The Human Condition

This is taken from John Armstrong's In Search of Civilisation:

"A human being is the only creature which can reflect upon its own existence, conceive of its own death, and fake orgasm"

So much for writing, or speech and language, or the use of our opposable as what separates us from being mere animals.

30 Things A Man Should Own Before 30

1. A skin care regimen. C’mon guys, healthy complexions aren’t just for metrosexuals!: Not going to happen, and so far, not needed.
   
2. A tasty signature dish he can whip up for a date: Cooking is useful but I'll learn it for myself. A signature dish would be cool.
   
3. Respect for women as equals and not just as heads attached to boobs. Absolutely, as long as they don't behave like heads attached to boobs
   
4. At least four good pairs of shoes: dressy, business casual, casual, exercise: There's a difference between exercise and casual? Just kidding. I'll have to work on this one comfortable shoes that fit me are tough.
5. At least one friend who gives honest fashion advice I think I've found someone, but fashion advice is something you never get in too short a supply if you are me.
   
6. A tailored suit Done. Just need more occasions to wear it! And with a bow tie too!
   
7. A toolbox that includes: a hammer, screwdriver, wrench, nails, work gloves. I definitely need to improve on the handyman bit. No point having tools if you are clueless about how to use them. I CAN change a light bulb. I think.
   
8. Enough clean underwear (no holes!) to get him through a week between laundry sessions. Yes, an absolute essential.
   
9. Independence from his mama. Absolutely. Independence is good. From women. Period.
   
10. The ability to ask for directions. You don't need to ask if you don't get lost!
    
11. A great road map when there’s no one to ask. I don't drive, and you don't need road maps in Singapore. It's too small.
    
12. A favorite cookbook. I'll have to work on understanding them first.
    
13. A decent set of pots and pans. And knives. Never forget the knives.
    
14. An emergency kit in the trunk of his car. Again, no car, so no worries.
    
15. A hobby that does not include a television set or a 6-pack of beer. I will take this to be an active hobby that requires you to sweat. I'm thinking rock climbing.
    
16. A trusted barber or hair stylist. This is a perennial problem. I need one that speaks in English, and will just give me a trendy easy maintain look that doesn't require me to put in much effort. Recommendations welcome.
    
17. A pair of jeans that makes his butt look good. I think I do own a pair. Girls, feedback welcome on the latter bit.
    
18. Jumper cables. Don't own a car, so not bothered.
    
19. A driver’s license. I was close to getting one. Will go ahead and finish it.
    
20. Always enough toilet paper. Obviously. Just don't expect me to put the toilet seat back up.... why can't you put it down if you need it?
    
21. Sheets that don’t scratch.
    
22. A nightstand that doesn’t say “Handle with care” on the side. Huh?
    
23. A smile he uses generously. Use it too much and it loses its luster. I say reserve it for special occasions and special someones.
    
24. At least one lamp that didn’t once belong in a dorm room.
    
25. Enough confidence to approach someone he finds attractive. Always difficult, this.
    
26. Enough sense not to use a cheesy pick-up line. (When in doubt, say “hello!”) I never do cheesy pick up lines. I only come up with sardonically witty retorts that nobody ever understands.
    
27. A great razor. Being Chinese I have no regular need of one. That said, having tried to grow a mustache in my university days, I know how ridiculous I look with one.
    
28. The beginning of a nest egg. Sigh. I wish.
    
29. A place where everyone knows his name. I've got that. I am a firm believer in the local pub where everybody is friendly with everyone. That, and most of the second hand bookstores in Singapore.
    
30. At least one sex move he’s received lots of positive feedback on. Errr, well. I couldn't possibly comment, could I?

This internet meme is courtesy of The Frisky.

A Host of Benefits

I was quite tickled by this. What helps to burn calories and increase your overall fitness, reduces the risk of heart disease, increases your immunity against influenza and the common cold, helps to reduce depression, and even gives you a better sense of smell? Of course benefits only accrue with sustained regular doses.

I'm sure that by now you have an inkling about what the answer to the above just might be. Appropriate warnings must be issued as with any form of drug or treatment: this particular one should only be administered with an individual in whom you have due care and trust. Thankfully there is low risk of an overdose. Might induce euphoria and temporary feelings of happiness and emotional dependence.

Interesting Puzzle

I am glad that I rushed down to take part in the Brewerkz pub quiz after ringing Jake up mainly because we managed to win, with a team of just four people. That worked out to a cool 80 over dollars per person on the night, which was quite wonderful. I also won a free beer to boot after betting with Jake that Yokohama was the second largest city in terms of population in Japan after Tokyo, though Jake rightly pointed out that much of that depended on things like how you defined city and metropolitan limits.

