National Poetry Month : Ryanne Kap,

 

 

when i ask you if i’ve changed

 

i mean, do i seem well-adjusted?
or do you remember the way i cried
on the phone when you closed the door
and i spent four seasons searching
for a window? do you think i think
you’re going to leave again? do you know
i know you won’t? when i touch your cheek
does it feel like i learned how to do this
in your absence? can you feel the way he taught
me to hold someone and not look away?
can you feel how it’s so different
to look at you and no longer care
about seeing anything else? what i really mean
is that i love you open hands open heart
open everything leading back to you
that first night and tonight, and me
telling you that i feel different,
i feel alright, i feel better now.

 

 

 

 

Ryanne Kap is a Chinese-Canadian writer and academic from Strathroy, Ontario. Her work has been featured in Grain, carte blanche, long con, and elsewhere. Her short story “Heat” won first place in Grain’s 2020 Short Grain contest and was selected as a notable pick in the 2021 edition of Best Canadian Short Stories. Her debut chapbook, “goodbye, already,” was published by Frog Hollow Press in 2021. Ryanne studied English and creative writing at UTSC and holds an MA in English from Western University. She is also the managing editor at The Puritan. You can find her online at www.ryannekap.com or on Twitter and Instagram @ryannekap.