Tuesday, May 30, 2006
♥ 10:57 PM
I don't know him. Though I don't know the whole story or the full picture, I think I have the right to judge given the circumstances. All that I am sure of is that I dislike him intensely for putting my friend and her family through so much pain and torment. How people can be so immensely stupid and selfish is really beyond me sometimes. It just goes to show how fear and despair can drive a person to insanity. And those two emotions are very much (to me, in most cases) self inflicted. Ayes, I really don't know what to say. I read what I type into my phone and I feel that my words will give little comfort to anyone in that sort of situation. Am at quite a loss because the situation is so grave and it is unlikely that I will ever be put in the same position. I really feel horrible for not being able to be of much help or provide any solace. The feeling of helplessness and being helpless itself really sucks at a time like this. Ayes ayes ayes.
All I can do now is leave it up to God. Something so easy yet so difficult at the same time. I really pray that He will see the whole family through. That He'll take care of his health and better still, pull him out of the funk that he is in so that the family will have less problems. I know that He will help them with their burden. Whatever the outcome, it is God's will and even if it is going to be hard, we have to accept it. Now all we can do is have faith in His plan.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be anymore pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4
Ayes. I'm worrying at the back of my head. Though it's a natural reaction, it's of not much use. Ayes. Remedial PE was retarded. Choir people are unfit. We're either down for extra pe or we have long term mcs. Lols. Yay for pong ! Hurhur. I don't think I'm going to bother going for the retest. Mmms. I'll just remain as part of the 10% who really cannot make it.
Didn't go to the band concert in the end. Ten dollars towards their fund bah. Ayes, not that I'm doing anything productive. Tried in vain to do the outlines. For the second consecutive day. Only highlighted a bit of rocks and it isn't even that detailed. (not that I really want to know every single itty bitty detail about rocks. zzz.) Since I already took a nap and am going out tomorrow, shall TRY to get some revising done. Try try try is the word.
Chiang is just that very cute unattainable person. But that's okay. I learnt to live with that a long time ago. Now I just need to try to forget this other idiot. ARGH RAH. Oh and jk is just mad because for some goodness knows what reason he keeps saying that I like this other choir dude. WHICH I DON'T. I hardly talk to him. Madness. And the other day Jo was saying that I look like a filipino mix but bevelry heard it as filipino maid. LOLS. Right ! Haaha. Quite a bunch of people have said that I look foreign, haha. I'm seeing that as a good thing.
Okay. Right. Enough rubbish. Shall TRY to finish rocks.
Monday, May 29, 2006
♥ 10:02 PM
My gp lecturer today spoke at a rate of 30 words a minute, lols. Damn slow. We finished almost 40 minutes later than the audi people rahh. We had brunch at NYP macs. Hotcakes and sausage mmms. (: And what made it even sweeter was that tys was eating there too. Lols.
Anyways, we had history and econs after that. Ran abit late, wtan is so funny and nice. (: It was around 225 and I went to my grandma's house. Had lunch and ice cream. Hehe. Practically ran from jubilee to amk station and I missed the train by 10 seconds. AYES. But luckily I met yt on the way. (:
Practice was surprisingly good. Mmms. Kucinta is still abit pitchy ayes. Tys had training, hurhur. Not that I could peep for long at all. Haha.
Ayes. Disappointed. Don't want don't want don't want. Trying to resist. RESIST BEL.
♥ 12:00 AM
Argh, screwy printer. Sometimes, maybe technology isn't such a boon after all. With better appliances, you come to expect more, have higher expectations. So when they let you down (and inevitably, they will), you'll find that maybe you might be better off living in the dark ages. Okay, not completely but wells. Ho hum.
Tons of history and gp holiday homework. Mostly because I haven't been doing my work. Oh ayes, don't look at me like that. I've thought of a way to make some money. But I'll wait till it works before I describe it. Farewell is coming. Meaning that I'll have to spend more moolah. NOOOOOOOO. Not that it won't be well spent but argh. Am not too eager to part with me cash during the sale season. =/
I want to like a stranger.
I don't want to like a friend.
