Who isn't afraid to fail ? I'm not really feeling it now but I'll be shaking in my nikes tomorrow. BRRRR. ))): Chinese and PW.

Lord let me pass please !!!

I like totally have tons of work to do including overdue gp but like, I'm too tired and blah to care mans. I am so going to be thrown out. Oh gah. Tired. Scared scared scared.

Ragen is funny. Go read his blog. HAHA. (:

Thin threads of hope,
fate is.
Even so,
apprehension.

I need liposuction. I have fat arms and cannot do inclined pullups. Ayes, what a failure I am. I feel quite accomplished though. I managed to finish 3 out of 5 gp tasks as well as two economics essays. Hoho. Though I'm still left with the econs drq and the history outline. Which can be done during break tomorrow.

Am so not looking forward to collecting pw and chinese results. Oh and the coming theory exam. WEEEEEEPS. Cry me a river man.

I hope it'll be better than my last try.

Trying to tell myself I have no reason with your heart.

Ah. Such a beautiful disaster. I can see it already.







TOO MUCH WORK. BOO.

when you hurt people, they begin to love you less. that's what careless words do.

Too tired to update about today properly. History sem was quite fun after all. I MET SHARON LIN ! JOYYYY ! (((: I miss her so. The stalkers have to go out and have pepper lunch again. Mmms. The other hist sem people from our school rock. Kristine, Joyce, Germaine, Jialing (though she's not technically a participating member) and Cleavon. Jesseline (???) didn't come today though. Ah. We went to orchard after that and bummed around. Kristine and Joyce are really nice to talk to. Cleavon is so bloody cute and blur, it's hilarious. Will recount the armani exchange poster/advert incident tomorrow. There were other funny instances but I can't quite remember them now. Oh and it was nice hearing my lover guffaw. Lols. His girlfriend has short punkish/spiked hair, krist saw them holding hands. Hurhur. Anyways, yeah, today was fun. (:

Then I met aunty sin (hrk and krist walked around together, haha!) and after doing some errands and not finding a nice cheap pair of shoes in tangs, we went to stadium and I bought a bag and a sports bra ! Whee ! Meaning, I now have lime green support (haha) and I don't have to spend 70 big ones on my fred perry bag ! (since everyone is starting to carry it anyway....) It's a white umbro bag, leathery on one side. Official england soccer team merchandise ! Haha. Funny, since I am not THAT big a fan of soccer or the english team. I'm not as hardcore as a lot of people though I like to watch. Mmms. So yay ! Can't wait. (((:

I love love love stevie wonder's lately. I keep playing it. It's so sad really. I went to download john denver's like a sad song too. IT'S SO NICE TOO. ARGH. Mark knows the nicest songs. Okay.

AND I GOT MY NEW PHONE ! Same as db's. Haha.

Too tired to type coherently. Gibberish. Mind in a whirl. Too much work ayes ayes. Twinks !


The beginning of the end is tentatively next week.

I think I know some of the biggest losers in the world. Losers is an understatement. (underword ? haha) Seriously. You think you are the only ones with problems ? THINK AGAIN. I have just as many, if not more. And I am trying. TRYING. Do I see that sort of effort on your part ? No. You complain. And complain. Breathe heavily. Show displeasure. You just don't effing understand how difficult it is for me. It's not that EVERYEFFINGWHERE I GO I am unappreciated. (I am. Unappreciated. But that's not the thing.) The thing is, you understate my efforts. How I am trying to make it all work for everyone. You think I don't have deadlines ? You think I don't have CCA almost every day ? You think I don't have homework and overdue homework and piling up homework ? You think I don't have to travel to and fro everyday for almost an hour ? You think I don't have other commitments ? You think I don't have people who make me miserable all the time ? You think I don't have other problems and people breathing down my neck ? YOU THINK I DON'T HAVE FUCKING MORONS LIKE YOU WHO GIVE ME HELL ?

Think again.

