The clocks went back this morning, which straight away meant that we didn't have to feel guilty about having a lie in this morning. What would normally have been 11:30 am was instead 10:30 am... a perfectly respectible time to get up on a Sunday morning!
And then for breakfast, we treated ourselves to a cafe latte, freshly squeezed orange juice, the last of the season's raspberries and a cheese and ham toasty! I then treated myself to an eagerly awaited new toy... a MacBook on which I'm now writing this post (feeling very smug that I've got it all updated and running nicely after spending a day or so getting our new wireless network and ADSL connection sorted).I'm actually feeling a bit merry. I've recently started to treat myself with an occassional glass of wine or a gin and tonic after spending about a year almost T-total (except for the occassional glass of champagne). I therefore allowed myself to attend the bi-annual wine tasting event organised by our excellent local delicatessen, Gransjean. With approximately 130 different wines to taste, it's difficult not to get a little tipsy, despite only tasting a small sip at a time. We tried about 20 of the wines, since we're admittedly a little snobby. We did try some new world wines though and were pleasantly suprised with some Argentinian and even some Canadian wine! And to top things off, the wine is complemented with a fine selection of cheeses and meats from around the world. For only €7.50 per person, it's a real bargain and such a nice treat!
So, do I feel guilty about this little endulgement in light of the fact that we're trying so hard to create our little Flonny? Not at all. I've been thinking long and hard on this subject for a few weeks now. I know that drinking alcohol is probably not the best thing to do when undertaking ICSI. But I know that I limit my consumption to very sensible quantities, no longer feeling the urge to binge drink like I used to (and, I must say, I was very good at it). But having an occassional glass of wine makes me feel relaxed and warm inside. To quote the great Brit-pop band "Blur", it gives me a sense of enourmous well being. I personally think that this positive state of mind will more than offset any minor detrimental physical effects that an occassional G&T may incurr. And this is my new tantra. As much as I want to have a child, I am not prepared to sacrifice my life for it. I refuse to be a slave to this urge to reproduce. As much as I want to bring another life into the world, I can't do so at the expense of my own, else what's the point? Surely this is just substitution... one life for another. I want my child to experience what life has to offer, to be wrapped in it's rich tapesty, but to do so I need to be familiar with it myself. I need that will to live life myself so that I can enthuse my child with it and give my child the opportunity to prosper.
I'm so happy that I went out and enjoyed myself with Flo. I'm happy that, despite the shit that we've been through and the troubles that we're having bringing a new life into the world, that we still have the energy to live our own lives. It's these moments that make me feel like life is worth living! It's these moments that give me the strength to play natures games... despite being dealt a crappy hand, we're still going to win this game.
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