Why It's Okay to Move Slowly

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My inner cat is emerging today...rare but welcome. I'm curled up in an armchair in a patch of deep golden sunlight as the sun fades slowly and gently, trailing its beams down the window.

I set my cup of coffee down slowly because I can. Because I have the time to be slow...because finally, as a junior, I've realized that you don't have to rush. 

That you can move slowly. 

I smile, because I'm surrounded by freshmen and I remember being a freshman, being tense and worried, praying and hoping for good grades, rushing from place to place, from activity to meeting to study session to dinner, to all-nighter, and so on. 

And it makes me smile because now I understand why all the juniors and seniors I that met my first year in college were so relaxed. Because by junior year, you start to realize that rushing and hurrying, that stress and worry really don't add anything to your life. 

That all nighters and insurmountable amounts of homework are not battle wounds to be boasted of proudly. That sleep really is more important than anything else. That the world doesn't end if you don't make an A or have a 4.0 GPA. That sometimes the most productive days are the days when you do nothing related to schoolwork. That at least one hour of each day should be devoted to alone time, to taking care of yourself.

  Of letting your soul breathe. 

That sometimes, we need to show kindness to ourselves before we show it to anyone else. 

Sometimes it means taking ourselves to that favorite coffee shop and studying with a cup of heavenly caffeine, or deciding to take the trash out tomorrow because it's okay if you don't do it today or accepting that today is a t-shirt and ponytail hair day. Or it could be as simple as sitting in the sun, drinking up the sunlight and gentle strains of music. 

Either way, I'm glad not to be running and hurrying. It's my natural instinct, and I still have have to fight it. But it gets easier. So if you're a freshman who feels the weight of the world on your shoulders and a life that never stands still and a to-do list that never ends....

Breathe. 

It will all work out. I promise. 

It may not seem like it right now. But I promise you will learn to slow down, to place importance in stillness, in steadiness, in walking slowly. 

Because honestly, dear girls, you won't get where you're going any faster by trying to rush. Just let it all come when it does. Stop trying to run this invisible race that you've been told you have to win, that you've been told you have to keep up with everyone else in it. 

You don't. So don't worry about that. 

You do you. Get sleep. Take walks. Read something for fun. Soak in the sunlight. 

It's okay not to rush through life. You miss all the best moments in between if you do. 

How to Enjoy Being a Student

If you're like me, I'm sure there are some times when you absolutely hate being a student. I'm a junior in college this year and let me tell you -- it's been rough for the past 5 weeks. Honestly, I have to remind myself that I've been here for only 5 weeks. I've felt very overwhelmed, to the point where I've been frustrated at God for putting me back into this frustrating situation.

I ask myself what the good is. Am I really supposed to pursue my degree in biological research? Does God want me to be a career woman? Is there really a point to learning academics with such a liberal and anti-Catholic slant to them? I tell myself that if I was learning Catholic Theology I would be so much more content and would actually like studying the material. However I'm sure that's not necessarily always true for people in that situation.

And so, I need to convince myself that I am indeed here in this school, during this time, studying these subjects for a reason. God put me here because He has a plan for me here. 

I think it's so easy to become frustrated with our current state of life. I find myself saying that I could serve God and His Church so much better if I weren't a full-time student, or if I was a student at a Catholic college. But God wants me to serve Him here and now. So, in an effort to console other frustrated high school or college students, and to satiate myself, I've put together some pieces of advice for how to really embrace our current apostolate and vocation, and use our situation to serve God in the here and now. 

1. Pray! This is a given, but it's so necessary. Pray before your exams. Pray during your long study sessions. St. Joseph of Cupertino is a great heavenly friend to help for exams, but any of the saints can lend a hand when our brain is extra tired or we're sleep-deprived and still have more readings to complete.

2. Realize this is your current vocation. We tell ourselves that we'll serve God better in the future -- once we're married, or in our career, or professed to the religious life. But the foundation for that future is now. If we can't serve God during our school days how can we expect to serve Him later? If we cannot be disciplined in study, how can we expect to be disciplined in prayer while juggling a household and children? 

3. Become more independent in your faith. I don't go to a Catholic college, so this situation may be unique for me, but there aren't that many enthusiastic Catholics around. I have many Christian friends, but there's nothing better than solid Catholic companions to help us on our journeys. Since coming to college, I've taken initiative and have sought out my Catholic community. I don't get these friendships at school, so I've become more involved in my local parish. I use this outlet as my escape from studies. Honestly, I wish I had time to make daily Mass everyday during the week because it truly orients my day toward God. I would also go to the perpetual adoration chapel far too frequently if I allowed myself. There is a balance here -- as much as I would love to make constant trips over to church, it isn't on campus, and so it isn't practical during my busiest days. And that brings me to the next point

4. Know that God wants you to spend time dedicated to your studies. I get so frustrated at myself when I put off studying. I feel like prayer is more important, and I'm wasting my time learning certain subjects. While yes, God does come first in our lives, He wants us to succeed where we are. He wants us to educate ourselves. He will give us the resources to succeed. So, technically, He wants us to study. And we can turn our study time into a prayer, by offering God our concentration and those hours of reading or writing. This may be the hardest thing to actually apply, because I'm sure I'm not the only professional procrastinator around here. I find myself wasting so much time wishing I didn't have all the work, wishing I could study Theology or go to Mass. And I can't, so my alternative is to turn the work I do have into a prayer. 

