Friday, March 11, 2011
♥ 1:54 AM
I think my last post was a good three months ago. LOADS OF THINGS happened. You know, as per life. Haha. I don't think I've quite outgrown this space but maybe it's that the nature of things are more personal than usual. Twitter just happens to be more convenient and it is good for my short bursts when I need an excuse to procrastinate. (wrong, I never need an excuse to procrastinate !) I also retreated to tumblr.
2am and I feel like I have a million things to say and no one to say it to. A million other things need to be done as well. It seems that ten times a day I ask myself what I am doing. It tires and worries me. Sigh.
It's the beginning of Lent, the run up to Easter. I'm not sure yet what I'm abstaining from. Alcohol should probably be on that list though right...
I guess it is precisely because of such immense and overwhelming doubt that I need to cling to the vine.
Jlow is right. When you rely too much on technology, you forget that relationships have to be maintained by making a genuine face to face effort. There are some things that cannot be conveyed via facebook or twitter or just sitting in front of a screen. Even the phone is good. Go back to being old school. I guess since it's less convenient, it's that much more sincere right ?
It's funny how now it's so often that I'm alone and feeling alone and yet I have not yet learnt to cope with it. Dammit, how pathetic.
Lots of expectations for the next week or so. Hope that they are met. :/ I really have to pray.
Friday, December 31, 2010
♥ 12:31 AM
Can't believe it's the last day of the year and also the last day of the decade. The next time I get to say this will be when I am 32, gosh. Will it even matter then ? Haha itty bitty things like these matter to me, now at least. Was just telling sk that Cedar happened in this decade and we grew up. A lot more than in the previous one. I feel so old. It's strange thinking about how there are kids born in the noughties and some are already ten years old.
The year is ending but the horror that is my thesis is only just beginning. I'm off to a slow and very much delayed start but it's gonna be done. Thank God for the friends, and ironically, mostly not very close ones, who are helping me spread the word.
The year has been interesting. Largely with the 'exchange' at smoo being an interesting although stressful change to uni life. Work was enjoyable as always (especially with Gatz) and I went on 4 trips this year ! Bintan, our first ever choir gang trip, bangkok, my second trip with my aunts, KL, our road trip to catch the King's Singers (and also my first hostel stay) and another trip to bangkok but the first with my family and my aunts. School became more interesting with the choir mod and new honours year classmates but at the same time, a lot more stressful with the heaps of pressure from gta and gtb. Choir wise, we didn't have a concert. :( But I totally enjoyed myself in voyAJe and being the guest performers at NJ alumni's concert. Not forgetting of course our super random hush hush caroling gig. Concert wise, I caught Kelly Clarkson and Mika. First time in the mosh pit ever and it was AWESOME. Can't remember if I caught any musicals this year though. :/
A little late in the year but nonetheless a new addition to our family is Cas the dachshund. Seriously, she is a psychotic little sprite and currently she is most adorable when serene and asleep. That's not to say that I don't completely miss Clara and I must admit it's hard not to feel as if you can never wholly love again.
I should think the most significant development this year is with mon petit lapin. Not exactly a new addition since he's been very important even in the past two years but a different kind of addition. To be sure, the past five months have been part sweet part exciting and part scary but they've been wholly wonderful and it's a learning curve I'm travelling on.
I'm glad that some friendships seem to have strengthened in the past year. I think I met the stalkers a lot more. Of course there's pten and the choir folk and they continue to be important in my life even as the years go by and become more hectic. Ten years since sec 1 man ! Gosh..
I don't think I kept any resolutions unfortunately. Still procrastinating, still not losing weight, still extremely broke. There leaves much to be desired. But I will continue to make resolutions because we all need to start someeeewhere right ? Mmms.
Am going to post my resolutions in the new year. I'm feeling quite sad and nostalgic already. Maybe it's the time of the night (157am). It's not only the end of the decade but it's the end of an era. Next year marks the end of 16 (+3 in kindergarten ? haha) years of schooling and will open a whole new (and very long I would think !) chapter of my life. EXTREMELY DEPRESSING AND SCARY THOUGHT. But time waits for no man and I guess I will only know how it pans out as I'm being nudged forward into it.
