Orange Spot

In this few days, my consciousness was getting better. I started remember the name of road in Penang to my brother's place. It turned out that it is so easy that there's a very significant sign where road to get into the place is just beside the Trinity Methodist Church. Guess what? There's a road named 'Cheesemen' not far away.

I felt different, extraordinarily happy. It was when we stopped in the middle of the traffic and a gentle breeze came which we couldn't feel inside the car but uncountable little yellow flowers just being blown off from the old, big tree along the road in Penang. And this was and is going to be a very beautiful scene. I BET others felt the same even if drivers on the road were coming with different mood, but I'm sure the falling off of the flowers could calm the whole thing down, especially if you were rushing and in stress. At that moment, hope and love are possible, I was just trying to forget the saddest thing ever happened in my life, to forget that we are all living in a world of errors.

Coming back from Penang, I was visiting my grandmother in Bukit Tambun. And two kittens just added to the family. I love the one with white fur and orange spots, he looked just like his mother. Maybe this is stupid for me to come out with such question. We all know that cat doesn't have shower, they clean themselves just by licking. Unless they are the exceptional royal pet. Have you wonder how they wash their face since their tongue couldn't reach? Maybe we all can figure it out if we think. But I never think of this problem they met.

Well, animals do have their own IQ. They have life, of course but without spirit. Human have spirits because God had blown it to Adam's nostril. Well, the cat just licked her front paw and then wiped her face with her paw. Isn't it amazing? When we see animals have thought and have ability to live on their own and sometimes we see love in them which absent in some of us and give us some hints or reminder.

I forgot to ask if they had named them.

SAIL

While I was brushing my teeth, some thoughts came to me.

I felt there is some connection between study and sail on sea. They are related somehow. But these are just mere philosophy of mine.

Don't you think?

Study is like a voyage, you ought to venture to gain. It wouldn't end, you sailed all the time, everywhere, at most of the point, meet with different culture, people; at junction, you somehow missed the best but you did grab some nice chance. You sailed with the wind, peacefully, formed a work team with your crew.

Your teacher is your map. But maps were updated all the time when you found new land like Napoleon. You never blamed the map, you blame your plan. Map is just the guide, it depends, like a compass or stars on sky. They don't always lead you to where you want all the times, sometimes you need to find your way out. You need to draw your own map.

School is your ship. You are the wheel. You steer your own way through the sea of knowledge. Sometimes, you stopped by the man-eating island where you found your treasure. You fought with pirates, cannibals, you stood up to marines. You are brave and strong, like Robinson Crusoe. You want some laughter too, so you behaved like Jack Sparrow. The path is hard just like facing Davy Jones. You are as calm as Will Turner. But, sometimes you are too rushing, unable to be humble, you became Elizabeth.

When you are given too much works, you are drowning. When you are left with bunch of questions, you are floating. When you think hard for it, you are submerging. Your diligence throw you a buoy. But at the same time, your laziness acts as your anchor.

As long as you enjoy the sail, nothing shall ever stop you as your will determines your sail. At time you decide to deck, remember to bring some souvenirs back.

When you are fisher of fish, be the fisher of man.

Live to Eat

Do we live to eat or eat to live?

Once, my friend fired a question. It made me tongue tight but now only I realized how simple the answer should be.

There's only one of a kind in this universe which eat to live. Pig, to name. They eat so that they live, when their owners find them had eaten enough, they would be sold and slaughtered where their lives ended.

Well, we should live to eat. 'Eat' alone, gives many definition or at once flood your mind with all kinds of delicious food. If you google it, you will find there are hundreds of description for food or precisely for the taste when you put it in your mouth. Asians are more to rice, so the people in China have five names for rice. (稻、黍、稷、麦、菽) Europeans crave for meat, so they have chicken, mutton, beef, pork......, sometimes they called them steak or loaf and for fish, they are seafood.

But Lord Jesus Christ gives a very important definition for 'eat'. If we looked up at John Chapter 4, after He talked to a Samaritan woman and His disciples came back and brought somefood for Him. He told His disciples,

"I have food to eat that you do not know about." ³³So the disciples said to one another, "Has anyone brought him something to eat?" ³⁴Jesus said to them,"My food is to do the will of him who sent me."