I never claimed to be the best leader. I am not even going to claim to be an average one. But the thing is, it's a done deal. I was unfortunately the one to have the responsibility thrusted upon. I didn't choose it. I didn't step up saying that I want to be the one in charge of it all. (though that seems to be what's going on now. seeing as how hrk has much less to do.) If you think that toh chose the wrong person, that's your problem. (although she did. choose the wrong person.) Don't hate me for something I did not myself decide. I can take paperwork. And admin. And proposals. I can even design stuff. Do the logistics. Anything. I am willing to help. But something I cannot deal with is the fucked up attitude you always give. Why can't you learn from the girls ? Why can't you accept that it is going to be this way ? Why can't you learn to deal with this shit when we're all in it together ? Why can't you humble yourself and just do the best that you can do ?

Last time I asked for help getting manpower. Jq said that it was not his job as a logistics person. I felt bloody irritated then. I mean, yes, it is not in your job scope. But you have relatively less to do so why not HELP ? Why not LEND A HAND ? Why not do something extra out of the GOODNESS OF YOUR HEART ? I mean, it's a CLASS SERVICE LEARNING PROJECT. Number one, class. It's a group effort. It's something that we are doing together. As 33. When someone needs help, you should assist in any way possible. Okay, I'm actually moving on to the moral part already. It's a class thing ! WE ARE CLASSMATES AND WE'VE BEEN CLASSMATES FOR A YEAR FOR GOODNESS SAKE. I don't see how it can be so bloody hard to just do something extra. And secondly, it's a service. We provide a service. We serve others. Meaning, we HUMBLE and GIVE of ourselves to others. Not for myself alone. We are doing this because we want to be to learn to be selfless. To learn to work together. It may not be for a children's home or an old folks' home. But it's a service all the same. Since it's been decided, we should just do the best we can. It's not whether they are going to pat us on the back at the end of the day. It's what we've learnt from it. What we ourselves have gained from it. And bloody hell, it looks like I'm making a loss right now. In a sense I've gained because it has made me realise how unreliable some people can be. It has made me realise how completely smug people can be. But yah, as I've said. We're going through this together. We're bound to it. So why make ourselves more unhappy ? And more importantly, why make other people unhappy ? It's that all you want to see when you look back ? I don't think many understand the concept of being selfless. I don't profess to be an expert or anything in that area but what it means to me is consideration for others at the expense of your own wishes or needs.

One small but bloody clear example. I don't know how one person can sit right smack in the middle of the canteen bench. Okay fine. That's not a problem. The problem is her bag is beside her on the bench. Okay. Another problem is that she SPREAD out her fucking newspapers to read on the table. Okay. That actually doesn't sound that bad. BUT IT FUCKING IS WHEN IT IS ONLY ONE TABLE AND THERE ARE 8 OF US AND NOT ENOUGH ROOM. HOW BLOODY BLIND AND INCONSIDERATE AND SELFISH CAN YOU GET ? I didn't even think you were eating. That is something that really pisses me off. I can't stand how people can NOT care about others. It basically shows no manners and bad upbringing. I'm not going to talk about parents or whatever and digress. But seriously. I don't like it. Maybe no one else realises. Maybe I'm the only one effing sensitive to such nonsense. It says a lot about your character.

And dammit do I hate it when I'm already not in the best of moods and people rudely brush past me. AND IT'S NOT THE BLOODY FIRST TIME. It always happens. Or my feet get stepped on. (yeah I know I have huge feet. THANKS.) Always. Same moron too. That's why after pe today I tsk-ed really loudly. I mean, it is already rude. What makes you even more so is that you DON'T APOLOGISE. I hate that. When you never think you're wrong. Dammit.

They say that the joy is not the same without the pain. But what if the pain is already killing me ? Will the joy I derive from it ever measure up ? Ayes. I regret. I regret. I regret being a class leader. I regret taking up the responsibility. I regret.

Enough talk about class. It's a good thing hzbro left. And absence makes the heart grow fonder anyway. Ironic how I'm still closer to the class than the choir people.

