let's talk about manners when visiting anyone in a hospital.

i feel supremely refreshed after spending a night in my own bed after sleeping (or trying to) in a freezer for 2 nights running. (the freaking waiting area)

my grandma's still alive (though she cant exactly kick with a drip up each leg coz the veins in the arms are too swollen after 3 days) and her condition has more or less stabilised though it still doesnt look exactly good. its a matter of time actually, since all that can be done now is just supportive treatment.

i realised, this shows how little power we actually have over cancer, among other diseases. we always thought my grandma would live to a ripe old age and be able to see her first grandchild (meeee) get married and who knows? maybe carry her great grandchild. and then one fine day she says her abdomen hurts, doctors run a few tests and concludes that she has late stage cancer which has metastasised. and there's nothing that can be done about it giving the severity of the cancer and her age. we still dont have one magic bullet against body cells which suddenly decide to do a kamikaze.

OKAY i havent go to what i wanted to mention in this entry, which is the atrocious manners of some visitors to the hospital.

1. freebies galore? then who cares? its MINEEE
at the start of every ward, there are 3 shelves above the sink holding stuff like alcohol wipes, gloves and masks FOR STAFF USE ONLY. i didnt believe my eyes when this girl walked right up to it, half emptied the container holding the individually packed wipes and stuffed them into her bag. what knocked me right out was when she nochalently sauntered up to the shelf a second time and removed nearly all the remaining alcohol wipes (leaving 1-2 packets inside the container), gave one to her little brother, another to her mother and the entire handphone wielding clan sat there CLEANING THEIR FREAKING HANDPHONES WITH THE ALCOHOL WIPES. wth la, in a c class ward where these supplies are meant as emergency supplies serving 6 pple. alcohol wipes for medical purposes also want to kope.

2. BANG BANG BANG BANG DIE NOWWWWW!! DIEE!
i'm serious, this was what a plastic gun wielding kid yelled while chasing his little brother round and round the waiting area leading to the icu and high dependency wards. talk about insensitivity. the kid probably didnt realise that all of us seated there have a loved one walking the thin line separating life and death, but surely his parents would? seeing that they must have some loved one walking the tightrope in a bed somewhere or they wouldnt spend an evening there? cant his parents rein them in or leave them at home? i know kids are young and innocent and probably dont know the meaning of death plus they have a lot of energy to work off but his parents should at least draw some boundaries regarding behaviour in the wards and what can and cannot be played, right?

3. I DONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP MY MESS AND EVERYONE ELSE IS DEAF, THEREFORE, I CAN TALK AS LOUDLY AS I WANT AND LEAVE MY RUBBISH WHERE THE PULL OF GRAVITY APPEARS TO BE THE STRONGEST, I.E HERE.
some people come in thinking that the waiting area is a fantastic place to have a picnic. ignoring the no food and drinks sign, they start to unload plates and open up containers containing rice, beehoon, chicken, vege etcetcetc. or ta pao-ed burgers, fries, chicken from novena square, all the while chatting and laughing at the top of their voices. and then, when they eventually leave, they leave behind a much-welcomed peace and quiet, as well as litter and bits of food everywhere. eh, i can afford my own food, thanks.

there. my pet gripes. more to come.

my cny post.

xin nian kuai le all!

this is going to be a depressing post, so if you dont feel like having your cny mood ruined i think u can stop reading here.




so i woke up ytd to the news that my grandma was rushed to ttsh early in the morning because she was throwing up a lot of blood plus stools had blood in them. by evening, she was transferred to the high dependency ward because of her dangerously low blood pressure due to continual bleeding in the stomach. the doctors arranged for some kind of scan (didnt catch the name) to try to detect which blood vessels were the cause and hence seal them up but DAMNIT when they ran the scan IT STOPPED BLEEDING so they couldnt pinpoint the exact bleeding site. and so, if the bleeding starts again and gets any worse, that's it. because they cannot run the scan again so soon.

needless to say, ytd's reunion dinner was the suckiest i ever had. disgustingly cold but still oozing with oil chicken parts courtesy of home delivery kfc, no get together and a horridly cold night in the ward. not to mention the fact that the meagre amt of sleep i got was punctuated with neckaches and being jolted awake with fear each time i hear the door to the ward being opened.