We live to eat as we live to do the work of God.

So, we must draw out some necessary principles in our lives, so that we feel that we live our lives to the fullest. For example, "always be punctual", "never look down on people", "always be humble" and so on. So that we live a life of God as people see testimony in us. And the harvest,
Lord Jesus Christ had said...

Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest. ³⁶Already the one who reaps is receiving wages and gathering fruit for eternal life, so that sower and reaper may rejoice together.

What to do?

This is the drawing I paint when I'm bored. Sorry that I have no scanner......I think it's not bad.


Boring, immotile?

Well, here are some activities I had figured out to do during this long long free time and I can share here.

For those who are 'in a relationship', plan whatever you want and skip this post.

For single and available, here it is,

*Find a soul mate, then you can skip this post too.

*Enroll yourself and learn something useful. Taking a license, upgrading your piano level, learning to rap, break dance, lomography or whatever makes you feel great, energetic and most importantly young!

*Online, but do it in session. Place activities like exercising, singing, eating salad and all kinds of healthy stuff in between the time you online. (I guess they are to reduce the tiredness of your eyes and reduce the radicals inside you)

*Make use of internet. Update yourself with the latest news, watch inspiring movies, blogging, posting useful comment on people's profile and keeping in touch with best friends.

*Learn new skills OR improve the current one. Practicing your singing, dancing, writing, cooking or whatever attract your interest. Must not forget, reading requires skill too.

*Meditate yourself. Do not misunderstand. It's all about seeking peace in your mind and heart and connect yourself to God. Enhancing your listening experience with music like the album Arias, draw paintings you like, read Bible and pray! (Talking to ABBA Father is more than enough)

*Reach out to the world. (You may work part time to acquire communication skill and gain some working experience but learn to choose the working environment and learn to choose friends) For Christians, best to involve in church's events, serve the Lord.

*Visit old school, old friends, frequent the cafe you been to long long time ago. They reminded you the past which make you to appreciate more of the present.

*Do household chores. The least choice you have, learn to respect your parents and care about your siblings. Or for those who are without siblings, try planting flowers for go-green or rear a Goldfish and name it with your enemy's name. So that, you learn to love XXX everyday. XD

*On vacation. (You plan yourself)

*Outing. Must not forget to try the Green Tea doughnut from Big Apple. Never miss cinema during outing unless you are a shopaholic. (A shopaholic should be watching her wallet) You can play true or dare in public places with friend and create challenge like asking hp number from a handsome white guy.

*For those who find exactly nothing to do. Play games, healthy games that train your determination to finish all the levels without CHEATING!! (Bomberman, MARIO...they are healthy games, strongly discourage games like GTA that instill violence) Or, go to chat room or forum and argue with people.

*For Penang citizens, you can sit on the ferry the whole day and experience six times of forth and back from the Penang island.



Meanwhile, this is all I can tell. Enjoy yourself.

靠着祂，便有喜悦，便有爱。

上帝给人类最好的礼物，就是赐你挫折，给你失败

有个学弟在面子书上这样写。我反驳了他。我说：“不是的，上帝给我们的是一个我们绝对能胜过的试炼。” 祂是慈爱的，祂绝对不会被恶试探，也不会试探我们。所以，在这世上，无论遇上有多艰难的事，只要依靠上帝，便能胜过，因为祂已胜了世界。

我并不是在这儿吹嘘，一切的事早已记载在圣经上了。人子降临、钉在十架、流出祂的宝血为我们赎罪，死后三天复活以及第二次降临，也就是在审判日的时候，这一切都要慢慢的应验，因为那是上帝所说的。

