20.3.05
A turning point approaches.
My driving lessons...i can see an end to it up ahead, some distance... but its near enough. Learning on weekends is so bloody slow...
That means i'll have time freed up for other things on weekends...other things like...learn jap, do research in chemistry, yoga, learn piano how to cook. hmm..i'll tell you when i make up my mind.
I'm feeling better today up in my head...but i got this running nose which is most bothersome...so its a good distraction. I wonder if i can run SOC tommorow? Maybe not, better report sick. Wished i could be in top form though. Then after i pass it i will have no more physical tests in the rest of my NS liability~! hah..but no its not happening...yet. *sniff*
Get Gold For ippt? Check.
Pass SOC at timing of 9:29? No sweat~, When i recover >.<
so sleepy...i better go Zzz...
359 DAYS TO ORD~ ORD ORD...ORD ORD ORD..We're the ones~ We're the Champions And We're going to ORD! ORD OH~ =p
MuSiNgS Cerebrated @ |14:56|
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19.3.05
And the train mercifully rolls me home...
Maybe its my oncoming flu..not. Havn't felt like crying for quite some time. I still didn't cry okay. For the past 7 days there was twice such a feeling though...sad enough i would say. Maybe if anything else stresses me too much i'll just break down and cry. I wish i could..its a pretty stuck feeling now. Why should i feel that the word 'heartbroken' is the word i use to describe my experience to my friends?
Why should i care? Nobody else does. nah can't say that...my friends do care. Gives me moments of comfort..actually.
Good friend scrutinises me..then..
Good friend:'You look ok keequan~'
me:'you see, for me when i'm tired, sick(i didn't say sad) I (*can*) still look neutral faced' .....(lol..cause why..cause there's nothing at that particular time that stresses me mah)
Cute friend on msn:'hmm i'm sure u will be fine after awhile...'
'u are still young!! =P'
me:'me already feel old...'
Nobody's Friend:'Oh..thats really chui loh... this kind of things arh... is really f**ked up one' (hey understanding ears are always welcomed)
My heart doesn't listen though...so now i'm taking refuge at home. yes i do have a running nose and i feel like resting...i guess... just quite tired suddenly...i think i can just sleep the rest of the weekend away.
okay...i'm partly just trying to justify my antisocial behaviour..hmm. Its not your fault. Its mine ok....I really think that you don't really care since your opinion of me is so lousy. So its just me acting weird over nothing in particular. =p
You said you believe me in the end...but you don't act that way. I feel that you just want to chuck the whole incident aside and forget entirely about it. I'm talking to no-one...cause no one wants to talk about this....hah i'm going nuts man....
hah..my miasma of anger can't erase the fact of my general feeling of heartache. And i'm whining now..complaining so that i can feel better. Its like me giving myself counselling... Else i'll lose my sanity or something. I don't feel like bothering other people with my problems leh...no point also. Notice i didn't describe what happened? hahah...don't tell you if you don't know. Haiz ...haiz...hai hai hai x3 0.o *.* -.-zZZzz
360 DAYS TO ORD ORD ORD OO O OO O OO RR RR R R DDD
MuSiNgS Cerebrated @ |22:32|
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18.3.05
I'm Wrong.
I'm wrong. Perhaps i'm naive...but i forget that people can be so terribly messed up, totally in disarray in their behaviour and intentions. People can be so quick to judge. Or Maybe i can't expect everyone to think through issues with the level of care like me.
i'm not that normal.
I'm wrong to think that people might notice the words i choose. The same way as i carefully say it with intent.
As such i'm misunderstood again. Yes i should have considered more from other people's perspective. BUT SOMETIMES I DON'T GIVE a ****.
Caring too much sucks you know...it hurts..alot. People don't appreciate. So i have set a limit for myself some time ago.
Yes. One guy in my platoon has pointed out,"why are you so violent?" with Words. yes he's correct. Not so many people are so sensitive to that, i'm glad somebody is. My tolerance is quite diminished this past week...but i'm okay now. On the mend.
What is nice? If you use it on a person does it mean "Nothing Impressive Can (be)Elaborated"? Its a lousy word. But i'm stuck with that description...its a curse. Shall i be more...Evil or just more callous just to lift that..? No i can't, i'm not such a person.. but i try to. I rather there be nothing used to describe me.
Maybe I shall enjoy my own company more. Antisocial guy. But the society has so many rotting organs...maybe if you cut it out i would change. (oops...violent again..)
MuSiNgS Cerebrated @ |21:04|
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13.3.05
Patience and Stubborness
The week that just passed. I would tell you that it has been another normal boring week. But if i told you what i did you might not think so..but it would hardly matter. I don't really talk about camp stuff...its not supposed to be discussed in public anyway.
I have come to a point to accept one thing about me. Just like what my army buddy pointed out in his testimonial about me: I'll never admit that i'm wrong normally. Sorry is not a word i would just throw around too...but thats besides the point.
I'm stubborn...or as dictionary.com says...perversely unyielding, bullheaded. I used to think i'm quite a patient person...But no~ A patient person is one with calmness inside him, and is patient with almost everything apparently. I'm only patient with selected things that i bother to set out to wait for. Other things i can be so impatient... overcomed with an irrationality that urges me to speed things up and get it done nicely.
Not that it is a bad thing. >.<
Anyways soon i'm counting 365 days to ORD. Its very significant. To put it painfully blunt its 1 YEAR to the end of my confinement, our(guys) confinement especially those Conscripted into the Army. A jail...a prison of our time, its not just 2 years 4months of our lives. It is...821 days of the prime of our youth. Yes i know the truth hurts. But but...for those who feel it but you are actually doing a 8-5 NS, you can f**k off. hai..time to gear up to freedom and what to do with it. Time to plan...>>>>
MuSiNgS Cerebrated @ |09:29|
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6.3.05
Hitch
Yup! Watched Hitch yesterday. I actually got a normal weekend this week~!! No sunday burnt, nothing that lasts the whole night on friday ^.^
Booked out friday night...And..went to visit her~. Meet five of her friends but(regretfully?) didn't talk to them as much as i should because i'm quite tired from ippt earlier in the evening. Sure sounds like an excuse to me. I just didn't feel very chatty...heh.
On saturday i watched Hitch! It was not so bad lah, but if you havn't watched 'Closer' you should watch 'Closer' 1st. A certain character in Hitch is actually hiding~~ his emotions, supressing them as he was hurt in his earlier days. And when he does come out of his shell and things go wrong..he tries to convince himself nothing bothers him. Now how many of us are guilty of this?
oh yeah i've actually started reading books again, namely 'TheDaVinciCode'..OK so alot of you have read it. I almost forgot how much i love reading...
MuSiNgS Cerebrated @ |01:50|
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2.3.05
Time
Time is relentless..waiting for no one. It brings you from one event to your life to the next without so much as flinching the slightess. Is what you need something...or rather someone that would stay with you...offer you support along this journey?
or is solitude something you can take solace in.(maybe temporary)Like i once did.
There may not be more than 24 hours but an old advice i've belted out to myself and those around me is that with some cool headed planning and determination you can achieve as close as what you want to do without much regrets. Stress...stress is just a thing that would cloud your judgement if your time is running fast, you just have to work with it. Maybe even use it as a push factor for yourself.
Well...i'm a close follower of this advice because i find myself lacking of time because of my rather wanting time-management.
hmm...gtg...being chased out of my camp i-net room..ZZzZzz
MuSiNgS Cerebrated @ |19:48|
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