And it's funny. With every practice, I realise something about someone that makes me dislike that person more. Ayes. I'm just disappointed. I'm disappointed with so many people. Because I don't think that I'm a bad person or a bad friend or whatever. I can't think of anything that I've done to them to justify their actions towards me. And everyone knows that I'm more paranoid and insecure than most people. Or maybe they don't. Because they don't care. Ah, perhaps that is it. It feels as if I have a hundred hi-bye friends but only about 5 I can really talk to. That is really sad. Sigh. Hmmms.. ARGH. I PROMISED MARGARET NOT TO BE UPSET BY ALL THIS. It's like an ugly scar. No matter how much you convince yourself that the pain is no longer there, it still hurts. It's still a visible mark. Ayes.

And thanks. Everyone just knows how I love being ignored. Because a 'people person' like me enjoys being alone and talking to myself. Ooooh yayness. Wtf. Nothing new. What, am I too boring ? Not worth talking to ? Not smart/pretty/rich enough ? Mmms.

I simply have a problem with people having a problem with me especially when they cannot justify it.

Oh and goodness, if all of the above didn't already spoil my day, I have overdue gp work. Not to mention tons of econs and the history seminar tomorrow. I can't believe we didn't get in when 8 out of 12 schools did. Lols.

Lately by Stevie Wonder

Lately, I have had the strangest feeling
With no vivid reason here to find
Yet the thought of losing you's been hanging'round my mind
Far more frequently you're wearing perfume
With you say no special place to go
But when I ask will you be coming back soon
You don't know, never know

Well, I'm a man of many wishes
Hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide
Cause they always start to cry
Cause this time could mean goodbye

Lately I've been staring in the mirror
Very slowly picking me apart
Trying to tell myself I have no reason with your heart
Just the other night while you were sleeping
I vaguely heard you whisper someone's name
But when I ask you of the thoughts your keeping
You just say nothing's changed

Well, I'm a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide
Cause they always start to cry
Cause this time could mean goodbye, goodbye

Oh, I'm a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide
Cause they always start to cry
Cause this time could mean goodbye

This song is so beautiful and sad. Stevie Wonder sounds really good. So does dear markmark. I should count myself blessed to know someone who cares about so many people that he hardly has time to care about himself.

Just to cheer myself up a bit, I saw twinks today. During lunch, during our post pe break and before sectionals (: A glance will do. For now. Haha. And and, yesterday after econs during lunch, I was the person sitting closest to the next table where this poor soccer guy sat with his broken foot. Twinks came over and sat with him so he was like almost beside me. Wahahaha. Okay madness. But the thing is, it was really nice of him to go talk to his injured friend. (: twinks ! Mmms.

Is it just me or do we keep catching each other's glances ? Am not too sure about twinks but this other person. But then again, he has pretty small eyes so he might just be stoning in my general direction. Hmmms.

Ah. Can't go to watch danceworks with cherr. ): And it's almost 2 and I have to wake up at 7. Ayes ayes. Till tomorrow. Too tired. Physically (pe was a killer) and emotionally.

The school printer is retarded. But it's laser jet (or something). So I like. Hahaha. Ayes, slept at 11ish yesterday and woke up at 4ish to do the history tutorial. Which I did wrongly anyway. Oh bah. I feel bad. =/ Ho hum. I always end up regretting opening my mouth. Sigh, nothing new. Have gp articles and history tutorial to complete. Lots of econs to do this weekend too. Plus the NUS thing. Am probably watching dance works with cherr. Mmms. Family day is on the 22nd. Hope it'll be as fun as last year. (:

If I had my way, I'd never get over you. -Fall to Pieces, Avril Lavigne

Choir is tiring. I can't wait for the camp. I think. Mmmms. Thinks. I LOVE LOVE LOVE WEEKENDS !!! I think the A2 juniors rock. ((: Agnessa, Sisca, Joyce, Natalie and Grace. (I don't think I missed out anyone mmms..)

Wonders if I'll see twinks today. Thinks.