So yes, attending college is tough, especially when it's not directly correlated to the Faith. But God will speak to us in whatever situation we happen to be, and He will lead us to our future vocation just as well as if we were working full-time or attending an awesome Catholic college and learning about Mary and the Eucharist all day. (I could never get tired of learning about that, that's for sure!) I'm sure there's something about your school that you love -- if it's your favorite subject or favorite professor...something that just makes you content, even amidst a hundred other things that don't make you content. Hold on to that, and know that God will give you opportunities to grow closer to Him, even in your busiest weeks. Especially in your busiest weeks.

Called to Love Christ through His Children

excited and nervous
for Back to School Night

I didn't begin to consider a college major as a "calling" until recently.  Well, January.  Actually, I can pinpoint the exact time because it was during a particular conversation with a lovely lady with whom I now work and, in fact, happened during this visit.  Anyway... For most of college I considered a major to be more or less of a label: this person is math or science, this person is English, this person is Music, this person is Education, etc.  When I chose my major I did not approach it as something to be discerned, I simply wanted a major that would directly relate to whatever my vocation is, and I ultimately chose Education; specifically, Early Childhood: if religious life, many orders teach or, if marriage, how much more self-explanatory does it get?  But since then and -- truthfully -- post the aforementioned conversation, I've begun to realize that teaching -- as well as all other college majors -- is a calling.  And the more I pray about my own education and my current employment, the more I realize that it is what I'm called to do at this time in my life.

The school where I teach hosted its Back to School Night at the end of August and I had the opportunity to meet many of the parents whose children I teach.  As I shook one Mom's hand and she mentioned her daughter's name, I instantaneously said, "Oh, I love her so much!" (background: she's a returning student who I met during my weeks of subbing at the very end of the school year).  This Mom was so touched and said something that amounted to: "It is such a great blessing and a joy as a parent to know that those who are teaching my child really and truly love my child."  I hadn't even thought of that, but realized that my reaction had been that genuine.  This Mom's affirmation gave me food for thought.

I do love these children and am sooooo thankful that I'm now teaching in a Catholic school.  I don't have to remind myself to not verbally praise the Lord in any way, shape, or form and that is seriously a great blessing.  The first time I visited, I left marveling at what a difference there is when God is allowed into the classroom.  It makes sense: 1 John 4:7-8 states plainly that God is love; excluding God from the classroom and the school at large is the equivalent of excluding love... and suddenly Mondays sound so much more miserable than they already {sometimes}are!

I suppose it's completely natural for a 22 year old Catholic young woman like myself to be considering her future and part of me is tempted to believe marriage or religious life will "fix" everything (I don't actually believe that at all, but I'm sure many single ladies out there will be able to relate)...  So last week, as I cleaned and refilled small bottles that the children will use for their polishing work, my phone vibrated to alert me of a new text message.  I opened it and read...

"Where God has put you, that is your vocation.  It is not what we do but how much love we put into it." -- Bl. Teresa of Calcutta

I've already clearly said that I firmly believe God has called me to work at this particular school now;  it's exciting to remember that God is using this moment to prepare me for the future, but to also remember that He has called me to this moment and used my experience with homeschool and college to prepare me for now!  The smallest things like this text message remind me that even cleaning a bottle of polish for the child's later use is something beautiful when done with love.  And now when -- at the end of each school day -- I make my way around the classroom to tidy things, I pray for the children who make the classroom room experience the amazing, beautiful thing that it is.

Life is full of beautiful -- if little -- lessons and I truly believe that each one is to prepare you for the next.  Although choosing a major for college is a big thing, it's still smaller than discerning one's vocation.  I'm so thankful and happy to work in a Catholic school, to celebrate the Liturgical year with children, and to embrace all the goodness, simplicity, and beauty that comes with it.

Get Ready for This...You're Gonna Love It.

Hello sweet sisters in Christ! September is here and autumn is fast approaching (or perhaps already arrived in some of your states!). Many of you are back to the books, whether you're in high school, college, or perhaps a teacher yourself. Though I'm in the working world, half a dozen of my friends are teachers so I feel the end of summer keenly as they busy themselves in the classroom!

No matter where we find ourselves this season, it's always a time for learning. We never outgrow books, do we? I've treasured books since I first learned to read and continue to have a stack by my bed, on my couch, and on hold for me at the local library! What a great gift it is to read, and even more so when the books we choose help us grow closer to Christ and His Church!

Because of my great love for books, I'm ridiculously, over-the-top excited to be sharing with you something new on the horizon for The Catholic Young Woman. In October, we'll begin our very first CYW Book Club! We'll meet up here each week to read a chapter and discuss it via the comments feature. I'll share my own reflection on the chapter as well as some questions to help you reflect and share your thoughts. I hope we can get to know each other better over the pages as we share our hearts and maybe a cup of tea together.

In a couple weeks, I'll announce the title we'll be reading, so stay tuned!

