I suppose this is an oportunity to be gracious. I guess I can try.
Good people also died today and I'm sorry for everyone's families.
Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Death. Show all posts
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Ben Westlund, OR Treasurer
I first met Ben shortly after he changed his Party affiliation from GOP to Democratic Party. His stated reasons, and I have good reason to believe them, were that the OR GOP's intransigence, hobby horse riding, and general wankery did not reflect the needs of the State. This from a State Senator from a strongly GOP district. He started a run for Governor against Ted Kulongoski (D) and quickly withdrew and stumped for Ted. I got a chance to spend some time talking to Ben while he worked Baker Co with Ted in the Governor's race. I was impressed with both his personal integrity and his dedication to Oregon's citizenry.
Two years ago Ben ran for State Treasurer and I spent the day with him, riding him in one of our parades in the Chevy SSR with the top down, at lunch, and walking our largest park meeting and greeting constituents. There were quite a few stops with people Ben knew, he was a rancher and we have ranchers. These folks were Republicans for the most part and adamant in their support of Ben as a Democrat. Ben, his campaign staff, and I spent a long day together which gave me the opportunity to get well acquainted with him. Please understand that in my role in DPO I didn't say bad things about our Democrats, but I gave real support to those I liked and I like Ben a lot. Ben and his staff stayed in contact after his win, asking if I had ideas or concerns - and to say hello.
Not too long after Ben's win, my son died and one of the first phone calls I got was from Ben. He was genuinely distressed and spent very nearly an hour on the phone trying to make words work. Words are a politician's tools, they are his life and Ben tried really hard. Any of you who have sustained such a loss knows that words are inadequate because nothing is adequate, but the expression of caring and desire to help does help.
Ben's death last week was a personal blow to me. He was someone I liked and held in high regard, as an individual and as someone who tried to look out for his fellows. Oregon is a poorer place now with his passing and so is political life. I have saved this so that it will reach his family and friends a bit later, when the real sense of how much has been lost hits after the initial storm of grief. I know I have no words to fix anything, but I do want them to know that their loss is not only shared, but how broadly it is shared.
I am so sorry for their loss and our loss,
Thank You Ben
Two years ago Ben ran for State Treasurer and I spent the day with him, riding him in one of our parades in the Chevy SSR with the top down, at lunch, and walking our largest park meeting and greeting constituents. There were quite a few stops with people Ben knew, he was a rancher and we have ranchers. These folks were Republicans for the most part and adamant in their support of Ben as a Democrat. Ben, his campaign staff, and I spent a long day together which gave me the opportunity to get well acquainted with him. Please understand that in my role in DPO I didn't say bad things about our Democrats, but I gave real support to those I liked and I like Ben a lot. Ben and his staff stayed in contact after his win, asking if I had ideas or concerns - and to say hello.
Not too long after Ben's win, my son died and one of the first phone calls I got was from Ben. He was genuinely distressed and spent very nearly an hour on the phone trying to make words work. Words are a politician's tools, they are his life and Ben tried really hard. Any of you who have sustained such a loss knows that words are inadequate because nothing is adequate, but the expression of caring and desire to help does help.
Ben's death last week was a personal blow to me. He was someone I liked and held in high regard, as an individual and as someone who tried to look out for his fellows. Oregon is a poorer place now with his passing and so is political life. I have saved this so that it will reach his family and friends a bit later, when the real sense of how much has been lost hits after the initial storm of grief. I know I have no words to fix anything, but I do want them to know that their loss is not only shared, but how broadly it is shared.
I am so sorry for their loss and our loss,
Thank You Ben
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Sen Ted Kennedy Is Gone
The news just came in that Ted Kennedy has died. This isn't a real big surprise given the nature of brain cancer but it has come rather suddenly. Whatever happened at Chappaquiddick and whether or nor he paid a full price for it, one thing is certain - he has stood for the ordinary man for most of his career.
