I know Jesus is the Christ. I love going to His holy house. I believe in mighty prayer. The Book of Mormon has changed my life and I read it every day. I want to be and do John 17:3-4. I know God hears and answers prayer.
Today was Sunday #2 of no singing or even humming--but my heart was more at peace with the notion. The opening hymn was Prayer of Thanksgiving. We pulled out our hymn books that we take in our diaper bag as a habit of wanting to be able to read the words with our our young children and not have them think we are on our "phones".
My eyes became wet as I read through the start of verse two:
Beside us to guide us, our God with us joining,
Ordaining, maintaining his kingdom divine;
So from the beginning the fight we were winning;
Thou, Lord, wast at our side;
All glory be thine!
Beside US [me, my family and the little COVID respecting, distancing, mask wearing congregation, the world] to guide us, our God with us joining. In those words, I almost could not see or sing them in my heart as my eyes were blurred...but it was as if the Lord himself was reminding/saying to my heart, He was beside us/me, joining with me in the silence of listening when we can't sing. Being beside me through the craziness of the days. It was a beautiful impression.
Church was wonderful! I am so thankful I was able to partake of the sacrament. When the sacrament cloth covering is gently laid over the bread and water--sometimes a wrinkle comes up in how the fabric settles. I am always filled with gratitude when a deacon or priest will take notice and take the time to smooth it out. It is a reminder to me the tenderness we should keep of love and adoration for the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ and His atoning body/blood.
The speakers were sublime, inspired, and obviously worked to have the spirit as they prepared and shared. Their messages were of hope and gratitude focused in and on the Savior. I wish all my family could have been there to hear their words as I have done a somewhat poor job trying to retell their talks!
In between the talks, was a father daughter duet on the piano of My Heavenly Father Loves Me. which my little two year old started to sing in our pew. 😍
This is a recording of Alan Walker (my friend's visiting dad) playing at a different ward meeting... but this is the song he and Mallory played today. It is beautiful! And what they were playing about [lyrics below] is equally beautiful. Thank you for sharing your gifts of music!
1. Whenever I hear the song of a bird
Or look at the blue, blue sky,
Whenever I feel the rain on my face
Or the wind as it rushes by,
Whenever I touch a velvet rose
Or walk by our lilac tree,
I’m glad that I live in this beautiful world
Heav’nly Father created for me.
2. He gave me my eyes that I might see
The color of butterfly wings.
He gave me my ears that I might hear
The magical sound of things.
He gave me my life, my mind, my heart:
I thank him rev’rently
For all his creations, of which I’m a part.
Yes, I know Heav’nly Father loves me.
The whole meeting was a spiritual feast. Thank you Heavenly Father, for letting me get to partake in such beauty church meeting.
Happiness is:this statement from my four year old. Never-mind that it was at 5:30 this morning. They put their chairs in a circle and each had a copy of The Book of Mormon... Oh, the tenderness--seeing them "study" my favorite book!
6:40 a.m. I hear the recorder be played. In my little condo you would be surprised to know how good the acoustics are! I had just knelt down for a morning prayer and I thought how I needed to go quite Ireland so he didn't wake up his folks or his three sleeping siblings. As I tried to concentrate through my prayer, half-hearted--music does this to me--all of a sudden I notice the song he was trying to figure out... it was "I am a Child of God". I smiled as I prayed and no longer wanted to keep him from waking up his family. After this aunt was very impressed with the whole song of I am a Child of God, he played hot cross buns. :) As I left my room to head for work, I was impressed that he was in the living room and when he spoke to me he was whispering...(that is another miracle as he doesn't whisper in the morning very much, but I could tell he was "trying" to be quite and not wake up his siblings, which just might have been a first-EVER!!) :D
Thanks Iron Man for adding happiness to my morning!
As I drove into work, I started to sing There is Sunshine in my Soul. I chuckled a bit as I entered the freeway noticing the pretty drab morning. Cold, no visible sign of mountains let alone any sunlight.
As I sang:
There is sunshine in my soul today,
More glorious and bright
Than glows in any earthly sky,
For Jesus is my light.
Oh, there's sunshine, blessed sunshine
When the peaceful happy moments roll.
When Jesus shows his smiling face,
There is sunshine in the soul.
I smiled at the application of being surrounded by NO light, literally, yet I know who IS my light. And His light is peaceful and happy.... There is sunshine in my soul. And whenever I choose to focus on Him--there always is sunshine.
I re-arranged Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam "adult" version and added a verse:
"Dark clouds may threaten--
to destroy my peace,
But if you will look inside,
you will find in me..."
A sunbeam, a sunbeam, Jesus wants me to be.
A sunbeam, a sunbeam, I will be a sunbeam for Him.