Catholic Young Woman in College: Laura

Wow, it sure has been a while since I've posted on of these. Sorry for the delay! But, now I'm happy to share Laura's responses here on the blog, now that I'm done with my own college semester and can find time to post such things. This is the last set of questions I have for now, but I may attempt to make a recurrence of the series come late summer or early fall, including my own responses to the questions. :-) Please enjoy and leave a comment if you want to share any college struggles or blessings you remember! 

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What kind of college do you attend? Describe your situation and one thing you love/hate about it.

I knew I wanted to be a nurse since I was in junior high. I went to nursing school at our local community college right out of high school and graduated when I was 20 years old (I could give narcotics before I could legally have a drink!). I lived at home with my parents and siblings at the time. Fast forward six years and I see both pros and cons of my decisions for further education at the time.

The pros? I had no debt and began working and making a living at a young age doing what I love. Another plus is that all the friendships I cultivated through these young adult years were local so I didn't have to leave my friends. Instead we continue to get together and grow with each other.

The cons? I didn't have the 'college experience,' I was a perfectionist nursing student who studied all the time. Seriously. Like I didn't see my friends come in for a surprise birthday party my sister planned because my face was buried in an anatomy/physiology book! The other con: because my degree was so focused on nursing, I wasn't able to take many electives-- plus since I was at a secular college, I didn't have the option of amazing theology/philosophy/psychology classes that I would have had from the Catholic perspective at a college like Steubenville or Christendom.

What is one of the hardest things about being a Catholic girl in college and upholding some of the ideals we discuss on CYW? Do you have any remedies?

Hmmm. Great question. I think one of the hardest is learning to articulate your beliefs in a joyful, confident way. Sometimes we know what we believe is true and we even know why...we just don't know how to explain it to others in a way that attracts them to the Faith and allows them to see the truth of Christ. I enjoyed debating with my sociology professor on social issues-- we were completely at opposite ends of the spectrum, but he grew to respect me as well as the fact that I was homeschooled. It was such a grace thing! However, I did find it more challenging to stand up for my beliefs in the nursing classes because it was less open to debate and sometimes the secular agenda was subtle.

Do you have any perspective on choosing good girl friends?

I place a huge priority on seeking and maintaining solid friendships during your young adult years! My girlfriends are my second family! Look for ones that share your beliefs (ideally your Catholic Faith, but some of my most inspiring friends are my Protestant sisters who share my love for Jesus and a personal relationship with Him), who are serious about growing in grace and holiness, who know how to laugh at themselves and keep you from taking yourself too seriously. Choose ones who don't gossip! Good girls are out there. Find community with them. You are who you hang out with.

Do you have any perspective on choosing good guy friends?

In general, I dated more guys than I was friends with. It's hard to have a close guy friend unless you are hanging out in groups. However, I did have a few guy friends from my homeschooling days that continued through college. We had game nights, movie nights, went bowling, etc. with groups of guys and girls. I appreciate that the men in my life valued modesty and virtue. They thought deeply about the Faith and culture, were great conversationalists, and treated the girls with respect. Have high standards for the young men you befriend (but not unrealistic expectations!). It's always great to learn the male perspective on things-- it can really help us grow.

How can we maintain purity of the heart and body on a college campus (or whatever type of situation you have)?

In the end, you have to place your relationship with the Lord as your priority. Friends will fail you, even family can disappoint you, professors don't know everything. If you are not building a foundation on Christ and serious about His will for your life, your heart will be more susceptible to the temptations the Evil One sends your way. Make time for prayer, Mass, the Sacraments. If you are going to a secular college, learn apologetics and the Church's teachings on social issues/hot button topics. Offer up any hardships.

How do you fit your academic work-load into your prayer life, and what’s one of the greatest difficulties for your spiritual life in college?

Just as you can schedule when you're going to write that paper, go to that class, etc. you can schedule your prayer time/sacraments time. Invite the Lord into this season of your life. Pray before your classes. Make the sign of the Cross reverently and pray before your meals (a great witness at a non-Catholic college! We just had a waitress come up to us the other day and ask where we went to church since we prayed before our meal. A few words later, we invited her to Mass the next day and she came!). Lean on God in the difficulties and talk to Him about everything-- in the car if you are commuting. Schedule some time away for a retreat if you are able during a semester. If there's a Newman Center or campus ministry, plug into that for support and accountability. My boyfriend is a Catholic campus minister at a secular college (a 'party school,' no less!) and I've learned two things from it: 1) the devil uses this season to try to lead you farther and farther from Christ so be on guard! and 2) this is a beautiful season of seeking and finding out who you are, your purpose, where God is calling you. It's a ripe time for growth. If you know Christ and His Church, hold onto it and strengthen your knowledge of and love for it! If those around you do not know Him, witness, witness, witness! Be bold and speak! People are hungry for truth-- be not afraid, God will use you to draw them to Him. :)

How do you feel you can use the time in college to strengthen your faith and prepare/discern your vocation for the “real world”?

Looking back, I think sometimes we over-emphasize our time in college. Honestly, I've learned more in my post-college years than I did in college. God has a way of using every circumstance of our lives. So yes, He will use your college years. Be open, be curious, be bold, be studious, be silly. Enjoy it and take advantage of it! BE A SAINT. But also know that there are many years coming after it where you will continue to learn and grow. It's not the end, by any means. The decisions we think are so serious at that time are important, but not as serious as we think. ;) If you can find an older mentor (someone a few years ahead of you, or already into their vocation), meet with them. It always helps to have someone keep you accountable in purpose and growth, yet to remind you that there's life beyond your season! :)

Blessings to each one of you-- in high school, in college, and beyond!