Oh the agony.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
♥ 11:57 AM
I hate my screwy internet connection argh. ): Annoying with a capital VERY. Rawrr. Tomorrow might as well be another school day. GP in the morning followed by econs and history (oh shoot, how is adel going to lend me her tutorial ? lols) and then choir. Blah.
I'm making little flip books out of post it notes. Haha, how creative is that ? Hurhur. Okay. I bet I'm going to put on 3kg at least. I just spend the whole day on my ass pigging out, zzz. Went shopping at bugis street with yt yesterday after practice. Bought a shirt and earrings ! Beams. Peacock feathers ! ((: And I saw a nice army print skirt (20ish) and gold on white shoes (35 for le coq sportif and 40 for puma, fake of course hahs). Have to go back ! =/ I feel like buying pants too. The kind that stops above the knee. But ahh am completely broke. Horrible since the sale just started, bahhhh. They have denim skirts too and all not very expensive. Hurhur. Have to go back. With moolah of course.
Didn't watch X3 with the other choir people and juniors because my father has movie passes. And judging by the review on gpt's blog, maybe it wasn't such a loss. Pirates only opens in july. BOO. ): Now there's a rooming dilemma, argh. Hmms. We'll see how.
Have to churn out a schedule by today. My sister bought a nice shirt from mango mmms. I hate crowds. And I guess it doesn't really make sense to like someone you hardly know because what about that person do you like if you don't know him ? Hrms. Food for thought.
Piano later. The weather is great for sleeping and watching frasier (though not simultaneously, lols). Many gifts my mother brought back from China can be found around town. Hmph, globalisation. It's quite sad really. It just doesn't seem very right to sell tibetan crafts on a push cart in cineleisure ayes. And anyway, I feel guilty because am not using the wallet she bought. =/
I just love listening to oldies. Gold 90fm is quite nice really, no corny djs. Lols. Like, Toto's Africa and Mamas and Papa's Age of Aquarius. And of course Abba and the Beatles. Okay, totally random. (: Am feeling quite bad that I can't make it to the nj concert. ): But I know Cherie will do well (: Apparently, chye is leaving to further her studies. Hmm. Okay, am hungry. Lunch is calling.
You will never ever change
Yesterday today the same
Forever till forever meets no end
One way Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for
Saturday, May 27, 2006
♥ 12:03 AM
So Taylor won. ((: Yay for the kooky grey haired dude. Soul patrol ! Hehe. I love his debut song, mmms. Xunny's hockey team is the Adiv girls' champion ! Hurhur, so happy for her :D So today is the last day of school. Or rather, was. Our attempt at football was dismal, rofl. We need help ! Hoho. I have a really ugly certificate, ayes. Walked about town with db. Was extremely broke so all we did (mostly just me) was pig out. Fried mars bar, taiwan chicken, kfc (their hot wings are a rip off, boo), yakun.. Saw this nice blouse at far east. But mmms. No money. And I want shoes ! And nike stuff. =/ Hahaha. Right. Then we went to compasspoint to try on clothes in metro. Lols, fatness. Oh, and I have to go back twice a week for remedial pe. Like, I'm never going to do 7 pullups so they should just strike me off their register for like ever. RAWRRR.
Foooooootball. Haha, the World Cup ! Hence the layout. Choir tomorrow. Yawns. I honestly don't know how we are going to cope with the pressure and stress of seeing kwei almost everyday. Zzzz. I think we need to lighten up about the state of things. (doesn't mean that we don't have to not take it seriously..) Ah wells..
Our God is awesome. (: Reminds me of when I was younger and my father used to play the cd. My mother is back in one piece, thank Lord. (: Am quite pleased with my urban geog test though I could've done much better. =/ Haha. Evaluation and re-evaluation. Have never been so broke before. Brokeback mountain, lols. How random. I feel so random. Was looking at the nike website and I found the logo quite nice so I printed the screen and guess which number it stopped at. HAHAHA. Can't be fate. Just pure luck, haha.
