Friday, February 27, 2009

haizx... i dun noe y... but always in the nite i tend to be more emo... YYYYY!!!!!!!!!.... i wan to noe y too... nth better to do?... alot of time to anyhow think?... no money become emo?... y im keepin myself at home... one very gd reason is... i really got no money to go out?... so dun go out wont spend?.... so alot of time to spend thinking bout stuff?.... fuck fuck fuck... haizx... i dun noe wad im doin with my life already... YISMYLIFESOSADDIST... haizx... ppl celebrate their bdae happy... with frens... family... hav fun... but somehow mine always turn up in a disaster... someone ask me wad to give a gal for bdae... in the past maybe i will just sae something to them... but now... i look back... i nv really thought of wad present i wan... but it has always been getting one for myself... there is once to the extend of me buyin a cake on my own for myself... somehow over the years... i got used to it?... of being alone?... i oso got used to entertain myself most of the time... coz im always ignored or invinsible... like a shadow... its there but nobody gives a dam bout it.. n i think i got used to it too... ppl enjoy christmas/valentine with frens... me.... self entertain... just find something to do... LOL... funny rite... i think it is... its saddist.. but i noe its not the worst... ppl in other countries hav even bigger problems... somehow i lost confidence in myself already.... when i need a listening ear... there is no one... when i need a shoulder... there is no one... somehow its always hav been me only... n my teddy... wan to noe all my secrets? wan to noe how much ive cried?... ask teddy... its the only FREN i noe tat hav been with me for years... n he wont leave me... i guess im really just mad... crazy... stupid... wadever term there is... i love really tat hard to find?.... i guess... =P.... if not i will be one happy ass hole already... n im tired of being the 'happy' me.. the one always lauging... the one always smiling.. its tiring.. especially when im so not in the mood... but i guess the 'happy' me is the better 'me' for now... all i can do is to look happy... =P

11:40 PM

Thursday, February 26, 2009

haizx... im emo again?... somehow cant help it... was thinkin of planning a class gatherin... but its like very hard lar... nobody cares... nobody bothers... y should i.. sem like im the only one tat wan the gathering... FUCK LAR... dun think i wan to plan anymore... plan already in the end sure nobody turn up... i think forget it man... i should stop being such a busyody... i should not care bout anything already... y am i not guy not gal... so fuck up... y am i so sensitive... haizx... watchin shows some how make me more emo.. ............. dun noe wad more i should sae... oh... my pm saes "wad should i do next... give up?... or continue waiting?... " ure pm saes " i tell you what, just give up on me thanks."... u think its concidential or wad.... wad do u think i feel .. its my business whether i wan to like u anot... even if u dun.. u hav no right to stop me...

2:13 AM

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

hmmm... todae is officially the last dae of sch for year 1... SAD... T_T.... no more seein him.... sian lar... no more motivation... sian sian... actually i think back... its REALLY STUPID of me to even listen to weiju n go gao pai... tat is like stupid... i was stupid enough to ask him tat question... WTF... now it feels PS.. its like ps for me to randomly tok to him already lar.. coz he noes.... FUCK!!!.... but if i could turn back time... i think i would hav tried too... coz if i dun try i nv knew... but at least i will like ask on the last dae of sch... so at least before tat not so ps... haizx... its over anyway... hmmm... wad is dine is done... wad is asked is asked..i dun really regret though... but of course it hurts lar.. but as time pass... i think the pain will fade.. haha... im cool though... no point rite... since i noe its impossible...

arh... wadever.. its OFFICIALLY HOLIDAE... means beinging of boring life... especially without a job now.. nth much to do .... really wanna get a job like soon... coz super brooke... n of course to occupided time.. better den doin nth at home... seeing u online.. make my heart itch... haha.. smiling through is better... =P.... tata...

12:49 AM

Monday, February 23, 2009

hmmm.. TML DIE.... ECCT... haha.. my brain dead already lar... so dun wan to study liao... HEHE.... study study study... haha... tata.. blog tml after exam... ARH!!!... one more dae till i dun get to see u... T_T

8:15 PM

Saturday, February 21, 2009

hmm... it 3AM.... omg... haha.. i hav to like wake up in 4&1/2 hours time... haha... goin for medical check up tml morning... sian.... at last completed cookin acadamy 2... hhaha.... i rock.... hmmm ... gonna sleep already... if not i sure cannot wake up de... tata... morning....

3:01 AM

Thursday, February 19, 2009

hmmm... SEBEI SIAN SIA...tml MEK paper... haven really study yet... cant seem to concentrate sia... sian... how to study.... haizx... lucky tml paper at 6pm... can wake up earlier to study... haizx... my brain driving me mad already... my feelings drivin me mad too.. im goin to be crazy already... haha... kk.. better sleep earlier.. den can wake up earlier to study... tata...

