ÕūŢ ôf ţĥë βΪũê

It's been so long since I last blogged; I had actually considered closing my blog in a proper manner, but I have decided that it shall be here just like that, even if it just once in a blue moon that I drop by.

The first post of 2009 could have been dedicated to so many other events....yet fb has sort of seeped into my life that captioning the photo albums seem to have replaced my blogging habit.

So I have graduated, travelled to certain countries of Europe and started working as a prp.

I have pondered over so many things lately....and I just hope that I will always have the motivation and persistence to strive towards those goals that I wish to achieve.

Congratulations to the winners! I actually got to know one of them during the interview, and am truly happy for him when I knew he won the RM22k + laptop during the award presentation day.

The unique features of this laptop are that, it gives an excellent touch and pen experience; also the 3 operational modes-PC mode, Display Mode, and Tablet Mode (that I have yet to fully explore!!). The laptop screen is 180-degree turnable, which captured my younger sisters' attention for several days (it became their 'new toy' while I was busy completing my thesis using our desktop). So far, I only feel that the 'heat'generated by the laptop is something that can be improved; since this is my first laptop, I am not sure of the 'relative heat' it generates as compared to other models of laptop.

It may seem exagerrating to say this, but I feel that this award is like a motivation to me, telling me that 'eventually, you will be appreciated/rewarded for your capability and effort'. For a moment, I really feel that I should never give up though I may not be looking forward to a particular outcome, as how I put it, ''My life is not made up of a succession of chances, but of the opportunities I grab." I must remember that as I embark on my career pathway.

I am sooooooooooooooo happy indeed! Mum has told us that yvonne is awake in ICU and is doing good. She has talked quite a bit, and replied 'sikit sikit' when asked by nurse if there is pain. She will be tranferred to HDU (High-Dependency Unit) ward later in the afternoon, and I can't wait to see her!


This week has been a roller-coaster ride for us. My 4th sis, yvonne, was admitted to IJN on Monday; we had expected the operation to be on wednesday. Thus the 'mental' preparation was there.....but on tues night, mum was told that the wed slot was given to a baby with more critical condition. Thus we speculated again, will it be thurs? or fri? Thurs came and I received a sms from morn early morn: the operation will be 12 noon on fri.


These few nights have been hard for us. Before yvonne was admitted to IJN, I was still okay; I could assure her how professional the doctors are, and that they would make the best decision for her (she had asked me 'what if it is a valve replacement?). It was when mum and her went to hosp that it really sank in: yvonne is going to have heart operation. I couldn't help thinking about her being brought into the operation theatre alone (as in without us beside her), the doctors having to make a 6-8 inches incision on her ribcage to perform surgery, the pain she has to endure.


Then, there was the question of valve repair or replacement. The doctor had told my mum that the operation would be '97% successful, 80% valve repair but KIV replacement'. This is because all the assessments thus far have been made based on echocardiogram, thus if they found a need to do a replacement during the surgery, they would do so. Yvonne is aware that a person with valve replacement has the possibility of having to undergo a second replacement during one's lifetime. Thus, she has been hoping that it will be a mitral valve repair, and not replacement. We all have been assuring her that it is very likely that it will be a repair, and she shouldn't think too much.


I am such a 'bad role model' in that I couldn't help to tear when yvonne was sent in to the OT yesterday. I had donned the baju for her, and knowing my tears were about to shed, I turned my back. I kept thinking about her being so young and having to go through all this. I admit that had it been me, I may not have been so brave. She only had tears around her eyes when we were at the 'garisan merah' (the boundary where family members could be with the patient going to OT).


When we were informed by the ICU guard at 5.45 p.m. that yvonne was out from OT, all of us were so anxious to see her. As only 2 passes could be given at one time, we took turns to go in. Mum and serene, then jy and I,then dad and mum. As I saw yvonne still unconscious under the effect of anaesthesia, and with several i.v. lines at her neck, tears started to well up again. I have been to ICU in hosp serdang andI could look at other patients with my emotions unaffected, but with yvonne, I just couldn't control my emotion T_T. Yvonne was given propofol for anaesthesia, potassium citrate, adrenaline, and several other drugs that I didn't manage to see.


