My affection on Avatar

Everything is backwards now, like out there is the true world and in here is the dream. -Jake Sully, Avatar

I never knew that Avatar would be such a great film that I couldn't afford to forget or take away my feeling for it...I didn't watched the 3-D version yet...But I feel as if I'm inside It, the Pandora, I could feel its breeze, the speed of ikran, the light in and out whenever I stepped on the delicate yet beautiful and strong, awkward plants...I could feel as if I'm climbing up the path to heaven like the Na'vi.
Why would I'm so obsessed with it? With the new world I never encounter?? Is it because ours is about to be ruined? We, still have a lot of things to learn from these alien natives, right? Or perhaps from James Cameron that been trying to deliver some important messages through such great production...?

"They killed their mother and now they try to kill others'."

Look around, please! How longer we would kill these trees, animals and the air layer around us? I wished if there is Pandora, I wished if I can fly on Ikran too...I wished I can form a strong bond with the trees...and listen to their voices and the pure spirit......
They are trying to tell us something, aren't they? At least, I feel I see something from the beautiful screen...
Eywah, they are telling us to believe that the world has a Creator, and the Creator is to balance the world and at the right time, the righteous will fight back and those evils will lose.
Pandora is a world in which we all desire. This is why in the Avatar, human kept digging in Pandora by hook or by crook just to get the mineral that could save the Earth energy crisis and it even make Jake that couldn't walk to run wildly throughout the forest using his avatar-body... There are too much hints we could take. Pandora may be a sign of the heaven but why would the atmosphere be toxic to the human as we who are unclean cannot enter heaven whereas through the link, we entered it by avatar-body...
And the pure spirit of tree, Na'vi could actually link themselves to the tree and plants like we should have linked ourselves to God through the Holy Spirit. Na'vi are those who righteous, they are brave warriors. They love their land and they fight for their land even tough by their horses and arrows against the evil machine guns and tractors and jets...compared to human, we destruct Earth by ourselves and we never could fight back what which is stopping us, holding us at the center of sins...because we don't have the bond...
Like Jake Sully have said, "I might be crazy for talking to a tree," when he tries to pray to Eywah, this shows that he just doesn't have the faith, like many of the people, still wouldn't believe in God...he is idiot and slow to Neytiri when he tries to learn the Na'vi way of living because it's just hard for us to be righteous...and he could only achieve that slowly in the three-months period by linking himself to the pure plants around him...and he found out himself love to be one of the Omticaya...And Jake even make up with Neytiri under the witness of Eywah where this relationship is pure and of a man and a woman.
This is such a betrayal to the Colonel, the devil which he certainly would revenge but he lose in the end.
And those rich people down from Earth, it may give some political signs where the wealthy and powerful control the army, have the ability to do destruction and taking away others' properties and land just by using their money and power...and these are those unfavoured by God.
Like what Jake Sully said, we, all of us, living here are just dreams...there's always a real world outside which couldn't be seen by people with limited eyesight. I believe there's a true world out there where we start our second life...like the ending of avatar, the moments Jake Sully closed his eyes, his avatar's open up...like when we died, we,......