I don't make heroes out of politicians and Sen Kennedy had enough of a past to disqualify him from any pantheon I might form. That said, there are enough of the wealthy and wannabes out there that cannot see that a large portion of society is left out of our system that he stands out as one who not only could see them but made and active effort to improve their lot. I won't go into the issues where I've disagreed with him, there are some, but looking at his record and contrasting it with fellow Party members like Baucus and opposition Party members like ... well hell, all of them is informative.
I had hoped that in light of his efforts that he would have a chance to to vote for and see passed a real health reform bill. It is clear that wasn't to happen and now I have to wonder if such a thing will happen within my lifetime. This could have happened for Teddy and now it looks as though those of us who also see a broken system that could be fixed won't see any more than another defeat at the hands of lies and fear mongering and name calling.
I don't know what shame or guilt Ted Kennedy may have felt or deserved, what I do know is that he dedicated himself to public service rather than the accumulation of wealth and power. The opponents of his efforts show no shame or loss for their abhorrent behavior while denigrating Ted and his brothers for their shortcomings. The loss of the promise of that family is stunning in its depth and breadth, we can only acknowledge their efforts and dedication with admiration and let be their failings as paid.
Goodbye Teddy, fare thee well.
I don't make heroes out of politicians and Sen Kennedy had enough of a past to disqualify him from any pantheon I might form. That said, there are enough of the wealthy and wannabes out there that cannot see that a large portion of society is left out of our system that he stands out as one who not only could see them but made and active effort to improve their lot. I won't go into the issues where I've disagreed with him, there are some, but looking at his record and contrasting it with fellow Party members like Baucus and opposition Party members like ... well hell, all of them is informative.
I had hoped that in light of his efforts that he would have a chance to to vote for and see passed a real health reform bill. It is clear that wasn't to happen and now I have to wonder if such a thing will happen within my lifetime. This could have happened for Teddy and now it looks as though those of us who also see a broken system that could be fixed won't see any more than another defeat at the hands of lies and fear mongering and name calling.
I don't know what shame or guilt Ted Kennedy may have felt or deserved, what I do know is that he dedicated himself to public service rather than the accumulation of wealth and power. The opponents of his efforts show no shame or loss for their abhorrent behavior while denigrating Ted and his brothers for their shortcomings. The loss of the promise of that family is stunning in its depth and breadth, we can only acknowledge their efforts and dedication with admiration and let be their failings as paid.
Goodbye Teddy, fare thee well.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
So Long, My Boy
Nicholas Andrew Butcher died tonight. He was my son and I loved him, he was a good kid who lost his way. He lost his way enough that tonight in the county jail he took his life. At 3:00 AM the police knocked on our door and brought us the news. Two distressed cops and a chaplin came to my door to tell me that our son had committed suicide. It wasn't a long conversation, there was no need for them to have to watch my wife fall apart and there was nothing anyone could do to comfort her and my grief was bone deep enough that an outsider was no more than an annoyance.
Nick started his life as one of those people who charm you with no particular effort on his part. Things stopped working out for him by the time he went to school, school was a struggle and outside his interest. He couldn't stick with things long, even things he was good at. By age seven he could burn me out of a ball glove and throw accurately, a pitching standout in the making. A couple years of baseball and he no longer cared about it, he kept at it a bit longer, I think to please us, and quit. By the time he quit he was no longer a desirable team mate because he just didn't care. Much of Nick's childhood was like that, things he liked and was good at stopped mattering. Drag racing entranced him for a season and then he wanted nothing to do with it. It became the ordinary course of events that short term interest was followed by disinterest of a fundamental nature.
By high school he had started to get into trouble, pissant stuff, but sufficient until he finally stole my wife's car and cracked it up. That launched a couple years of trouble and involvement with the courts and juvenile department. He pulled himself together enough to get a GED and he enlisted in the Oregon National Guard. We went to his graduation in Columbus GA and I spoke to his Drill Instructor who allowed that Nick had been a stand out after a rough start. Allowed is the proper word, DIs aren't nannies and their job isn't reassuring parents. He moved over to the Portland area and got a decent job and quickly moved up and true to pattern lost interest in it and his girl friend and walked back into troubles. When they got deep enough he moved back home.