Today at 12 plus, mum went in to ICU and when she got home, she shared the good news with us: yvonne is awake now, and she talked to mum quite a bit!! Some IV drugs have been switched to tablets, and her heart is left to work on its own now (yesterday a machine facilitated the pumping to allow her heart to rest).


Like my dad said, this is a girl who took photos with tiger and snake before! She is very very brave indeed. I have much to learn from her =) Yvonne, hope you will not see yourself as 'handicapped' just because you cannot participate in competitive sports. You can still enjoy sports, but your health is of utmost importance. It is all that matters to us, really. Wishing you a speedy recovery dear *hugs*

To my sis's question in the tagboard 'how many rare days you have?', the answer is 'a handful, consider the fact that we have 14 weeks in this sem and a bulk of them was spent staying back in lab.' HOWEVER, the situation seems to be changing for good, as we have devised a new system of doing things so we get rest days at times like today =)


A post that was due last saturday, after the intra-uni debate:

Debate and I
I have surprised myself in my persistence in pursuing debate. From sem 3 up to now, despite the fact...

...that the debate mettings stretch till 10 p.m. at night,
...that I can't seem to 'upgrade' myself to be a better debator,
...that I am not doing superbly well in my studies,

I will still set aside time (unless academic matters really don't allow me to) to attend those debate meetings.


Speaking up and debating well are entirely two different matters. The former merely involves channeling one's thought on certain matters, which I do at ease. The latter requires critical thinking, good presentation skills, and being up-to-date with current issues.


While some friends of mine may be quick to point up that I have good presentation skills (thanks for the flattery hehe), it is only true to the extent of presenting topics that I have sufficient knowledge. In debate, you have to debate on motions that you may not fully understand (i.e. Russia-Georgia war, Oil price hike) or take a stance which you do not agree with outside a debate (i.e. legalise pornography). Also, it is how you say some points that matters, and that is a skill that comes with experience.


I have long conceded that I have lack of talent in debate. Yes, talent is important; talent is why some people are good in dancing, while some are good in sports. Hard work is still important, but talent serves as a launching point for you to achieve greater heights. It is thus crucial for each of us to recognise our talent and develop it further.


So why do I find myself debating till now? It is because it is in debate that I find myself discussing current issues from different perspectives. Debate is also a 'propelling force' for me to read up on current issues, something which I will probably have overlooked amidst heavy academic workload if I had not joined debate club. I really do enjoy watching how other good debators carry the point across =)


For the intra-uni debate, my goal was to debate as well as I could. This time round, there were only 8 teams. I had had trouble looking for a debate partner (Goodness!! you would have thought in more than 300 students, you will get a debator easily) ; I only confirmed my partner 3 days before the match, and we both only debated as a team for once.

There were 3 preliminary rounds of British Parliamentary style debate,with the motions as listed below. (There may be some jargons to non-debator)

This house believes that substance abusers should not be denied the rights to organ transplants.
Our position: Opening Opposition
The points we were pushing for: Human rights, Role of the medical profession, Impact to the society
Our Ranking: 3rd


This house believes that bloggers should not be subjected to the same standards as the mass media.
Our Position: Closing Opposition
Our extension: Blogs as alternative channel for a more balanced media
(Our opening opposition defined the motion differently from the opening government, hence the debate was quite messy, and it was deemed a 'below average' debate by the adjudicator)
Our Ranking: 1st (lols!)


This house believes that the Olympics was bad for China.
Our Position: Closing Government
Our extension: Infrastructure being white elephants (Birds' Nest, Water cube etc. require high maintenance cost, and most host countries like Athens are still recovering from their debts)
Our Ranking: 4th (last. Our opponents were really good.)
Comment: If I had been in the other room (With not-so-powerful debators), I might have been able to get into finals, which I knew I would get last but being in the finals is something hehe. This is all part and parcels of a game, whereby opponents matching can make or break a game.


Finals: This house would cross over.
I did anticipate this motion (didn't have the foresight to know that it would be a finals motion though). I even had newspaper cutting in my matter file hehe.

