicting emotions. So much so that I don't really know which to follow. I have nothing solid to build on, no strong sense or urge that can guide me.

I think that, in short, I am a schizophrenic. HAHA.

Sigh. ): Blah. Maybe I just try to not think about such stuff. Or at least APPEAR as if I don't think at all. See, goes to show the duality of my nature already. I don't know if I should, why I should not. Rawrr. Sigh. Yeah I know I think too much. Hrms. I think that much I can be sure of. Wait, I think I'm thinking too much about whether I think too much. Lols. Somehow I am endowed with more than one's usual fair share of insecurity and I have to constantly grapple with such issues.

Thinking thinking. Ayes.

Maybe just to distract myself from the daily drone of monotony ? Shrugs.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

♥ 11:02 PM

Over time, I've building my castle of love
Just for two, though you never knew you were my reason
I've gone much too far for you now to say
That I've got to throw my castle away

Over dreams, I have picked out a perfect come true
Though you never knew it was of you I've been dreaming
The sandman has come from too far away
For you to say come back some other day

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

Over hearts, I have painfully turned every stone
Just to find, I had found what I've searched to discover
I've come much too far for me now to find
The love that I've sought can never be mine

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

And though the odds say improbable
What do they know
For in romance
All true love needs is a chance
And maybe with a chance you will find
You too like I
Overjoyed, over loved, over you, over you

Am in a very mellow sleepy mood. Didn't nap today. Neither did I do any work. Sigh. Switchfoot songs are meaningful and nice. Borrowed four library books. One with short stories, another Murakami, Adrian Mole and the WMD and Amy Tan's The Joy Luck Club. Mmms. I doubt I'll be able to finish them by the time they're due. I hope Germany wins the third placing match. Because navleen has the nicest quotes..

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone can destroy overnight; build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, there may be jealousy; be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway."
- Mother Theresa

Sigh. ): Don't know why I'm wishing like I always do. For things that I don't know why I want. Okay actually, am not sure of what I'm saying. Sigh. Hope is the cause of disappointment. But how not to hope ? How to stop feeling so strongly ? At the end of the day, it comes down to me. I only have myself to blame.

I thought wrong.

♥ 12:26 AM

We ended at 1215 today. Got back history and geography. Both grades were quite expected I guess. Ayes econs and gp. Blah. Other then that, quite an uneventful school day. Then I watched interhouse soccer with nessa and xk. Some people were playing and refereeing, hoho. (: And frankie was hilarious as the keeper. Volleyball was very exciting also because I could see the people more clearly haha. But really ! Didn't watch much though ayes. =/ Couldn't bear to any more. Hahahah. Then db and I went quite mad. Peeping huh. Hurhur. I remember netball last year.. My F scar. Ahhh. I hate that I am so.. unfit and not sporty. Rawrr. Sigh.

Then I met xunny and qua at compasspoint. Xunny and I experienced a deja vu moment, hahaha. Yep, also had a nice chat with shiying. Talked about a very very thin cheryl lin, alex and his 'hey babes', graces and the chairman, pancake day and pet day. LOLS. Seriously, her school is fun fun funnnnny. Hahaha. Mmmms. Qua was mad as usual, heh. And her hair is seriously nice ! Haha, she and her being stuck in bedok. I caught a glimpse of xunny's desmond ! Hoho. She told us their story thus far and it is oh so sweet. Hehehe. (: (: (: So cute mans xunny and her beau ! Haha. And about how there are the two rules of her opinion comes first and she must be happy. Like, melts ! Those two ah ! Haha, I can't wait to attend the wedding. :D

I wish tys and his girl would just migrate to hwachong and live happily ever after so I won't have to see them in school. Lols. Am mad, ahhaa.

Haha ! So cute eh ? I can tell he's smiling from a mile away. (: Must meet up with p10 soon ! Hurhur. Oh and mr sanuse is funny/weird. He refers to my class girls as christabel and gang. Right. Ohh, and thanks to DARLING AH PONG i got back my 15 bucks ! WOOTS ! Mmms and I spent about an hour drawing yesterday. Haha, I do like a challenge and giving surprises.

May tomorrow be a better day mmms..

suffering from les bleus

Thursday, July 06, 2006

♥ 12:29 AM

):

This isn't just about Germany's loss.
It's harder than I thought it was.
Sixth avenue heartache. ):

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

♥ 4:38 AM

Okay, I woke up five minutes to half time. I tell you, there are like, 2587 italian defenders. I think it's quite hard to get past them and the italians have higher ball possession. And Buffon looks like seng. Hrms. Lols.

