Tuesday, August 24, 2010
haizx!!!!.. its so dam disappointing when certain things i wish for or expect didnt come true.. this year my bdae was totally forgotten by some of my gd frens.. as in i dun really expect them remember as i oso dun really remember everyones bdae.. but its the handful tat always remembers suddenly forgot.. not even a msg.. tat made me disappointed... maybe i hoped too much.. n asked for too much.. last year of my life had been saddening.. this year had a bad start.. oh wells.. i should be used to it by now i guess.. but im not.. im getting greedier.. i ask for more now.. i wish for more now.. i wan more now.. but but but.. as usual.. nth works out.. ive made myself so bastard till ive not much frens.. i dun noe who i am anymore.. mixed feelings.. messed up mind.. the more i want.. the more disappointed i'll be.. so i try not to want more..
if i cant even accept myself.. how can i ask others to accept me.. how will others even accept me..
sometimes i try so hard to put a smiling face when inside im dying.. when i show black face ppl cant accept.. den when i show smiling face ppl think im mad.. i think im really mad.. how is the real me?.. ive no idea anymore.. ive been such a bastard.. to everyone .. to myself.. ppl say im a gal.. but seriously i dun noe how to be one anymore.. other den i hav so call certain gals feelings.. the rest is like not gal not boy.. is my existence really necessary?..
2:11 AM
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