My Heart Gets A Little Broken Every Mother’s Day

My heart gets a little broken every Mother’s Day. Yes, it does. Mother’s Day will always be a reminder that my mother is no longer with us. She passed away 4 years ago. I may have learned to deal with the pain, but just like they say, the pain never goes away. Several hours before her passing, we’re forced to choose a tough decision. To either hang on to her or to set her free. I was nowhere near ready to make a choice. I want her to hang on as long as she could; I want her to fight for her life, for us; I want her to celebrate Christmas with us, which was only a month away. But the truth was, cancer was already snatching her life away. Much sooner than we imagined.

One Monday morning, we all gathered looking at a pair of glassy eyes. She was unresponsive. I witnessed how my mom went through her dying process; it was the most painful thing a daughter or a son, or a family member to witness. That was the day that I set her free. It was the only choice I had. Looking back at her life, my mom was a kind woman. She is very hardworking, persistent, and loving. I could not recall any memory where I hated her. I’ve always loved her very much. When I became a mom, I loved her even more. She was always there for me every step of the way. She was my safe haven. 

Back then, I would always look forward to weekends because those were the days when I would visit my family; mom, dad, and my sister. I always look forward to telling her an article I’ve read about, about Ayne’s school activities, how Kyler threw tantrums during the night, a K-drama I’ve watched that I’m sure she would love, an amazing animal I’ve seen on National Geographic, everything. I love telling her anything. She was my haven. 

Today is Mother’s Day, and it’s making me a little sad. My heart may ache a little, but I’m beyond blessed to have brought up by a wonderful woman. 

To my mother in heaven, I love you beyond words could express.