Obsessed

When Lilly was a baby I was obsessed with her. I was obsessed with her eating and sleeping habits. Her growth and bowel movement habits. I was a first time mother living in my narcissistic delusions that my child was the center of the universe. Every one's universe.

Each month I happily emailed family, friends, and college roommates Lilly's most vital stats.  Her weight, height, head circumference, percentile categories, like and dislikes.

As Lilly grew my obsession honed in on her eating habits.  I painfully made every single meal and snack at the same time each day following pediatric guidelines.  There was fresh fruit at every meal.  I steamed vegetables, on the stove, twice a day.  I cooked and shredded chicken, scrambled eggs, made pancakes and sometimes syrup from scratch.  Planned out nutritious meals weeks at a time using fresh ingredients and I avoided cookies and cakes like the plague.  When friends and family offered her cupcakes I would cringe.  I avoided the bakery section of the grocery store because employees always tried to give her cookies.

I worked nights during that time and Jim was often responsible for her dinner.  A typical dinner by Jim (because I would call and ask him what he fed her) usually included cheerios, corn, chicken, and a sliced banana. I was horrified by this dinner!  Where was the color variety?  Cheerios for dinner, can you imagine?? Corn is one of the least nutritionally dense vegetables available, what was he thinking??

Well, fast forward five years, and I would love to have my children eat a meal that included cheerios, corn, chicken, and a banana! Instead of avoiding the bakery section I walk very slowly past the cake counter hoping they will give my children a cookie to keep them quiet.  Instead of boiling and shredding chicken I will sometimes open a can of chicken. Fast food thrills me because I know they will both eat chicken nuggets getting some good protein in them. I can't remember the last time I steamed vegetables on the stove. Now we're lucky if we steam one of those microwaveable bags from the freezer once a week.  Cheerios are a meal staple which makes me so happy because it is a grain.  In fact that is all Jack would eat today. (Except when I found him and Lilly in the kitchen eating raw ramen noodles for a snack.)

I am not unhealthily obsessed anymore with my children.  Rather, healthily involved in the details of their lives.  I realize that friends and family are not as interested in their weight and height as I am.  While my obsession with Lilly's food consumption wasn't bad, it wasn't great either.  Hopefully one day I can find a happy medium and get back to some good nutrition.