today is the first day of chinese new year. it feels like cny, and maybe not.

i dont think i feel like documenting how i felt throughout the wee hours of the morning before i eventually drifted off to sleep lasting abt 20 mins at a time. some things are just too painful.

now my entire family is asleep in preparation for another night at ttsh. i dont feel like it. yet. i dont feel like sleeping now and i dont know if i want to spend another night in ttsh outside the ward trying to keep warm (damn the overzealous airconditioning system), then going into the ward and look at her pale shrunken shaking form hooked up to various machines, tubing everywhere and the monitor showing hearbeat at 150bpm, dangerously low oxygen saturation level and blood pressure. but i know that if i dont go and she leaves tonight i'd hate myself forever.

of MCs and 11Bs

today, i had the honour of meeting two of the clinic's most loyal patients. all in one night where less than 10 patients came in in all!

er wait let me start from the beginning. today is a pretty good day actually. starbucks 50% off everything so i started my shift queueing at starbucks because dr hoe will treat the staff. so i technically started work at 4.30pm with a mocha frappuchino and a slice of carrot cake =D plus today was quite peaceful in all because nobody sees a need to see doc just before a long break. hmm. the total no. of patients for the entire day is actually less than what is the norm on a monday MORNING.

but well, good luck to siti and me on tues night eh. sure got a lot of pple come in to get mc one. =(

time passed fairly slowly today coz there simply was nothing much to do. (at least for my shift) though life was quite interesting. as i said, i had the honour of meeting 2 of the clinic's most loyal patients. but of course, being the newbie clinic asst. i didnt know that the guy who presented me his 11b was a erm, VIP (very important patient) until i keyed in his ic no. and had to scroll all the way down to find the most recent visit. and i didnt realise it then either! i only chuckled and waited till he entered the dr's room before commenting that this guy must be dr loi's good friend. then this other guy came in too. his case notes damn classic la, 5 pages of history and the stack of past prescriptions was so freaking thick, a RUBBER BAND had to be used to hold it all together.

after they left there werent any patients so dr loi came out and mentioned that those 2 were the resident mc kings. both in one night, think it had to be some kind of record. he's quite funny, started giving an overview of the different kinds of patients who come in as well as hilarious imitations of how some patients behave.(especially the 11bs and uh, pub singers) i guess its quite funny to think abt it, but maybe when u're the one seeing all these pple trying their hardest to squeeze an mc out of you it wont be so funny after all.

reminds me of the last time i tried to get an mc from my regular gp. it was 2 days after syf and all the fatigue from the stress and sleeping less than 8 hrs in all for the last 3 days came crashing down on me so much so that i took an ocp, asked ppc to sign it (and he was freaking niao, called up my mum to make sure i go and see doc. wha lao if i was trying to pon sch also wont go and ask you to sign the form lor) then went to the doctor and told him "doctor my competition just ended 2 days ago i'm very tired i have a headache and i feel very giddy please give me an mc so that i can go home and sleep." and he was very nice abt it! after asking a few qns to find out why exactly i was so tired he said "okay so i give you 2 days mc, is it enough?" whahahaha but stupid me said "uh its okay i only need it today" and i took it, went home and slept all the way to 5.15am the next day. i regretted rejecting the 2nd day mc man... still felt like crap but it could have been worse. hey but at least i wasnt bullshitting him la. hahahaha

and also the time i was trying to avoid a math test. the night before i was thinking wha die le hopefully i wake up sick tmr then can get mc and the next morning i couldnt open my left eye. why? bacteria infection. WHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHA how to go to sch with one eye closed and itchy? mc lor.

okie i'm getting bored.