So my morning goes! It has been a challenging month with a big, new project at work. I am constantly overwhelmed with gratitude and God's goodness in the choice revelation He offers me and my co-workers. Most of my projects I cannot do on my own and it takes coordinating many efforts and hands. I am literally dependent on the work/ideas/inspiration of others to get most, of all my projects done/accomplished...that is very humbling needing to be dependent and trusting of so many others skills, time and efforts... but oh how I see God's hands!
A few weeks back I was pondering and praying about how to make a display work. And in the early morning to my mind came an idea and how the project could work. It was not like Russel M. Nelsons heart stint inspiration--but in my job, it felt like the answer was a "parting of the veil" idea. I discussed this idea with Jeff, and he ran with it. **Which I was so grateful he was open to listening too and trying the idea. IT WORKED! And of course it did, if God inspired it, why wouldn't it ?? but I am still in aw with God's brilliance, even to my little projects. Not in aw that He knows what to do--that is a given, but that He is so willing to help and inspire, guide and lead processes (not world changing, just job sustaining) if asked.
As I started this project and moved the ball forward, I was wishy washy and knowing that we were taking the project like it has never been done before (just going against a lot of different grains) Patti (inspired) made the comment that she trusted me for she was sure I had prayed over it. WELL- the fact is I hadn't even thought to pray about whether we were going the right direction! I was humbled by her comment and stepped into the bathroom to pray. Felt peace, move forward. That was the first bit of peace I had had with the whole project. Needed that reminder.
And then yesterday as all the pieces were to come together for the project ships out tomorrow, Marin made the statement of where was my confidence? I was being wishy washy again of how it was all going to come together. She was inspired to question me, but what she was really doing, was reminding me.
Christ said, "Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?"- D&C 6:23
I was humbled by Marin's statement. Why was I wavering, when I already had had a confirmation from God a few weeks ago?!
Yesterday as I needed to have some "unknowns" come together, Anna, (one of our awesome Designers at work) with inspiration, made a huge part easily come together. It was a bit of a problem and with in moments she had a brilliant fix. And it was an easy one too when we were set out to do this BIG fix, Anna and Cynthia were inspired with a simple fix! And Cynthia, was the answer to prayer as well as she put all the pieces together on the tables (I have no "girl" in me for arranging things on tables) but Cynthia, the master, patient organizer/arranger made it look stunning.... it was just a humbling day to see the hand of the Lord--for this project. I told Anna as soon as we pack up tonight I will be hitting the 7 am session tomorrow at the temple and will just be crying a lot. She told me not to cry--but it is a good cry. Every time God helps me through/gets me through a big project, AND HE ALWAYS DOES, I seem to have a let down of tears and gratitude afterwards in the temple.
My heart is full.
There is Sunshine in THIS soul!
Happiness is I am a Child of God--played by a 7 year old on a recorder.
I am grateful for Mission Presidents who come and speak at Sat night Stake Conferences.
I am grateful for the reminder of REMEMBERING the Lord's peace that came-- and in that peace is where my confidence must/needs/should/will/wants/can abide.
Happiness is choice co-workers, who God uses to answer many, many personal prayers!
"Religious observance in the home blesses our families."
"Example is particularly important."
"What we are speaks so loudly that our children may not hear what we say."
"Mothers and fathers praying with children may be more important than any other example."
"The message, ministry, and Atonement of Jesus Christ, our Savior, are our essential family curriculum."
"Our doctrine is clear; we are to be positive and of good cheer. We emphasize our faith, not our fears."
"The Book of Mormon is of seminal importance."
"Clearly, a dividing line between those who hear the music of faith and
those who are tone-deaf or off-key is the active study of the
scriptures."
"...when we inculcate into our lives scriptural imperatives and live the
gospel, we are blessed with the Spirit and taste of His goodness with
feelings of joy, happiness, and especially peace."
“I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and
when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is
speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures
the distance narrows and the spirituality returns." (Spencer W. Kimball)
"Please understand that having faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and keeping
His commandments are and always will be the defining test of mortality."
"Above all else, each of us must realize that when one is tone-deaf to
the music of faith, he or she is out of tune with the Spirit."
"Let us...resolve to awaken within us and our families a greater desire
to claim the Savior’s incomprehensible gift of eternal life."
All from Elder Cook's masterful, move my soul, talk In Tune with the Music of Faith. (Click HERE).
**This talk is what I hope to use as one of the guideposts for when I have my own family. (There is SOO much more in this talk that I did not highlight here.)