I don't know who still reads this (aggie, sharon lin maybe ?) but goodbye 2010 and self of the noughties. I don't think you'll be very different next year (i.e. tomorrow) but I'm very thankful for all that has transpired, in some warped way or the other. Praise God ! :) So here's raising a glass to everything wonderful this year and this decade.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
♥ 3:11 PM
It's been a year and I still miss Clara so much. I lost one of my best friends. She was so warm, so sweet and brave. Corgis truly are very happy dogs and they love people. The last couple of days have been very tough and how I wish she was still around to hug because she never failed to be there. It's one year on and I still see a void, a space once occupied. A silence where there was previously her nails clicking or her barking. Nobody to come home to when I used to have someone to care for and who cared somehow, somewhat in her own quietly peculiar doggie way. Things aren't the same and they won't ever be the same.
I know how much I am averse to change. I wish she didn't have to go. :(
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
♥ 11:37 PM
Really cannot wait till the end of tomorrow (although it would be more accurate to say that I cannot wait until the end of GTA which is November 26th). Really dislike presentations and even worse, those Q &A sessions. It is in my angst and antsyness that I am here. There are only so many times I can 'rawrrr' or 'meooow' on twitter. :B
HT has been put on hold (since a month ago ?). It's been gtA and gtB non-stop but mostly the former. URGH. Am thankful for gtB groupmates, we were efficient, I like ! GTA worries me so, want to get it over and done. Then I can get started on urban, my last assignment for the sem !
Chamber singers has come to an end and despite the immense stress from those 3 bars of villette, I've had lots of fun. It's by far my favourite module even though it's only worth 2MCs. It really is something that I enjoy and we had a good repertoire too, a nice mix. Going to miss the girls.. I'm not sure about next sem since there's a re-audition, we shall see..
I look forward to singing. I look forward to sleeping and eating and watching Frasier and going out. I tell myself that these are the only times totally free from work and that I must make the most of it. By that meaning enjoy without guilt. I usually only get this way towards exams. That's how depressing it is. Pbft.
October was certainly not kind. With all those health issues, cold war with my father, disgusting deadlines and STUPID PRINTER WOES. The tech mutiny continues. In less than a month it'll be exams. In less than a month after that, it'll be Christmas. And then 2011. Seriously, where did the year go ? Gah. Okay enough musing for now. Still antsy, probably time for bed. Worst sem ever, good night.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
♥ 1:39 AM
I just have to share this. Thanks slin ! :) And thank you also for being my study buddy..
***
The Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
2. I wish I didn't work so hard
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
As of now, I can't say I'm not living a life true to myself. Then again, I'm still finding myself. Right now, I'm actually wishing that I worked harder but I suppose all that will change when I have to work work. Number 3 is something I'm grappling with still, I admit. I always am afraid of the consequences of brutal honesty. There's a reason why it's described as brutal. The first step is of course admitting particular feelings and getting past the denial. I hope that my friends make as much effort as I do to stay in touch. It guess that will distinguish the ones who really matter eh ? The concept of 'letting myself be happier' is an interesting one. It subscribes to the thought that happiness is a choice that can be easily embraced. To what extent are we able to adjust this level of happiness ? Can there ever be an end point to happiness ? A level so sublime and unmatched that we can undoubtedly have no regrets ? Hmmm.
***
So I've been crazy busy with school for the first time in 4 years maybe ? Though the upping of schoolwork comes with the upping of facebook/tumblr/twitter to amuse self. Twitter is now a more accurate log of the day's events but the blog's more than 140 character limit still retains its appeal for one such as I who is a (albeit rather apologetic) rambler.
The only major event that is worthy of mention is the excision of two wisdom teeth. Less painful than described but darn tootin' inconvenient and scary nonetheless. That dull throb remains in those pulse points on my neck but I haven't really had those splitting headaches. Hmmm. Two more to be removed in about a month or so. Am not shaking in my boots but still, not looking forward to it. Life with two less teeth and more exposed gums make me feel like an old person.