Haha ayes gp is really screwed. I haven't done any of the compositions. Lahm is just everywhere, haha. Going into extra time already. The italian captain is quite cute haha and I have a funny, sinking feeling that tmx will be $49 richer tomorrow. =/ Anyways, I should really get into the habit of doing my work. Looking at what we have left to study for history.. Can die ! There's tons to do and it doesn't help that cng is away. Tsk, germany is being blahh. As I said, there are tons of blue shirts defending rawrr. Mmms, am very tired. Not enough german attacking. I think I'm nodding off. Hrms. I'm going to be totally zombie like in school tomorrow. Zzz. Maybe the germans are waiting it out till penalties. AUKHAL VBZBVAKHG;AO PODOWLSKI MISSED RAWRR COW ! Alamak. So rare that the germans are unmarked.

Mmms, Lensmann (sp ?) is good. Lahm has funny eyes. No action from Klose rahh.Okays he has been subbed by neuville. OHHH WTH ! Hahaha good save by buffon. Erpx corners are so scary. Mmms ballack is good also.. And ondonkor is not bad.. 5 minutes to penalties. =/ Nerve wrecking. Buffon is really good oh dear ayes.

WTH ! Italy just scored ! Wth !!?!? Del Piero scored again. This is damn sad how ! ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH ! This is totally spoiling my day. (insert whatever hokkien expletive knnccb etc etc) ARRRRRRGGHHHHH ! ALKSGHGHFG OPOA GFLIGJAIGJ

): Indeed, true to what I said about an hour ago, tmx is going to be $49 richer. Rahhhhh. ): ): ): ): I think everyone's just in shock. Arggghh. ):

): ): ):

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

♥ 9:39 PM

Not everything has to be immediate. Delayed gratification is something to respect.

My horoscope for today. HAHAHA. Call me superstitious whatever but I quite like reading them to see if they really turn out to be true. Though the above really does seem quite applicable. I always say, long term gratification.

I think it's time to call my poolman and architect so we can populate the room with just as many useless people as possible.

Hahaha. Dr Cox to Heather Graham (playing some hippie psychiatrist). I should use that one day.

Omg argh screw gp. I'm going to nap and wake up for the Germany Italy match. Haha, I hope I wake up. Tmx was going crazy today. Her $49 Italy and her da chang jin song. Riiiight.

Great, just as I was talking about delayed gratification. Tys likes some girl already. RAWRRR. My heart is broken I tell you. Pbbbbfffttt. Weeps. I know it's something that I'll get over but still. It's just like with Chiang. Except Chiang's quite an ass so he was quite forgettable. ): ): ):

On the other hand, was walking away from point x whilst twinks was walking towards it. Hoho. Some eye contact. But I just put on this dao look, lols. According to db he looked twice. Riiiiight. Hahaha. But that made my day. Lols.

Stupid tys rawrr. Spoiling my day. ):

Watched 2 more episodes of scrubs. Hehe. Youtube is a bit screwed though. Sometimes I can't watch even when it has loaded completely. Hrms. I'm just going to school tomorrow for econs and choir rawrr sigh. I HATE GP WITH A PASSION.

Okay before I forget. After reading joey's tag on gpt's blog I went to read a verse in the bible.

'No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'
Romans 8:37-39

Nice eh ? If God is for us, who can be against us ? With Him, we are already more than conquerors. (: (: (:

I'll be back to update during the match. Hopefully. Hoho.

♥ 12:12 AM

It's like being kissed by a lusty mermaid.
-Niles on tasting caviar, Frasier.

People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling.
-Dr Kelso, Scrubs.

And the jack russell that plays Eddie died two weeks ago. ):

Monday, July 03, 2006

♥ 10:31 PM

Choir today was surprisingly good and short. (: We ended before lunch and kwei was in high spirits. Our songs are definitely more controlled now. Can do with more emotion but I guess maybe it takes more for us to be inspired somehow ? For Shimae. Haha. Imagination yeah. Was too tired to eat with the rest at city hall so I had a j8 (ick..) foodcourt lunch with the cathigh juniors and the dam idiot. Haha. Oh he paid for my fare to siglap and I paid for our cab fare home. (but he's paying me back ! I'm his bus fare provider grumbles) Haha thanks silly cow :D

I just heard from sally. MY DARLING XUNNY BUNNY IS ALL GROWN UP ! I love love love love love love the girl and I'm just so happy for her. Teehee. Her small-boy-kinda-cute Desmond. Woots ! So exciting ! (: (: (:

The incriminating evidence. Hehe. So retardedly sweet ! Omg. :D

Argh. Am annoyed. People keep asking me to do stuff. I'm sorry. Am just very cranky. Like wtf. It's not as if I have zero things to do or there aren't other people to ask. The history powerpoint (which was all jumbled), the peer assessment. RAWRR. Sorry for being extremely pms-y but I hate being taken for granted. So dammit don't take kindness for weakness.

agh;ghosag;oigoiajga;lihv aoigh gohi Argh. Sucks. Sometimes I just wish people would be less self-absorbed. Even people who are good listeners need to be listened to sometimes.