Coming from a control freak who thought she had to have everything figured out by college graduation, this is my last sentence: God uses everything, so let go and trust Him.

Catholic Young Woman in College: Sarah

Sarah Therese is another one of our contributors currently in community college. Here is her story. I'm so glad that this series is blessing so many of you ladies and I really appreciate all the feedback and comments! God bless. 

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What kind of college do you attend? Describe your situation and one thing you love/hate about it.

I attend a local community college and, therefore, live at home.  My major -- Early Childhood Education -- is so small at this school that students have repeat professors semester after semester and half of the students in one class will be in all your other classes that semester and beyond.  Of course, you befriend new students as they come, but you know most of your classmates from previous semesters.  Many of my peers are working professionals who are returning to school for CE (continuing education) credits or to complete a certificate in place of CE credits (because the certificate does not need to be renewed in 2 years and is therefore far less expensive).  And so my time in academia is spent largely in the company of people 10+ years older than me.

What is one of the hardest things about being a Catholic girl in college and upholding some of the ideals we discuss on CYW? Do you have any remedies?

Discussions about things that are immoral are never easy.  I’m thankful that, in my major, the professors are a bit more conservative, but the professors I’ve had for my general education credits are not so much and my natural reaction in such an situation is exterior silence.  I hope against hope that these things are not on the test (they never were), then I pray.  I begin with Hail Mary’s to focus my mind, and then I follow Christ’s example on the cross: “Father, forgive them!  They know not what they do.”  As I walk out of class, I will offer the time to God by praying a Glory Be.  It is hardly the easiest thing in the world because, despite my calm disposition, interiorly I am bewildered after such an experience.  Still, I know that God is the God of love and mercy and that we are called to love the sinner and hate the sin.

Do you have any perspective on choosing good girl friends?

Frankly, I never expected to make any lasting friendships -- with guys or gals -- at the community college because I assumed that I’d never meet any kindred spirit in such a secular environment.  Within my major I can at least befriend women with common interests (namely, children).  Caused primarily by where I happen to sit in a classroom, I’ve befriended 3 or 4 women in my program and have kept contact with them via Facebook between classes.  One of them is even Catholic and we’ve had such discussions during which I am relieved we share the same convictions!  She is 10 years older than me, but I cherish our friendship.

Do you have any perspective on choosing good guy friends?

There are maybe two guys in the Early Childhood program at my school and though I have become acquaintances with several guys through classes outside of my program, I’ve not kept in touch with any of them.  The upside to this situation is that I’m not even subconsciously looking around for a future husband.  I generally befriend those who happen to sit around me in class, and that’s primarily for the sake of study partners and friendly conversation around class time. 

The guy friends that I have in college (and many of my girl friends) are from the Catholic Campus Ministry I attend at the nearby University.  Yup, you read that right -- I double dip!  The University is a 10 minute walk from my house, has a flourishing CCM and FOCUS, and I’ve been blessed to become involved in a FOCUS Bible Study and make many friends there.  If it weren’t for CCM and FOCUS, my faith would not be what it is today.

How can we maintain purity of the heart and body on a college campus (or whatever type of situation you have)?

Prayer.

St. Phillip Neri said “Devotion to the Blessed Sacrament and devotion to the Blessed Virgin are not simply the best way, but in fact the only way to keep purity.  At the age of twenty, nothing but Communion can keep one’s heart pure... Chastity is not possible without the Eucharist.”  

The greatest gift you can give to your life now as a student is daily (or at least once more than Sunday) Mass.  The Mass is the source and summit of our Christian life and frequent union with Christ through the Eucharist is the only thing that will sustain us through life.  If a more frequent Mass schedule is not possible for you, consider making daily spiritual communions.  Truly, I cannot emphasize enough how much prayer and a personal relationship with Jesus has changed my life.

How do you fit your academic work-load into your prayer life, and what’s one of the greatest difficulties for your spiritual life in college?

Earlier on in college, it would have been more accurate to say I [sort of] fit my prayer life into my academic work-load.  Though I’ve long been a daily Communicant and have always said that faith is my first priority, the child-like faith I was graced with during my youth became harder to embrace in high school and the first couple of years in college.  In January 2013, I experienced a re-version and last Advent, I realized the importance of prioritizing one’s prayer life.  The reality is that going to Mass or praying the rosary isn’t simply “going to happen”... You have to actually decide to do it.  

The greatest difficulty for me has been finding the motivation to pray/go out of my way to pray.  Some days you just don’t feel like it or you think you’re too busy.  Well, God would love to hear from you. *smiles*

How do you feel you can use the time in college to strengthen your faith and prepare/discern your vocation for the “real world”?

In light of my answer about prayer, I think the best thing we as Catholics can do during college is to delve deeper into our faith, befriend Jesus and Mary more personally, and build upon the foundation of our baptism so that we can weather the storms of the future (or even the past).  So many lose their faith in college and it’s difficult, to say the least, to go against the current, but your reward will be great in heaven.

Since I’ve never had an interest in pursuing any career, I was careful to choose a major which would directly relate to my future vocation.  This was not my primary reason for declaring Early Childhood Education (I figured if God calls me to a religious order, many teach; or if God calls me to the Sacrament of Matrimony... that’s fairly self-explanatory) but it was a factor.

Above all, I know that all God wants is my happiness and I know that I’ll only be happiest if I follow him.  I am just beginning my final semester in college and I know that by applying myself to my studies, praying, attending Mass, and fulfilling my duties around the house and at work, I will serving the Kingdom if I do all for love of God.

Catholic Young Woman in College: Tess

I initiated this project by sending out a list of questions relating to college experiences. Tess was the first to reply, so here is her story. She graduated from college in May 2011. 

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What kind of college did you attend? Describe your situation and one thing you love/hate about it.

I went to a large Catholic university (Notre Dame). I loved having easy access to daily Mass, the Eucharist and Confession. I hated the "party culture" that went on in the dorms and off-campus, much of it influenced by the school's emphasis on its athletic teams.

What is one of the hardest things about being a Catholic girl in college and upholding some of the ideals we discuss on CYW? Do you have any remedies?

Resisting peer pressure to party/drink excessively was tough for me, although practicing my faith was not (again, it was really great having access to Mass at all times of the day!).

My best recommendation is to make good friends with like-minded girls. Having a "wing-woman" who shares your beliefs and a circle of girl friends who understand you (even a very small circle!) can make a huge difference.

Do you have any perspective on choosing good girl friends?

Sometimes they end up being people you wouldn't expect. I think I tried too hard at the beginning of college to control these relationships; I would pick out a specific person and decide, "I want to be friends with her," instead of letting the process happen naturally. In retrospect, I wish I had been more laid-back about that, and worked on building friendships with the people who were already around me naturally in my dorm and classes instead of forcing friendships with people I didn't see very often.

A great place to look for girl friends is in Theology classes and at Mass; see who else is present and paying attention, and then strike up a conversation with her afterwards. Chances are you'll have a lot in common!

Do you have any perspective on choosing good guy friends?

This is such a tricky question for me. My first instinct was to say, "Forget guy friends!" because I was burned a few times in college when I got close to a guy as friends and then one of us would end up having a crush on the other and drama ensued. But then I remembered that I made some amazing and very close guy friends in college, men I am still close to today.

I usually became friends with guys who were in my classes and lived near my dorm, so these friendships tended to grow organically. Again, you can't force these things. I learned that the hard way; I remember asking a new guy friend if he wanted to get dinner together, a question which I meant innocently, and he reacted weirdly and avoided me after that. It might be best to let the guy take the lead in the beginning stages of a friendship, and to hang out in groups—groups of guy friends and groups of girl friends quickly all become friends with each other if they get together often. I remember I made great guy friends through a movie club, and other clubs I was in. We all hung out in a group and it was never awkward.

I would also advise you to keep a bit of a "box" around your male friendships—don't hang out alone late at night, don't eat dinner alone together five nights a week, etc. That might sound a little intense to you, but in my experience, it was in these one-on-one bonding sessions that the feelings would start to come out and the friendship would be sabotaged.

One of my best guy friends and I concluded once that the reason we were able to be such close friends is because we found each other's personalities really unattractive from a romantic point of view. We could talk a lot and hang out as friends, but the thought of dating him made me want to gag (and I believe he felt the same way). It may sound counter-intuitive, but your best guy friends might be the guys who you find unattractive in personality, those guys who are fun to hang out with but who you would never want to date. Again, that won't be true in every case, but for me I find that some of the guys I love most as friends are the guys I would never, ever want to date. When I met a guy friend who I loved hanging out with and wanted to date, I ended up marrying him!

How can we maintain purity of the heart and body on a college campus (or whatever type of situation you have)?

Surround yourself with positive influences. Nothing can keep you on track better than a good friend who will be honest with you when you mess up.

Maintain a strong and vibrant prayer life, and go to Confession often. We all need the graces of that sacrament.

Remember that college is a tiny portion of your life. Try to use this time to prepare for the life you will have after college, and don't get too caught up in what's going on around you on campus. These years go by quickly and the rest of your life is more important.

How do you fit your academic work-load into your prayer life, and what’s one of the greatest difficulties for your spiritual life in college?

It's so hard to find time for spiritual growth in college because the atmosphere on campus is very "go-go-go!" Between classes, extracurriculars, clubs and sports, it's a wonder college students have time to breathe!

I wish I could go back in time and tell my college self, "Go easy on yourself, darling." College really is a busy and stressful time. I've been out of college for 2.5 years, and I have so much more free time now than I ever could have imagined as a college student. Don't judge yourself too harshly if you don't have time for everything you want to do. You will eventually have more time and more freedom to do what you want.

All that said, I found that the best way to strengthen my prayer life was to schedule things in so that I couldn't miss them, like making an appointment to meet a friend at Mass. One semester, I signed up for half-hour slots of Adoration a few times a week at the Eucharistic Adoration chapel next to my dorm. That was one of my best semesters ever. Another semester, I arranged to meet a friend every Tuesday and Thursday after class to pray the Rosary together at the Grotto. Making these appointments was very freeing; I loved having these structured times of prayer built into my day.

How do you feel you can use the time in college to strengthen your faith and prepare/discern your vocation for the “real world”?

Funny story, when I was a senior at Notre Dame, I interviewed a bunch of students who were discerning religious vocations as part of a project for journalism class. I remember they all said that college is a hard place to find the peace, quiet and stillness required for discernment, because the environment is so active. Nonetheless, they all agreed that college can strengthen discernment in a number of other ways. Living in community with others, learning to express your point of view clearly and politely to people who disagree, and learning about history/philosophy/theology are all great ways to prepare for a religious vocation. They're also great ways to prepare for life in general!

I think the best thing you can do in college is to explore a wide variety of interests and learn as much as possible. You never know what will end up being useful. I think of Steve Jobs, who took a calligraphy class for fun in college, and it ended up having a huge impact on his design strategy at Apple. I never expected that my love for grammar could have a use beyond correcting my friends' papers, but a year after graduation I landed a job as a book editor. Before then, I didn't even know jobs as book editors existed anymore!

I would add that I learned more from extracurricular conferences (like the ones at ISI) and internships than from my classes, so follow your interests wherever they lie. Broaden your experience, try new things, and keep doing the things you're good at even if you don't know how they'll ever be useful. Odds are good they'll somehow come in handy someday.

Catholic Young Woman in College: Introduction

"All life lessons are not learned at college," she thought. "Life teaches them everywhere."

~From Anne of the Island~

Even so, college is a very huge and important part of many lives. It's that strange time that doesn't really have a place -- we're adults but not quite thrust into the real world just yet. It's a struggle and a blessing, a challenge and great fun. We make huge decisions, but don't need to do things like pay for electricity or a child.

You may know that I'm currently a sophomore in college and two of our other contributors are in college as well. Many of the older ladies have graduated from college. And we all have a different story. All our experiences were different, and thus, they can teach us different things. Unique.

Because college is such an important part of my life, and because I know we have readers who are near or at college-age, I thought it would be a good idea to run a series here on the blog, detailing some of our life-lessons and experiences of being a Catholic young woman in college. I think this compilation is lacking elsewhere in Catholic circles. What will follow in the near future is a series of posts by some of our contributors talking about particular aspects of college.

Our education is a great blessing and privilege, and something I'm learning to never take advantage of. I sometimes hate my school, my situation, my studies...but we all do. College isn't a fairy tale, it isn't "the best four years of your life." But it is a time of exploration, doubt, extreme excitement, the depths of despair, laughter, spiritual growth, a certainty about our place in this world. [Wow that got dramatic.]

And so I hope we can detail some of our experiences and struggles about living as a Catholic woman in college. Rather than being a how-to guide, we hope to share our stories. Our "college experiences" differ, and thus we have a unique story to share. I hope you'll enjoy this series as much as I did working on it.

Pearls of Peace

Because I took Summer classes, I welcomed the new school year with some reluctance due to the impending amount of homework that was sure to follow the shorter vacation I enjoyed.  Thankfully, my professors are nice and arranged for the first two weeks of school to be relatively light in terms of assignments, but the honeymoon was soon over.  Swamped with assignments and feeling the anxiety of the moment, I forgot about what is truly most important: giving my all for His glorification and being diligent at my studies not for my own sake, wants, or desires, but as a prayer to bring Him glory.

During September, I kept pondering the saints' advice during times of unusual busyness:

• St. Paul: Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. {cf. Rom. 12:2}

• St. Francis de Sales: "Everyone of us needs half an hour of prayer each day, except when we are busy - then we need an hour."

• Mother Teresa: "If you're too busy to pray, you're too busy."

I'm pretty sure I fell into the category of which Mother Teresa speaks, but was not at all abiding by the wisdom that St. Francis offers.  As for St. Paul, when my Bible Study leader reminded me of this passage from Sacred Scripture, I'm pretty sure it was God hitting me with a 2x4.

One afternoon in the middle of September, I found myself with a few hours to spare {a gift, if you will, from a professor who let us out of her class two hours early} and decided to make use of the time by driving to the nearby almost-perpetual adoration chapel.  That next hour spent in the presence of Our Eucharistic Lord was easily the highlight of my week.

This little experience reminded me that a relationship is between two people.  And that thought reminded me of a way I once heard someone describe the rosary...

It can seem a repetitive prayer, but instead it is like two sweethearts who many times say to one another the words: "I love you."

 This book features pictures of statues, paintings, and the actual places of Jesus' time on Earth.  Scripture passages walk you through each Hail Mary, decade after decade, with the option of instead simply having a meditation before each Our Father.  It is a beautiful book; I take it with me to a Chapel, pray in my home, or even bring it on a walk!  I find it particularly helpful to visualize the places as I meditate on the mysteries {clearly, I tend toward the Ignatian prayer style}.

My personality tends toward perfection in studies, but often forgetting to still set the appropriate time aside for prayer.  I tend to think that if I spend the next hour in prayer, that'll kill an hour of study time.

Do you feel the same way?

It's a lie.

I believe that when one spends the time with Our Lord, their time spent doing other things is far more productive than if they never had the quality time with Jesus.

As important as it is to dedicate the proper time to our studies and to be excellent in our work, our relationship with Christ is far more important.  My current vocation is to be a good student; some of the fruits of my prayers are the grades I receive on my assignments after offering my work as a prayer before I begin.  I must frequently remind myself that time spent in prayer is just as productive and necessary {if not more so} as time spent studying.