A strange day

Today is a strange day. After math lecture with Pn.Hasma, I quickly rushed to cubicle to see my chem tutor, Madame Zahara...she's good, not to mention in strengthening the basic of chem in her students but also taught me lots of life lessons. You know what, life is not all about cramping our minds with all the facts and ideas, instead we make use of the previous one to create a new one...or probably just study for 4.0, then for future better paid job, but no, we enjoyed it, or else what are you going to tell, when one day you sit down and try to share some old past stories with the grandson, granddaughter?
Why don't we make study as life? I didn't say no. But you deserved more, an enjoyable life...so enjoy your study.
Well, back to cubicle......thingy......
Ermm...well, Tuesday is the only day Madame Zahara stayed back...but she was not there when I made it at 5 something and reached to an empty desk.
So, alternatively, I went over to Miss Au's place...Her explanation is damn good and crystal clear...just like any other good lecturers I known. She's nice but I always felt the distance between me and her as if maybe only the ABC-talking-English geng can be her favourite students.
5:15pm......
There's been an abrupt disturb to my point of view to people or let's say it might change the way I judge people later on.
I saw Pn. Hasma, so I was gonna ask her on the stupid integration part...not to say it's ridiculous in terms of using off our brain juices...but she was busy talking to Mr.Adam, Pn. Ainul, Mr. Adam and Pn.Liza (I'm a good observant) as soon as she threw all the her lecture note fail on the desk.
Well, by seeing Pn.Liza, I can feel the stress burning in me already...I don't why, but I think I had Pn.Liza-Phobia...hehe...=.='...cause she's my tutor for the last sem and getting A minus for math doesn't make me feel easy whenever I see her after all.
Ermm...I guess this is not a suitable time to interrupt the lecturers' off-work chatting, I mean it's five something already...and the exit is not very far away from me...
Someone banged in with a bunch of files before I managed to push the door first...it's Pn.Azam, my ex-tutor too...why don't I ask her...I mean, I was so determined because I'm kinda frust for being unwise enough to solve the sin square 3x cos cube x intergration. Damn!! Odd-even, so use identities lor...but 3x and x, not by part leh...bla...
"Cikgu free tak? Belek saye tanya soalan???"......
....................................................................................................................................................................
"Err...sana kan banyak lecturer free lagi...tanye la mereke...kak, ade student nak tanye soalan ni......"
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What had she done? She was just calling a math lecturer that I feared the most on Earth before 6pm, 22nd Dec 2009 to teach me math?????
I hadn't know the lecturer's name, but I hardly couldn't recognize her face. I always thoght she is the most aggressive(?) teacher ever in the universe whenever I met her at seeing her scolding and yelling at student's face or perhaps engulfed their little broken heart?
"Rachel, be cooled, you are fine to deal with her, just sit down, ask question, get solution and then bla..."my left brain was telling me to fight against the adrenaline rush inside me... and of course mostly came from my faith in God and strength from Abba Father.
Yes, Mr. Left Brain was yet persuasive enough to provide me with the braveness to face She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named( of course, I don't know her name la...^.^)
So, I went up to her desk, but not as usual, my fingers are faster at this time, restlessly taking out a piece of paper and tick-tick pencil.
But for this less than 45-minutes, I felt that I had this longest talk ever in my whole life with a teacher.
......I skipped the solution part......
Both of us just talked about the matriculation program for this weird evening. Yes, I agreed and admitted somehow this short-cut program killed many people's dreams.
I mean at the very beautiful end of May 2009, a big mixed bunch of youngsters with each carrying different dreams, ambitions came, together with their parents, who were once proud at their sons or daughters that had made themselves to be chosen. These dreams came from different places, family backgrounds, cultures and hopes but none of them weren't without the goal to be "somebody" who might be famous or might just make the ones loving them to be proud.
Who say matric is easy just now?
Imagine how much people kantoi in this program just because they are required to conquer or master every syllabus in this damn eight months which the syllabus are something the government squeezed from the A-level and STPM, then tingled and mixed whatsoever which we study them in messy pieces that tingled together. No in but out...slowly one by one, they gave up the program with a disturbed feeling on how to face the parents at home...not to say some with pointer 1.9,1.87 are still stranded here...stuck to half-death.
My eyes managed to catch the blinking name on the tag she's wearing. So, it is Pn.Anizdah I am talking to. Great, she is no more the furious teacher I mislabeled(?). Instead, she is caring, she concerns on what is happening to the students, especially this unfortunate batch but which partially their kantoi is contributed by their own laziness and indifference...>.<...kantoi...
This is truly a weird day, rite? I learnt quite a lot of things. Maybe I see people in a new way next time. I mean, people normally are not as what you expect as whom they are...you are just not close to them yet or to say, your heart haven't opened yet.

Christmas...

I don't know why, I'm always being unsure, uncertain, insecure.
This Christmas I'm not coming back. It's the SECOND time I celebrate Christmas in my entire life and the first time without my family.
Christmas is a big day to Christ. IT'S not exactly Lord Jesus' B'day, but we are using 25th Dec to remember His birth to the world and of course coming next His death on cross for our sins and then His resurrection.
But should we only remember Lord on this very 25th or maybe we should always be aware that Lord Jesus Christ is watching over us every second, He is by our side all the time, whenever you shout for joy over the 4 flat, you shed your tears for 3.97 or you sigh for 3.89?
I don't know, but this far-far-away-from-home-study make me understand a lot of things better and know God better, in addition.
I was always proud. I WAS ALWAYS JUDGMENTAL. I always believe I can do anything by myself, without people's help and without God's blessings.
But I'm wrong, right?
No matter where, when and with whom I celebrate Christmas...just make sure I always remember Christ in my heart, His sacrifice, His blood and flesh, His love.
Isn't it..? Or you are just awaiting for Santa or gifts or turkey on this day or maybe seeking some peace at the end of this year on the silent night?