I could not help think of all the 6am sessions of scripture study and all the times I tried to pretend like I was asleep to get out of going to family prayer, while reading this talk... Elder Cook says that "persistence in reading the scriptures daily as a family is the key." Oh how I thank and praise my parents for their persistence even when rebellion and constant fights were their battle front. Thank you mom and dad for loving me enough to be persistent! Thank you for setting a life long example/habit not only for our family growing up, but the family I hope/will have someday! PRAY I will be able to be persistent too! :D And Elder Holland says that although it is late, it is not TOO late yet. Good habits are just small and simple things that if established will be the means of bringing great things to past!
Last Thursday as I prayed about what to do with my evening, I felt to go to the stake center at 8 pm. Martha and Lester needed help setting up for their reception so I figured that is why I felt to go at 8 pm.
No one really was at the church. I walked around pondering why I was there. Martha text me and said that set up was at 9:30.
I went into the RSroom. I found the room flooded with the window light and an upright piano just calling out to me. I sat down and for several mins forgot everything and just played and sang to my hearts content. I looked at the clock-- 8:10ish and I felt a little guilty for playing for me when Thursday nights are my nights to work with others. I moved to leave, but felt to stay until 8:30. With that conformation I was tickled pink as the approval to play the piano was felt. I played and sang my guts off!
8:30--okay time to leave, but just one more song.
8:32--the hallway door opened and I could only make out the outline of a woman standing before me. A little embarrassed I thought it was a leader and asked if she needed the room. She started to close the door and about the same time I heard "Sister Cloward?!" I realized that it was Hannah standing in the doorway!
Meet Hannah! When I was in the Young Women's in the Deaf Ward, Hannah was a Beehive. This shot is from June 2007.
This shot is from Dec 2006. Hannah is the 5th one over from the right. This picture is actually in the same room I was playing in last Thursday. Notice the piano in the background. Well NOW Hannah is a very grown up 17 year-old Laural. I ran to give her a hug. We laughed over the fact that I was at the building randomly--and it was her young women's night, which was over, but she now was waiting for her brother.
We started to talk and Hannah mentioned that she was still taking piano lessons. I asked her if she would play anything. She said she couldn't remember anything... but then quickly said she remembered an arrangement she had made. She sat down and played me the following song. My heart stirred and I told her I had to run to my car to get my camera so that I could video her. Hannah was nice enough to humor me.
It was an honor for me to hear such a beautiful piece of music and especially coming from someone I love and admire so much. After she finished playing for whatever reason I felt to sing her my Sunbeam song?!! (Anyone who knows me knows I just don't sing for people.) But very nervously I sat down and played/sang for her.
We went out to the car. Hannah was just hanging around for her brother. I told her how I felt to come to the Stake center at the time I had. She said that when she saw me her thought was, "I hope I get to hear Sister Cloward sing". ?!! We then had a great conversation about revelation and how God does answers prayers. A few folks showed up for to help set up the reception. Hannah called and got an okay with her mom to stay and help set up.
While we were talking about revelation I felt I needed to go see Gavi. I asked Hannah if she would like to come along with me. She did. Together we went and visited Gavi. Gavi had just changed her cell phone number that day--and had we not gone over there I think I would have been out of contact for some time with Gavi. It was a miracle.
We went back to the church only to find nearly 35 of my ward members who had shown up to help set up the reception. (Seriously, I have the most amazing ward!) Hannah stayed around for a little bit, but in all honesty we were good on help so she left to go home.
I told her I wanted to put her song to some temple pictures... and within a day or two she sent me a recording of her song so I didn't have to use the one I filmed at the church. I LOVE the song!! Thanks Hannah! You are so great! And I know that God works through you!
So this past week... Davey and Mandi got married! Thank goodness for Rachel's big heart and her mom's amazing "reception" in a few boxes--stuff. :) With Rachel's expertise we had the RS room decked out pretty well. Davey and Mandi decided to not to make a big deal out of the wedding because they want the Huge party/recetpion to be a year from now when they go to the temple. Hearing how they came to this conclusion was amazing. Within a week and a half I saw God do a 180 with their thinking and ideas.
Their vows were given, and I can honestly say I have never felt the spirit so strong in a civil marriage before. Davey promised to keep the commandments and to do the things that God would have him do as a husband and a father. Mandi too bore a vow/testimony of her commitment to the commandments and to honoring God through her marriage. Cheeks were wet in the room. You would have had to have a complete iron heart not to feel the spirit as they both testified through their vows. Afterwards I went up and hugged Davey and asked him who had helped him write his vows. He looked puzzled and with a look like "was I suppose to have someone help me" he said that no one had helped him. Serious, this kid has only been a member of to the church for one month. He is bound for greatness! Sam helped film the wedding and what a blessing! His camera has high definition video on it... and it just so happened he had enough juice in his battery to get the important vows and Bishop's counsel. Jaimie, showed up with some brownies and just wanted to support.
Honestly, this past week, I could not have been more touched by the services given by others.