Here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie.
-Meredith Gray, Gray's Anatomy.

♥ 1:47 AM

I watched another episode of Scrubs. The other one couldn't play properly. RAWRR. ): But anyway, I love Michael J Fox. It's a real pity he has parkinsons. He cameoed on scrubs as a doctor with ocd. So cute mmms (: And I downloaded another song. Counting Crow's A Murder of One. Oh and you know Ted in real life is part of the A Cappella (sp ?) group The Blanks but known on the show as The Worthless Peons and they are made fun of by Dr Kelso in the show (oh I heard some of their tracks on their website.. they're good !). Hahaha. So cute ehs. And Turk and JD are in a group called the Mighty Kites ! Waha so funny. The show just makes my day. :D

Blue morning Blue morning
Wrapped in strands of fist and bone
Curiosity, Kitten,
Doesn't have to mean you're on your own
You can look outside your window
He doesn't have to know
We can talk awhile, baby
We can take it nice and slow
All your life is such a shame, shame, shame
All your love is just a dream, dream, dream
Are you happy when you're sleeping?
Does he keep you safe and warm?
Does he tell you when you're sorry?
Does he tell you when you're wrong?
I've been watching you for hours
It's been years since we were born
We were perfect when we started
I've been wondering where we've gone
All your life is such a shame
All your love is just a dream
I dreamt I saw you walking up a hillside in the snow
Casting shadows on the winter sky as you stood there
counting crows
One for sorrow Two for joy
Three for girls and four for boys
Five for silver Six for gold and
Seven for a secret never to be told
There's a bird that nests inside you
Sleeping underneath your skin
When you open up your wings to speak
I wish you'd let me in
All your life is such a shame
All your love is just a dream
Open up your eyes
You can see the flames of your wasted life
You should be ashamed
You don't want to waste your life
I walk along these hillsides
In the summer 'neath the sunshine
I am feathered by the moonlight falling down on me
Change, change, change

So I went to orchard for the third straight day in a row. Yawns. Lols. But but, I bought two mango tops. Beams. (: Still haven't gotten my shoes. And the bag ! Waiiiiils. Then I had an unhealthy dinner but a good time with two great people. Again alrights ! (:

Choir tomorrow. ZZZ. Which officially means I'm not going to get any work done. HAHAHA. I hate school. I need moolah. Mooooooolahhhh. Okay stop it. I hate my left foot. I hope tomorrow's a good day.. Hahaahahhahahahahha. No school. GOOD ENOUGH (:

Shopping, Scrubs and fun company. Life's good.
:D

Sunday, July 02, 2006

♥ 9:50 AM

Okay. The biggest World Cup shocker yet.

Henry scored against Brazil to take France to the semis !

Yeaaaaaaaaaah. (: I'm a big fan of the underdog ! Yay Zidane ! I read that he played well mmms. (: So it's Germany against Italy and Portugal against France. I hope it's a Germany France final. I can't wait for the semis. (:

Did the history powerpoint thingy. Only 6 slides including the first cover page. Haha. Watched two more episodes of Scrubs. :D And downloaded Meatloaf's I'd Do Anything For Love. Hoho, I love oldies. Someone please pay for my library fines so I can borrow storybooks.

Go me !

♥ 1:01 AM

Just a small town girl living in a lonely world
She took the midnight train going anywhere
Just a city boy born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train going anywhere

A singer in a smoky room the smell of wine and cheap parfume
For a smile they can share the night.
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting up down the boulevard.
Their shadows searchin in the night
Streetlight people living to find emotion
Hiding somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill everybody wants a thrill
Payin anything to roll the dice. Just one more time.
Some will win some will lose some were born to sing the blues.
Oh the movie never ends. It goes on and on and on and on...

Don't stop believing.
Hold on to the feeling.
Streetlight people.

That was Journey's Don't Stop Believing. Watched 3 episodes of Scrubs (hey, that's like the colour of JD's scrubs right ? haha) on youtube. Hi to the Larious ! :D :D :D There were a few sad and nice moments too. And I found nice songs. I just love soundtracks, hoho. Journey's Don't Stop Believing, George Michael's Faith and Joshua Radin's Winter. (:

Kwei SCREAMED at us during choir today. =/ Like quite literally screamed/shrieked/threw a fit. Well all of us saw it coming. Hrms. But we ended earlier than usual. The following practices will be ultra long I guess. There goes our holidays, lols.