another quiz

i got this off lifern's blog. hahaha

A is for AGE. 18 now but i'm going to be 19 sooooooooon
B is for BOYFRIEND's name. Pachycephalosaurus WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i cant even pronounce it. but anyway why is it that these quizzes always assume that the quiz doer is female? (or gay?)
C is for CAREER. hopefully 10 years down the road i can say doctor
D is for DAD's name. ah seng. well, part of it. not kidding
E is for ESSENTIAL item to bring on an airplane. erm, myself? and entertainment in the form of reading materials
F is for FAVORITE song at the moment. none at this point in time. well, maybe nan wang de po shui jie?
G is for GIRLFRIENDS. a lot la. i v lazy to type out one
H is for HOMETOWN. singapore
I is for INSTRUMENTS you play. dizi, guzheng. i wish i could type guqin too. =(
J is for JAM or JELLY you like. konnyaku
K is for KIDS. nil at the moment (obviously) but if i can i want 3 next time
L is for LOVE of your life. hmmmm my life?
M is for MOM's name. mummy =P
N is for NAME of your bestfriend(s). nil
O is for OVERNIGHT hospital stay. hmmmm one night around 18 yrs and 11 months ago in mt elizabeth hospital?
P is for PHOBIA. of snakes
Q is for QUOTE you like for the week. how about "xin nian kuai le"? sorry la i know v lame
R is for RELATIONSHIP that lasted the longest. got nothing to compare with
S is for SINGER(s) you like most. er sunyanzi?
T is for TIME you woke up today. 830. hehehe
U is for UNIQUE. er...? MEEEEE
V is for VEGETABLE you love. cabbage
W is for WORST habit. slacking too much. wasting time.
X is for X-RAYS you've had. dont remember going for one
YUMMY food you make/bake. ME BAKE? YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING.
Z is for ZODIAC sign. aquarius

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for the last time, I DIDNT STEP INTO A CLASSROOM WHEN I WENT BACK FOR NY CNY CELEBRATIONS!!!!!!!!!!! aka MEIXIN IS NOT ME AND I AM NOT MEIXIN!!!!!!!

that aside, i feel like going back for ny xiaozu again if i can. but then, transport fares are holding me back. =( i hate having to pay for adult fare. its freaking expensive.

ahaha

lunchtime!

yea. i originally have a post on quizzes but for some stupid reason the html is damn screwed up so i shall leave that for later when i allow some html expert to do something abt it for me. haha

i dont think i've went straight home so far after work. but that'd change soon enough (in fact, this thurs!) when i kanna afternoon shift that ends at 10.30pm. cant say i look forward to it very much apart from the fact that its a change from normal routine. the travel home is going to be very looooooooooong. plus there are myraid stories about headless ghostly nuns at novena mrt station on the last train. hopefully i dont so suay la hor.

did i mention why i love chinese new year? let me count the reasons. quite simple actually,
1. ang bao (with moeny in it)
2. mandarin oranges (!!!!!!!)
3. pineapple tarts
4. bak kwa

okay i think i'm going to pop over to the class blog to blog some rubbish, so i'd just end this very pointless entry.

btw, yea, laiweng, i remember you. hahahahaha

after one week...

one line to sum up my job: an admin job masquerading as a clinic job.

all i've been doing is registration of patients (data entry), removal of excess stapler bullets from mangled case cards and reorganising them (filing), directing blur patients to the clinics they're supposed to go to (reception). of course there's the giving of prescription and mc to patients, generally transfering the paper from the doctor's office to the patient only.

learnt a bit in this one week la, of course nearly nothing of clinical knowledge (but its okay, if i do get into the hallowed hallways of nus medical school i'd have the rest of my life to ruminate on them), but i have stuff to think about le. not posting it up here until i quit my job though. haha

i think i want to get a second job. as in, on top of my current job. did some calculations regarding my pay and i realise it actually falls short of what i originally thought i'd get. -narrows eyes- maybe i'd go to various clinics and ask if they want part time clinic assts (on various nights). hopefully some women's and children's clinic needs such assistants. haha its kinda weird not to have little kids running around to the beat of screaming babies, nor see pregnant women waddling around in a hospital. then again, ttsh doesnt have an o&g unit. =(

finished reading the great influenza, a book on the spanish flu pandemic in 1918. its really quite a good book with a writing style which makes comprehension easy and compels the reader to go on. or maybe its the subject matter, in the light of all the avian flu pandemic worries. or maybe its just the interested-in-all-things-gory, gross-and-disgusting-to-most-people side of me emerging. hmm. now, i'm going to FINISH SOPHIE'S WORLD ONCE AND FOR ALL. i skipped several chapters and now i'm determined to finish it. then er, we'd see la. (lotr still collecting dust. =X)

i'm sad. you know why? my birthday (12 feb) this yr is the same day as my lunar birthday (15th of the first lunar month). for the past few years i've been celebrating my birthday on TWO days. this year it'd only be one. sigh. plus its on a sunday. -beeppp-

okay, i'm dead tired. shall stop here. speaking of which, i need new clothes for chinese new year. and slippers. zzz. i bought a new skirt and blouse ytd, but i wore the skirt today and the blouse is for tmr. if push comes to shove, this can be the first new year i go without new clothes. heh.