I ended up having a long chat with the quiz masters afterwards, and it turned out that one of them was a banker, dealing with derivitives and thus analytical by nature. His background in gambling actually helped a great deal, at least in terms of securing him his job, because some of the interview questions were actually based on logic and probability. He challenged us with two specific puzzles which I only fully worked out afterwards, and it makes enormous intuitive sense, I thought I would share them.

The first puzzle involved a game of chance with a die. Let us say that you will pay in cash the amount equivalent to the die roll (e.g. if it lands on a six, the person wins six dollars). What price should you make a person pay in order to compete in the game? The answer is derived by using simple math. First, there is an equal probability of each outcome (the die landing on any number from one to six). So the average payout can be calculated by taking the total payout in each individual outcome (i.e. $1 in the case of die roll 1, $2, in the case of die roll 2) and dividing it by 6. So what you get is $1+$2+$3+$4+$5+$6= $21 in total, dividing by 6 gives you $3.50. So you should charge at a very minimum $3.50 for a roll.

He then added a more challenging twist. Say you give the gambler a chance at a second roll of the die. The number that then comes up on the second roll is the payout will be given (i.e. if you roll 3 on the first go and 2 on the second, the payout is $2). What price would you set for a person to compete in this 2 roll game? Would it be the same as in the first case, more expensive, or less expensive?

The answer of course is that you have to set it more expensive. Calculating the exact amount is a matter of logically predicting the behaviour of the gambler. To begin with, the gambler will not re-roll unless he has a even or better chance of improving his payout. Because there is always a risk that he will throw lower the second time around. So the gambler will probably hold if he rolls 4,5 or 6 the first time, and re-roll if he rolls 1,2,3. If he re-rolls the scenario exactly mirrors the first one above. However, given that the gambler has the option of holding on a high number and improving his payout on a low one, it logically means that the price has to be set higher.

How to calculate this? Very simple, first deal with the first roll which has a payout of 4+5+6 divided by 3 which is 5 - the gambler will re-roll otherwise. As calculated above, the average payout on a second roll (should the gambler roll 1,2 or 3) is 3.5. So the price set for a gambler to take part in this second game is the average of these two which is 8.5 divided by 2 which is 4.25. So you should make someone pay $4.25 in order to take part in the double roll game.

100 Things

Yet another of those dastardly memes. It's random but fun though. Those I have managed are highlighted in Bold.

1. Started your own blog: Fairly obvious this one, though I have more trouble keeping to repeated new year resolutions to keep updating it regularly.
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii: I even walked on dried lava after a recent eruption
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity (you can always afford to give more)
7. Been to Disneyland: All of them except the ones in Tokyo and Hong Kong
8. Climbed a mountain: Several, including a 6,000m one in the Andes mountain range.
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped (I would love to, though!)
12. Visited Paris:
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art form from scratch: folding paper airplanes doesn't count does it, not that I was even any good at that?
15. Adopted a child: surely having a child is the more common.
16. Had food poisoning: once after having ten oysters at a buffet that had clearly gone off, and for half of a holiday in Indonesia when I was 9.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty (went there, but it's still closed post 9/11)
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa (American tourist in front of me: "My Gawd, it's so small!")
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort (and a snow man, who promptly melted the next day)
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon (I did manage a half marathon)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (on Mount Sinai, Manchu Picchu.....)
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person (at least half a dozen times)
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (I guess China counts right?)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa (but only Egypt)
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (I have been interviewed on TV and been on televised gameshows)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (given my lack of entrepreneurial inclinations, this is not likely to happen)
58. Taken a martial arts class (Army unarmed combat - hated it)
59. Visited Russia (I really want to do this)
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (I sold cookies for the Canadian equivalent - The Beavers)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason (Hah! Fat chance!)
64. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma
65. Gone skydiving (Again, I would love to!)
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (I want to visit Auschwitz, if I have a chance)
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter (though I have flown in a military transport plane, and a small four-seater)
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone (Surprisingly, this hasn't happened yet, touch wood)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (riding pillion in Vietnam and Cambodia)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (One day, perhaps)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox (I'm now vaccinated, so no chance of this now!)
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury (Again, not likely to happen, given Singapore doesn't have juries)
91. Met someone famous (depends on how loosely you define famous)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one (grandparents)
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a mobile phone
99. Been stung by a bee (a wasp actually, during army training)
100. Read an entire book in one day

A clean 50 out of 100, which is not bad at all.