This is a small enough town that you become known and if you become known for troubles, you will be watched. Nick couldn't seem to keep away from things that would cause him troubles. He's been in the county jail for the last two months awaiting trial, and it seemed that there wasn't anything against him and he insisted that this he hadn't done. Despite practice Nick wasn't a good liar, it seemed as though the part that lied was always in conflict with the part that knew better, whatever; he was no good at it. Nick's pattern was to do well and get tired of it and make bad decisions mostly involving the easy way out.
Tonight he made another one of those decisions. It's no one's fault, not the jail or anyone else, he just made another one of those Nick decisions. I'm sure that he didn't consider that despite our disappointment and anger with him that this would break our hearts. It does. Now an hour later as I type this tears have finally started to run down my cheeks. My boy is gone and it hurts. I kept hoping he would find his way back, that my pal would win out in the end. There are inumerable good memories of the kid I loved and now that's what I have. I choose to let the bad stuff fade and to keep alive pictures like the 4 year old lugging his toy gun throught the woods trying to sneak and still keep up with Dad on an elk hunt and his pride in learning woods craft and ability to spot animals no human should be have been able to. Squatting in the back yard catching for him in fear of being broken if a pitch got away and his absolute laughing pleasure when I had to pull the glove off and rub a badly stung hand.
In a couple hours I have to start calling my parents and sister in Michigan and tell them. My mother is not going to take this well. She's too old to have this kind of news, that her grandson has preceded her. It certainly is something no parent ever wants, to outlive their child. I have now done that and it is wrong on so many levels of experience that an explanation would only have meaning to some one who already sadly knows.
I share this with you because it is the only monument he will have beyond a small family. His friends are not the sort to carry anything forward from this, from his life and death. There will be no funeral or services, they are for the living and the only ones who would find it meaningful don't need it or the pressure to travel long distances to commemorate something this sadly pointless. He knew that my own life had been a mess and that I'd started over again right before he was born and that there is such a thing as a come back. He decided to do what he did, and that's how that is going to have to be. He'll have no more failures to deal with, but there is so much that he will have lost out on. We'll deal with this, because we have to deal with it but it will never be right. He almost made it twenty one years, almost.
So long my boy.
(Because this keeps getting accessed I'm adding a 1/25/11 postscript - you should read this, also:
Giving a damn whatever you might think as a response to the folks who've spent time on this post.
Nick started his life as one of those people who charm you with no particular effort on his part. Things stopped working out for him by the time he went to school, school was a struggle and outside his interest. He couldn't stick with things long, even things he was good at. By age seven he could burn me out of a ball glove and throw accurately, a pitching standout in the making. A couple years of baseball and he no longer cared about it, he kept at it a bit longer, I think to please us, and quit. By the time he quit he was no longer a desirable team mate because he just didn't care. Much of Nick's childhood was like that, things he liked and was good at stopped mattering. Drag racing entranced him for a season and then he wanted nothing to do with it. It became the ordinary course of events that short term interest was followed by disinterest of a fundamental nature.
By high school he had started to get into trouble, pissant stuff, but sufficient until he finally stole my wife's car and cracked it up. That launched a couple years of trouble and involvement with the courts and juvenile department. He pulled himself together enough to get a GED and he enlisted in the Oregon National Guard. We went to his graduation in Columbus GA and I spoke to his Drill Instructor who allowed that Nick had been a stand out after a rough start. Allowed is the proper word, DIs aren't nannies and their job isn't reassuring parents. He moved over to the Portland area and got a decent job and quickly moved up and true to pattern lost interest in it and his girl friend and walked back into troubles. When they got deep enough he moved back home.
This is a small enough town that you become known and if you become known for troubles, you will be watched. Nick couldn't seem to keep away from things that would cause him troubles. He's been in the county jail for the last two months awaiting trial, and it seemed that there wasn't anything against him and he insisted that this he hadn't done. Despite practice Nick wasn't a good liar, it seemed as though the part that lied was always in conflict with the part that knew better, whatever; he was no good at it. Nick's pattern was to do well and get tired of it and make bad decisions mostly involving the easy way out.