Only three more weeks before we fly. =X

I don't want school to resume. Eeeyer. They've already handed out the econs revision schedule. Baaaaddd. I don't even know where my elasticity notes are. Hrms. Sigh. And guess what. I have undone holiday homework. The history powerpoint included. Wry. Seng is going to kill me.

Oh and guess what. Germany is going to the semi finals. (: And Portugal beat england 3-1 in penalty kicks. They drew nil nil even in extra time. Penalty shootouts are really nerve wrecking. =/ I can't wait for the semis to start. So I can finally catch the action LIVE instead of just reading the matchcast and depending on xk for a commentry. Haha. Oh I forgot his special mention.

Yay for Promiscuous Salacious Incorrigible Cornucopia Tan Xiaokang (:

Yikes piano tomorrow. Yawn. Oh I forgot to mention. My foot is rotting. AGAIN. I think it's fungi. Don't ask me why. Yeeeech. I hate my left foot. I'm still thinking about the bag. Meow. I just read gpt's blog. HAHA ! I didn't realise dreaming about hot caucasians could be so controversial. Dreaming dreaming. And like, twinks and tys are far from good looking. But they are eye candy anyway, HAHA ! Okay no one heard that.

Three's a crowd. =/ I've learnt a lesson. Always choose to go home and sleep. Hahaha. Okay I'm sorry that my phone is perpetually on silent mode. Because I end up with 2394632 missed calls and when I do call back, I end up paying for the bill. Hmphs. Am still thinking about the bag ! Thinks. The print is a bit.. mature though. But hmmms. That's why I like it. Vintagey, old stuff. =X

Sorry but I can't take that kind of frivolity. It's rare getting high nowadays. Sometimes I can with nonsense people like tmx and dafc. But yeah. Oh it's fun with the cedarians in the morning too, especially yz and db but I don't see them very often. ): I miss p10. And our nonsense card playing and our silly singing and running around baby palm trees and our imoan bitching. Hahahaha. Sigh. Those were the days. ):

I should know who I am by now
I walk the record stand somehow
Thinkin' of winter
The name is the splinter inside me

While I wait
And I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you

But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wake

The walk has all been cleared by now
Your voice is all I hear somehow
Calling out winter
Your voice is the splinter inside me
While I wait

And I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you
But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wake

I could have lost myself
In rough blue waters in your eyes
And I miss you still

Oh I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you
But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wake

Joshua Radin's Winter. The scrubs episode titled 'My Screw Up'. That one was really sad because doctor cox had to attend his best friend's funeral (oh but there was this one funny part when they played gay chicken. HAHA. both almost kissed but cox turned first. the best friend is played by brenden fraser) when all along in the show his best friend was there beside him joking and all. Don't know how it happened but it was really sad. ):

your voice is the splinter inside me

Saturday, July 01, 2006

♥ 12:46 AM

Hehe. Db and I tried on clothes at giordano (turns out, the blouse is quite ugly so bleagh), zara and mango. We also visited surfbabe, topshop and forever21. Haha. But seriously, orchard is totally zzz. Saw jasmine and crystal (first intake sop..) and pyong. Heh, yeps. Then we went to bugis street ! Hoho. The skirts weren't all that nice and cheap. And they're small. BAHHS. BUT BUT ! I saw a really nice bag ($28, pretty ex I think) and nice nice shoes ($24 after discount..). Ooh I feel like returning to buy them. Grumbles. So in the end, neither of us bought anything. Except for my $2 earrings. Hahaha. But I had fun all the same, yay db ! ((: LOVE !

I don't know whether I'll be able to stay awake for the end of the germany argentina match. (well actually, just the match cast. rahh.) It's 1-1. My baby Klose scored ! Woots ! Hahaha.

Klose about to blow me a kiss. HAHA :D Ayes, I have a funny feeling argentina will win though. Rahh. Okay I hope choir isn't horrible tomorrow. Oh I saw Raihan and Fadilah (chief !! :D ) outside the HSBC building today with their boyfriends. Seriously, they are both GORGEOUS. (: Hehe. But my point is that the world is unfair. Blah.

Conferenced with xiaokang and the silly cow using my phone. I didn't realise it had that function. Ooooh. Hehe. We had a conference on thursday night too. Sorta. Haha. Using xk's rubber band phone, lols. Funny they both are.

Just in case this is his last game.

Whee, KLOSE, my soccer hunk. (: