and just like that, approximately a year has pass. so many things hav changed. i stand wif my back facing a road that was full of sharp rocks and a hell load of shit. as i look back, i m glad that i had d courage to walk/crawl out of all that shit, rather than b slashed by all those sharp rocks and just endure the pain. bcoz if i didnt, i wudnt hav known ahead of me, thr was a road pave wif peonies, pretty looking grass and sunny feeling sunshine.

"There’s a difference between goodbye and letting go.
Goodbye is ‘I’ll see you again when I’m ready to hold your hand, & when you’re ready to hold mine.’
Letting go is ‘I’ll miss your hand. I realized it’s not mine to hold, and I will never hold it again.’"

it's not mine to hold. n i will nvr hold it again. wads not urs, will nvr be. n wad is, will b, for sure 
as i look back over n over again, it reminds me that no matter how many times... time repeats, i wud wifout a doubt, hav made the same choice for me.

STAYING ON THE SUNNY SIDE OF LIFE  wif peonies and pretty looking grass! cheers~

no doubt a yr has passed. well. there will always b those times, regardless what status u might b in, single or attached, or what so ever, u will wonder what one is up to. how are u. than self-'shift' to who cares bout him. than proper shift to.. if time repeats, i wud hav done the same ting. than cv-shift to BREATHE n wooooshhhh. dats the pattern. regardless of which.. there are some ppl that cross ur life, who hav scarred u.. number one real bf, number 2 real bf and try-hard-to-b-cute once-upon-a-time-gud-fren..u will tink back all the time n wonder.. n like it or not, they hav a place in ur heart, becoz those lessons they taught u, relli made a great impact in ur life. like one of those sayings huh... every1 crosses ur path for a reason.
oh well, thr isnt any reasoning to the human heart. onli the brain trying to reason to herself, y the heart acts this way. 

none the less, looking back is one thing... dont indulge in it. b in the PRESENT bcoz that wad matters most.

its been awhile huh.

alot has happened since then. alot in the mind dats all. as usual.

i nvr wud hav imagine that i'll reach such a level of deep understanding bout my emotions and my actions. its quite unbelievable sumtimes. i wudnt hav imagine that smth like dis wud happen.

u can call it a break through? probably not

its just that.. theres just so much depth that i nvr knew..

alot may judge wad i do.. and how i invest my money in such 'they teach u to love urself, tink positive'
- as perceived by others. its hard to explain the depth of wad u gain. the onli way to 'prove' urself is by SHOWING UP. TO BE. of coz, no1 is perfect and this is no magic. it gets harder n harder i guess. the journey is the destination.
i cud hav live my life like before.. wif this sum1 by my side but i wud nvr ever hav this feeling of .. self appreciation but always self judgement.. how i wasnt doing good enuff and this n that..
an exchange? haha.. i duno. i believe God has got a plan for me n i trust that he noes best. :D

anyways, just a 9 letter word, being learnt in the course of 3 days. but its change my entire world.
so hard to explain in words how i hav arrive at this point of life.

so many tings hav happen that led me here. 

somedays i thank God for all that has happened in the past which make me who i m now.

somedays i feel small and blue and wonder wad i did to land myself here.

but the transition of why me days turn to hours and slowly to minutes.

i always felt that i m being controlled by my emotions. i hav no control wad so ever over it. that is definitely wrong. the minute u noe wad ur life intention is... than it makes it easier to make choices in life.

thats all theory huh?

reality? its been done. but it can b a rollercoaster relli.

but the key to all that.. at least for me.. is first of all.... B R E A T H E.

Gibberish?

lol. 

maybe,

10 ways to keep a man by your side

1. Don’t make him your everything and lose yourself in the process. Guys don’t like being suffocated and depended on for everything so you shouldn’t drop your friends, your hobbies and the things that made you you- it’s these things that made him like you in the first place.

2. Don’t be too moody or nag him too much. If you have a problem, calmly bring it up and then learn to let go. Trust him and the way he feels about you.

3. Don’t tell him you love him every 5 minutes.Girls love being told how a guy feels, they like hearing sweet words and compliments but guys aren’t like this. They want to maintain their masculinity even if they are in love. Save those three special words for special moments.