11:59 PM

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

fuck lar... stupid lar... suppose to be in better mood den previous daes... den my dad freakin piss me off... fuck lar... like tat... i dun go home lar... ask this ask tat... den i sae dun go overseas oso kanna scolded... stupid lar... so troublesome... im tired of being the daughter they wan... i wan to be myself.. fuck lar.....

11:24 PM

hehe... im guai for once... or should i sae i hav no choice... haha... y im guai coz i studied for 2daes in sch... n i really did learn something... no choice coz.. if i dun study den hav to repeat module or worse... cannot move on to next level.. haha... so no choice... chiong study lor... later 11 goin to continue studyin again... hehe... now stonning time... lol...

9:48 PM

hey.... am i feeling better?... i guess so... but still thinking of u.. haha.... n still drinking wine todae... anyway thanks MOOMOO... i really appeciate it... i'll cut dun wad i drink bah... i'll try... haha... but i doubt so lar... hehe.... haizx... maybe really i should accept tat im just too guyish... i even bathe like a guy[ in terms of timing]... WTF.... haha... who cares... clean can le wad.. haha.. hmm.. tml goin to sch study again... goin to sleep soon.... anyway FUCK U LAR... dun u BULLY my elf... lol.. even though i kana rejected... but straight forward way seems better... n i think im smart... in terms of the way i handle it after the rejection... haha... yup.. laugh more... makes things better... =P... nites...

1:57 AM

Monday, February 16, 2009

hmmm... wads my mood now?... just freakin messy... i indirectly kana rejected like straight forward... maybe its better... wad im doin now?.... cryin ... like duh... no matter wad ... i still hav a gals feelings rite.... i guess im fine... i didnt noe i'll take it so hard... even though i didnt expected much... T_T.... feel like just pastin the whole convo here... but forget it... i will only ps myself... haizx... forget it... im a not guy not gal person.. i may sound ok when im typin... chatting on msn... but sometimes... behide the com... u dun noe wads goin on.. i may be cryin... y im i a loser... in like practically everything lar...

12:15 AM

Sunday, February 15, 2009

haizx... i dun noe wads happen to me... im becomin a alcholic lar... drinkin to num myself?...everything i just feel like drinkin... happy drink... sad drink... but now i dun noe is wad feeling... just feel like drinkin... wads goin on... just wanna find someone to company me oso dun hav... seems like i dun hav frens tat r close enough tat will stand by me... i seriously dun noe wad im doin with my life anymore... fuck man... really wad am i doin... i suppose to be chiong sch work... wad am i doin thinkin of drinkin every now n then... haizx...

8:32 PM

hahaha... im not laughin lar... im like really goin to cry already... i dun noe... just tokin bout love always brings me to tears... some more is Vdae "yesterdae"... im alone n sad?... i dun noe .... at times i tell myself i still got the looks... but... its the fact tat nobody will wan a person tat is like not boy not gal... oh wadever... now im feelin bored... n sian... n emo... just wanna find ppl to disturb oso dun hav... sian... just wan ppl to make me laugh oso dun hav... where hav all the jokers go... i feel like drinkin till im drunk... but will i even be drunk?....

1:09 AM

Friday, February 13, 2009

haizx... tml is valentine dae... i'll be alone again as usual... last year should be workin... this year nth... no work nth... stay home to ston lor... or try to study if my mind can even concentrate... haizx.... sian sia.... nnth to do.. n i did something very stupid todae... WTF... i really almost gao pai... but i didnt coz i dun dare... like duh... but i ask him a ques... wad he feel bout me... i ask him to think clearly den reply me... but until now he still haven reply me yet... i think forget it lor... if he doesnt reply... den i'll just leave things as it is... n let nature take its course... im cool... i'll try to keep cool.. =P.. anyway i didnt really expect anything too bah... like wad i sae... who will like a guyish gal...

11:01 PM

Thursday, February 12, 2009

haizx... im turning mad... i dream of u... i think of u... fuck lar... im even thinkin of confessing????.... i must be out of my mind... who will even like me... guyish freak... ARH!!!!.... forget it... dun think so much... see how it goes....

BUT its 4 more dae till i dun see u... OMG... i dun wan tat to happen... wtf... wad to do sia...