Had tons of breaks today. HAHAHAH. Grinsgrinsgrins. It was a good day. Pe wasn't that bad. Dawntan rocks. Winnietan too. (: But mostly it was a fab day because I had the nicest dream. (it felt so real okay. I wish it were. lols.) It was some scene at a hotel (or something) and if I'm not wrong, twinks approached me to ask me to dinner ! Hohohoho. BEEEEG HAPPY SMILE. It was a wednesday night or something. And I was booked on thursday by this other guy. Kind of weird though. Never mind. Anyways, ayes ! And he messaged me and all. Lols. Nonsense ! I wish it'd really happen. Haha. There was also some rock climbing involved in the dream. With db and dawntan too I think..

So anyway yayness. (: Twinks (((x

Ayes. But I'm even afraid of just being friends so. Hmmms. I think I know his type. Bad experience, mmms. I don't know. We'll see. It's up to fate really. =/

And it's bound to be a heartbreak situation. I can just see it now. Ayes.

It is quite obvious that I'm not studying history. Oh rah. Zzz. I HAVE NO BACKGROUND INFO. Sigh. Whatever, it's a timetrial and our first source based one at that. Go bel !

It's funny how something small and supposedly insignificant can play a part in something totally unrelated. To start from the beginning, we commemorated total defence day with NO FOOD IN THE CANTEEN except sweet potato and porridge (more like rice swimming in water). And as we all know, a hungry bel is a cranky bel. So anyway, zn kindly bought food from macs for us. (oh, before I proceed, I just want to say that they were selling muffins at prices that kept going up. so tmx actually wanted to buy a bunch and sell them to make profit. riiiiiiight.) The thing was, she forgot to buy for huiying. So tmx, 2 juniors and I made our way to NYP to buy her burger. (along the way we met more juniors and they're all very nice but that's another story) SO, MY POINT IS that I didn't really want to go but eventually did and it was a good thing too because as we were going in, the soccerguys were heading back. And I saw twinks ! Gringringrin. Okay, more like I just glanced for a nanosecond. ((((: But that's not all ! (to be fair, it wasn't all that exciting. it was only exciting for me. HAHA.) After choir (had some retardedly draggy and rubbishy com meeting. then I had to see toh), he took the same bus ! Hoho. He was with another soccer dude, the one from becky's class. So yes, it's quite rare that he takes the same bus. Db kept emphasising eye contact but the tv mobile screen was blocking, it was too dark and I only dared to glance. Haha. Oh wells. It was enough for me. BEAMS.

My point being, despite today being a bel-is-very-hungry-and-thus-cranky day, it turned out pretty darn well. (((: Twinks !

Okay, nuts. AM MISSING GREY'S ANATOMY AND DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. ARGH. And I forgot to hand in history. Blah. Too tired to do my tons of econs. I can't process the information. I don't like the chapter on money, boo. I think I'm only getting my new handphone in may. Oh ho hum. May tomorrow be a pretty darn good day too. (: Though I doubt so, with pe and all. Meow.

I know all about,
Yea about your reputation
And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless
Every time that I'm with you, ah
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can fight it any more
Oh I know, I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Lovin you, That isn't really something I should do
I shouldn't wanna spend my time with you ya
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Ya, baby you're the right kind of wrong

It might be a mistake
A mistake I'm makin'
But what your givin I am happy to be takin
'Cause all that will make me feel
The way I feel when I'm in your arms
They say your somethin I should do without
They don't know what goes on
When the lights go out
There's no way to explain
All the pleasure is worth all the pain

Lovin you, That isn't really something I should do ya-hey
I shouldn't wanna spend my time with you ya
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Ya, baby you're the right kind of wrong

I should try to run but I just can't seem to
'Cause every time I run your the one I run to
Can't do without what you do to me,
I don't care if I'm in to deep yeah

I know all about,
Yea about your reputation
And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless
Every time that I'm with you, ah
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can fight it any more
Oh I know, I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Hey-yeah

Lovin you, yeah, isn't really something I should do
I shouldn't wanna spend my time with you ya
Well I should try to be strong, I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong (right kind of wrong)
Baby you're the right kind of wrong
Baby you're the right kind of wrong
Yeah baby you're the the right kind of wrong

Right Kind of Wrong. LeeAnn Rimes. Ah maybe this was what I was warning db about. Haha.