4. Stay adventurous. The reason we all have honeymoon periods is because the first month or two of dating is totally new and exciting. If you do the same things, go to the same places and have the same kind of bedroom fun all the time, it becomes routine and the spark dies out.

5. Be flirty. Flirting is not only about getting a guy’s interest, it’s about keeping it. Flirting, being seductive, teasing and keeping some form of sexual banter makes things more fun and exciting for the both of you.

6. Make him feel like a man. Men always need an ego boost every now and again, but don’t overdo it with the compliments because they may eventually find it to be too much.

7. Don’t be too clingy, especially in public. Guys like their space, they don’t always want to hold hands or have their girl up in their face all the time. The whole world doesn’t need to know you’re a couple and you don’t want to risk looking desperate trying to keep him. Just relax and enjoy the conversation and what you’re doing rather than trying to maintain physical contact non-stop.

8. Be confident with yourself and look fabulous. Look good for you, pamper yourself and feel pretty. Nothing keeps a man interested more than confidence.

9. Share hobbies. Do things he likes to do as well as what you like. It can’t always be about watching rom-coms; try doing things he enjoys, even if it involves playing videogames you don’t like, or try and find new things you like doing together.

10. Be good friends. The best relationships are when you’re friends, lovers and in love. Having that partner means being there for them.\

-credits to TheLoveWhisperer-

hahaha.. this article is interesting huh. dats y they say how woman r from venus and guys from mars or is it vice versa? hahaha.. no more break up therapy type of articles from me this time huh. not for now at least. i m gud.

FireFly.

- credits to TheLoveWhisperer -

at this point in time.. my tots  exactly.

ways? haha.

The Dreaded Breakup.
A break up can be one of the hardest situations to go through, but at times it’s necessary. No one wants to be stuck in a relationship that causes one person to feel trapped and unhappy. Reinventing yourself after a break up can help you get past the hurt, help you realize what makes you happy, and give you the courage to get out there and try again.

List Your Qualities. 

Discover your self-worth. Perhaps the most important part of reinventing yourself is discovering who you are as an individual. Sometimes ugly things are said in a break-up and you’ll take a lot of it to heart. However, if you discover who you truly are, these hurtful phrases will soon fade away. Ways to discover your self-worth include: Writing down your good qualities, Focusing in on them, Write down the things you feel makes you a good partner, Repeat them to yourself daily, Write down what you want to change about yourself, Start tackling them.

Give Yourself a Makeover. 

Give yourself a lasting confidence boost, by getting a small makeover. There’s nothing quite like starting fresh after a break-up. It’ll do you some good….trust me! It’s not like you have to run out to a plastic surgeon to boost your appearance either - just change your hairstyle or buy some new accessories.

Get Out There and Have Fun. 

Find things that you like to do, and go do them. When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you may feel lost after a break-up. This is because you probably are so used to living as a couple. However, finding out what you like as an individual is the most exciting part of reinventing yourself. Go to the movies, a sports event, skating, ice skating, bowling, anything! Just get out there and try it all. The world is your oyster.

Dance Your Way to Happiness. 

Dance, dance, dance! Music helps many people get into a good mind frame after a bad break up. Choose some songs you really like and get moving! Choose upbeat, uplifting songs that encourage you to dance and forget about your troubles.

Meditation Helps. 

Practice the art of meditation. Meditating is a wonderful tool for stress reduction. It helps you to think clearly and greatly reduces anxiety.

Change Only For Yourself.

 Be happy with who you are as an individual. Don’t change simply to make your ex jealous, or because you think you aren’t a beautiful person. You are beautiful because you are unique. Accept this about yourself and only change what you feel is necessary to make YOU happy.

Throw Out Old Memories. 

Get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex. Get rid of any cards, letters, or pictures of him or her. You might not want to throw away DVDs that you both liked, but you can avoid watching them until you get past this phase. Anything you don’t throw away should at least be boxed up and put away so that it’s out of sight. You don’t want anything laying around that will make you regret your decision during your reinvention.

Free Your Mind.

Close this chapter of your life with a clear mind. Hate is very hard on your health and will stop you from getting over your ex. Instead, accept the situation for what it is, and remind yourself that you are a pretty darn good person that deserves the best. Forget the past and start planning your future!