oh i also think its quite sad that i dont find msn such a big attraction anymore, primarily because my talk crap buddies are mostly (happily?) employed by the saf. those not employed by saf, er, watch tv.

working life...

it is with some amt of frustration and amusement that i opened blogger which somehow or other is in CHINESE. damn it. funny eh, blogspot trying to cater to what is rapidly (or maybe already) is the largest market for anything, but then china has banned blogspot. awww

been working for 2 days le. life is fairly interesting thus far, but i've been screwing up. =( type in patient name wrongly =X and forgot to charge for something. I WANT ERROR FREE DAYS SOONNNNNNN. blahhh

why i love headaches

i know i've mentioned this before in my old ranting space over at diary-x but i just have to mention it again: i HATE headaches. its the most fei kind of discomfort possible. everything abt me is fine: i can walk, talk, do stuff physically BUT i cant, because the headache distracts all.

the panadol better work.

on another note, i forgot to mention this ytd but i guess i better devise a way to type numbers faster. hahahaha

what happens if a trojan horse infects my com? -scratch head- guess i better hurry up and save my prom pics in a disc before it all goes due to various stupid complications which i wont put it past my com to allow.

many many things to do and now i dont have time. lol

maybe i ought to complete a blog entry i started days ago (its still sitting in my acct collecting dust as a draft) but i'm now too lazy. maybe soon.

shall go do some toilet reading.

heh heh

its lunch time now and i'm slacking hehehehe

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okie today was my pre-first day of work coz i did go to work, did learn how to do stuff but i dont get paid. well i guess its still the novelty of the entire experience la, so i'm still quite excited over working but i think i'd probably zz in a month's time. hahaha but its okie, its up to me to learn as much as i can.

i guess one of the largest (and dumbest) changes i've to make to my habits after taking this job would be to tell pple "cya!" after they say "bye." for obvious reasons, who wants to see the doc on a regular basis if they can be healthy? (well except hypochondraics but that's besides the pt) now i must say BYE and not SEEYA. yesh.

a completely mundane post

ooh if nobody noticed (in fact i'm quite sure nobody noticed, but what the heck), yesterday was the 12th of jan, which translates to one more month till i'm 19!!

well since today's the 13th, (hey friday the 13TH!!) i have less than a month to 19. heh. i know some pple out there born in 1987 too have only just turned 18. uh, ur turn will come soon.

anyway, you'd think that after being prevented from buying various items which have caught my fancy because they are no longer in season, i'd learn to stop deliberating too long on whether i really like something before buying it but noooOOooOooOoOooooOo i just dont learn. my heart broke twice yesterday because the lovely skirt i saw at fond hugs is now out of season (damnit) and the japanese style sling bag which flew into my eye is sold out. happiness.

and as expected, when i came home empty handed after telling my mum i went out to buy the skirt and bag, i got lectured at. cant help it, my parents are sick of me wearing and carrying the same old stuff since eons ago and i'm sick of it too. but habits die hard lah.

so, today, i'm going right down to city hall to get a bag i saw ytd. (and it better not be gone, i only spent a night pondering on it, aided by my mum's "AIYA go get it before its gone again") it only costs 20 bucks. (can buy a book) i saw another bag going for 41 bucks after 50% discount. might get it too. lol

oh. i need to mention that the stuff i like will NEVER be on sale. during my lone shopping trip ytd, i walked into shops with the huge SALE sign hoping that the skirt/bag/necklace/blouse i saw a looooooooooong time ago would be relatively cheaper now but noo, its always regular priced.

my taste too good le. -grumble-

but at any rate, i did blow away a considerable amt of cash ytd. $83 on books in all (i think books kinokuniya gets the largest portion of my allowance every month) but i should ban myself from kino. i have a LOT of unread books. it'd probably last me the entire year. (but there are some books which i simply cannot bring myself to pick up e.g lord of the rings zzzzzz ya i realise i prob offended quite a few lotr fans here but sorry ah..)

also, i experimented with simple makeup before leaving the house. doesnt feel too bad, except that i just realised that foundation powder should never be kept for more than a year and when did i buy mine? before beyond boundaries 2004. -cough-

okay, before i head to school later to attend the j1 campfire and watch certain s71 traditions carried out, i need to
1. go jurong point and buy hamster sawdust, foundation, eyeshadow.
2. go city hall and get my bag. and maybe orchard too to get another bag. lol

okie. i have work tmr too. my life is picking up steam instead of crawling ard on the ground. i like. =D YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

as we grow up...

this is quite an obvious statement, but it only just hit me (with considerable force) today.

as we grow up, some things diminish in importance, while others swell to a previously unimagined size. our expectations, tastes and hopes change.

for example, much as i loathe to admit it, co is gradually diminishing in importance. dont get me wrong, i still love it, but not at the extent, the fevour which i did for the past few years. i'm serious; or why would i choose which jc i want to go to primarily based on how good the co there is? of course, now that i've graduated, there are more things that i love about hc: the culture, 71, the building... the list goes on, but the fact that i chose to go to hc at the start because hcco is good still remains.

i organised and packed the mess of dizi and guzheng scores (solo and dazu) on my shelf today. to my surprise, i managed to suppress much of the strong emotions associated with the files and the scores inside (or outside) them, each representing a different part of my journey through co music. as i hauled the neatly organised and labelled files and folders back onto the shelf, the thought that it'd be a long time till i touch them again flit past my head and i was forced to concede that the thought was right. joining another orchestra after hcco no longer has an attractive ring to it. it has ceased to be a necessity. maybe its because i'm tired and i need a break, but seriously, after months of not touching my instruments, that excuse sounds pretty hollow. co will always be a part of my life, but not to the great extent it once was.

now for the things which has grown in importance.

the issue of religion is one. i'm hurtling towards the date of the self imposed and unspoken (or maybe it was spoken, i cant really remember) truce between my dad and i regarding religion and i still cant see any way out of this deadlock. (well, i have give and take 2 years before 21, but if i want solutions to this problem i cant exactly sit on it for too long, can i?) actually i dont think my dad has any violent objections if i eventually tell him that i want to be an atheist (or what the spelling is) but that's not what i believe in or want. everytime i hold joss sticks in a temple i feel like i'm cheating him, God and myself.

okay i'm going to sound materialistic from this point on. i never thought i'd say this, but money is important. (working with the assumption that my A levels are fine and not as screwed up as analysed harhar) if i cant get into nus its the end of my med dream because i dont have the money to apply overseas, irregardless of availablity of study loan. i hate this, but such is the reality of life. i suppose its only when money is the limiting factor to my dreams and aspirations no matter what that i suddenly realise how important it is, really.

not to mention money having the ability to fulfil some of my unlimited but short term wants e.g various books, cds, a foot pumice, new slippers, clothes and accessories. and good food. and to buy foundation make up (apparently each cake only lasts a year and i've been using this one for 2 years and counting already AHHH), eyeshadow and nail polish. and a thumbdrive. blank cds (so that i can copy my precious pics into them) i think i can forget abt ipod nano and laptop for the time being anyway, its not exactly necessary.

i dont believe i'm admitting this to all and sundry, but here goes: I WANT MY PIMPLES, BLACKHEADS, WHITEHEADS AND ACNE SCARS to DISAPPEAR OFF THE SURFACE OF MY FACEEEEE. actually for that to happen my face has to cease being an oil field first. too bad there's no such thing as the sale of facial oil for fuel or what crap or i'd be mildly rich by now. you'd think that after nearly 5 years of battling various facial imperfections (uneven sized eyes not counted) these monstrosities would beat a hasty retreat as i approach the threshold of adulthood but noooOOOOooOOOOooOoOooo they just go forth and multiply everytime the end of my menstrual cycle approaches. and by the time they reduce sufficiently in size, its the end of ANOTHER cycle and it all starts again. BAH.

there're other things, but i'm getting too lazy to elaborate. maybe next time.