我曾经懊悔的问母亲，我那么坏，上帝会原谅我吗？（我也有过自暴自弃的日子）母亲毫无犹豫地回答说，只要你悔改，天父是会原谅你的。你看啊，上帝瞧着我们犯罪，不但没有与我们计较，反而派遣祂最爱的独生子，耶稣来到世上，为我们的罪而死，我们是祂所宝贝的啊！要不然，我们怎能白白的进入天父的国。你认为呢，单靠自己，就能上天堂吗？使徒保罗在圣经上说过，世上没有义人，一个都没有。

但是很多人不明白上帝的爱，所以基督徒并不是那么的可怕，拉住你不放，要和你说教。他们只是想和你传达这个好消息，和你分享他们信主后，那不可思议的遭遇和源源不绝的喜悦。

有首歌，唱的是，这礼物要给你，但你自己不要。

无论你信主了与否，我只想告诉你，靠着祂，便有喜悦，便有爱。

Silence Does Not means I hate YOu

Silence Does Not means I hate YOu, Its Because I Love YOu!

Saw this sentence on Facebook and it stabbed straight into my heart. Why would ever words and people I meet everyday would try to disturb my recovery? People can't stop talking about love and I guess part of reason, they are fear of the doomsday.

Even one of my friend is watching National Geographic now, the grow of interest to the change of Earth. We don't use dreams, hope and abstract terms anymore, we say go green. Hopefully, people really practice what they had implemented.

The phrase above can be viewed in different perspectives, plus with different speculations and voices. Well, God loves us and He had been silenced for years. Watching the world long lies with sins, He is waiting for us to turn back to Him. But now, prophecy is to be fulfilled. Earthquake, tsunami, drought, flood and etc; all these disasters together with war, disease and famine. Signs show the Day of Judgment is coming but to Christian, we say, the heaven is near.

But personally, this is phrase I'm going dedicate to the whom I love yet never know I love.

Young Ones

Young ones have dreams.

Everybody does.

But if you have God inside your heart, you felt it's enough, the real exact happiness that the rich still seeking.

I have dreams too. I want to be a film director, I used to have a lot of ideas for the film I'm going to make, the book I'm going to write, the drawing I'm going to paint and the song I'm going to perform.

But none of these dreams is here.

They are just dreams.

If you fight, you might get. Otherwise, if you live with what you had, your life is still moving on. Why suffering yourself to think so much and to put so much jealousy on others? Life still worth it if you make use of your love, your share and care.

IT isn't always go on as what you planned. To me as a Christian, I commit everything to Lord. Unexpectedly, you might get something better in the future. We never know. So, work hard with what you had now, at least you try. Maybe on Earth, there's something else better for you, you never know, but He knows.

The world may seem cruel, pushing you hard, taking away things you want. It's unfair, isn't it? Don't compare yourself with the Kwashiokor in Africa. Never. Everyone has its own life destiny. You are not God, you ain't know. Don't ever feel a bit comfortable with your life when you compared it with others. Just be happy with it because you know you are important, and the Creator cares about your life, He is planning for you.

If you can't just be happy for 60 seconds from now on, it's worthless no matter you fight against all odds or swim through the Pacific Ocean for what you want. Less dramatically, you've been cried for whole day for it, I guess.

Some may be frustrated for the least they can do even if they had reached this miserable 19. At least, you are still alive and at least you have the chance to carry the dream with you.

at home.

I dreamed about storm and I woke up to a blinding sun.

A long long nap I ever had, just to tolerate with the 2 big glass of red wine I gulped during a visit to my Grandma's house. She gave us another bottle and I want to keep it for tomorrow, for meal with spaghetti. I'm going to cook, but I think this is the easy one, just boiled the spaghetti and put on the readily Prego in my fridge, isn't it? I even got the recipe online, but I think I won't read it either, I just want to seek for some fun here...

I'm like a bomb timer, no one ever dare to disturb or to give a pat. They are curious, I guess the red wine is even just for me, no one in the whole family want to drink that. It's sour and bitter. So, I guess it just take another more sour and bitter person to drink it up, as the bitterness in her heart had made her feel absolutely nothing about the wine.

Now, I know why all the idiots in movie drink wine. Once it invaded your body, you feel an immediate anesthetic effect and you can't help but sleep. This is a real sleep, no dream, no memories about the sadness, they are all gone. And you had a nice sleep and when you open up your eyes, you felt absolutely great, they are gone with the wine.