The Beginning of the End

According to a recent BBC article, it may already be the beginning of the end for me. The article suggests that "mental powers start to dwindle at 27 after peaking at 22, marking the start of old age". Apparently, Professor Timothy Salthouse of Virginia University has discovered that reasoning, speed of thought and spatial visualisation all decline in our late 20s.

I am turning 27 this year. At the peak of my mental ability, and yet to accomplish anything of note. What a truly depressing thought.

Chinese New Year Punitive Punning

I have decided that if I receive one more MSN Message, or email, or Chinese New Year greeting of any form, both verbal and electronic, wishing me a 'Happy Niu Year', or some other equivalently poor pun, I shall strangle the person responsible. It is bad enough putting up with bad puns that seem an inherently unavoidable part of the English language. To have to put up with puns involving a transliteration of phonetic sounds of a language without an alphabet, now that is really pushing things to a level which is completely ridiculous.

It's Camels All Round

On one particular occasion when my sister invited some friends over to our home, a particularly nerdy lab mate of hers (who was unsurprisingly going out with an equally nerdy fellow lab mate) started pontificating on the difference between one-humped and two-humped camels. This certainly stuck in my mother's mind as she commented about this afterward (citing this as rather strange behaviour). I would have thought that my predilection for strange facts would have inured her to that by now. 

Still, as if to prove that no knowledge is ever useless, this piece of information came up in a pub quiz I was taking part in a few months afterwards. How many humps does a Dromedary Camel have, it asked. I could not for the life of me remember. It seems that camel humps was one of the few random bits of information that I found difficult to digest and my team got that question wrong.

So when it was mentioned that Bactrian camels, native to China, have two humps unlike their Arabian one-humped cousins, in The Man Who Loved China,  a book by Simon Winchester about Joseph Needham and the inspiration behind his magnum opus Science and Civilisation in China, I decided once and for all to set the record straight. So, Bactrian - two humps, native to East and Central Asia (also highly endangered apparently). Dromedary, far more common, native to the Middle East (and also the ones you are likely to pose for a photo with in front of the Great Pyramids in Egypt before getting asked by its handlers for a fee), and most definitely one humped.

So there, this hardly proved to be one hump too many!

Local Wildlife

Rumours abound about some of the exotic wildlife that one can find in Singapore. During National Service, especially if you are given the chance to savour the delights of Pulau Tekong, you are often told to be on the lookout for the elusive Tekong Wild Boar who is said to roam around the forests of the island. There are also supposed to be snakes, even pythons in the forests of Singapore. 

Up till now, I have never seen anything more exciting than a squirrel outside of the Singapore Zoo (which does have a marvelous collection of wildlife). That is until I was returning from dinner last Saturday with Justin at the Rider's Cafe, and he suddenly stopped the car just as he was about to turn onto Bukit Timah Road, and informed me that there was a python on the road. 

At first, I thought he was pulling my leg, and I jokingly queried if the glass of wine we each had with dinner really had the power to cause hallucinations. That is until I opened the passenger door of the car, started out onto the road, and lo and behold saw a 8 foot long python lying lengthwise across it. 

From the look of things, the poor creature already had been run over at least once, given the tire treads on its torso. It certainly seemed a bit stunned, and being caught in the powerful glare of the car headlights must have added to its discomfort. Justin then proceeded to do something which I personally found pretty daring under the circumstances - he pulled the python by its tail, and dragged it towards a patch of vegetation in the central divider.

Granted, pythons aren't poisonous - the poisonous snakes tend to be the tiny ones - relying instead on suffocating their prey by coiling themselves around it and then swallowing them whole. This wasn't a huge python (by python standards), though it looked big enough to me. I do wonder about how it was going to get across the rest of the road, given that it was now stuck in the central divider. I was frankly amazed that it ended up on the road in the first place. 

So, definitely one of the more bizarre and interesting things that has happened to me so far this year. Who knows, the next time I am on my way home from dinner, I might just spot a wild boar standing on the kerb, waiting to cross the road. 

You Know You Are A Nerd When.....

You see a web article on John Gray and what immediately pops to mind is the professor of political thought at LSE, writer of such fascinating tracts as The Two Faces of Liberalism, Straw Dogs and Al Qaeda and What It Means to be Modern.

Turns out the John Gray they had in mind was also a famous writer. Somewhat less learned, but probably richer on account of book sales. They were of course writing about the man who so enriched our lives with Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.