Finished with j2001 and the gp aq. Meow. Rah. Am lazy to do anymore. Oh ho hum. > eye contact, I wish. Blah whatever. I love my earrings. Tralala. Feign ignorance !

One fine day, you're going to want me for your girl.


HAHA. What a nice song. My ideal husband should have a personality that is a mix of my lover's, calvintan's and marktan's. How very.. impossible. Hurhur. I should be doing my econs essays not DAYDREAMING. Bah.

Ahh tons of econs to do. J2001, J98b, J99, 12.4, 13.2. And it's not as if I know what's going on about money and inflation and all. Blah. I just finished dinner and my gp commentary but I also just realised that I can't find my abortion commentary anywhere on my blog and I swear I did it. AYES. Don't think I'm going to do it again unless ocm puts a knife at my throat.

Good thing cng has a course tomorrow. I can do my tutorial then. Mmmms. Was telling db how the one she wants may not necessarily be the right one for her. You shouldn't change yourself to such an extent just for a person you like alot. The right one will love you back for who you are. And anyway, we shouldn't be pressured to get boyfriends for the sake of having someone to call our own and shower us with presents. That's quite nonsensical . So we shouldn't really be serious about anybody yet I guess. But I don't think that will stop us from obssessing. Actually, I don't think I'm obssessing as much as she is. HAHA. It doesn't hurt though.

I think. TWINKS ! (:
(don't ask me why I like his kind. seriously. very far from my ANGMOH type. =/)

Oh and there's another one. Adidas ! Okay, lame I know. But as db likes to say, it's for entertainment. And entertainment = no getting extremely depressed to the point of tears. He's so cute and small and dark too. Like a little malay boy. Hehe. Don't want chiang anymore. He is mean. HAH.

Rubbish. I want to go to the beach and eat at ECP. Fat fat I am fat. Dumb and poor too. Ayes.

Yay yay ! My mother took out the earring from my second earhole. I've been struggling with it since last year. =/ Now wearing the bling bling ones like those Adel has. (: Bought 3 pairs of earrings. Among them, the pair that gpoh wore last thursday that I found different and pretty ! (((: I didn't get to ask her where she bought them from but I found them anyway so yay !

Was supposed to go to the ac funorama but it was so far and stuff. So I gave michele my tickets and went to town with db instead. Good thing we didn't go. It rained. Ah hmmms. I bought a wallet from taka too. They were having a sale. It's this pretty pearl coloured comoditee wallet. 20 bucks. Not bad at all. My sister also got a new wallet. Faux pink snake skin. 30ish. Hoho.

Found the shop selling my fred perry bag !!! Thanks to qingyi (not qingqing) whom we met earlier. It's at this shop called morph opposite collage on the 4th floor and it costs $70 bucks. I get to save about.. $70 bucks ! As opposed to getting it from the UK. Hahaha ! But if the material's not nice, I'll buy the other cloth one. Yep.

I want patent flats too ! You know, shiny sort of material. Yeah, like mary janes and all. I tell you, the fried mars bars at Chippy (far east) are TO DIE FOR. Gosh, heavenly ! But fried in loads of oil though. And the cashier was quite cute.

Oh man, I keep talking about spending when I should be saving. Now I have the urge to go to Xiamen. But I don't know. I think the urge is a fleeting one. Sigh. AM POOR AND STUPID. HELP.

Chinese and pw results are coming out soon. Supposedly. SHIVERS. Bites lip. I hope I pass chinese. Please let me pass chinese.

I need to send secret long distance telepathic messages to twinks. C'mon c'mon. Do something. Hahahaha.

I found myself on my bed still in my school uniform this morning. Was so tired I fell right asleep when I got back from choir. I had pe yesterday and I didn't bathe. So. Ho hum.

AAR (as cng like to use), I didn't ask hrk what time the auditions were. Thus, I overslept and to seng's horror I didn't make it. Oh well. RAHHHS. I hope they make the cut though. ((:

http://kevan.org/johari?view=christiebellee

I remember using the johari's window thingy for our project work. Hurhur. AJ161 rocks ! I wonder how we'll do.