Bumming around is Boring

i guess the title says it all.

well, since i blew 2 $50 notes (that's 2/5 or 1/2 of my monthly allowance, depending on generosity of mum) within the first 3 days of the year, i decided that i had better watch my cash flow more carefully. so i've been spending the past 3 days cooped up at home since i wont have to spend a cent on food, transportation or entertainment. life's been pretty good except for the fact that i'm about to shrivel up and die of boredom.

actually i wont mind going out you know, but its been raining like nobody's business and the thought of having to carry an umbrella out just puts me off the idea of leaving the house completely, unless of course i have already agreed to meet someone earlier on.

then there's the transportation fares. ya i know this post is starting to sound like a complain session, so sorry abt it. but really, paying up to thrice for a trip which used to cost little more than 50 cents is quite a good deterrent. so much so that i walked from tanjong pagar to bugis after my interview the other day so that i could get an organiser. for the blur sotongs out there, the distance (acc to the mrt line) is tanjong pagar, raffles place, city hall, bugis. i contemplated walking to newton after that cos i wanted to go to school to collect my -cough- good progress award but my legs never made it beyond bugis. my heart nearly broke when i accidentally travelled all the way to clementi before realising that i had to go to ikea which would have been cheaper if i went from school. and i woke up to a sharp pain in my left knee the next day which slowly ebbed away over the past few days.

okay i think this post has the potential to be uber long since i'm bored and i'd probably do a recount of the past few days. this post is dedicated to all those who are as bored as me and spend time bumming around looking for updated blogs to read. here's a nice long entry to keep you entertained for a while. (assuming you want to read it. whahahaha)

-looks for my calendar-

okayyyy let's start from the day i watched chronicles of narnia... which would be uhh, 29 dec 2004. which is also the day i passed the basic theory of driving test. i know i was v afraid i'd fail it, after all, who fails basic theory?! and i didnt study much, as my blog posts ard that time would testify. heh so i met yuenmei earlier on before the test to study but well, that's really a lie since we spent more time looking at clothes and chatting. the test itself was quite simple -phew- though my frustration stemmed mostly from the unresponsive screen despite jabbing it using different fingers, strength, angles. zzz.

after the test we got the pdl which COSTS 25 BUCKS.(and is currently rotting away on my table. -_-") learning how to drive is more expensive than i thought. gahhh. so after that i made my way to orchard road to meet hansheng (gone are the days of cheap travel!) accompanied by zhi-xuan who was supposed to meet his army mates for dinner or sumthing. but apparently they forgot to tell him that the dinner was postponed to the next day or something (whahahaahhaah) so he joined us for the movie. oh before that i conned him into getting me a drink. -insert smirking cat emoticon-
.
.
.
.
.

this post will probably go on for abt 2mins-1 hour (that's 2 mins for you to read it and 1 hour worth of typing for me) and i'm too lazy to complete it now so i'd just publish it and er, maybe come back to it when i'm in a mood to blog a long winded grandmother story.

and i guess i'd never remember that i shdnt drink coffee when its my time of the month. i keep forgetting that it accentuates cramps and accelerates demand for toilet and a lot of toilet paper, for some unfathomable reason.

i have the answer!!

-insert smirking cat emoticon-

lalalalala

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i forgot what i wanted to blog abt. bahhhh. i feel like eating the rice with raisins from fish n co. and the fried fish. and the prawns. wait i need to mop up my drool.

i need cash urgently but meanwhile, I'M EMPLOYEDDDDDDDDDD hehe a big big big thank you to jasmine =D

die i havent start work but i already have plans for my cash. its like counting my chickens before they hatch. hmmm.

zzzz i read jiehui's blog entry abt wanting someone to tell her what to do now and i, (curse myself) agree. die. education system. i need a job. (yea i got it) i need to call up tuition agency coz i want to give tuition also (but i dont feel like DOING it myself) and i need to arrange driving lessons or i'm just going to waste 25 bucks on my pdl BUT i dont want to decide for myself whether i shd take up private driving lessons or waste 64 dollars attending basic theory course at bbdc even though i've my pdl already just so i can take practical lessons with bbdc and save myself the hassle from coordinating everything. -exhale-

plus i'm toying with the idea of taking piano lessons (since my guqin lessons died eh) but i cant afford a piano so i dont know if any teacher out there wants to teach a student who wont practice a lot PLUS i've to work out the cost.

weird huh. i've been looking forward to the freedom of having to plan everything myself, with no imposed timetable by various authorities but now that i have it, i dont want to plan anymore.