Andrew is in the middle of Chemo treatments for Cancer and although I know he has no energy/much strength to his name, he helped set up the night before and came to the wedding. He doesn't let anyone catch on to how difficult his affliction of Cancer is right now, (and mostly because it fights it with a great positive attitude) but I was moved to tears seeing his selflessness. Vanessa made homemade brownies. Meg made cupcakes. Eve brought a pan full of warm brownies. Kristi took off work. Rachel brought her kiddos. Eric, help set up and take down. Jordan played the piano. Celeste brought Chocolate milk. Chelsea and Jong's helped set up the night before. JiHye, Paola and Rachel would not let Krist and I clean up alone. It was a good 5 hour process in the day--and I am surely forgetting someone who came and supported the wedding, but seriously my heart was deeply touched by people's innate goodness. Wow, so good. Mind you this day took place in a RS room that decided not to have AC.
This is little Sammi Sunshine! Her mom had the courage to bring her into the world. Prayed and fasted on what to do. Felt to keep her. All the mean while Sammi's Dad was deciding to change his life and give up some things. He did, and un announced to Sammi's mom Mandi--Davey read the Book of Mormon and started investigating the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He completely changed everything. He wanted so badly to be a good father and to provide for Sammi. One little girl--miracles!! Friday brought Martha and Lester's sealing. Most of the ordinance was done in Spanish. Bishop Madsen and I just smiled at each other. It wasn't until the end of the whole thing when we were all hugging Martha and Lester--that the impact of what just happened really hit them. The fact that they worked for a temple marriage and stuck with it even when wanting to give up--the emotion/gratitude and the significance of Jesus Christ's atonement was present. How beautiful, how clean and pure this sealing was. My eyes were wet as I embraced Martha. How proud of I am for her. It was beautiful.
Sat morning brought a move for Kat. And again, the support that came to help her move was overwhelming. It was choice. SUNDAY morning Gavi canceled having me pick her and her kiddo's up for church because she stayed over at her mom's house. I decided I would still go to my family ward and then go out and do some knocking to find if folks on my ward list. Before I left I felt strongly that I needed to put cereal in my bag. *Mind you I don't eat cereal right now, and I surely don't keep it in my bag. I was not going to need to entertain Gavi's kids, so I figured the cereal would stay in my bag for months. But so strong was the thought that I knew it was not from me. I opened a cabinet and found Cinnamon Life. I got a small container and put the cereal in it. (I thought about how bulky the little container was. :))
I also put 2 of dad's healthy bars into my bag. And with that I felt satisfied I had done what I felt to do so I ran off to church. The meeting was great and the spirit was present.
After the first hour was over, I went tracking. House after house and door after door/street after street. I found very little success. By nearly 12:15 I pondered over what I had done with my Sunday morning. But I could not deny that I had felt to go to the places I had. Back and forth in the boundaries of the family ward I am over... I felt to go and knock on each door.
Now you may think I am a little snotty, and perhaps I am. But I have a testimony that if I am on the Lord's errand, I truly expect for him to have people for me to meet or greet. I can find at least one reason in almost every thing I feel to do. Stake Center--to be blessed by Hannah's song. Singing for her-(She has just thought in her mind if she would get to hear me sing). Conversation on revelation and how God does answer prayers. Gavi's-I needed to have her new number. I was not sure what the tracking and cereal were for... but God's wisdom is ALWAYS best! He knows--and later I knew why too! ;D But regardless of what I know--if it comes from God, you just do it. Even if you don't see/can't see a reason why.
The last place I tried searching for the member on my list, the address didn't have an apartment number. So I decided there were only 4 doors that could be the right choice, so I went a knocking.
The first door, nope. The second door said nope, but I felt that it was the right house. But to be sure I went to the 3rd door. I found a man who lives in my family ward. (I say my family ward, but it is really the ward I have been assigned to as a missionary.) He invited me in as he tried to find out from his wife if she had any info on this 19 year old kid I was trying to locate.
The man told me about a family from Mexico that had just moved in next door and that they had a son who had recently become divorced and who was living with them. Just as he was telling me about the new neighbors, the son pulled up and he rushed me outside to meet him. I felt after a whole morning of what you would call in the mission "character building" because nothing else seems to be happening, I was suppose to meet Samuel at that very given moment. He gave me his number and committed to come to church the following Sunday. I even texted him later asking him his schedule for the week, and I was very happy to receive an answer back.
It was great reminder to me how great God is and his timing is everything.
I went to church rejoicing to find/get in contact with such a family.
