it's ok to fail

 

 I recently overheard someone say that she was "just the right amount of helicopter parent." Oh dear. I edged away from that conversation quickly and suppressed my gag reflex. The very idea of the helicopter parent is odious to me because I feel like it's fundamentally disrespectful of children and childhood. (But this episode of Portlandia is hilarious.)

There seems to be an assumption in helicopter parenting that the process of growing up is something to be constantly monitored and watched, cultivated carefully: add the right amount of water and make sure there's no weeds because you're adding enough Miracle-Gro.

And no, I'm not talking about letting my children grow up feral and untended. There are a lot of risks associated with living a normal, healthy life that could result in broken bones and broken hearts, hurt feelings, flopped exams, burnt almonds (when you are hoping for lightly toasted), books left out in the rain, etc. And hopefully we all get out of childhood and teenage-hood relatively unscathed, alive, and with all of our friends and family. Hopefully no one loses an eye.

So Sylvan wanted to make a fire. I said sure, make sure it's on a rock and have some water nearby. He got the bricks himself and he brought the hose over. I watched him smother a few fires and said nothing. I didn't need to. This wasn't my fire or my process.

He figured it out. And then decided to create a small blacksmithing forge. Something about pounding pennies or can lids. He thought of the safety goggles and oven mitt himself.

It's all about failure. Trying things and being wrong and being OK with that, and being creative enough and flexible enough as a thinker to move on to the next idea. What good is the answer if someone just hands it to you? It's like pie crust in a box.

Jonas is working on his 8th grade project lately. Each 8th grader at Waldorf schools create an original project during the course of their 8th grade year, with a timeline, goals, and a mentor or two. The projects are unbelievably diverse and creative. Jonas is developing a game, one of those crazy complicated games that he loves playing with rules that take all day to even read, those games that take a certain type of brain which I most definitely do not have. Here he is, doing a trial, figuring out the variables of the rules and potential ways they could effect game-play. My brain hurts.

I used to buy pie crust in a box. Ew. Totally gross and full of a chemical flavor that was nasty. And then I decided that it was just something I had to figure out how to do. At first I couldn't have anyone in the same room with me. I had a lot of failures that ended up in the garbage or as free-form, ugly pie crust babies, and I did not want anyone's help or anyone to witness my escalating frustration and sometimes yelling. They left me alone, believe me. 

I hope that I'm just the right amount of "I love you," "I'll be here if you need me," "I'll help you pick up the pieces," and "I'll be cheering for you forever."

ah, summer

 mr. twinkle eyes

The baseball season wound up with success. The main success in my mind is kind coaches and good spirit of the game, plenty of runs, catches, surprise double-play unassisted (!), even a rainbow. A very dear young fellow who was sometimes kicking flowers and dirt and other times making some awesome plays, best smile on the team! And my very own sweet guy was a team leader, praised by his coaches for his sportsmanship and manners.

We spent the day as a family on Mount Desert Island to celebrate 13 years of marriage. We hit all the high points (ha!): Pirate's Cove mini-golf (I got a hole-in-one!), then lunch at our favorite beach with plenty of rocks to skip and balance, then one of our favorite hikes up Parkman Mountain, catching up with friends, ice cream, dinner, and a surprise chance meeting with a dear, dear friend on the street!

 these two beauties were collected, then lovingly grudgingly tossed back 

when informed of the "remove no rocks policy" of the park

 he listens to the rocks

 kiss sandwich!!!

And now, summer vacation. I made it through my first teaching year! WooHoo! And as it turns out, I have a new adventure coming for the fall... I will be the school librarian at a school for 8th/9th graders in the same district as last year. This is thrilling on a couple of counts. 

 red leather chairs for reading: 

yes please.

First, middle school (early high school) students are my favorite age group. They are prickly and interesting and hilarious and it's sort of a precious time in their lives, one that can be awkward and awful sometimes. (And I love reading YA literature.) There is so much that is possible in middle-ish school that becomes harder with older high schoolers.

Second: ONE SCHOOL instead of five! One learning community that I can be part of on a day-to-day basis! Hoorah! This is quite exciting, to think of the possibilities for spur of the moment exchanges and developing relationships with teachers and students that I will see every day. I feel so lucky. And am devouring a lot of YA books this summer, which is awesome.

I visited a very venerable library in Boston this past weekend and I wasn't supposed to take pictures, but I took some before I knew... It was a librarian's geek-out holiday.

And finally, because we've had a lot of rain and gray already this summer, I wanted to show you something blue and summery. Rafter's delight and lots of silliness and the water was warm enough so I could even stay in and play and be part of the shenanigans. This was a rare moment of calm...

boys

These two boys, getting bigger (one of them is bigger than me!) and more independent every day. I know lots of moms who manage the great juggling act of family and kids and full-time work and I am in awe of them. I could not have been either the mom or employee that I wish to be had I gone back to work full-time, even a moment sooner than this year when my boys are 13 and 9.

Sylvan in mid-air, as per usual

I know I am lucky to have had a choice and a partner and family who were in full support of me staying at home with our boys. Lots of years of challenging financial moments, like the utter panic when a car would need an emergency $600 that we didn't really have. I also remember many hard hard days of parenting in the trenches, when I wasn't a graceful parent, or grateful for being a full-time mom.