Joga Bonito !
fourteen, heh :D
Nice eh ? Gold on white. Okay being obssessive with gold on white/black. Shouldn't conform. Stop it bel. Even though the vball jersey is really nice. Oops. GOLD GOLD. Random madness. Haha. Ahh, my entries never contain any substance. Hardly surprising. But I guess I enjoy blogging sometimes because it helps me sift through the thoughts in my head and reflect. Maybe also because talking to oneself is therapeutic. Just maybe. HAHA.
Chiang is going overseas tomorrow. He is an idiot with no secrets because everyone knows. Lols, whatever man. Didn't see tys and twinks. Hrms. I bet the former just went home to do tys (haha). Okay am mad. At least db was happy today. Hehe, more initiative ! Trala. I need someone something to be my pocket ATM. Rawrr.
do I make you proud (:
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
♥ 11:04 PM
I ended school at 845 but choir only started at 11ish. Recorded the school song, did kucinta, kwei talked. =/ Yada yada. Surprisingly, we didn't have sectionals. BEAMS. But we had a very retarded comm meeting ayes. Anyways, had sakae buffet with yt, lala, eugene, zx and frankie. Haha, mmms. It was expensive but worth it. I think we ordered ten plates of gyoza and frankie had 12 plates of unagi. =/ And the whole moley korkor and marian jiejie. =X Riiight. Well anyway it was a change. (:
Our phototaking is next term. Am tired, just watched project runway. I just love heidi klum ((: Going have to wake up early to do some gp. Ayes. Retarded. Shaun is being idiotic and ignoring me. AS USUAL. Grrrr, some friend. As much as I love Katharine and Black Horse and Cherry Tree, I hope Taylor wins. ((: He's just so cute and cuckoo, a joy to watch. Hurhur. Yeah, learnt interesting news about chiang today. Quite interesting mmms. Ayes whatever. One fish, many fish. Haha. Didn't see tys today though. ):
I'm just chasing dreams.
Just dreams.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
♥ 9:53 PM
The fraudulent world of greenback paper money that only pretends to have value.
I love how emerald city is only emerald city because the wizard (and the people ? not too sure, it's been ages) wears green tinted specs. He sees the world through those glasses and in the same way it is like how we see the world through our greenback lenses. Where money is only money because of the value we peg it to.
Ah, maybe I should have taken literature. Hrms. I think I want to re read 1984. Was readin up on dystopia and previously, scanning through david bowie. Fascinating stuff. Linked from beck (I just downloaded scarecrow, as recommended on sook's blog), to david bowie to velvet goldmine and 1984 to dystopia. Hurhur.
I'll just be going to school for econs and choir tomorrow. Rah. Oh photo taking too. =/ Another spastic yearbook picture. I want to watch velvet goldmine. Ewan and Johnathan ! Hehe. Let's just face it. Am never going to be able to do 7 pullups. I want to try soccer after pe on friday.
Saw teewhyass at the pe dept and again in the canteen. :D I think sanuse is hilarious. He and alex lee (i think) were at the choir concert and he said to him isn't that the girl who helped us with sports day ? He recognised me by my specs and called me the hallelujah girl. Waha, darn cute. ((:
I feel like having prata. Mmms. I hope my mother is fine. We have a million holiday practices ayes. Why do I never know when I'm around wet paint ? GRRRR. Twice already. Seriously, they need to invest in signs. Gah. Okay tired. A verse from Tori Amos' Sleeps With Butterflies. (: Nice.
Balloons
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere
Sunday, May 21, 2006
♥ 11:43 PM
actus non facit reum nisi mens sit rea
Wikipedia is interesting. ARGH. I should be doing econs. Was reading up on russian roulette yesterday and am reading on the themes the wizard of oz actually allude to. I like such stuff mmms. (:
golden yellow brick road.
♥ 10:07 PM
No one wants to go for the D & D. Hmmms. I loved our graduation dinner. The photos and the dancing and the running around. :D Cedar rocks. Hurhur.
I haven't touched any gp in a long while =/ College day performance wasn't that bad. Our practice wasn't that bad either. I still am not sure of kucinta. Gah.