Sacrament was amazing! Mundo spoke on how patience makes our faith stronger. It was a really good talk. The spirit was present. He talked about how God has faith in us to face our Goliath trials. He said that even our Godzilla trials although they are scary, God has faith in us and will help us meet the challange. Mundo is someone who is so busy, but serves so willingly. He never complains on the homework he is not getting done by serving. It seems wherever I turn, I find this man of God giving encouragement, hope through speaking positive and always, always using his hands. Whether it is in the kitchen or whatever. I never find Mundo idle. I love that about him! He is always serving.
Eric talked about loving those around us, even if they are different. And then we had a Seventy out visiting to check out our singles ward. The church is interested in how they can duplicate what is happening in our ward, to see if they can implement what is happening there into other singles wards and other family wards.
I not knowing, ended up sitting by his wife. His message was wonderful too... truly Sacrament was beautiful. Just the feeling of wanting to be better.
I went to Elder and Sister Rollins Marriage prep class. How tender both Elder and Sister Rollins feel towards each other. It is beautiful to behold such admiration. Such respect and consideration for another. I have attended that same lesson at least 5 times in the past year (it seems I can't make the six week course but I always make the lesson starting the six week course). And although I have heard the stories before, as they related some things in their marriage--both of their eyes were wet. What tenderness, what love they have for each other. Truly a marriage built on serving and holding your companion up as the highest thing possible is a beautiful thing.
Davey was to get the priesthood in Elders Quorum so I left class to find Sunil to take him home so I could make it back in time for Davey's ordinance. (I don't even know if getting the priesthood is considered an ordinance??--I will look into that.)
As I was walking to get Sunil I found Mandi sitting on the couch. I asked them what was up. Mandi did not feel good, so skipped class and was wanting to leave. She told me she was hungry. I smiled and told her I had just put a few bars in my bag that morning. She opened one and took a bite and made the comment that it was "healthy" (this being a kind way of saying it wasn't very tasty. ha ha) I then asked her if she liked cereal. She said she loved it. I told her that I had felt to put cereal in my bag. I reached out and gave her the container that had been sitting so awkwardly in my bag and asked if she liked "Life"- Cinnamon Life. Before Mandi could answer Davey shot out that that was her favorite type of cereal. ??! ! That is amazing. God is so good. (For the record, I NEVER have cinnamon life at my place, but just happened to have some... I know.. nothing just happens. :))
Well when I got back from dropping off Sunil, I checked on the couple. They were both alert and happy. The container of cereal was empty. :)
Davey receiving the priesthood was really, really good. And Mandi even stayed and went with me to RS for the first time!! Oh Yea for God wanting me to put some cereal in my church bag. It was perfect. His plans are always perfectly perfect!! (The catch for me is to follow through.)
I did a few things after church and then picked up Sam to go and meet Samuel. I felt that we need to go that evening. Samuel sounded a little annoyed that I was back. His mother went downstairs to get him and although it was in Spanish Sam translated to me that she was a "Latan Woman". I am sure Sam had to be wondering if it was such a good idea for us to be there--especially hearing the resistance, but by the end of the conversation with Samual and his 20 year-old cousin, Sam had built up a start of a friendship. They spoke in spanish and I just smiled and tried to pay attention. It was so good for Sam to meet them. God uses Sam to reach people. I really believe I will be seeing Samual this next Sunday. (It helps that he committed/okay with me picking him up for church too.)
And the rest of the evening was perfect. So perfect that Since then all I have wanted to do in my prayers is pray and praise Heavenly Father. Oh how I love Sundays!!
It is way to late to be up right now, and anyone who knows my schedule knows that I do not have time right now to blog let alone a lengthy one. But again tonight I felt I needed to post this. (I honestly can't picture someone other than my mom and dad reading through all of this. :)
OH I love God! I love his Son, Jesus Christ. I love the gospel.
I know that God communicates with us. Whether through a thought or an idea, a feeling or whispering--whatever it is... following whatever is given, I have found, is the best way to do what is given. And even if we don't know why we are doing something, if one feels to--just do it. :)
For whatever reason on Saturday I listened to this song over and over. I had many things I needed to get done. My morning was basking in the spirit of the scriptures. (Mostly I think because Brother Murray called me and asked me to give a talk the next day.) But then I felt a stirring that I needed to put this video together. I love the story click here to read the full article. It is amazing!! I also love the song.
When I went through the article, I found that I had lots of things to put into the movie. And as I looked at the amount of text--I became a little overwhelmed with how in the world it was all going to work out... especially on my ghetto imovie application. After most of my day and a good chunk into the late evening this is the result. I found some mistakes-- of course, but I do feel the movie is not from me, but just a good reminder from God. If you would like to watch the larger version on YouTube click here.
SUNDAY
Yesterday was pretty sacred. From the moment I woke up, it was a day that filled my soul.