9:00 PM

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

i think now this song pictures my feelings.. alot... 洋葱

如果你眼神能够为我
片刻的降临
如果你能听到
心碎的声音
沉默的守护著你
沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己
像是空气
大家都吃著聊著笑著
今晚多开心
最角落里的我
笑得多合群
盘底的洋葱像我
永远是调味品
偷偷的看著你
偷偷的隐藏著自己
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现你会讶异
你是我最压抑
最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸你会流泪
只要你能听到我
看到我的全心全意
听你说你和你的他们
暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望
装得很风趣
我就样一颗洋葱
永远是配角戏
多希望能与你有一秒
专属的剧情

6:02 PM

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

i dun wan to hav botherhood with y... i wan relationship or at least friendship... not botherhood... ITS SUPER DIFF LAR.... i wonder will even hav ppl tat love me... lol... stupid rite... i guess im always stupid... wad to do... who will even like a gal tat is like a guy... u sae u respect gal... do u really treat me like one?... i wonder... guys heart really just cant be broken... i dun noe wad guys r thinking... especially when they dun noe at all... no form of action... no form of speech... how to noe wad the hell u thinkin lar... i cant freaking read ure mind... dun sae ure heart.. if can i would dig ure heart out to take a look.. =P

10:49 AM

Monday, February 09, 2009

dun make me love u... i dun think i can take it... dun think my heart can take it... but i do love u... wad to do... maybe "being a guy " is the best solution.. so ppl will..i dun noe how to sae.. forget it... is like u love somebody but u just cant sae... maybe i hav to get used to this type of feeling... since im "a guy"... wtf lar... it hurts not being able to sae i love u... to be able to admit tat i love u... someone brainwash me please... tell me wad to do... help me... lol.. im hopeless... really hopeless... its hard being myself... haizx... =P?

5:35 PM

hmm.. wad im i doin blogging at 4am?... left my laptop on n fell asleep on parents bed... den woke up coz my dad was squeezing me.. no space sleep... so i woke up.. realised my laptop is still on.. so decided to use a while lor...

yesterdae dad had gathering at our place.. was drinking AGAIN... haha... this time drank red wine only.. nv drink beer... nv drink vodka.. nth else other den red wine... haha... tats y i will missed ure msg... coz i wasnt in my room... while my phone is in the room... first thing i saw ure msg i was like... ARH!! y nv check my phone earlier... haizx... too bad den..[sad... T_T].... LOL... im turning to a alcoholic... haha... i intend to after exams hav another time of "party"... lol.. no lar... ask them to come my place to drink again... maybe this time start earlier so can play longer n all still got transport back.. haha... hmm... got more pics from fri nite...

ok... wads with this pic?...

when tat guy mud is goin to fart ... he will call for Zippo...

den my fren will light n put near is asshole...

when he fart.. boom... a flash fire... haha... funny sia....

this just taken by kaillun randomly.. so this r the ppl at my place...

but kailun not in any... lol.. coz he is the photographer...

me... the fatest one of course is weiju... den hakim[left to right]..=P

den here will be mud... hyder...n FAL... [left to right..] =P

tats it... im waiting for someone's reply... haha... but gonna sleep somemore first... tata... =P

4:19 AM

Saturday, February 07, 2009

hmm... wanted to blog like durin new year those few daes.. but lazy ... haha... on mon 26jan... called waraku ppl come over to my place to play n DRINK... drinking was like the main part lar... den some turn up... played this stupid card game ... the person who choosed the smallest card drink... if choosed 2 of diamond... hav to drink double... haha... den those who dun wan to drink keep getting... haha.. i wan to drink but nv got much chances to lose... lol... but the left like freaking early... i haven even high yet... den we stop drinkin le... SAD... den on second dae... tue 27jan... went to my cousin house ... played blackjack... was quite in luck... won a little... about 8bucks.... had fun... but it ended early... wed 28jan had to go back to sch n even had presentation... i think it went well though... as usual our group is always the more entertaining one n stupid + funny one too... den after tat nth much... hav been busy?!.... sch work is stressing me out coz im too lazy... haha.... haizx... tired....

wanted to hav more fun so planned a dae for sch ppl to come over to my place... so the dae was yesterade fri 6feb... FUN FUN FUN... really fun... super funny too.... the guys just very funny n lame... this time drank more... more fun... FAL - candy -kailun - yingqiang - hyder - mud - weiju - hakim came.. candy n yingqiang left the earliest.. so i was the only "gal" left... but so wasnt treated like one.. like duh lar.. haha.. im too guyish already... saddist... lol... did funny stuff with FAL... but at least it was something my heart wish to do... maybe was usin alcohol to be braver to do so.. i dun noe y but i did it... who cares... lol.. just wish mon nth would be spreading... lol... the guys enjoyed n had fun too....