And this is just my aesthetic.

well(x3)

"For Narnia and For Aslan." Peter shouted, with his sword on hand, ready for the battle on his snow white unicorn.

I was boring at home, with laptop on service, so movies take the place of blogging and facebooking. I read an article on the paper and they said if you spent more than 4 hours on facebook a day, you are officially addicted. What to do, I can see many ex-matriculation students like me, head nowhere. Some awaiting a travel, some enroll themselves on some beneficial programmes, some like me, sitting at home and explore the world with mere Mozilla Firefox or Google Chrome for the latest one, I supposed.

I had bad mood. Neither my parents know the reason. I went back to visit some ex-coworkers lately. Uncomprehending, I was told that I looked mature and like one who had fallen in love. Inexorably, I told them the priorities of my life; college, job and family, like the aims of the guy in Vampire's Assistant. Well, he ended up being a Vampire which is bullshit as whole. If I myself, God leads the way.

Kinda missing the college's friends. The life in hostel, making noise and having sleepless night without parents' guidance. At least, we had been crazy and that's cool as long as I didn't cross the line, I'm bad but not that bad. The clock tower tolled out a 18 me so it's time to be who I shall be, a role model for the younger, a good kid for the old man and a better student to glorify God's name.

Well, speaking of the last day in college, when I walked out the B.T, without a bit of regret for shading a sheet of paper, a friend passed me an envelope and dissipated into the callous crowd. I was more curious on reading it rather than ran after her and teased her as usual. Yea, Agnes Chui, am really glad for the last letter which you insisted so many times that it's not a love letter. I know and I'm not that sensitive. I appreciated our friendship and hopefully it didn't just lasted for the many lectures we had. Thanks for the help you had been lending during our college life. And all the best for your future.

I remembered what Sandra Bullock had said at the end of the story, While you were sleeping, "My Dad is right, sometimes, thing doesn't go on as what you had planned."

I never thought I would be graduated from Matriculation and engaged to so many precious friendship.

Jiwang Btul~

Would you be regret if you never confess? The feeling people called love, you just hide it inside. You feel it's not important, love will come by itself. You feel the instant confession is too complicated, you should wait for another fairy tale. You felt the love is too simple, without romance like in the Korean drama, so you rather give up.

You just want to wait, for another one, the one you feel it's right and the one you will never let go. As for now you feel as if it's a hallucination, a love that is disagreeable or offensive, you should never put it into option. It will fade away, you assure yourself. It will. Like walking between trees, the sunlight always slips once in while through the leaves, warm up your face. Love feels the same.

It creeps into your heart and root itself up. But when you forget to water it, it dies. Sometimes, you let it to blossom, sometimes you choose to poison it. Like the juries in the court, you are firm for the final result, is it better for it to be prosecuted?

Petulance within, insipid fills in.

Huhu~~

I'm getting dumb with insomnia, no more sleeping soundly. (But that's not the point)

Mr.Chew and Madame Tor were leaving for Kuantan. Last night, I came down and passed them some staff I couldn't bring back. (You haven't see my luggage) They left me a bag of Bibles and Hymns, together with the CD I demanded. So, I guess it is? Even tough they had never been my lecturer for any subject, I felt they are the one closer to me. Well, the time they said 'All the best' for farewell, my tongue tighten, words swollen back like I didn't know what to say for the last meeting. You know, I'm not the kind that is good at conversing. They were asking me to join the campus training in K.L, two weeks after Matric. I think 80 percent would make the chance I'm going as I feel I ain't having any life that comes with discipline and I'm sure my Mom and Dad feel exactly the same.

On Saturday night, I was invited to dine with them. They treated me well tough I'm the outstanding kind, inviting variety of topics like another two friends. (All I did is just eating and the soup was fantastic, they are all healthy food, less salt and sugar) They told us they got a visit to KM Banting, a whole new one and is awaiting for their first batch this year, but it's a concrete jungle, no tree and green like KMPh.