What Type of Partner Do You Want Next? 

Remind yourself that this was a good decision and that you will find a better relationship, but it takes time. Don’t go out buying dolls that look like your ex and pricking them with needles. Ouch! Instead, make a list of the qualities you want in a partner and only search for that. Once you’re ready, put yourself back out there and start hunting for the perfect catch!

-credits to TheLoveWhisperer-

hmmm..

i always tot.. ya. i guess i wasnt gud enuff.. not gud enuff to make him happy.. prob she is doing a better job now.

but it nvr occured to me that.. he cudnt make me happy neither..

i guess when u change ur perception and look at tings another way..

it feels better on ur heart..

y make it all about him.. when now its all about u? n wads wrong being all about u.

bcoz all about u nvr seem to hav existed b4 or maybe disappeared along time.

its a choice.. to make it all about him and feel miserable.. changing nth..

or make it all about me and feel gud..and make everyday.. THE BEST DAY :)

moving on.

When things end, the first thing you hear is all of this really inspirational talk about “moving on.”Everyone suddenly becomes a walking motivational poster, telling you all about how you need to learn to forgive and forget, how time goes forwards and not backwards, and how we have to keep our heads up. Time passes relentlessly, and we are supposed to imitate it in our persistance. Things happen, and then they end, and we accept it.

But in practice, few things are harder to execute. The world continues spinning, yes, and those around you may forget about what happened, but that doesn’t mean it suddenly disappears from your rear-view mirror. Everything around us — every restaurant we eat in, every street we walk down, every movie we watch — becomes marked with the person we were when we did those things. Each relationship can be a sort of fingerprint, completely unique in its detail and entirely constructed of mutual memories and experiences. Sure, things end and you go back to being alone, but it’s not as though you suddenly become the person you were beforehand. Things have changed, you have changed, and there is no amount of forced forgetting that is going to make things be exactly as they were before.

I have often felt as though so much of my emotional life has been spent trying to “move on” from things that seem no more escapable than my own skin. Sure, I can ignore them, I can stop giving them the life that they need to occupy significant amounts of space in my daily routine, but I can’t just pretend they didn’t happen. And it has started to feel as though “move on” is in and of itself a misnomer. There is no moment at which you leave the things that happened to you and the people you love in a small pile on the side of the road and continue on without them. It is more a slow acceptance, if anything. One day, the presence of your past is like a thousand needles pricking you over every inch of your skin; the next, you have become so acquainted with the sting that you hardly notice the needles at all.

But we are still being touched by that past, all over, constantly. We are taught that this is a bad thing, that the parts of our lives we no longer acknowledge can just be shed like a heavy winter coat and moved on from. It’s hard not to feel like a failure when you find yourself incapable of simply packing up an old love and storing it away in the attic, never to consider outside of the occasional, wistful half-smile. People don’t work like that. Time may move in a completely linear fashion, but our lives are spread around it like a spider web, wrapping around each other and intersecting at inconvenient and difficult moments. There are people from whom you will never fully untangle yourself, but you will learn to live with their memory.

The challenge, it seems, should be just that — to accept our past, and integrate it into our lives in a constructive way. We are all full of ghosts, people and cities we no longer visit but within whom we felt incredibly alive, and there is no reason to pretend they never existed. I wish I could hold those ghosts closer even, telling them that I forgive them for any indiscretion I may have at one point tried to scrub away with a ball of steel wool. Because trying to erase someone completely only makes their presence in your life more pointed — they are an intruder, they are violating your emotional restraining order and reminding you you cannot escape them.

I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to leave my past in small increments behind me. I want to take something from every experience, good or bad, and find it useful in some tiny way. I don’t want the process of recovery from an ending to feel like a hill I have to climb, one that has a distinct beginning and end. I don’t need a thousand voices telling me to “get over it,” as though I could even if I wanted to. Most of all, I don’t want to fear every new love and every new adventure because I imagine that, if it doesn’t work out how I wanted it to, I will have to pretend it never happened at all.

-credits to thoughtcatalog-

True enuff.

break up.