1:37

1:37 a.m
I initially wanted to post something on shopping at 10a.m cuz I had a great time in ECM last ...another Friday confession of shopaholic..sorta things like that=.=...but my inspiration wore out...when couples of friends paid a visit and discussed about the Survival Cooking Competition tomorrow..Sounds cool, but try the puttin-on-fire part first.
We are stranded in that fire part, I mean, unless we make some chicken or pencake sushi, (they gave chicken and pencake as ingredient), or else we are making deal with fire which would probably be created using a half-wet stick, (I supposed) and 3 matchsticks.ermm...

ToT

Have you try to force yourself to be someone you are not and then you are satisfied just for a moment temporarily, only, when you get approval and compliment from people around you?
Have you been feeling that you do not belong here?
Have you try to force yourself not to tell someone you love how you feel?
Did you ever feel numb of the worldly things around you? I mean, even if the greatest thing ever happen to you or come into your life, you just feel nothing about it cause you knew this is still not your world and you pretended it is, just like any other human, have created a name for it, they called it emo.
You couldn't smile to the one you love.
You couldn't tell people who you are.
You couldn't express what you want.
You couldn't build your dream.
You couldn't go somewhere you want.
For these eighteen years, I wonder if I ever had a happiness that feels, seems real to me.
For these eighteen years, I couldn't find out which smile is deceitful, which tears can make people understand me better, it's just I'm jealous, yes, I am, you people don't have to cover yourself up, you live for yourself, but I, I live under the eyes of thee.
Writing craps like these isn't help, forcing myself to be busy with studies isn't help, try not to say something isn't help, having everything inside my heart isn't help,hating people isn't help, be proud isn't help...no one can help, nothing can help and don't tell me, "Only you can help yourself."
Well, you had a great life, you are agreed by people. But less struggle in the world do decrease the important of your existence here.

A 15 minutes Conversation

"What now? Are you sad or angry?"

"Do I look sad and angry?"

"See, you yourself admit that it's sad AND angry."

"I never said that I'm sad and angry."

"You've just said it."

"Oh, you, arrgh, Jesus!...... No, I'm not!...... I just make my sentence to match yours."

"Well, sadness is sometimes helpful. At least, it makes you feel alive rather than feeling nothing about the upset life you have, I supposed."

"I'm fine."

"No, you are not fine. You must have some problem. Tell me what problem do you have."

"How do you know that I have problem? Huh?"

"Well, everybody with eyes would have seen it. Come on, tell me what's going on. I'm a good listener."

"That's my secret. I wouldn't share it with a what, stranger like you."

"Well, you sure want to share it. Or else you wouldn't mention it, I mean you wouldn't tell that you got a secret."

"Just leave me alone...ok?"

"Alright, but just don't be too upset with life. Our talk have lasted for 15 minutes. It shows that you are still not fully distracted from the world."

"Ermm...I got cancer and I'm waiting death to come."

"......then, what do you think that it's making you to wait?"

"A medical report from a professional dermatologist from UK?"

"No, it's your life. You are waiting for death just because that you are still alive, so make use of your every valuable breath now."

"......"

A Magic Discovery

Last time, people kept thinking I'm writing craps on my own blog. Indeed, I hardly touch about my life. I even had one friend that can post at least 5 blogs a day, explaining how her life is going on, brushing teeth and having breakfast are on her list too.

Worst of all, I'm acting sentimental in my postings. There's no way for people to perform empathy when reading "them" because they are more enough than any hyperbola can afford, people felt difficult to imagine the existance of my own created sadness, so the whole atmosphere is uneasy and akward. Now, I understand. This is why I try to change the situation where there's almost no people would visit my blog. 0 comment...=.=

Today, I went to Kuantan Methodist Church. Next time, I would try to make camera as my companion and take some valuable photos. It's because...deng3, it's the most beautiful church I have ever seen. Maybe they are using the latest concept of architecture. Of course, I'm not picking church for the outwardly beauty. I just feel that the way they conduct service is super nice!! :p

Guess what, it's an enormous church where we ought to queue row by row to partake the bread and wine. And honestly, for a girl like me which is sad to say, been a few weeks haven't attend Sunday service, for the first time, I found back the feeling spirit filling me after I lost it long long time ago. It's really great church, it strengthen my heart to get my job done nicely before deadline so that I have time, hopefully( to the power of infinity), to attend this church every Sunday. And I felt great when I cried out in the church this morning, even tough I wiped my tears silently but my heart was shouting. It's great I found some connection to God there.

Hallowed be Thy name, Amen, Amen, A---men!