My life spiraled out of control. I struggled to find any hope and light in my life for about two years. I made choices that resulted in chaos, confusion and pain in my life. I have few fond memories and feelings of those years. During that time I experienced "good" friends excluding me from hanging out. I know there were times friends did this on purpose and other times they forgot to invite. Even more than the hurt of being excluded, I felt God had abandoned me. To describe those two years in simple terms, I was living in a dark abyss, hurting and in turn hurting others. To this day, I still experience moments pained by the hurt, chaos and confusion I created those six and seven years ago.
I am grateful to know now, God never abandoned me. I abandoned God. Earthly angels came into my life who gave me unconditional love, friendship, joy, laughter, peace and brought hope back to my life. These angels saved a human life, mine. Thank you Emily Dent, Shauntel McAffee and Rhianna Missman for shining your light.
Present day:
Hello darkness. We know each other well. It looks to me you have returned to teach another lesson.
What I know now about these dark moments, days, nights and weeks of my soul is that this time it's not the results of choices I made and I am not creating chaos and confusion. This darkness is about letting go of my past, forgiving myself, forgiving others, healing, trusting the process and trusting God so that I can live in the NOW.
Dear Darkness, thank you for returning. Without you I could not have a new beginning. Because of you I know God is always with me, guiding and loving me. Love, Carolina.
Namaste