Roman Reflections

--originally published at God's Spies

By the grace of God, I just returned from three blessed months studying in Rome, Italy. It was an incredible experience, to say the least, and no doubt a single post could never encapsulate how amazing and life-changing this special semester was for me.  I walked through St. Peter's Square everyday to go to class. I attended Mass at St. Peter's Basilica multiple times; I saw the ins and outs of every major church, many minor churches, and the cramped, vendor-filled streets in Rome, got a taste of European culture, and made some incredible memories with my friends. (It wasn't all fun and games by any means. We had a rigorous academic schedule to challenge us while we were there that sometimes felt a bit overwhelming, but ultimately made our European experience that much more amazing). 

What made it so special, though, was not that we were traveling about Italy and enjoying ourselves. Not at all. What made it special was that we were there with a purpose; and that made it a pilgrimage. Our first week was spent on pilgrimage together in Assisi and Siena, and our chaplain encouraged us to keep the spirit of pilgrims the whole semester, in our studies and in all the sightseeing and new experiences.

 It was a stirring challenge, directed not only to our time in Italy but to our attitude towards our whole lives on earth.  How does one be a pilgrim in a three-month long "semester" without a definite final destination? What makes it a pilgrimage? Christians often speak of this life as a pilgrimage, as our journey towards heaven. But often it can feel like we're not "going" anywhere, but simply "living" day to day. What makes it a journey, if we're simply gong about our daily business of working, praying, studying, buying groceries, riding the subway? How are we pilgrims?

Hilaire Belloc once wrote eloquently of the meaning and purpose of a pilgrimage. He said: "A man that goes on a pilgrimage does best of all if he starts out  . . . with the heart of a wanderer, eager for the world as it is, forgetful of maps or descriptions, but hungry for real colours and men and the seeming of things. This desire for reality and contact is a kind of humility, this pleasure in it a kind of charity."

 Being on a pilgrimage, as Belloc explains, means moving toward your goal with eyes open to the path around you. And when a pilgrimage is a search for God, then that search that encompasses your vision of life and your attitude toward all you encounter: you seek for God everywhere and always.  That first week in Assisi, I came across a quote that helped me understand how the vision of a pilgrim could direct both my time in Rome and my time on earth; a quote from the earliest biographer of St. Francis, who wrote:  "In beautiful things, Francis saw Beauty Itself."

In the beautiful things around us, we should see a glimpse of the beauty of God. That vision which seeks and sees God in all around us coincides exactly with Belloc's notion of a pilgrim--who knows how to take joy in the journey by seeking his final end in all that he encounters along the way.   In every place we went this semester, we were seeking God, seeking to find him wherever we were; not only in every glorious church we entered (and there were many), but in every train station and crowded street, in the classroom and at the little Italian cafes. From the Baroque, golden glory of St. Peter's Basilica, to the sweet simplicity of St. Francis' hermitage chapel, we sought Him . . . and found Him, because we went with eyes and hearts open to His presence.

St. Peter's Basilica, the Vatican

Thou has said, "Seek ye my face." 

My heart says to thee, 

"Thy face, LORD, do I seek."

--Psalm 27:8  

The chapel at the mountain hermitage of St. Francis in Assisi

Content in Christ: What He Wants

It's graduation season here. Ever since May, my Facebook newsfeed has been filled with friends' graduation pictures. I see them with their caps and gowns, and all the medals or honor cords they received. I've seen their statuses about finally being done with high school, being free from classes, and also nostalgia about leaving things behind. And lately, I've been feeling a bit of nostalgia and regret too. What if I hadn't taken the homeschool route? What if I'd gone through school (either public or private school) and graduated with my friends? What opportunities have I missed because I didn't do that?

I can go on to say that I've missed being around friends every day; sharing classes and study time with them. I've missed school dances, prom, the festivities of spirit week, the greater potential to have gone on a date, knowing more young men (and women) because of school. I could say I've missed the class trips, year books, cameraderie during finals week, having that set number of 180 days in class. I've missed the chance of being closer to the friends I do have if I'd gone to school with them. Yes, reflecting back, I can come up with lots of things I've "missed." But these are all preconceived notions of what school-life is really about.

I think I'm unique because I haven't really liked my "high school experience." I've made bad choices, and these haven't been "the best four years of my life." I kind of wish I was there, walking across the stage with my cap and gown, with my friends. But now, I'm thinking....God put me here for a reason, and if I'm to be content, what is He trying to show me with all this?

Then I like to look at the blessings. I've been able to start my blog and write here. I've found three of my best friends through my online school, and many other friends through blogging. I didn't have to switch schools when we moved two years ago. I've learned to savor face-to-face contact with people. I've grown much much deeper in my faith -- on my own, maybe because I did school at home.

There's really no way to predict how different my life would have been because of the countless circumstances. God didn't give me the "perfect" home-school route, but none of His plans or creations are ever imperfect. They only seem like they are.

The other day, I received a dear comment on my blog from another writer here at CYW, Lauren, that I wanted to share because it so drives in the point I'm coming to realize:

Keep hoping and trusting Him, and good luck and good job. Don't be afraid of what's coming, or spend the precious moments of your life regretting what's happened. I promise you--take it from someone who has been in your shoes--things will turn out, always, according to His plan. And His plans are always better and more beautiful than ours, more than we can imagine or anticipate. 