I wished him well. But he was just mean. And qingqing told me he conceded four goals (including some stupid ones) and cried. Wells. Ayes, it doesn't pay to be mean to me. Okay, kidding kidding. Poor dude. But whatever, am over him. Although he's still very cute and I couldn't help noticing when I crashed maths lecture the other day. Haha. TWINKS !

Markmark and shawn goh. This was last year during family day. I have the most adorable seniors. :D

It's funny but qingqing calls me bel. Lols. Considering that he hardly makes any move to be sociable. Haha. Well done ! Ahh, going for the acjc funorama later. Hope it'll be worth it.

So much work for this weekend. I have econs essays, mcq, history tutorial, gp aq, gp commentary, blah blah blah and I don't think I'll be doing much today. Then again, I don't do much on saturdays. Nothing new.

Is it just me or does he peep as well ? I think it's just me. HAHA. Nonsense.

School was blah. As usual. I felt quite high during econs tutorial because I didn't expect to do well for the common test mcq. HOHO. Beams. Considering the fact that I am the ultimate econs dunce. And credit to shaun and yz for their tips. Hahaha. (: I hope I don't do badly for the geography test. Have to stop failing stuff !

Choir practice was okay I guess. Kwei almost blew up. =/ But well yeah, ended on a good note. Had dinner with christina, jiemin, gpoh, mei, markmark, yl, hq, malcolm, zx and lala (oops, only zx can call her that. hahaha.). Now I know what they do during dinner. Gossip. Tsktsk. Lols. Interesting stuff. Like the infatuation markmark has with this cute junior. (ahem, hoho !) Some old news concerning jade. Tc looking at this other sweet junior. Haha. Maybe I should have dinner with them more often. I don't know.

I love Mei !! <3

I just like talking to her.. We more or less have the same frequency. Lols. Markmark and hq insist that we're long lost sisters or something. Hahaha.

Was almost late to school today. Took the 750ish bus. Arrived on the dot. What made up for it was that I saw twinky on the bus. Smiles.

Firstly,

I LOVE MARK TAN (:

Yep. He rocks so. Had a very nice talk with him online yesterday. Forsaked (??) my econs essay and my history script. Though I did manage to finish the script in the end, it was just blah. Anti climax. Ah wells.

Had a very long choir meeting but still didn't manage to meet my soccer hunk. Lols. BUT. Even better, wl dearest was on the bus. I can always count on him to make me smile at his nonsense and jokes. ((: Must go back with him more often !

Yes bel, you can finish the geography essay question. Yes yes.

Okay, am hoping for more sightings of twinks. Hurhur. Whatever man. Am slightly nuts. Hoho. Should do the essay. HUSH.

Okay I shall finish the damn script once and for all.

EVEN IF IT KILLS ME.
(not very hard really)

Then I'll do my econs essay tomorrow. Yes. That's the way bel.

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY !

Modern technology owes ecology an apology.

Mich is hilarious. (: I miss p10 so. I miss vday in Cedar. Ayes ayes. My stomach is killing me. Could be gastric. The people I give gifts to HAVE to like it. Haha. Spent how many hours preparing them. At the expense of econs mcq and the history script. SORRY FOLKS !

Rahh. I cannot function in a messy room. But I am a messy person. How ironic. I should have gone yesterday ! Hzbro's friend went methinks. Hrmms. I don't think there are many chances left ! Waaaaiiiilllss. Cherr shouldn't have had her tongue pierced. Tsktsk. Lols. I hope she gets better soon. Wilberg got 13 points, with a c6 for english. Am so proud of him ! Beams.

Econs mcq, history script, vday presents, vday songs, history tutorial and geog essay to do tomorrow. Sob. What a sad life.

I did however, finish my history tutorial, most of the vday gift stuff and my overdue gp tasks. Good articles too I might add. Am rather pleased. I wish there was more time. Oh ho hum. I want to watch Brokeback Mountain. Why is it R21. Blah. C'mon, Jake Gyllenhaal deserves an award for hotness and they should all just let me watch the movie already ! Pbbfft.