-slaps myself- this is not progress in life, this is regression.

a RAINy SUNday

rain is good. i like rain; the splash of raindrops against the window panes, the cool, fresh air that permeates the house and everything in it.

then again, maybe not.

trapped at home because of the rain on a sunday afternoon while chinese new year looms is a recipe for disaster.

you know why?

chinese new year = spring cleaning.

every year, an explosion occurs in a unit at jurong west.

me and my mum.

i'm a pack rat, she thrashes most things.

you get the sad, sad idea.

atmosphere at home today has been as cold as the rainy air, as dangerous as being in the same room with 100000 kg of TNT.

okay i exaggerate.

but spring cleaning every year is like dropping a tiny piece of caesium metal into a pyrex trough of water. boom.

(why are the previous few lines so chemistry-loaded)

dont look forward to session 2 of the cleaning up of ger's room. zzz.

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i made a new wallpaper for my desktop!

i know it doesnt look very much different from the previous one but the pics are more updated? lol

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anyway,

Assiduité : and I don't like your blog

Assiduité : it has caused me to go to famous amos 2 times this week

famous amos shd pay me commision. whahahahahahahahahaha

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been reading blogs belonging to juniors in hc now and all i feel like saying is DAMNIT I WANT TO BE J1 AGAIN -sobsobwhineeesob- to step into the school and think"hey i made it in here!" then wondering if i'm in the correct part of the sch since got so many pple in chs uniform looking forward to meeting my new class wondering how the people will be like how the class seniors will be like looking out for co seniors i know learning the mass dances and school song and college anthem and thinking die man all in chinese running ard like crazy rotting at the class bench playing lame games wondering what lessons will be like speculating if the teachers are nice eating in the canteen waiting for the orientation package so that can put on collar pin trying not to get lost in school AHHHHHHH i feel like crying already -WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

PANIC

yep i know its only 6 jan 2006 but i cant help it after seeing the article that o level results will be released early meaning that A LEVEL RESULTS WILL BE RELEASED EARLIER TOO.

-looks for panic button-

and all my worries come flooding back. i think i'd get an A for bio, but then again i'm not entirely sure also because i know i have one essay qn completely wrong which means 8 marks gone plus i'm quite uncertain of many of the short answer questions. plus there's the curse of SPA. math was completely horrible, i lost close to 30 marks for each paper so now my worry is that it'd be worse than a C. which is honestly very unthinkable for a student coming from a school where more than 95% of the cohort gets an A. econs... what can i say? case study was quite badly done (the 8 marks consumption question!! god.), data response was on my favourite labour market and my essay points were quite different from so many other people. so, B?

now i wish i didnt come from a school where 50% of the cohort gets 4As so if i do get my predicted grades i'm already at the bottom 50% of the school. no wait, 25% or so gets 3As so i'd be bottom 25%?!

like that how to go anywhere?

i dont feel like facing the world already.

it disturbs me that...

(to put it in crude yet direct terms) i havent had a good shit in ages.

yea bowel movement still exists, but it doesnt feel as good as it used to. hmmm maybe i ought to add more fibre to my diet, no?

lelong lelong!

okie i'm finally clearing up the mess in my room and i realise er, it'd be a complete waste to throw away some stuff so juniors, look here! heh if any of you actually want these stuff (most are free, some are not) tag okie?

mathematics:

step by step- study guide for your a level mathematics edition 2.0 by cs toh and thomas cheong
book looks slighty kiam chye with a few pencil marks, my name is on the first page but can be easily removed via correction fluid -_-

revision tests in a level mathematics by dominic ng and gerald lee 2004/05 edition
some pencil marks, hardly used. (explains my results eh)


biology:

longman a level course in biology - growth development and reproduction by hoh yin kiong
highlighted with my fat name on the front page as usual, other than that its quite clean

chemistry:

step by step study guide for your a level chemistry by cs toh and thomas cheong, edition 2.0
this one looks very beaten, entire book is highlighted and scribbled on. i kinda doubt anyone wants it anyway.

chemistry a level exam step by step solutions by cs toh and thomas cheong
this book is completely new except for my fat name at the front again.