Tonight he made another one of those decisions. It's no one's fault, not the jail or anyone else, he just made another one of those Nick decisions. I'm sure that he didn't consider that despite our disappointment and anger with him that this would break our hearts. It does. Now an hour later as I type this tears have finally started to run down my cheeks. My boy is gone and it hurts. I kept hoping he would find his way back, that my pal would win out in the end. There are inumerable good memories of the kid I loved and now that's what I have. I choose to let the bad stuff fade and to keep alive pictures like the 4 year old lugging his toy gun throught the woods trying to sneak and still keep up with Dad on an elk hunt and his pride in learning woods craft and ability to spot animals no human should be have been able to. Squatting in the back yard catching for him in fear of being broken if a pitch got away and his absolute laughing pleasure when I had to pull the glove off and rub a badly stung hand.
In a couple hours I have to start calling my parents and sister in Michigan and tell them. My mother is not going to take this well. She's too old to have this kind of news, that her grandson has preceded her. It certainly is something no parent ever wants, to outlive their child. I have now done that and it is wrong on so many levels of experience that an explanation would only have meaning to some one who already sadly knows.
I share this with you because it is the only monument he will have beyond a small family. His friends are not the sort to carry anything forward from this, from his life and death. There will be no funeral or services, they are for the living and the only ones who would find it meaningful don't need it or the pressure to travel long distances to commemorate something this sadly pointless. He knew that my own life had been a mess and that I'd started over again right before he was born and that there is such a thing as a come back. He decided to do what he did, and that's how that is going to have to be. He'll have no more failures to deal with, but there is so much that he will have lost out on. We'll deal with this, because we have to deal with it but it will never be right. He almost made it twenty one years, almost.
So long my boy.
(Because this keeps getting accessed I'm adding a 1/25/11 postscript - you should read this, also:
Giving a damn whatever you might think as a response to the folks who've spent time on this post.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
So, Jerry Falwell Is Dead
A bigoted prick drops dead of a heart attack and we're bombarded with, 'oh what a wonderful Christian and great American' until I could puke. Let's get this straight, this is the guy who stated baldly that 9/11 and Katrina were the fault of pagans, gays, abortionists, ACLU, and essentially anybody (secularists) who wasn't his narrow mean minded version of Christian.
Oh yeah, he rallied his troops and in the process created an atmosphere of bitter partisanship and theocratic legislators. He repeatedly made the claim that the US was a Judeo-Christian nation, completely at odds with the historical facts. Moving beyond the building of "Christian morality" in his flock to the legal enforcement of it he built an opposition that despised him and his Religious Right.
Since he was so fond of blaming occurrences on God's revenge on people, makes you wonder what he thought about as he died of a sudden heart attack, was it the devil or God being sick of his crap. I figure his nasty old heart just gave out, like they do sometimes. He claimed to hate the sin and love the sinner as he demonstrated the opposite, I despise hypocrisy and will make no pretence to find somebody like him lovable. So long Jerry, I ain't gonna miss ya.
Oh yeah, he rallied his troops and in the process created an atmosphere of bitter partisanship and theocratic legislators. He repeatedly made the claim that the US was a Judeo-Christian nation, completely at odds with the historical facts. Moving beyond the building of "Christian morality" in his flock to the legal enforcement of it he built an opposition that despised him and his Religious Right.
Since he was so fond of blaming occurrences on God's revenge on people, makes you wonder what he thought about as he died of a sudden heart attack, was it the devil or God being sick of his crap. I figure his nasty old heart just gave out, like they do sometimes. He claimed to hate the sin and love the sinner as he demonstrated the opposite, I despise hypocrisy and will make no pretence to find somebody like him lovable. So long Jerry, I ain't gonna miss ya.