Saw mrs loh heng sin at roland restaurant today. Lols. I remember her 'i take a gun and shoot you ah !' and 'call your partner here !!!' and her hush puppy socks and how we all felt quite disgusted with her at first because she doesn't shampoo her hair all the time. Hahaha. She's quite a lovable old lady really.

Moo. Bah. School sucks. With homework and choir nonsense. AND EFFED UP PE. GOSH. HORRID. I am destined to do afternoon pe for eternity. Thanks alot moe. Asses.

Change Your Mind - Sister Hazel

Hey, hey,
did you ever think there might be another way
to just feel better, just feel better, about today?
oh, no, if you never want to turn and go away,
you might feel better, might feel better, if you stay.

yeah, yeah, I bet you havent heard a word I said.
yeah, yeah, you've had enough of all your trying.
just giveup the state of mind you're in.

if you want to be somebody else.
if you're tired of fighting battles, with yourself.
if you want to be somebody else,
change your mind, change your mind.

hey, hey have you ever danced in the rain, or thanked the sun,
just for shining, just for shining? or the sea?
oh, no, take it all in the world to show you that,
you look much better, look much better, when you glow.

yeah, yeah, I hope you've heard every word I've said.
yeah, yeah, had enough of all your trying,
just give up the state of mind you're in.

if you want to be somebody else.
if you're tired of fighting battles, with yourself.
if you want to be somebody else,
change your mind, change your mind.

hey, hey, I bet you say we both go and seize the day,
because what you hurry, what you hurry, anyway?

yeah, yeah, I hope you've heard every word I've said.
yeah,yeah, you've had enough of all your trying you
just give up the state of mind your in.

if you want to be somebody else.
if you're tired of losing battles with yourself.
if you want to be somebody else,
change your mind, change yourmind.

I don't think I'll be changing my mind anytime soon though. So much for going today. =/ I realised that when I speak to different people, I tend to talk differently. Like, when I'm talking to mei, corinna, loh or larrylee, I tend to be more conscious of my language because durr, they all have brilliant english. On the other hand, when I'm with db, wl, the girls, I tend to go into singlish overdrive mode. ARGH. So not good.

I also discovered only this year that I have this aversion to the heavy stench of oil and grease. It's just so choking and it makes me want to retch. Ergh. It didn't really have such an effect on me last time. I wonder why the change.

Oh and I figured out quite long ago that some people are more fun to talk to online than in person. And vice versa. Like, I barely talk to hrk in school and it's always quite awkward. Ahpa is no fun talking to online. Lols.

Wl and I followed Ahpa to get his vday gift. On the train we were peeping at this couple from our history lecture group. I shouldn't comment but well, cringes. I so do not approve of PDA-ing especially if well they are really not erm matching. Okay whatever, I should stop commenting. And I saw daryl at the wallet shop in marina. Mmms.

THE TOP O LEVEL STUDENT IS FROM CEDAR !!!
BEAMS BEAMS BEAMS BEAMS

My eyes effing hurt. Argh. Somebody save me. Gp tasks. History tutorial. History script. Econs mcq. Econs essay. Geog essay. Vday songs. Vday presents. Ayes.

How depressing.

Grrrr. Chiang sucks. ARGH.

twinky ! Hurhur. Oh forget it.

I might be taking one subject less but the workload doesn't seem any less. Maybe it's because I never did my maths last time anyway. Haha.

History research. (RAHHHH I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.) History tutorial. GP tasks. GP ministry research. Geog essay. Econs epackage. Econs mcq. Vday choir stuff (getting and learning the score. ZZZ.) Vday stuff. Choir songs (depressing).

On the plus side, I'm getting a new phone. Beams.

On the minus side, I'm not going to China. That's pretty much final. There was no mulling over it, no weighing of pros and cons. Just a simple 'do not consent.' Ayes. Ayes. Ayes.