Gavi for the first time came to RS! Or rather we stayed long enough for her to go. Danny had to sit on my lap the whole time and Jose was a sticky mess because we were trying to keep him chill with suckers and toostie rolls. But she was there! It was the first time she had ever been to RS. Very cool. The sacrament in her ward was sacred and brother Carter shared some choice miraculous blessings he had received in his life. He did not want to share because of the sacred nature of the healing, but felt impressed he must share. It was beautiful.
Then off to my ward. Sam stopped me in the hall and told me I must meet his sister and family. Sunday was a big day for he and Kristi as they delivered a powerful lesson on virtue, modesty, overcoming pornography... the spirit was present and there were a lot of people there that day. And I was privileged to meet his family. How is it that his family can show such quick love for someone they don't even know? I told Sam that I thought he was one of a kind, but after meeting his sisters--the same greatness which is in him, flows in them as well. I was deeply touched by their wanting to meet me. Good, choice family.
I was ready to give my talk, until I saw the Stake President walk in. Oh that man lifts you to another level of life. And when I saw him walk in I thought it would be good if I was "sick". ha, no I am just kidding, but really the man is of God.
After the movie was finished early Sunday morning, I fell to sleep with thoughts and impressions with what I needed to share. In the morning with only 20 mins, I typed out the scriptures and headed to my first ward. So by the time it was for me to talk, I had not officially "talked" through my talk. I did have deep impressions with what God would have me say.
How touched I was to sit next to the high council member. I whispered to him that since they asked me to speak the day before, I had been praying deeply for he and I and that our tongues would be loosed. He smiled and said he had been doing the same but then also added he had been praying for the hearts in the congregation. I smiled and told him I had been doing that too. (NOTE: How cool to get to speak with a high council member that prays like that! it was humbling and encouraging...I was filled with great faith and peace.)
The day before as I was praying, I had a strong impression I must go to see Jinger the next night. Well after the course of that prayer I found out that my mom and Nyk were coming to my place Sunday night. So Sunday morning I knelt down and asked God what I should do--just leave them at my house because I knew I would be with Jinger for some time. I felt if I needed to, to just bring them along, but that I needed to be at Jinger's house around 9:30 pm.
Nyk called me in the day and she felt not to come down, and mom decided she would not come down too. I had not told either one of them that I would not be there to entertain/hang out with them, but in faith knew that God would make it all right. I truly had no attachments and could follow through and go to Jinger's house... for whatever reason I was to.
I got home from some church things. I had a little dinner and then started to study the scriptures. By 8 pm I was very sleepy. (Partly from the intensity of the night before.) I had the thought that I could take a quick nap. BUT OH NO-- I thought, there was no way, I know myself, and so strong was the impression to go to Jinger's place that I dared not sleep through it. But sweetly, as the spirit often does, I was reassured that God would wake me up. The impression was so clear that I closed my scriptures and went to sleep.
9:25 my phone rings and I am "drunk" with sleep. It was Kristi. We talked, but I am pretty sure I did not make lots of sense. But we were on the phone long enough to wake me up so I could jump in my car and go to Jinger's place. I am so grateful for her phone call and God truly (as he always does) kept his promise of waking me up. (Which anyone who knows me, knows that it is only God or the spirit that can do this great task! I am a great sleeper. I know I know, eat it up now, because when I am a mother, there is no such luxury. ;))
No one was home at Jinger's place, but I knew God wanted me there. Jinger has some heavy drug activity going on next store and a neighbor that through some un appropriate actions has caused her to not be outside with her kids when he is around. I saw the neighbors in their garage and I had the impression that I was there just to help Jinger get in the house. (Brytt has been gone with Dad and the boys to Alaska.)
I finally called Jinger. She was on her way home from Salt Lake. She had had the impression to go and see her sister. But she reminded the Lord if she did that, she would have to come home when it was dark, and leave children in the car because she could only take 2 in at a time if they were asleep. She does not like to come home in the dark because of her neighbors. But she followed and had faith God would protect her and her family. I told her I was sitting outside her house to which the just praised heavenly Father. She did not have to leave her children in the car un attended that night.
--
God really knows us. He knows what we need and he knows how to bless us. He provides for his children.
I was reminded of this again as dad gave me a sweet blessing this morning.
How I long to be who He wants me to be. And my desires are not true unless they match His desires. I know that God can change us.. he can change me and make me better than I am right now.
"Rejoice the Lord is King"! (That is what I am doing!)
There is much to write about, but I will try to keep it brief -- ! :)
We had a RS retreat up at my folks place and in the morning we went out and had a devotional upon the rocks. It was amazing, and I will share why the title of this blog is what it is in a moment.
The presidency gave us little journals and asked us to go take some time to ponder and pray -- and to ask God what our worth is/what he thinks of us.