Friday, November 03, 2006
I'll See Ya, Ole Pal
On Halloween Curt, my friend of 18 years, died. His wheels are stilled, I never knew him without the chair, but he never let it be his definition, either. Many things couldn't get him, and there sure were issues, but cancer finally was the one. I made time to see him as he failed and it hurt to watch him going, but it was important that he knew he counted with me. It was important that he knew that the kind of man he was meant something, that it was acknowleged by someone he liked.
I wrote before about Curt, about learning that cancer had caught up with him. I won't repeat myself with his praises, I'll simply state that I'll miss him. I'm better for having known him and he'll stay with me for as long as I'm around, as an example and as a friend. This is as good as I can do,
I'll see ya, ya ole goat.
I wrote before about Curt, about learning that cancer had caught up with him. I won't repeat myself with his praises, I'll simply state that I'll miss him. I'm better for having known him and he'll stay with me for as long as I'm around, as an example and as a friend. This is as good as I can do,
I'll see ya, ya ole goat.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Hey, Ya Ole Goat
I’ve known my pal Curt for over fifteen years; he’s been my gun nail supplier, nail gun repair mechanic, and nail gun seller. I’ve traded guns in, gotten loaners, and in general done quite a bit of business with him. He’s competitive with nails, but he sells me guns for a very good price and is quite reasonable with repair costs; in fact, if I have a gun in the shop he gives me a free loaner if I need it. So, it is pretty good in general terms doing business with Curt. But then it starts to get way beyond simple business, if I need nails after closing or on weekends he goes to the shop and opens up, if a gun repair is pressing, he’ll do it in his off time. He takes exceptional care of this customer, not for the dollar, for the pride of the doing.
Curt has been in a wheelchair considerably longer than I’ve known him, since he was a young man, and he’s in his later seventies now. At the time the doctors told him he probably didn’t have long to live. He’s made them liars, though one thing or the other has had to be fixed through that time. I have never known of Curt to feel sorry for him self or take it easy. He’s always been a hardworking cheerful guy. Beyond the nail gun business, he makes wood parts, survey stakes, window packing parts, and so on. The shop is set up for his chair but it is still hard work, and he’s kept on smiling through the day. It is one of my favorite parts of my work to stop and get something from Curt. There’s always good conversation and good humored banter. Me, “Hey, ya ole goat!” Him, “Oh, you whipper-snapper!” (right, I’m 53) It never does get accomplished quickly…
A couple weeks ago the other shoe dropped, it’s cancer and it’s inoperable and it’s not long to go. I was one of the first to know and my heart was broken. Yes, it has been a good long run, but he wasn’t tired of it yet and I sure wasn’t tired of him. He told me with that crooked smile of his, the one that lets you know there’s a punch line somewhere, only the punch line was, “Oh well…” I didn’t quite cry, but my throat sure was locked up and my eyes felt pretty wet. That bothered him a little, but he perked right back up. I’d known before hand about this, but it was his place to tell me, so I hadn’t let on, but it surely hurt hearing it from his mouth.
I visit a bit more than I did before and other than that he’s a bit weaker you’d never know. There’s so much talk about heroes anymore, I won’t use the word, but his quiet bravery through all these years and especially now makes the kind of impact on me that all sorts of tales of derring-do might on others. I share this with you as a sort of monument to my friend’s achievements and to honor our friendship. Boy, I’m going to miss you, ya ole goat, thanks.