It was the last choir performance for some. I'm not sure if I can name all. Charlene (margaret, but I'll still be seeing her loads), Ishita (barbara haha), Qiaowen (our super sop), Jeanne, Serene, Xinyi (our dearest xiao bai cai), Hannah (our dearest da bai cai), Joe (jay chou lols), Kunlin (jialat ! haha) and Sweekiong. Am not too sure if there are any more but yeah. ))): I'll especially miss Hannah. ))): Her bimboticness, her enthusiasm, her blurness, her singing.. ): Ayes, half the j2s and I admit I haven't gotten to know them enough. There were tears but ayes I don't know how much I'll miss the choir. We'll see what happens in China and after that during farewell. Que sera sera..
It ended with No Importa and I guess it was one of the few times when we sang it more emotionally. Yeah.. The atmosphere and all. There was some whooshing and the usual photo taking and scandal calling. Lols, we never had that last year. This year's j1s are a really scandalous bunch. Thanks to the cat high juniors.. TSK. Lols.
Tickets for davinci code were sold out so I just had dinner with ahpa and his gf at marina square. There were couples EVERYWHERE. =/ I saw andrea and her bf. She's still so pretty. I remember having this hair pulling thing with her in primary school. Haha. A few hours later I saw her sister and her bf, lols. Anyways, I want to go shopping ! Too many things, not enough moolah. I'm being pressured to go for the band concert and the nj choir concert. And then there's the prom deposit. Am really broke. Ah, and that 35 girl hasn't paid me for the choir tickets yet. GRRRR. Which reminds me, I need to settle the prizes stuff. Oops. =/ Crap, I can't find the list. ARGH. )):
Am in a holiday mood already. ZZZ. I have yet to finish my econs essay. Rah, not in the mood to do anything. Then again, I'm never in the mood to do anything. Right now I just feel like watching Frasier on dvd. (but my sister lent it to her friend, grr) I need more laughter in my system.
My mother's flying off to PNG for a few days. =/ I hope there won't be any civil wars or eruptions. Hope there'll be good weather too. And no cannibalism. Ayes.
I can't wait for the june hols ! I can sleep in, mmms. Less time wasted at school, no need to go for lectures. There'll still be intensive choir practices though. Hmmms. Thank goodness they're only testing us on this year's work for the common tests. I need to spend my hols doing gp. And I need a concrete plan. Ah hrms. Oh and then there's the World Cup ! BEAMS. But stupid channel 5 is only showing four matches. Growls, mediacorp, grumble grumble.
Mr trevor is getting married ! Hoho, he invited us to his wedding (: Am condemned to eternal afternoon pe. ARGH. SUCKS. WASTE TIME. Ayes, I'd better get back to my essay. Rawwrr.
Friday, May 19, 2006
♥ 10:21 PM
): They lost but the atmosphere was great and there were alot of moments when they really shone/shined (?). And honchan is fantastic ! Especially the time when he just suddenly appeared out of nowhere and got the ball. Yeah. Pity he transferred out of our class. =/ But I quite enjoyed being at toa payoh sports hall nonetheless. Didn't get to see tang, that idiot.
Went a bit mad with pong, caryn and db. Haha, the fateful bubble tea shop. (: And MY BUN ! HAHAHAHA. Hilarious. We were just quite high. I like watching and cheering. It reminds me of Cedar and national track. )): I miss. Ah wells. I bought a two dollar t shirt ! Hoho. What a bargain. Oh, and our plan failed. Lols, not surprising. Though we saw a very dao chiang.
Anyhow, have to wake up early tomorrow. Practice. Boo. I hope I can sing. =/
No touchy. Lols.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
♥ 10:17 PM
Yes yes everyone can link me. Don't know why but you guys sound excited, lols.
Surprisingly good practice. But ayes. I don't know. And I have my history china timed ass to worry about. Yawns. 5oclock was behind me during econs lect. Haha. Oh, and I was telling ahpa's gf about tys and looking in his general direction when he turned. Hoho. Madness. (:
Forever till forever meets no end
One way, Jesus (:
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
♥ 10:48 PM
Kucinta. Yucks. I hate chromatic. ): Dire choir situation. Boofrogs. It's so depressing that everything has to revolve around it. And like, I actually WANT to study history but am just too tired and you might say burdened by the situation now to even start. Ayes. Can't help it. Can't help thinking about it and can't help improve the situation either. Argh.
Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. ): I hate double gp. It just sucks the life out of me. Rawrr.
On a brighter note, our school vball boys are the champions this year ! (((: Pong told me that the match was really heart stopping. Hurhur. Damn, I wish I went. Yay tys ! (:
Ayes. Now I don't feel like studying history. I JUST NEED TIME OFF CHOIR ARRRRRGGGGHHHH. ))): Why is this happening ?
♥ 10:44 PM
I want to watch vball match. See, it wouldn't matter as much if tys weren't a vball player. But he is. Ahhh. RAWRRRR. Thanks a lot to the people who are just so enthusiastic. Rawrr.
I almost forgot about the China time trial. Bah. Pe is a total waste of time. Sigh. Am just going to school for econs tutorial tomorrow. Why why why. Gah. Kwei. GAH.
I love weekends. I wish there were more of such things. Instead of like, homework and practices and bouts of depression and sadness. Haha. I can dream can't I ?
Had two funny dreams. One with me being at a party at shaun's house and playing with his 5 dogs (2 golden retrievers.. so pretty lahs) and having to leave for tuition (!??! haha) and another with me going trekking or something with the cathigh juniors. =X
Bunnies are way cute okay. Even though they can be idiotic. Oh, and I was grinning idiotically at chiang. ARGH. Well done bel. Tys was near the pe dept at the end of pe though. (((:
I want to watch over the hedge. And play with lego. And sit on the swings. I need to go to the beach. Or marry a hot brazillian girl/boy. I just need someone to be childish and go crazy with me. I hate this humdrum life.
GO TENYEARSERIES (:
Monday, May 15, 2006
♥ 12:25 AM
Lazy, tired, screwy internet connection. Reasons why I haven't blogged in a bit. Am losing my penchant for detail. So I shall be all zoom zoom. Maybe I'll add the nitty gritty another day.
I love love love the flowers. You know how much I adore sunflowers. (: So pretty.
Joa, yizhen, sharon. You guys made the night special. MUCHO LOVE. ((: The madness in the taxi and at macdonalds and on the way to bugis. Hurhur. The gazillion rubbishy photos and laughter. I want to re-live it all over again.
My darling seniors. Especially mei and jiemin. (: For the flowers and the support and the advice and the encouragement and for everything leading up to the concert. Oh and when I was panicking too when I couldn't find my phone, lols.
The people who came. Both my aunts and their offer to send me home (which I rejected for the second year lols). (((: Sooks darling, dearest jiayi, sis in law, hzbro, ahpong, regina and my other classmates.. Even little xuefen (I can't resist calling her little, lols) who had co prac. ((:
The smses from whom I least expected. Nadiah, simin, MICHELLE TANG (: , sisca.. (:
The choir people. The people who made it all possible. The people who went through equally thick and thin. The altos. The usual gang. The juniors. Too many people to thank. Too many people. One less would make the night incomplete. Hurhur. (:
So much for obmitting the nitty gritty. Haha. Will continue another night. Gpt is hilarious. Killer look. Not killer looks. Hahaha. Go listen to The Blower's Daughter.
Beautiful. (:
Stop it bel. STOP IT I SAY. Rawrr. I hate school.
Monday, May 08, 2006
♥ 11:15 PM
We should just commit everything to Him. ((:
Practice was okay I guess. Could've been a lot worse so yeah. Quite thankful. The videos were good, kudos to Siyi ! Was sweating my ass off. It was bad, really hard to sing. Thank goodness for the shawl.. Fatness. Bad. Argh. The lyrics are still giving me trouble. I. don't. like.
I like the present we made and got for ah huay. (: I hope her day was special ! Yay for DAFC especially adel and I. Hehe. And poor qingqing ! Lols. Justin and wtan are funny during econs, hahaha.