1. Despite what movies, television, and songs have preached for pretty much ever, the chances that you’ll get all of your possessions back are slim. Tiny. You will get some things back, but most of them are gone for good. Especially the intangible things.

2. Just because your crush has broken up with the person they were seeing doesn’t mean you’re automatically next in the queue. Try not to celebrate too hard.

3. Reality is more sobering than it is romantic. When you begin to think of your ex in hyperbolic terms, apply some perspective instead of getting swept away in some fantasy thought-prison.

4. Hooking up with someone after ending your relationship isn’t a rebound until you make it one.

5. Let’s admit that sometimes it feels insanely good to break into pieces when a relationship ends; almost as good as the regular sex you no longer have access to.

6. No matter what anyone tries to tell you, there is no correct amount of time to mourn a relationship. You can’t compare and contrast with your friends or Google, “when will it stop hurting :(” You’re going to feel bad about it until you don’t, end of story.

7. “This is hard on me, too” — thing no broken-up-with person is tryna hear.

8. It’s OK to stay in touch with your ex’s friends, but don’t be a freaking menace about it.

9. There is a difference between dating a stranger post-relationship and dating someone your ex knows/likes/hates. A big one. What you do with that information is up to you.

10. Waking up one day and feeling like you’re totally over it doesn’t mean you won’t relapse in the future. It’ll take more than a few mornings of waking up and feeling like you’re over it; it might actually take waking up without realizing there’s something to ‘get over.’ (This is an imperfect science I’m working with.)

11. Keeping busy and distracted is one way to deal with a breakup, but no one’s ever died from sobbing in bed for days, either (I don’t think).

12. While we all know your friend’s newly-minted ex is a loser, maybe don’t start slinging shit just yet? Allow them some grieving time. You’ll have the rest of your lives to talk smack but for now, do what Hootie would. Let her cry.

13. The length of a relationship really has no bearing on how much it hurts when it’s over.

14. It’s likely that one of the people in the relationship will have a harder time dealing with the breakup. Sometimes, that person will be you. When it’s not, be compassionate.

15. There should be a service that rings up your parents and explains the demise of your serious relationships so that you don’t have to field questions they probably don’t want to hear the answers to.

16. Breakups aren’t one size fits all. There is no default way to handle a breakup maturely; being friends with your ex isn’t morally superior to cutting all ties. Respecting your ex and former relationship looks and feels a little bit different for everyone.

17. It will not feel okay until it is.

REBLOG via THOUGHT CATALOG.

break up.

its never ok to b the harder one dealing wif it.

there relli is no set amount of time to get over it. it will happen, when it happens i guess.

i hav no idea. i duno.

i'm still counting the months since it happen.

regardless of it all.. i learn that.. the past is the past. the past is dead. y put in so much tot into the past that is dead and u cant change? y? one reason being that i cant seem to let go of the past. BUT now i learn that.. the past is the past. i can mourn bout smth that i cant change or i can choose to live life happily by appreciating the tings around me... the appreciate wad i hav rather than wad i m missing. 

easily said than done? haha. indeed.

i'm human for gudness sake. it may take a long way.. bcoz honestly i relli still do love this scumbag, even though he's hurt me so much. so so much. i use to tink that if i avoid tinking of my feelings towards him in fear that i get too emotional and weak.. but in actual fact, now that i face my 'fears'.. coming into terms with how i feel.. expressing myself.. wif tears... sharing those words wif strangers that i noe for prob a day onli.. it feels different. smth i din quite expect.

now.. todai.. or rather this 3 weeks.. i wun deny i still look n tink about the past.. but the past seems more bearable now. more bearable to recall. one day i noe i'll get over it fully.. entirely. one day.

anyways, the past is the past. dun let ur past chain ur future. the future may seem clouded. no1 noes the future like u. so maybe din go as planned. no wedding dress, no wedding, no partner. just rem that.. to live and want a partner not to fill in the void in ur life bcoz if one day, touch wood.. ur future partner leaves.. then u will non-directional again. wad m i saying? hahaha

when ur intentions are clear.. u willl noe the choices u want to make. and ur choices are wad define ur life and how u live it :)

i m human. i dun wake up every morning feeling great. but at least after waking up crappy.. i TRY to choose to feel non-crappy. i try.