34.

Today is my birthday. When I was a kid this day seemed way more exciting than it does now. Grown-up birthdays turn out to be pretty much like every other grown-up day.

Admittedly, the number 34 seems impossible to me...didn't I just hit 30 last year? I've come to terms with the fact that I am no longer a young mom with small children. But truly, honestly, I sometimes still think I'm in my 20s.

When I was at Costco with my 2 youngest children, a young man in his early twenties stopped me to say, "Hey, I know you're married and I'm not hitting on you or anything, but I just wanted to tell you that you're a really pretty mom." As if being a mom and being pretty were mutually exclusive. Or as if he meant...you're pretty...for a mom. I chuckled at the time because his whole manner was like he was talking to his grandma or something. But it made me realize that even if I still perceive myself as a young woman, the outside world definitely does not.

Sure there have been some clues that I'm aging. What used to be just one gray hair has recruited a lot of friends. I can no longer deny the lines on my forehead...and yet I still get pimples! It doesn't seem fair to have wrinkles and zits at the same time. And the word "sag" around here is not in reference to the "Screen Actors Guild."

Physically, I consider myself to be in pretty good shape. I run three times a week, and I do moderate weight training at the gym. I even got a mountain bike for my birthday so I can head up the nearby trails when the snow melts. But I have to admit that my body doesn't bounce back from things like it used to. In the past two years I have gone through an increasing number of annoying injuries...sprained ankle, IT-band pain, trochanteric bursitis, and acute back strain. Just little reminders that my muscles and joints are not as elastic and resilient as they once were.

But despite a new healthy acknowledgment of mortality, I wouldn't go back a decade. I am more capable and competent than I used to be. I have learned to take things in stride more. I have a greater understanding of my faults and failings, but a better appreciation of my strengths. I have fewer friendships than when I was young, but such a greater depth to the relationships I do have. I feel more confident as a mother than I did 10 years ago. I have drawn closer to my husband in this thirty-something phase of life. How I adore that man! Even when he makes me crazy.

Today I treated myself to lunch for my birthday...I brought a book, ate a delicious salad and just relaxed by myself in a restaurant. Not that long ago I would have considered this as fairly pathetic. But now I know how to enjoy the rare times when I can be by myself.

As I was driving home, I couldn't help smiling to myself. I guess I just realized something really great on today, my 34th birthday.

I am happy.

p.s. My sister is potentially having a baby girl today..could there be a better present than a new niece? And shouldn't I get to be her favorite aunt by default?