I'm putting on weight just as my wallet is losing lots of it. Seems timely for a yoghurt, fruit, salad and gym diet. Oh well, ONE CAN WISH. Work in the form of assignments and thesis IS NEVERENDING. Much less weekly readings. I think I am already trying to hide from my advisor, hahah.
On a more positive note, we've resumed church on Sundays. It's been what, 6-8 years ? Sermons are not terribly exciting but it's a good start nonetheless, thank God. :)
I have such a love-hate relationship with this month. I feel old and creaky ! Time to cut my hair or do something exciting maybe ? Oh October, please be kind.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
♥ 11:45 PM
I just have to post this before I forget. Had the strangest but nicest dream ever ! Dreamt that ERS, the american theatre group I took at saf this year was back in town for another show and I was rushing (as I was late as usual) to go watch it. Had to run and weave in and out of some mall, some warped version of raffles city maybe. Somehow when I got there I knew I was some guest performer/calafare that they were going to pluck from the audience. So tadah I appeared in the play and there was this calamitous scene where everything and everyone was going madcap and crazy and in the madness (and also part of the acting), mike kissed me ! Just on the lips and we both knew it was part of the show and all but yah ! So exciting ! HAHAHA. During intermission I went to visit them in their dressing rooms and everyone was just kind of relaxing.. Maybe watching tv a bit ? That's all I can remember.
GAHHHH MISS THE LOT OF THEM I WANT TO VISIT NYC NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Strange though, how I like all these ambiguous people. Hahaha but he's very funny..
♥ 12:16 AM
Wow, it's been a month since I blogged. Actually, just about since school started. Amazeballs, to steal a phrase from perez. An update is in order. Have been very broke from meals and being out and about in general. And yet I always have things to buy. Like that Mphosis bag and a pair of Toms. RAHHHH. I've been going for class, only skipped 2 so far. Trying to keep up with readings and I'm thankful for the reading group. Geog thought A is really quite a challenge. I don't like all these abstract debates. Makes me appreciate my urban space class, haha.
Oh, this would be my first blog post on my macbook, hello ! Heh. Still have a lot of loose ends to tie in my acer (Michael Cassio, yes it has a name). Assignment deadlines are just beginning to loom :S I'm not sick of chamber singers twice a week yet. But yst is so out of the way. Basically the exercise I'm getting each week involves running from the 96 engin bus stop, running from the 95 yih bus stop, running to the yst bus stop to catch bus B to fass for urban space, climbing up many many flights of steps to as4 in the national university of stairs/slopes..
Anyway hope I keep this up.. And that I grow some money plant, haha. Can't wait for our mooncake gathering ! Oh how I love tea and lanterns and MOONCAKE !
Monday, August 09, 2010
♥ 11:17 PM
National day. Also the eve of the first day of my last academic year in noos. The official start to honours year even though we already had a briefing. Plethora of emotions. Excited for the new things I will be learning. Intimidated by the workload ('every day is thesis day !'). Depressed at the thought of having to attend 9am classes twice a week. Not only do I want to renew my commitment to geography but also take on a host of other responsibilities. That of chamber singer (assuming I pass the audition.. if not, I'm dumping all my points into animal behaviour woots ! nothing to lose except face haha), alumni chorister and also dream team member. I want to make more time for God through CF somehow (if not, my own QT), time for family, time for friends (especially since most of the singapore charter is here !) and time for monsieur lapin. It all sounds very daunting. I am very keen on pulling up my grades. But who knows ? And to think I wanted to take up dance classes ! Speaking of which, my dance fitness coupons still have not been used up. :S I'll probably be more tired than I've ever been in a very long time and along the way, I may end up having to shift my priorities. I don't know. I'm certainly not ready for this. Have been very rusty since april. Or rather, last year since smoo was quite nonsensical. Whatever the case, it's here and I shall try my merry best to make the most of it.
AY2010/2011, bring it.