So, there's a guy who dined with us as well. He said luckily that KM Banting only opened this year, not during our batch. So, I was just thinking it's true also because we might got a chance to be sent to this 'hot' zone. But end up, his reason was just as lame as I haven't expected. He was worried for extra competition to get in University later if KM Banting started last year.

Paradoxically, I felt joyful when Mr.Chew told us the news. I felt happy for our juniors as they might have more chance to get in a Matriculation College which you will not regret to be here. It's a fast track that saves time and money, rather than you continue Form 6 and waste money on tuition. And hey man, Relax!! Even if it's in our batch, more people will get chance to enter Matric, like your friend.

Everything lies on God's hand, what more to worry till the end of the world? You are sucked, I dare to tell and you makes me sick. You are worried for the competition but God decided which path you walk. Then, he just told Mr.Chew everything is written, means everything had been decided. Ironic, isn't it?? (I don't mean no harm)

Chopin

Listening to 'Funeral March' by Chopin. I could hardly choke my tears back.

I once told a friend, I didn't learn piano because I hate the note. I lied.

My family just can't afford me to learn.

As the elder among the siblings, I must be considerate. Tough, I still felt that life is unfair.

I always envy with those who can play. Watching my friends, elevated from one grade to another as we grew up. But, I just can't play a single song because I'm afraid that I might say, I could only play any music in my mind, draw any paintings in my mind that they are so easily formed where they do not need, like money.

Piano wrote poem. Silly for someone who refuse to learn and insipid for those who couldn't learn.

Maybe I have no talent for music, but it's unfair that I didn't get a chance to try. Watching other people learning, like having an exam, no passion within and then they spoil the whole things by playing the popular modern songs which I totally cannot accept.

I remember I played a simple song when I visited my friend. She was real shocked and wondered if I had learned, eyeballing me as she never hoped I would have one more better talent. And perhaps she didn't know, I know nothing about the note, I just memorized.

And another friend, with a truthful expression, told me not to learn piano as I am stupid, what a honest statement. And I always scared to ask from my parents as I will be turned down again. And about the statement my friend made, I only told my mother after a long time because I didn't want my mother to say something ever heart-stabbing. You know, before we came to know Christ, my family is kind of mean. Thank You Lord for opening our eyes and bringing us to You.

Tough, sometimes I will still feel uneasy about my life but I shall never compare with others. As Lord, He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He enables me to stand on the heights.

Life

Honestly, I am unsatisfied with my life, or with the country, the people here. As I see life without enjoyment and the way they enjoy life is strange.

Let me explain.

To me, if we had chickenpox, we should just rest at home for one month, relax your mind and recharge, you can do something interesting, like collecting stamps, something lightly. But people here, I supposed, should be sad for not going to school? It's not a passion to acknowledging, but of a kiasu spirit that they afraid their competitor might be better than them after their skipping of class.

They got a trend here, study extremely hard and then only unleash all the stress in one temporary time, they called holidays. But isn't life always sweet? I'm not telling people to lay back, just we should lead a real good life and experience it.

And what makes up all of these? I'm afraid that would be the country? It's common, kids here should dispatch their dreams and compete for something which they don't really want, yet it's the only way they can continue life. I found many peers among me are actually good at some other things, music, painting and etc. However, they are all doing other things.

There are no fairy tales here and there is a 'must' here that there never shall be failure. Well then, what's the point of living? You said it yourself, life is a cycle of up and down. But what I see, your up is getting good results and your down is getting slightly not good results.

Well, stunned. Try take a pencil and a paper, walk yourself around and ask people what is 'love'. I'm sure many would be silence, without answer. What about the couple walking around? They would just look at each other and smile. It's undefined as we are getting numb of life, the stress swirled in your chest, the boring life you must wake up to every morning and the coffee you force yourself to drink again tonight.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Good Battles Evil and Good shall always win.

NEVER WATCHED NARNIA.

