I guess this is the way God reaches out to us through our family and friends.
I'm referring to my parents of course. You have no idea the kind of faith they have in me that I'll do well in this exams. Its so pressure-rising coz I feel like I really can't disappoint them.
My family has been planning a lot of activities which I have been conveniently sitting myself out in excuse to study for the exams. They don't realize that they are key factor to my stress issues!
Have you ever had people think u'd do well in an exam without having to work for it? Well, that's my family for you. They literally think I'd swing out of the exam hall with flying colours without pouring out blood, sweat and tears to prepare myself for it.
That kind of faith, my friends, is the worst kind. I actually feel pressured living up to these folks expectations.
However, to think about the psychology behind it, I wouldn't be where I am today without them. They don't realise that they are pushing me to do my best when they utter 'alaa, u will surely do well'. All this while, all throughout my childhood till now, its the same words that comes out from them. Simple words that hold a very strong message. Its expectation folks.
All this while, I thought I had unreachable goals and very high set targets of achievements. I thought I was the one whom created these goals. Today, I think differently.
I almost gave up to the current exam stress that's when I realized that I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it so my mum n dad would have a story to slip into their conversations with their friends.. (as much as I hate it, its their way of showing that they are proud of me).
Honestly, I would not have sat through my paper today if I didn't have this kind of faith my family has in me. I would have walked out the minute my hand started hurting. So I sat there, held my pee till the very last minute and kept on writing :)
I thank my dad especially for telling me to keep calm, one day before my paper. My mother, the cartoon. She gave me a prayer to say before my exams. She does this to me for every exam I go through... This time, she repeatedly gave it to me. Either because she's getting old and she forgot that she already handed it to me or that she really thinks I'm freaking out beyond all normal stress levels. Whatever it is, at least they know I'm freaking out haha so whatever the result may be, at least they know I tried my best? I hope. o.o
Nevertheless, I'm grateful that I have this kind of support and a system that indirectly pushes you so hard, they themselves don't realize it. So much so that when things go well, my first thought is that their prayers for me worked.
Brings me back to my LLB days where when I turned out doing okay, I thought it was coz my dad lent me his sacret heart of jesus medal to wear, and not because I studied, panicked, cried, had fever, almost passed out, died and resurrected in time for the exams. Haha!!
My point is, its the little things and gestures that people around you do that really mean the whole world. Its that thing people call 'love' and it exists... That's the kind of motivation you don't really want to let down.
I really hope I don't fail, for their sake!
❤ Claudia ❤