I walked off some distance, wanting to be more alone so I could pray out loud. I know there is no rule on praying out loud, but for whatever reason it sure helps me focus. I did what was asked and the words that I felt were "Daughter of God". I thought that was interesting. I already know I am a daughter of God---I wrote down the following in my journal that morning,
"I can become like Him and who He is--is in me. I am made up of Him. I am His daughter."
Forgive me for being a little more personal with this post. This is not what I had planned to do with my evening.
The wind was blowing, the awesome big black ants were crawling (yes on me) and I could hear the birds chirping. I climbed off my rock and headed back to the cabin. I still was pondering over "daughter of God". What did God want me to know about that?
As I walked through the sage brush, I noticed two white flowers. Beautiful in contrast to the dusty brush and dry clay ground. There were several hundred little blue flowers and splashes of little yellow flowers, but these two nickle size white flowers were the only ones of their kind. I have roamed that mountain hill for years now, and they were new. I felt that God was telling me that "being" a daughter of God was like those two flowers. I picked one (I know, gasp all you who love the environment--I love it too, but I had to pick one! :) Too symbolic not to.)
I drove home from an inspired activity, still with the thought of "daughter of God" heavy on my heart and head. As Kristi and I drove past a group of weeds I commented to her how the pioneers brought the "flower" as a decorative plant/and for bottling (I know this from a walk with dad... and yes he made me eat a weed to see how it tasted to the pioneers-thanks dad! ha ha) and now what they brought for beauty is one of the most overgrown/over takes anything in its path weed. I mentioned to Kristi that I need to be careful of the habits I am sowing right now that I think are good and worthy--but really for future generations to come are noxious weeds. Kristi in the middle of our conversation blurted out, "Bryndi, I just love that everything you look at ties to some principle." She said it in sincerity, but she could have never known that I had been struggling with some insecurities about that very trait. ANd here Kristi was thanking my brain for thinking that way. -- Needless to say her complement was a tender mercy from God.
Well later, maybe it was that day/week it is funny how I can't recall how it happened, but I heard the words from Julie B. Becks conference talk,
"There has grown in me an overwhelming testimony of the value of daughters of God. So much depends on them."
God was talking to me!
It is one thing to have the title of "daughter of God" because we all are that--we are literally His spirit children entrusted to mortal parents. But the status of "being" a daughter of God-- so so much more. On the rocks, God was wanting me to know and whispering what I could be.
A just studied about the difference between a son of man and a son of God. What is the difference? Moroni 7:47-48 There are so many good things in the whole chapter, but those last few verses are intense. I want to be (current condition)a daughter of God.
Sister Murray shared this incredible experience with visiting teaching at the Relief Society retreat.
She said that she was to visit teach a particular sister that would not let she or her companion come into the house because the sister didn't want them to know that she had smoking issues. Sister Murray and her companion would visit this sweet sister on the porch or take her out for french fries. I am not sure what the sister's name is, but for the sake of this post, I will call her Ann.
Ann, was a musician--singer and writer of her own music. Sister Murray and her companion decided one night that they would go to this place where Ann would be preforming a few of her numbers. (It was an event where lots of different composers could share their compositions.)
Sister Murray sat on the front row. And through the night Ann would come out and sit with them. A few different times, Sister Murray could smell the alcohol on her Ann's breath. When Ann came out, she sang her composition. It was on Hell and Vampires.
The next time Sister Murray and her companion went over to visit Ann, Ann told them that she had written the two of them a song. She said that she had been so touched by them coming to see her preform. She then sang for them her song, "What if Jesus sat in the front row". Sister Murray and her companion where completely over come that Ann would compare them with Christ. But Ann said that she was so touched that they would come--and there she was singing about hell and vampires. She said from that day forward she would never write another dark song. And she completely changed her life style--to a more pure and holy one.
What if Jesus sat in the front row... I can't wait to hear the song! I cried when I heard the story and shared it later that morning with Dad. His eyes were wet too.
Will I "sit" for Jesus? Will I go where he would have me go. Will I be a daughter of God--pleading and cleaving to charity? Let Charity govern my thoughts and actions in private (my mind, my heart) and in public? Something to strive for, for sure.
Well, to finish this post, I need to share just bullets of the last few days.
*Sam got back! Even though he was exhausted he could have not been any greater!! We went shooting (with the camera :)) at a little water front near his sister's house. We shot for over an hour! Okay, honestly, who can not love UTAH!!! Look at God's handy work!
Thanks for the shoot Sam!
Now for all of those who know nature=camera freak for me, don't be thinking "poor Sam, had to get drug into one of Bryndi's picture sprees..!" As you can tell... Sam was quite enjoying himself too! :)
*I received a call from Davey during work yesterday--it went something like this,
Bryndi: Hi Davey, you okay? I usually don't answer my phone at work but thought to.