Maybe it's time for a new template. Just finished going through econs. Come what may. I can't wait for the weekend. I need a break from school. Okay, don't we all. The same old routine everyday.. Sucks. Thank goodness for people like db and yz and bikini and adel, ah pong, ah huay and margaret (HAHHA) and shawn. And the whole ministry thing is quite hilarious.

Five o' clock and our favourite boys. LOLS. (:

I hope wl doesn't kill me/us. =/ Ergh. Am dreading choir practice now. Sigh. I don't know if I'm really going on sat. I hope I am. I think I am. Hmmmms.

I have this urge to make this blog more public than it really should be. But I don't know. Urges are just urges. Temporary. Though recurring sometimes. Honestly, I'm very tired of caring. So much so that I am already numb. I feel quite hollow thinking about it. Literally. But I'm glad that person stepped up to ask me about it. I really appreciate it. I don't know if that will change things but we'll see.

Visited the memorial chapel place. I really really really (insert all the 'reallys' in the world) miss my grandpa. ): I guess I have got to love my grandma more. It takes quite a lot to make me cry (unless I'm furious)
because I don't think tears should be wasted on things I don't really feel for. But well, memories of my grandpa made me cry. I just thank God that he's safe and one day I'll be seeing him too. We will meet again in paradise. (:

Finished with ECAD (minus agri, durr) pdfs. (((: Beams. Personal achievement, hip hip hurrarmadillo ! I just hope I absorbed enough. No one quite knows the format. I hope it's not going to be an essay. I don't feel adequately warmed up for one. Hmmms. As all would know, I particularly dislike economic jargon.

Going to do some research on the history thing. It's harder than it sounds. =/ Then I'll try consolidating what I can remember about geography. Will spend break tomorrow doing more history research, the geography presentation and maybe drq.

Bachelor Girl's Buses and Trains

Hey Mom
Why didn't you tell me
Why didn't you teach me a thing or two
You just let me go
Out into the World
You never thought to share what you knew

Chorus
So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I've sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good
I want to do it again

Hey Mom
Why didn't you warn me
Coz about boys is something i should have known
They're like chocolate cake
Like cigarettes
I know they're bad for me
But I just can't leave 'em alone

Chorus
I wanna do it again
Oh, felt so good

Hey Mom
Since we're talking
What was it like when you were young
Has the world changed
Or is it still the same
A man can kill and still be the sweetest fun

Choruses Out

So nice ayes ??? Beams. I love this sort of music. Pretty lyrics.. Oh and you want hotness ?


YEAH MAN. You got that right. Gay cowboys are so hot. Jake Gyllenhaal is so pretty. Kiss kiss. (okay, temporary high. Bel stop it.)

Because I am too lazy to talk about cross country now, (IT WAS A HELL LOT OF FUN thanks to db, yz, adel, tmx and ah pong) I shall list what I have to do this weekend.

GP commentary. Econs MCQ. Geography presentation. Econs DRQ. History research (I quote taseng, 'because mr loh wanted you involved', like, AAAAAAAHHHHH ! (that meaning both glee and grief)) Geography test. Econs test. Vday choir stuff. Competition songs.

Rahhhhh. I have a feeling there's tons else that I just don't know of. Sadness. A day of joy and a week(including this saturday and sunday)'s worth of depression. Lols.

MADNESS. Am going nuts. Twiiiiinky. =/ Sayang..

Cross country tomorrow. Zzz.

We get to miss school ! Not a lot though. Lots of homework. Damn. Econs and geog tests. Geog presentation. GP. Nothing new. Sigh. SIGH. I should start doing my theory. I still haven't done my readings ! So screwed. And I want to go out too, ayes.

Sometimes I think that apart from musically, the choir can be very screwed up and annoying. The vday thing, although it SOUNDS fun, is going to be darn tiring. Sigh. I wish I had the same breaks as hannah. Argh. I was feeling bloody annoyed during the meeting. Three people were being annoying. Ah wells. As I alwaaaaaaaayyys say, nothing new. Kwei got pissed with us. ): Erpx. I do agree though, we are nowhere as good as our seniors. Sigh. Irritating junior has quit. Rejoices. Even though she was supposedly an asset.

Beautiful disaster, mmms.