Curt has been in a wheelchair considerably longer than I’ve known him, since he was a young man, and he’s in his later seventies now. At the time the doctors told him he probably didn’t have long to live. He’s made them liars, though one thing or the other has had to be fixed through that time. I have never known of Curt to feel sorry for him self or take it easy. He’s always been a hardworking cheerful guy. Beyond the nail gun business, he makes wood parts, survey stakes, window packing parts, and so on. The shop is set up for his chair but it is still hard work, and he’s kept on smiling through the day. It is one of my favorite parts of my work to stop and get something from Curt. There’s always good conversation and good humored banter. Me, “Hey, ya ole goat!” Him, “Oh, you whipper-snapper!” (right, I’m 53) It never does get accomplished quickly…
A couple weeks ago the other shoe dropped, it’s cancer and it’s inoperable and it’s not long to go. I was one of the first to know and my heart was broken. Yes, it has been a good long run, but he wasn’t tired of it yet and I sure wasn’t tired of him. He told me with that crooked smile of his, the one that lets you know there’s a punch line somewhere, only the punch line was, “Oh well…” I didn’t quite cry, but my throat sure was locked up and my eyes felt pretty wet. That bothered him a little, but he perked right back up. I’d known before hand about this, but it was his place to tell me, so I hadn’t let on, but it surely hurt hearing it from his mouth.
I visit a bit more than I did before and other than that he’s a bit weaker you’d never know. There’s so much talk about heroes anymore, I won’t use the word, but his quiet bravery through all these years and especially now makes the kind of impact on me that all sorts of tales of derring-do might on others. I share this with you as a sort of monument to my friend’s achievements and to honor our friendship. Boy, I’m going to miss you, ya ole goat, thanks.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Eternity
Today I attended a memorial service for the father of a close friend and business associate, who died unexpectedly at 70 Sunday. The preacher had a lot to say about eternity, immortal soul, and other after death stuff and that we all seem to spend some considerable time thinking about it.
I don't.
So today I thought about it for awhile. I'm 53 and my parents are nearly 80 so death is a real consideration. I could pop off with the simple it's not knowable and so it's not important answer. That's really not quite good enough. We do die and things do go on after we're not here to participate so whether there's Pearly Gates or not, there certainly are consequences of us having been around. Some of us have kids, most of us have friends, and all of us have taken some form of action during our lives so what we have have done and what we've been will reverberate. I build houses for a living, long after I'm dust families will have the use and pleasure of my labor, that's something. I have 2 kids, they'll be who they are, and hopefully some of my good stuff will have rubbed off on them, and then their kids. I have friends that I am a better person for having, I hope the same is true for them. Awhile back I ran around a large chunk of Oregon talking about what I thought was important for a US Representative to do. I didn't win or even get a real big chunk of the vote, but I got enough to know that some listened and thought about it. What all this amounts to is that ordinary folks existence counts.
I guess I'll go ahead and not get all wrapped up in the Pearly Gates stuff the preacher was concerned with, I really don't have any opinion on it, and concentrate on the part I know about. We count, now and for some time after we're gone and we need to take care of that. It's not a matter of writing "The Great Book," or doing some huge thing, it's the small everyday stuff. I don't spend my day worrying about posterity, I spend my day trying to do a good job of it, the rest will take care of itself.
I don't.
So today I thought about it for awhile. I'm 53 and my parents are nearly 80 so death is a real consideration. I could pop off with the simple it's not knowable and so it's not important answer. That's really not quite good enough. We do die and things do go on after we're not here to participate so whether there's Pearly Gates or not, there certainly are consequences of us having been around. Some of us have kids, most of us have friends, and all of us have taken some form of action during our lives so what we have have done and what we've been will reverberate. I build houses for a living, long after I'm dust families will have the use and pleasure of my labor, that's something. I have 2 kids, they'll be who they are, and hopefully some of my good stuff will have rubbed off on them, and then their kids. I have friends that I am a better person for having, I hope the same is true for them. Awhile back I ran around a large chunk of Oregon talking about what I thought was important for a US Representative to do. I didn't win or even get a real big chunk of the vote, but I got enough to know that some listened and thought about it. What all this amounts to is that ordinary folks existence counts.
I guess I'll go ahead and not get all wrapped up in the Pearly Gates stuff the preacher was concerned with, I really don't have any opinion on it, and concentrate on the part I know about. We count, now and for some time after we're gone and we need to take care of that. It's not a matter of writing "The Great Book," or doing some huge thing, it's the small everyday stuff. I don't spend my day worrying about posterity, I spend my day trying to do a good job of it, the rest will take care of itself.
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