Lately, I've been doing some reflecting. It usually tends to happen this time of year for most people. Nowadays I've been doing it more often than I'm comfortable with. In a recent post, I declared myself a work-a-holic, going through all of my various employment options to keep me sane and happy. Zumba and Photography are the latest...and I'm glad to say my greatest! I've been flourishing with my photography business, and people still seem to come to my Zumba classes, so I'm okay there!
However, I'm finding myself stressed beyond comfort.....
....again.
Both of these jobs were taken in with the internal resolution to NOT have either of them bleed into my life as a mother...as a wife...as a home-maker. But recently, I feel like all three of these things have been bombarding me for attention that I'm not sure how to balance them!
Now for the journal entry....read on if you want...or scroll down to the point I'm taking in all of this! You'll know when to stop scrolling!
Family life.
It drastically changes when your oldest turns twelve. All of a sudden, she's more involved with Church activities (every tuesday). She wants to become involved in sports (finally!!!)...Volleyball (FINALLY!!!)...every Wednesday, thursday, and Saturday. She also wants to spend time with friends instead of babysit. Ya...still trying to wrap my head around that....c'mon! I'm the extrovert here...I love the idea of her playing with her friends! It's therapeutic. But so are dates...! I LIVE for my date nights with Ryan!!!
It also drastically changes when your husband is called to be a high position in church service (for my Mormon friends...he is now the Young Men's President....for my not-so-Mormon-savvy friends...he's in charge of all of the youth boys from the age of 12-18). He also has activities every Tuesday night, meeting early in the morning on Sundays, on top of being on call at the hospital and his normal crazy day to day hours in the OR.
It also drastically changes when your second car purchase is a two-seater...yes...COUPE!!! BEST and WORST decision EVER! I love Dr.305, our Mini Cooper The Works Sport, black with red racing stripes...manual drive (bring on that stick shift!!!), 0-60mph in 3 seconds...ahhhhhh...OH, and did I mention, IT'S A CONVERTABLE???? Oh, glory!!! Well, it's not so convenient when both parents have to be in two different places on the same night, with 2 kids that need to go where Ryan is going, the other 2 can't be left alone at home, so gym is the only option, and only one car that fits all the kids and the other doesn't fit 3 people...Sorry Ethnie, you don't get to ride in the mini for a long while.
Zumba life.
Couldn't be better....but it comes at a cost. I teach a double class on Tuesdays - one in the morning and one at night. That also happens to be the day that Ryan, Cambri, and sometimes Adelie need to be at the church for activities. (see car issue one paragraph up.) So, I've reluctantly given up my Tuesday night class to help out with that issue. It was a really difficult decision to make. I knew when I heard "Y.....oun.....g....M....en's.....Pre...siden.......t" from our bishop's mouth, that my tuesday night classes would go KA-POOSH, and I had just started getting a good following for that class. Don't get me wrong...I'm glad in a sort of crazy relieving way, I'm passing the torch for that class. I still have Tuesday morning. My goal to only teach TWO classes a week is now reached (to be around more for family). I'm just a little bit sad....that's all.
However, my life and all of its craziness has really taken it's toll on my turnaround time for fresh, up beat songs. I hardly have time to sit and choreography a song or two. Heck...I haven't even got the time to whip one up real quick! That's bad! In order for me to do that...something must give...my time in either photography or family has to give...it's all about balance, right???
Photography life.
Couldn't be better...but it comes at a cost. My business is strongly based on word of mouth. Referrals is how I make money in photography. It's no surprise! I've just finally gotten things ready for my studio so I can take amazing picture indoors, where it's nice and cozy....yes, AZ does get cold!!! and it's plenty cold by my standards! I've had a steady workflow during the holiday season! So good, I actually had to turn down people because I was booked until 2015!
However, I'm constantly editing. I can't help it! I love editing. I've found my niche where I can edit through a bunch of images in record time. If I can get them done fast, then I can spend more time with my family, right? Then BAM! My next session has arrived or someone has asked to book a session!
I'm still trying to find a balance.
POINT BEING.....(stop scrolling!)
I've made a self discovery. I finally realizing I'm the kind of person that needs to work. Yes, I'm that woman who needs an occupation to find balance and happiness in her life....not just fleeting hobbies (though I like those too)!!!
What about being a stay-at-home mom???
Wouldn't trade it for the world! Therein lies my sacrifice. I've been trying to figure out why I go though "hobby" after "hobby" after "hobby" and never really finding something I can "stick with and just be content with." And I've found the reason. It's because I'm not letting myself be a working woman fully. And I don't mean a full-time employee...it's been a long time since I've been that! I'm meaning a FULL Zumba Instructor or a FULL Photographer. Really giving it all...not holding back! I've often wondered why....why....why, why, why do I feel so much better when I'm teaching or doing a photography session, or working than when I'm playing with kids, cooking dinner, creating a "home-like" feeling? What's WRONG with me? I love my children. I LOVE my children and LOVE spending time with them. I love watching them grow! Then why don't I love being a home-maker? Why do I feel like motherhood is the real sacrifice?
It's simple.
I'm a working mother. And I will always be a working mother. And I will continue to be a stay-at-home mother for as long as I'm needed. I will make that sacrifice....GLADLY!
It is a sacrifice. It really is! It's sad to give up a Zumba class. It's hard to turn away clients. And it's equally hard to say, "no, mommy's working!" or "Mommy's gotta go teach a class," with my kids' faces sad and disappointed.
But my 2015 goal for balance will NOT be to sacrifice one over the other. My goal will be to finally ask my children and husband to sacrifice for me so we can all find a balance. For the longest time, I thought it was ME who had to make the sacrifice to help create a balance because my "hobbies" were what was creating the unbalance in the first place. BUT I don't think that way anymore. I think it's because I never really accepted who I truly am, and never really had the guts to ask for a sacrifice from others. And I know there's gonna be some shifting for everyone, including me. But I'm actually quite excited about this! I'm excited to see if this is gonna "work!"
So, yes. I am a work-a-holic because I'm a Sacrificing Stay-at-Home Mom.
And I guess....
.....stay tuned!