I have the feeling of satisfaction because had I been the opening gov (who initially had no idea what the motion was about), I would have defined it as allowing MPs to cross over, with the criteria that an election be held right after that.

Of course, opening gov could have defined the motion differently, as another debator pointed out, it could be 'this house in USA would allow the people in Mexico to cross over the border (i.e. allowing immigration) to increase the labour force.



Overall, I am quite satisfied with my performance, as I know some things cannot be achieved overnight (i.e. how some points I made lack elaboration and impact). Also, this time round, I led a junior in debate (a new change for me), as previously kk was more of the leader in our team.

My partner and I ended up as 5th or 6th (we tied with another team on points, but we do not know our speaker's scores). our of 8 teams. Batch wise, I think we contributed to 4th or 5th place for our team pharm B.

And most likely, there goes my final debate in uni. I would love to join the national health science debate again this year end, but I think we have a lot more better debators. We shall see how then.

Another rare day whereby I left research lab early: 5 p.m.!!

The day started off kinda bad for me as I woke up with mouth ulcer, mild sore throat, and sleepiness. I had quite a long day yesterday, and was expecting a long day ahead (as my dosing partner, sy and I planned to do the 12-h time point mice). My mood was lifted up when sy, on seeing my 'pale face', told me that we would do the short time points instead. I did think of that but felt shy to voice up, but looks like my dosing partner and I are working along really well =)


Today, I was a bit off form in dosing- resulting in 4 mice that required washout. Thank goodness my partner is understanding. Then it was cardiac puncture, both of us got quite little blood for our mice. But we were brightened up again when that small amount of blood gave rise to quite a good volume of plasma, thus we can say that volume of blood doesn't necessarily correlate with volume of plasma obtained from it.


To gave my confidence another boost, I got close to 1mL of blood for the last mouse on cardiac puncture-all at the first puncture! yayness!! The heart was still beating when I did cardiac puncture, so I will try to be quick on my dissection next time to ensure that the heart is still beating when I perform cardiac puncture.


At the risk of sounding like I am writing my logbook, I shall say that I am writing this as the labwork today made me realise something...
That when you make a mistake, you will lose your confidence and as a result, make more mistakes. It is important for me to go pass that 'I made a mistake' stage and not let it affect the next action;and when you get something done well, you will be encouraged to do it over and over again with much success.

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So thankful that my friends are all alright (only minor injuries) after a car accident.

After what happened weeks ago and this, really hope the people around me will:
-drive safely, no speeding
-wear seat belts

It may seem cliche, but those are the simple things that one could do if you care for yourself and your loved ones.

Life is so unpredictable. Smile more to people around you =)

Today is one of the rarest days in my research sem. I left uni at 4.30 p.m. ^_^
It makes me happy, as....

I can have dinner at home with my family. (When u start eating dinner at odd hours, dashing in & out/ up & down to grab a pau/cake/bread to fill your tummy temporarily until you get home for mee soup' practically every night, you really miss dinner at home.)

I can have some 'me time'.

I can text old friends whom I have been replying 'sorry to be so unavailable these days' when they asked me out on weekdays.

I can write to my sis.

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Gatherings of the Past Two Days

I think of how much I have looked forward to meeting you, for we have not been in contact for a year, for the reason that you do not have internet connection in uk.
Not meeting a person is still ok, but not having news first-hand from the person, it really makes me feel that it's been a long time since we last talked.
We have at least 3 weeks more to make up for that =)


I think of how I always enjoy the companionship of mcians, and how blessed we are to cherish each other the same way.

I think of how I have learnt and grown together with you all, and at times hoping to turn back time when things were much simpler then.

I think of how I used to have more free time to write emails to overseas friends, and spring them a surprise or two by sending cards at times. I wish I have more of that free time now, but then we are all getting busier, so it is not likely that you will find time to reply.

I think of how you two were there for me back then, and how 'cheeky' fate is to arrange for that bumping-into-someone when I was hanging out with you two.

I think of how mcians, always ambitious and far sighted, motivate myself to achieve greater heights.