a level chemistry, 4th edition by E.N Ramsden ($30)
i paid nearly $50 for this book so i'm not abt to give it away. less than 5 chapters are highlighted, other than that its completely clean. it still smells new. heh

other than those listed above i also have a binded set of gp papers from various jcs (clean except for my name and the first passage) and 2 binded sets of econs essay plans (passed down from dunno where) everything is free except for ramsden, though i dont mind if you pay me coz i'm freaking broke. i will thrash everything that's not taken by cny so if you want pls tell me okie?

no grafitti on the books except for the usual circling and highlighting!! serious! no stupid drawings etc!!

farewell amid a lot of laugher

saw ms wong off at changi airport ytd MORNING -grumble- (reach changi by 8.30am i NEARLY DIED CAN yours truly lives in jurong west) before going job hunting with suan shinwei n gladys. hmmm it seems like most jobs available to students are as promoters at roadshows or sales etc which i cant do because i DETEST it when i get approached by promoters plus i think there's no need to convince me to buy something that badly because its a simple matter of personal choice. hopefully i can land an admin job soon.

farewell dinner (yea this time its for REAL) for the guys at fish n co at the glass house last night. twas a fairly, no, excellent gathering since the eventual double digit number of people who turned up started with a 2. =D

(what amuses me is that the guys keep saying they're going separate ways when really, all they're going to end up is on tekong which is dunno how many times smaller than singapore.)

i think we pissed off the waitress though coz we took up a lot of space (obviously, since matter is anything which has weight and takes up space) and took a mighty long time to order, not to mention the noise a bunch of 18 yr old pple generates. then again, to compensate for us being a nuisance in general, the service was way beyond sucky. they didnt bother to give us plates when we ordered seafood platters and nv bothered to clear the plates midway through the meal when they were already piled with shells and what not. boooooooo

but anyway, we took our time with our food, slacked and talked crap for a while. self-training hei-bai-pei is freaking funny especially when we eventually "chorographed" a dance. and suan shinwei n i brought the jinx milo game to a new peak! its called the freestyle when someone "raps" and the other 2 or more people parasite. hahahaha

after CHEERING our class cheer in fish n co we decided to beat a hasty exit before we get kicked out and proceeded to the love thingy to take class pics!

one for all, all for one, seven one, number one! hahahahaa yea i noe our class cheer is beyond lame but who cares, 71 rocks! :D i appear unbelievably tall eh, coz i was standing on the base of the letter E. whahahahaah

it took us DAMN LONG to get alex to do a L for the LOVES. yisheng extra la, insisted he wanted to do a S. ah well. we're short of damian who was watching narnia and anthon who's already squatting on the lovely island of pulau tekong.

after that we did a few cheers again before heading to this empty area near plaza singapura to sing songs (led by our very own council song ic who cannot play hc songs anymore), view pictures oh his laptop. when we got bored we started playing hunter and bear again! hahaha i think that can be named as our class game le, shd try passing it on to our juniors whahahahha

i love my class, they completely took my mind off more depressing matters (like my grandma's condition and my lack of a job), at least for a while. i was afraid i'd end up crying myself to sleep again but i felt okie (and tired enough) to just zzzzzz when i reached home.

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i dont know why blogger refuses to upload my pics taken today so i'd just leave it as that first. updates on today later, watch this space!

why cant i be older?

...

chuiguan dinner

dinner at galilee and friends at cineleisure
heh.

enoch's behind the camera

happy 2006

hi all. welcome to the revived chocolate chip cookie. i've always missed blogspot after shifting to diary-x in 2004 but i didnt want to just start another blog here in the middle of nowhere and since 2005 has ended, here i am.

i'm sorry, i wish i could start my new blog and the new year with a nice happy crappy (ger style) post but i dont think i can. yesterday (or maybe you can call that last year) my mum told me the doctor's conclusion for my grandma's constant ache in her abdomen area: suspected advanced stage cancer. today, she said my grandma only has a few more months to live. nice way to start the year, eh?

i dont know but being told that the person who fed you, changed your diapers, chased after you with a cane and generally saw you for most of your waking hours all the way till primary 3 might not be around for good by this time next year surely makes the thought of this year a lot more gloomy and a lot harder to welcome 2006 with all the optimism given to previous years.

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on a different note, the fireworks yesterday were really pretty. my pics suck (most of them had part of my finger in it coz i wasnt paying attention to the camera) so i shant bother putting them up here.