My life is not unusual.
Some people were frustrated when I forgot to post my own life on blog, instead I'm talking something sometime I myself never realized what it is, when it is and where is it.
This is just my piece of confusion. I confused about my relationship with God. Yet it is precious to jot it down, so that when I'm old, I can think back my young self, laughed away with my stupidity.
Have you ever think of death? When will you be taken away? Death is horror, just like in the Final Destination. The movie describes death as ugly as possible. But death for Christian is in peace. They closed their eyes and leave. When they open again, they will see God, saying:" Welcome back, my children." Some may still don't believe but I don't care. I just write what I want. Actually, this is a secret of mine. I often write things as odd as possible. These inspirations come along when I played Zee Avi's songs. Try check out her. She's a good singer and song writer.
All of sudden, I think of death. This is because I'm not sure if this piece of writing can last until I want to read it when I'm old. Some may think it may not be my age yet to think over death, it's funny when you cover all the youth stories and speak as much mature as you can, to show off or to just act like you are older, I asked myself.
Then what? This is me. I'm different, I notice it myself, when I'm alone and when I'm with others.
Ok. I will just write a typical blog, about my life.
Here it is.
There was an infant starts her first cry when the doctor slapped her butt without mercy. After this first cry, her blue body turned red, like a...like a...like an infant, a real infant. It was 4am in a small clinic in a place named Bukit Mertajam. The nurse said with a cracked smile," You have a baby girl." That baby girl didn't cry the second time, she didn't smile either nor closed her eyes like others did, instead she opened wide her eyes as though she wanted to grab every view of this new world. She stared at her mom. Maybe she wondered, "Why do you give birth of me? Is there a reason for this new life? Am I gonna make any difference to this world? Or I will just add worries to you?"
This little baby was very passive. She didn't crawled around like others. This was what made the parents start to worry. But luckily, she could call out dad and mom and even speak earlier than others. Maybe she was just better at talking, they thought. And an eleven days older cousin was brought to her and compared. This cousin and this little baby ain't know each other, they never wanted to compete either. They just wanted to stay in their own innocent world. But adult spoiled the whole things. They insulted the baby. So, the baby walked the next day in front of them, by one hand on the wall as support but still, she could walk without the stage, crawling.
Later, the parents happily gave her a name, schoolled her, nurtured her like all other parents did. But a little brother showed up when she was not ready to share her parental love. So, she was jealous like all other elder may do. So, she was separated or maybe quarantined. Because this tiny little monster was very very evil, she could bullied her brother at any second when the mother was away just for a while.
So, she lived with her grandma. Now to her, her grandma was and is the greatest person of all in her life. Grandma never took her as a burden. She permitted to freedom hundred percent. So, naughty was her new feature. She became boyish and often went and caught small fish and tadpole by the drain with the boys around the neighborhood. She was happy, so happy and really missed the life there. No need, no worries, no stress, no ABC. Just friends, tadpoles and games. She even fell in love with one of the boys. She would never tell because he is big brother, three years older. Thinking back after all, she thought that this might just admire, not love. The one which she loved was the one which taught her how to make a kite but she forgot him already and his image was blur and far far away in a fog. She liked so much to be a music instructor. She was inspired especially when her grandpa said:" Believe in yourself, you have the talent." She loved her grandparents so much since forever.
Then, the parents considered it was time for her to be back to her family, real family. She was back and got along quite well with other three siblings. They began their own world, rearing all kinds fish, planting green beans, owning two hamsters as pet. It was a happy family. They took a lot of photos, to zoo, to airport, to botanical garden and sometimes to Hospital in K.L for the little brother medical checkup. He had a not very well heart and he did operation. That was all she knew, as a very small kid. She wanted to be doctor. Doctor earns a lot and perhaps helps her little brother to ease his suffering.
Time flew past very fast. She managed to get in the first class during standard four. Parents were happy. BUT she never felt like that. She was tortured. The class teacher never like her. She was told to sit at where it called special place. She hated to be labelled as special in her class. What had she done wrongly? She just had a not so good results. THAT'S ALL. She learned trumpet but she never happy about it. She was insulted by the music teacher whom every of her friends respected because they were given compliments rather than words that stabbed deep like what she had to accept at such small age.
She liked watching movie. She knew that she should be a film director one day. She hated trumpet. She wanted to learn piano but parents told her that they couldn't afford. She understood. So, she filled her life with her new pet, a dog named Coco. She named it after Coco's fur colour which was light brown.
UPSR. She hated English much much during the three years. But she discovered that it was a very interesting subject. Surprisingly, she became a very understanding 12-year-old kid. She studied hard and got a nice results. Coincidentally, she got in a high school named SMK Seri Nibong along with a few more friends from the same primary school.
Form 1. Her English still not so good. She didn't understand what teacher taught in class. She often being teased.
PMR. She handled it as well. People around started to find boyfriend and girlfriend. But she knew that she will never get involved. She went for an appendix operation. She started love Alan Tam and other Hong Kong old songs. As she could only sat at home and listened to songs after the operation. She was sure she wanted to be a film director. She wanted to be a singer too.
Form 4. It was a very memorable years. She had a breakthrough. She studied very very hard, far beyond she could imagine. She studied day in and out and woke up at 4am to read an english article every single day. She struggled hard to find the exact what is called inspiration to write a good English article. But she failed. Her teacher claimed her writings were heavy. People felt dizzy to read them. But. She never gave in. She wanted to be a writer. If possible, she could made her own film of her writing. She taught she lived her life to the fullest. Because everything went smoothly in her life. But no.
Two of her brothers were discovered to be one psychologically illed and another mentally illed. She knew that her mother couldn't took it so much, so she studied harder and harder.
Form 5. It started. She was stressful. She was depressed. She nearly made a friend of her to a foe. She found that she was wrong in some way. But she didn't know what it is. She quarreled with her family everyday. Her parents abused her and made her to seek the psychiatrist. She was forced to swallow pills which would make her to be sleepy, sleepy and sleepy. Her results drop. Her performance was unsatisfied. She was disqualified from a debate competition she was never in.
Then, something happened. She found a God named Lord Jesus Christ. Actually it was her mother, her mother coincidentally went to the nearest Gospel Hall on the Esther Day. She watched a movie in which a young man about like 30 years old was whipped and sentenced to dead on cross without doing anything wrong. She broke down. She couldn't understand. Why did he die? After asking, she found out that this young man is the Son of God, and He died not because of what He did. He died because of what we did. This mother said to herself, "I found the real God."
The family came to know Christ. They read the Holy Bible. The girl cried when she read it. She had a sudden feeling that she wanted to run to her friend's house and apologize to her for what she did. She realized the world was too small in her eyes before she knew Christ. Her mind was like being opened abruptly after she knew Christ, she read Bible and the whole family were baptized.
SPM. She felt fine. She stopped taking medicine. She was no more anti-social. She took the exam as ok and the results were ok too.
Form 6. It was just a week.
Then, she was a second intake to Pahang Matriculation College.
She applied for biology course but she got physical course. So, she took it. She loved Physics now.
The story is not end yet here.
To be continue......
(Actually it would be more interesting if she didn't exclude the love part.)