Davey: I was hoping you would. Question, would you mind giving a talk at my baptism?
Bryndi: (Silent scream) Yes, sure, what on?
Davey: Baptism
Bryndi: Davey what are you doing?
Davey: I am at work, it is slow and I am kind of bored. I am just putting together my program.
I ended the conversation and had a good cry on my knees in gratitude. Davey is a son of God. He has changed his whole life around, and you can't but help feel his love for God. I had to thank God for letting me be around such choice people. Davey's desire to do the right thing, caused me to look at my own life and analyze the areas that I have awesome flaws in. I want to be better because of how Davey is.
*Text from David in which he shared with me some scriptures that God had led him to read. I am still not sure what brought him to read those scriptures, but seeing God support David in his deep time of need, was overwhelming, it was beautiful. God is good!
*Set up a temple trip this morning with some friends. I missed the session and my friends, but found myself being assisted by my mom before going into the celestial room. That was tender. (Just as sacred as the time I got to preform part of the inititory ordiance with Nyk.) Then seeing an old bishop at the front desk as I was leaving and to top it off, Kayla Rainy (back when I taught yw's in the deaf ward) was waiting to get names to go do baptisms with all my old girls in Manti. I have not seen Kayla in almost a year. And to see her, IN THE TEMPLE, could there not be a sweeter gift than this?!
*Then an inspired scripture sent via email
"2 Ne 3:19, "And it shall be as if the fruit of thy loins had cried unto them from the dust; for I know their faith." Bryndi, God knows us perfectly, and I love this scripture because it is a testimony that he has sent us at this time because he knows our faith, even before we were sent to the earth. I learned from this scripture that this is a way heavenly Father knows the future, because he knows us perfectly so he knows our faith to do works."
God knows who I am and what I need.
I want to BE His daughter. I want to be sitting in someone's front row when the need arises.
Last week, I had the impression I needed to get a blessing. I know better then to question the Lord, and yet I still wondered what my Dad would think with me asking for one. It seems I have been getting them quite often lately. But I felt impressed to do get one. When Dad had me come into his office he asked me what I needed one for. I shrugged my head and told him I didn’t know, other then I felt I needed to get one. Dad rested his hands on my shoulders like he always does before giving me a blessing. I know that it is his time to silently pray for inspiration. This time however, his hands remained for quite some time. I didn’t give him anything to go off of because I myself didn’t know. He finally lifted his hands and for the start of the blessing asked that he would be inspired to know what to say. I was given some direct council on being blessed to feel sorrow/pain in the moment for others, but that it would not consume my life. Other beautiful things were said and I wondered what in the world was the week going to bring me with a blessing like that. AGAIN, the Lord’s wisdom is far greater and ever more reaching then my tiny understanding of anything. Some things happened that were pretty intense. And anyone would have had the right to not be okay, but I wasn’t and I didn’t feel that way at all! I received texted from people I loved asking if I was okay. I was not only okay, I was great! I felt the sorrow and the pain in the moment and surely when I prayed, but as I got up from my knees or left curtain situations, my burdens were gone and my heart was no longer heavy. God is sooo good!! I am thankful he wanted me to have a blessing before I even knew what would come into my life. It was His way of preparing me. I am still in ahh!
As I was getting ready for the morning, I heard my Dad whistling… and I found myself singing the words as he whistled…”Jesus, lover of my soul, let me to thy bosom fly..” This song caught me a little off guard. When I am home alone, I am known to be singing hymns over and over again. But here, it was a Tues morning and my Dad was whistling Jesus, Lover of my Soul. This was not exactly out of character for Dad, but it surely caught me off guard. I was immediately filled with the spirit, and although I didn’t feel in a bad mood at all, but the simple song took me to a new mood/level of happiness. I could not help but smiled as I got ready for work. The words are so beautiful from that song...
Jesus, lover of my soul, Let me to thy bosom fly, While the nearer waters roll, While the tempest still is high. Hide me, O my Savior, hid, Till the storm of life is past. Safe into the haven guide; Oh, receive my soul at last.
Other refuge have I none; Hangs my helpless soul on thee. Leave, oh, leave me not alone; Still support and comfort me. All my trust on thee is stayed; All my help from thee I bring. Cover my defenseless head With the shadow of thy wing.
-Charles Wesley 1707-1788-
Honestly - my Dad’s little choice to whistle a church song so early on a Tues morning, set the whole tone for my day! The difference I felt in my own home… I saw the difference in his own mood too. There was more kindness, love, understanding. And where I think we have things quite great, today, they were greater… and all because he decided to whistle a hymn! Thanks Dad!
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints--and I LOVE IT! (Check out lds.org.) I know that Jesus Christ lives. He is my Redeemer. I know that God, our Father, not only hears prayers, but answers them too.
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