Yes, even tough at home, DVD with Narnia loaded. I remembered I just watched the Jumanji and Zathura that come along with it in trilogy(pirated). My family, for sure, they will never watch, even Avatar, they just thrown it aside, while I watched it twice in the cinema, once 2-D and another 3-D...HUHU... And once I bought another DVD, again Narnia tracked me down, but still I didn't touch it, I watched Bridge to Terrabithia first till I cried for so long when the little girl inside the movie died and the boy even asked, "will his best friend EVER go to heaven......"

Well, till now, still haven't watch it. But today, Narnia greeted me in the cafeteria when I took my lunch there after the quite satisfied physics exam. At first, I haven't realised yet it's Narnia, I thought it just some ancient white man movie with those swords and shields. But the exciting music caught my attention and at the same I discovered there are some weird weird animals appeared in the battle.

And then, here comes the roar and the Lion came into view with the little girl whose glances are powerful and the whole atmosphere is brought up where I felt myself fighting inside the scene too, against the bad bad villain, fuyoh!!! And then, a giant water man stood up and beaten down the whole army from the bad side...(so water is not soft, ok?)...and yeah2, victory belongs to the righteous...

Man!! I'm not gonna miss Narnia after this. And mostly importantly, it wakes me with my dream again...why2? Not forget to mention, it's written by a C.S Lewis who might incorporate some Christian themes inside it...fuyoh!!!
PSPM cepat habis la...

Some people seem to think that I began by asking myself how I could say something about Christianity to children; then fixed on the fairy tale as an instrument, then collected information about child psychology and decided what age group I’d write for; then drew up a list of basic Christian truths and hammered out 'allegories' to embody them. This is all pure moonshine. I couldn’t write in that way. It all began with images; a faun carrying an umbrella, a queen on a sledge, a magnificent lion. At first there wasn't anything Christian about them; that element pushed itself in of its own accord. -C.S Lewis

When we were weak, He becomes stronger...

Good Friday passed. Mother told me that the way I was fasting was wrong. And I had no objection about that. Early in the morning, I woke up at 8, brushed my teeth, washed my face but I was exhausted, so I slept back. Fasting should be in consciousness, I supposed. We carried on our daily chores and we didn't eat. But I was in a sleep, and if sleeping makes fasting successful, I shall fast everyday after Matriculation. However, it was wrong and I asked forgiveness from God for being too weak to Him. And Stephanie would be stunned when she finds out.
And I feel for 10 months here, God sees me through and I'm here to be sharpened to a stronger person. During the first semester, I had encountered all kinds of friends and betrayals who and which disappointed me. I realized we should rely on God as He always love us but friends are someone who can lend you a shoulder or stab you at the same time. We stuck together as we belong to the same species. And I am just getting stronger in Him when I see the ugliness of human being. Without God, they see no ways to be righteous, they seek for wealth and fame that never be able to quench their spirit. They claim themselves Atheist, an excuse to freed from any law, an escape from feeling guilty whenever they sin. And Christians didn't own a do-and-don't list, God's law lies in their heart. If they take God's love more than anything, Holy Spirit shall guide them to the right way.
And the second semester, God let me see people change, unveiling their other sides, which are dark and pitiful. They dumped you when you are no more for use, they befriended back when you spell beneficial. At the same time, they could act as if nothing happen, their heart switched like the weed, in the middle of the field, altering or to be steered by the wind. And all I did is just praying. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want, His rod and His staff comfort me, He shall prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. Amen.
Pray to God, as it's a given authorities to Christians.

Matthew

7:21 Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter into the Kingdom of Heaven; but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. [compare]

7:22 Many will tell me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, didn't we prophesy in your name, in your name cast out demons, and in your name do many mighty works?' [compare]

7:23 Then I will tell them, 'I never knew you. Depart from me, you who work iniquity.'

7:13 "Enter in by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter in by it. [compare]

7:14 How narrow is the gate, and restricted is the way that leads to life! Few are those who find it.

10:32 Everyone therefore who confesses me before men, him I will also confess before my Father who is in heaven. [compare]

10:33 But whoever denies me before men, him I will also deny before my Father who is in heaven.