My experiences haven't been perfect and you don't know how many regrets I have. If I could do the last four years over, I totally would. But I've learned so much about myself, about life, priorities, and God. God is allowing me to feel regret so that I only draw closer to Him. He is breaking my Heart so that I will turn to Him for comfort. He is separating me from the past, and taking me away from the comforts I love for change -- so I can start fresh with Him.

It's still hard. It's hard to be leaving everything I know behind, everyone I know. I don't want to lose the friendships I've made; I wish I could've cultivated stronger friendships before leaving people behind. I have moments where I'm sad about things that are ending, but then I also think about all the exciting experiences that I have coming up. I'm on the doorstep of the first big change in my life, and I'm so glad I have Jesus to make that step with me. I'm content with that.

What I Wish I'd Known At Graduation

My past few evenings have been spent sitting on the floor of my living room surrounded by boxes, boxes, and more boxes. A few years ago, when we moved from my childhood home to my parents’ current house, many of my belongings were packed away in storage for Someday. Well, that Someday must have come—or maybe it’s this declutter craze I’m going through—because the boxes have moved from the crawlspace at my parents to the living room floor of the duplex I now rent.

With my little brothers before
my college graduation

And as I unload the collections of books and writings and pictures and knickknacks, the memories and emotions are climbing out, too. I was a dreamy yet spunky teenager with a passionate heart, a thirsty mind, and a horrible taste in fashion! I counted 15 journals tonight (am on my 16^th; what a nerd reflective soul).

The newspapers and photo albums hold pictures and quotes from my college graduation. Was it really five years ago? Both nostalgia and disbelief have me reflecting back over the years. The joys, the heartaches, the achievements, the mistakes. The journey.

To my little sisters on here who are graduating this year, I want to share with you the things I wish I’d known at graduation time, from high school and from college. And to my big sisters, perhaps you too might share what you have learned in this season of post-graduation young adulthood.

As for me? I wish I’d known...

-That God’s grace truly is sufficient.  His strength is there in your weak moments. His comfort is there in your heartache. His peace is there in the silence we so often avoid. You will be amazed at the ways He pursues you and is involved in every area of your life. TRUST HIM, girls.

-That He uses everything. And I mean everything. He will redeem and transform every mess-up, setback, desire, or heartache if you leave it in His Hands with childlike trust (even if you’re still clinging to it with your own hands).

 -That it’s not about being perfect. Being in school or college often encourages a sense of performance-based acceptance, but God accepts and loves unconditionally. Mistakes will be made no matter how hard we try to avoid them—but they make God’s mercy all the more beautiful and amazing. It’s okay. Let the mistakes and failures direct your focus away from yourself and that desire to be perfect—and rest your gaze on His perfection.

-That over-analyzing life can hurt you—trust and step out in faith more. The decisions that seem so huge right now won’t matter as much as you think (I know! It’s hard to believe that now). Make the best decisions you can with the graces and wisdom you have been given, but leave room for Him to work. I’ve seen the greater beauty of His unfolding plans in the midst of tangled threads of my unraveled dreams.

-That people are more important than accomplishments. Everyone we encounter can bless us or be blessed by us—what a privilege! Community and connection with one another are incredible gifts that God desires for us to enjoy. Your parish, your coworkers, your girlfriends, your family—make it a priority to deepen your relationships and to treasure them.

-That simplicity and humility are highly under-rated. Graduation puts such an emphasis on doing great things in your future, but Mother Teresa tells us to do "small things with great love." My plate was piled high after graduation with involvement in various activities and commitments. Learning to simplify my life and my expectations for myself brought much freedom, peace, and space for the Holy Spirit to move.

-That dating is not supposed to be all about you but can teach you loads about learning to love and be loved. It can be an incredibly tough but incredibly rewarding adventure—and as Lauren mentioned, is often best when not boxed into an overly-specific, one-right-way-to-do-it formula. I wish I hadn’t tried to be in control so much in this area. The most beautiful moments and relationships have been when I surrendered it all to the Lord and focused on serving Him first, my boyfriend second (if there was one at the time), and myself third. (disclaimer note: though I am not a fan of overly strict formulas in dating, I do believe there need to be boundaries and parental involvement and hearts that put the Lord first in word and action…none of this “whatever feels right” relativism stuff we see in the media!)

-That It’s ALWAYS the right answer to seek and serve the Lord. I can remember times in the past few years of feeling completely overwhelmed by struggles and confusion over what decisions to make and mourning the not-so-great decisions I’d made. I found incredible comfort and strength in knowing the one right choice I could always make would be to choose Christ in the way I lived and loved others, one day at a time.

There are plenty more lessons I’ve learned and I praise God for not giving up on this lump of clay! He’s been the most loving, faithful Potter. Seeing how He has molded the lumpy, messy areas into beauty and joy gives me hope for the future and a desire to be open to whatever else He wants to teach me (because there are still many more lumpy areas!).

How many of you are graduating high school or college this year? (Congratulations, by the way!!) What are your desires or fears for the future? What about our older post-graduation sisters? What advice do you have to share with us?