Tys ! Please appear more often, hurhur. He looks cuter with specs. Oh and I was outside lt1 after the history test when twinks came down the lt2 stairs alone and there was eye contact. But err hmmms. Eye contact with chiang too. =/ Lols. Nonsense.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
♥ 9:44 PM
RAWWWRRR. Forget it.
I hate that I let myself slip and fall. I don't want to because I know I'll just end up hurting myself. But in the end, I let it all happen. How stupid is this ?
I hate false hope. Fate always lets me down.
And I just feel all hollow again. Amidst everything. And at such a time too.
):
♥ 2:32 AM
Your petty tantrums were justified. But this, I cannot take. I am just losing my respect for you. Dammit. We might be incompetent and inefficient but at least we're trying. Thanks for effing backstabbing us.
Almost cried today. Tell me is this worth it ?
Alot alot alot alot of work. But really very tired. Oh and all the election excitement. HAHA. Chiam See Tong SOLID SIAL !!! (((: Yay, won by about 7%. (: Okay, that's about all I care about. Hehe.
I have funny juniors. (: Sa, gpt, michng.. Some 3am gossip. Lols.
TYS CHIANG TWINKS
Argh, stop it bel. Stop it ! The whole X thing is recurring again. Sucks.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
♥ 12:12 AM
Shaun's dad is opening his school for us. Wow. On polling day too. So nice of him. We really need the practice. I hate the FF songs. Why ? Because of the 207536053892 pseudo jap words !
ARGH.
I just c a n n o t remember them. Rawrr. It's horrid not knowing the words. Am horrible at memorising. And I might end stand in the first row so I need to know my part. Wth. Too tired to memorise too. Sigh. Everything is just stressing me out. And the ussr time trial has to be on monday. Ayes. And I'm destined to do afternoon PE forever. BOOOOO I HATE THE SCHOOL BAHHHHH ))):
I must keep a lookout for tys. He was sitting at a table across mine today. Hoho. Didn't see chiang or twinks today though.
Tired tired tired tired tired tired.
I am thinking wrong thoughts. NO. STOP IT. GAHHH.
I have this affinity for potong pasir (pp macs !! and our favourite mode of transport ! (: ) so yeah I guess you can say that I feel for chiam see tong. Haha. He looks like some nice old grandpa. And I quite pity the opposition. Level playing field huh... Okay, I really shouldn't be commenting. Lols. I need to sleep. Eyes are closing.. Meow.
Friday, May 05, 2006
♥ 12:24 AM
Words associated with today's 'practice'.
Disappointment. Dismay. Depression. Disbelief. Distress.
Sigh. It had to come to this. AGAIN. Wtf. What is wrong with us ? I'm as much to blame as anyone else. So yah. Hence the disappointment and depression. I don't know. I thought we were improving. I really thought we were. I don't know. We are just so unsure. Something's really wrong. Am at quite a loss for words. And I need to sleep. But there's so much to do. Ayes.
))): One week more. He may have admitted defeat but I say that it's not the end. Never give up, never surrender. We're worth so damn much more but we're not doing ourselves justice. Ayes. ARGH. Dammit, we need to bloody buck up.
And am worried for tmx. )): And my altos. Especially the weaker ones. I'm not going to sit around and not do anything about it but at the same time, I'm going to commit it to the Lord.
Oh yes, and I hope that He will take care of everyone (the choir people, my classmates..) who is feeling unwell (:
New eye candy ! Not really but well. Haha. TYS. Smirks. I hope shaun knows what to do. Lols.
I'm not hoping or asking for a lot anymore. I think I want to be past that. (but actually moving past that is another matter.. hmm)
But anyway,
you made my
Monday, May 01, 2006
♥ 8:44 PM
It's amazing
how you can make me smile one minute and the next, ruthlessly break my heart. Two very extreme emotions. And how I hate having to not see the 'one message received' screen. ): The same old rhythm when I pick up and put down the phone. Disappointment and regret.. Ayes. The dashed hopes.
I am just kidding myself.
Just to put things into perspective, we're screwed for the concert and I'm going to fail all my tests. Back to the apts list. Sigh. What am I doing ? I swear,
I'm just kidding myself.