Even though I have a full-time, outside-of-my-house job now, I'm still a full-time mom. But it's not the same kind of full-time work that it was. It's not like nursing babies and waking up all night or going to the grocery store with a baby and a 4 year-old and feeling like I was harboring two ticking time bombs liable to go off at any moment. These boys make their lunches and weed gardens and do dishes and clean bathrooms! (Not always without grumbling...)

Now it's later nights with a teenager who wants connection with us, which we are (mostly) delighted by, even maybe surprised at! (OK, when I am trying to read in bed I am not so delighted truth be told, as Jonas pointed out.) Or just being nearby to us while he finishes homework and we are doing our school work. He's still affectionate with us, even in public.

Jonas's beautiful drawings of the lungs for his recent Anatomy block

Sometimes we are crazy and silly and annoying and ridiculous. Sometimes we are in funks and irritated at things that can't change or with ourselves or each other. But I think we've got a good new thing going in this new era, and mostly it seems to work pretty well. Who knew?

this creative place

 Things are happening around here. And readers, we are not moving far away, we just need to move closer in to our workplaces. Our house will be listed very soon and it feels exciting!

I thought I would show you the fruits of my recent organizing. Imagine this: a clean and neat craft cupboard where I can find everything! "Oh, you need a thank-you note? Second shelf down on the left." "Valentine supplies? Bottom shelf." I got rid of a LOT: a big garbage bag went out to the dump, yard sale pile, and then lots of little bits to special people here and there.

Knitting project in the works for a lot of babies waiting to be born... Booties meant to stay on little feet that are shaped like little Volkswagon buses, because that is the shape of a nice, chubby baby foot. And if you are a regular reader, I am sure you are familiar with what that looks like. I found the pattern on Ravelry, but I had to make a lot of changes to it, so I will rewrite it here when I have finished.

Sylvan's shelter diorama is finished! He picked the Mongolian yurt. We felted using wet and dry techniques for the yurt and the sheep. And for the base, we got a lovely piece of birch plywood that he made a watercolor wash on, then added colored pencil to indicate grass. He made the figure out of beeswax, and we added a fireplace inside (with a fire made of colored wool), and a little sleeping bed. Do you like the tuft of smoke?

 You can just see the fireplace in the picture below:

And the beautiful colored pencil geometric construction that Jonas made this week. His shading is really excellent and I love his color choices.

 After the internal cleansing we did, I have so many new ideas about food and my body. I learned a lot about what my body likes, needs, and doesn't like. I learned that I need a big lunchtime salad and that I feel a lot lighter without gluten products. So I have been experimenting with some different ways of baking. This recipe has been adapted from the beYOUtiful cookbook, La Tartine Gourmand  by Beatrice Peltre. You should get your hands on it, it is so worth a look.

Banana Chocolate Chunk Muffins---Vegan and Gluten Free

This will make one dozen muffins and a small loaf of bread

4 T. flax meal soaked in 8 T. water for a few minutes

4 ripe bananas

2/3 c. canola or vegetable oil

½ c. applesauce, unsweetened

2/3 c. maple syrup

1 ½ c. nut meal (almond or pecan)

1 ½ c. brown rice or millet flour

¾ t. baking soda

1 ½. t. baking powder

salt

1 t. cinnamon

chocolate chunks (good quality chocolate, semi or bittersweet), however much you think is enough

Chopped nuts (optional)

Preheat oven to 350. Oil pans, or use muffin cups

Put your bananas in a standing mixer and mash them. Soak your flax meal for a few minutes.

Mix up your dry ingredients in a separate bowl: flour, meal, baking powder and soda, salt, cinnamon.

To the mashed bananas, add soaked flax, oil, applesauce, and syrup, and mix well.

Now add dry into wet in a couple of additions. Then fold in chocolate chunks and nuts, if you are using them.

Scoop batter into muffin cups filling up to about ¾ full. Put the rest into a greased loaf pan.  Bake at 350 for 20 or so minutes. When they start to smell good is the time to test them.

~4 feet~

(awesome shot, thanks Carrie)

We interrupt your regularly scheduled but annoyingly un-winterlike winter to bring you Florida:

Warm breezes, the sound of the surf all night, and playing in the surf. Me, playing in the ocean: a great joy of my life which I hardly ever experience, living in Maine. Spending relaxing hours at the pool, walking the beach, being with loved ones.

we made a sand mermaid with seaweed hair

Jonas reading:
Jonas reading some more:

After a full day of travel and airports and sitting, Sylvan was ready to run on our first morning there:

boy in motion

I didn't expect to like it quite so much, but the air and warmth and outside delights were so perfect. So easy. Why did I pack so many things when I mostly wore one skirt and a bathing suit? It's a little hard to get excited about going outside in the chilly, damp, brown world out there.

I love this octopus so much! A small one, maybe the size of a small dinner plate when spread out. It got shy of my low-light flash and sucked all of its limbs in and it was so fascinating to watch it roil.

So. Home now and maple sap time!