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Wednesday, January 24, 2007


somehow words cant come out anymore... i dun really noe how to sae stuff... on sat... i realised tat wad was on my previous post is nth but the truth... but somehow im not scared of being alone... maybe im too used to it.. being with someone i dun really like... i might as well be on my own... i hate myself... sat went out after CIP... at first didnt wan to go... coz i knew tat i will be like extra... it started like this... lisa ask me to go eat dinner with her.. i was like"no"... coz i knew tat jiaxin n huiling will be goin... n if i go will be like.. me,lisa,jiaxin,huiling... so i so didnt wan to go... first i wasnt close to JX n HL at all... n im like not mos crew anymore... but lisa was like askin me to go coz she is leaving already... than i didnt wan her to be disappointed.. so i went... it really turn out as wad i expected... kinda of even worse... shall not go in super detail... so my dae was like totally spoiled... had like one long dae of seeing ppl attitude... standin... askin for donations... than in the evening still hav to like make my mood even worse... it was raining somemore... but nvm... mon camp started... todae oso had camp... tml the last dae of camp...


somehow i feel as if i really dun fit in anywhere... when ppl cant contect me... i get blamed.. when i cant get ppl... i oso get blamed... wad in the world is comin round.. im tired of my life... i dun noe wad i wan to do... i dun see a future in me.. my wish will always remain as dreams.. haizx...

2:44 PM

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


so long hav past... i miss everything... but sometimes i seriously wonder im needed for wad... to just sub in for others... than when they dun need me than i hav to leave... when they got no other ppl to find.. than they find me???... sometimes i seriously wonder.. wad is my life for... to fill in a place temperally???... some how i dun noe where to put m feelings... my "frens" i dun noe how to trust them.. i noe everyone dislike me... im sick n tired of this life too.. but too bad... there is no car to suddenly just come n bang me... so i can just disappear... so i wont make ppl daes bad... make them dislike me.. the person i hate the most is no one but myself... i hate myself for beliving in love... sometimes i cant even find someone tat will be there for me.. ive to be the one always "an wei-ing" ppl... i need someone to an wei wo too... im tired... im tired of being nice... im even tired of being evil... i wan to take down the mask tat im wearing... i wan to be myself.. but no matter where i go... there is no no NO place for me... sometimes i hav to stick myself with ppl... i hate it ... i dun wan this... i wan someone to treat me for who i am... like me for who i am... not act infront of me... im in nobody heart... not even as a fren... im sick n tired of everything... y cant everything just end...

im just a sensitive freak... tat wan to noe wad true love means... for frens... for relationships.. for family... but i dun think tat dae wil ever come... ppl discriminate me... coz maybe i do so in the first place... maybe its all just retribution... i didnt noe lovin royce will turn our frenship into strangers... i didnt even noe he will even noe.. i dun noe wad i wan... but seein him being so happy with the others while we dun even tok make me sad.hurt.jealous[THE SUPER SENSITIVE ME]... i wanna get hurt anymore too.. being treat like a subsitude... it sucks... i feel as if im seriously nth... just a piece of shit.rubbish.... tat should not even exist.. im tired of lookin at the bright side... coz nth gd will happen... NTH AT ALL... teachers all see me with "tat kind of eye sight"... i hate it.. doesnt mean u do wrong once.. u will forever do wrong... the teachers... my parents somehow they dun trust me... since they think im like tat... so i shall be... coz im tired of tryin to be better... coz nobody really understands me... no one... im just a torn everyone wans to get rid of... i hate my life... [sorry but this whole post is me... the real me tat need to release everything...the me tat need to let go of everything in my heart... ]

10:03 PM

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